SQAAD

I am on the process of carving out my own unique path in life. I don't care what anyone else is doing anymore. Leo is doing his own thing. I am doing my own thing. You are doing your own thing. I am not willing to live up to others ideals/standards/delusions anymore. Just because someone i admire is dedicating his whole life to point A that doesn't mean that i have to do the same. Everyone disagrees. Have you noticed? So stop being a goddamn sheep.

Days 33-34: Each and every day i can remember my dreams more vividly. This is some piece of anecdotal evidence for all the naysayers about the increased memory retention during NoFap. Day 34th: Today i had a dream of masturbating twice while watching porn. Didn't ejaculate. Also i can remember several others dreams that i had. One of which was kinda wicked. I was Johny Wayne Gayce anxiously mopping the floor in my house so that the police won't find any evidence LOL. This is getting interesting...Can't wait to see how it all plays out.

Days 31-32: Feeling depressed and miserable because of psychological reasons. I am very confused about the Truth and Life in general. I don't know anything at this point anymore. It's uncomfortable. I would prefer to just blindly in something... On the flip side i have lots of energy but today in particular it was a very challenging and emotionally difficult day for me. My mind wants to cope / deal with the sh*t that bothers me using masturbation/porn. That's why today i used overeating as a coping mechanism. Anyways we'll see how it goes. I hope my ego reforms to a new level of identity. The ego resistance is strong at this point.

FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A SERIOUS POST REGARDING A PERSONAL ISSUE OF MINE & I WOULD LIKE ONLY A SERIOUS EXPLANATION/REPLY. One year ago i took 2 tabs of LSD late at night. I had the most epic crazy trip of my life. I literally became infinite & began screaming like a maniac. I woke up my entire family & all the neighbors until later on they called the police/ambulance. I don't remember much of the trip. That trip traumatized me though because for some reason i began screaming to my sister that i want to have sex with her (she is 2 years younger than me). I felt terrible shame aftewards & that shame still hasn't gone completely & my sister to this day hasn't forgotten me. It was so traumatizing that the next day after i woke up i denied that this even happened. I was saying to myself "no no this didn't happen, it was a dream" Until i had a second trip (this time with shrooms) & the repressed memory alongisde with terrible shame came to the surface and i had to deal with it while crying. All i want is to Understand/Comprehend Why did i do this. Consciously i don't have any sexual desire for my sister nor do i fantasize about having sex with her. Is it possible that i have sexual feeling for her in a Subsconscious level that i am not aware of it yet? -Thanks.

Ok so i have been on a NoFap Journey & i am not willing to go back. Already i am looking down upon those who waste their energy like chimps and are attached to the female organ. Yes pretty egoistic i know. Leo said that practicing NoFapa alone is not enough. What should i do then to purify my mind from sexual cravings?? I just meditate.

This thread is over for me. I don't like bickering back and forth. Bye. Thanks for your advices.

I don't like people projecting their own ideas/beliefs onto me. Who says i should get a girlfriend? It that a law of the universe? Nope. It's your ideas. Keep it for yourself your Shoulds statements. My post was about something different. There are no Shoulds for me. I know the suffering from having gf and i prefer to own a different kind of suffering. You don't know what is best for me bc you are not me. I am not telling you how you should live your lifes. "You should have a girfriend" That is ridiculous. Go to a celibate monk and tell him that he shouldn't be celibate lol.

@Shin It is important to not to project also. I don't care about eating icecream yet at the same time i would eat 10 pounds of icecream if it wasn't for my higher values. The ego wants/cares about all kinds of things but everyone decides what is best for themselves.

@Omni Open your mind a bit, give other things a shot without judging yourself for trying, rigidity is not the answer and suffering comes from resistance.

Day 30: One Month On. Today my penis started emmiting a very pleasant sexually arousing odor. Only problem is that this smell makes me wanna eat my own dick lol & makes me horny. Anyways after One Month of NoFap things have dramatically improved for the better. My workload has doubled. I don't know how the 2nd month will go or if i am even gonna make it to the end of second month. I may quit anytime. It's extremely tough. This thing is a LOT more difficult than i initiallyt anticipated. It really pushes me to the limits. It is not for everyone. If it was easy everyone would do it.

@Hans My anxiety is caused because i am generally an overly anxious person. Just 2 months of no fap/no sex will convice anyone about the mind-blowing benefits.

@whoareyou You are attached to beliefs aswell. Why should i learn to attract women? Isn't that a cultural biased belief of yours? What if someone doesn't want to attact women. Be honest.

@whoareyou I have great relationships with people and i attact women. You project a lot of stuff buddy. I don't know anyone who becomes enlightned through sexual practices. Is it extremely difficult to do so. Your mind will be thinking about them sugar walls all the time . Even the most hardcore monks have said it that if you are super serious about this you can't mess around fking women. I can't find a quote now but i even think Dalai Lama said " i don't know anyone who becomes liberated through these sexual practices". Anyways i guess it is possible but since i have tasted sugar walls before i know how much attached i become. Obviously noone wants give up sex because they are chimps so they are trying to find spiritual ways to have their sexual apetites fullfilled. With your logic all these monks who are celibate they just can't form relationships with women so this is why they become celibate lol.

I get the sense that asking questions is the same thing as contemplation. Right?

Who said that Leo doesn't like meditation anymore? I bet he still meditates. Also he told people to continue their meditation practice. Meditation has no risks unlike psychedlics. And not everyone wants to be awakened to the maximum degree.

Thank you guys!

@Preetom I disagree . People underestimate the power of no fap. Refraining from ejaculation ALONE builds character and creates idenity level changes if done for a long time. Noone can just stop refraining from ejaculation and remain the same. You are forced to build new coping mechanisms. You are forced to change or go back to your old chimp ways. Spiritual growth can be also a byproduct of No fap. I get your point though.

@noselfnofun Noone can become a Buddha while commited to an intimate relationship. You will get attached no matter what. It is no surprise that the most developed people were celibates. Buddha, Tesla, Christ, Newton etc.

@Preetom How is not jerking off your pennis hollow? Nofap = Celibacy for me.

I get ridiculous from most people here. If you don't have a serious answer and all you do is waste your sexual energy please don't waste my time with ridiculous answers. Go fk women and masturbate all you want. I am on a different path. Respect that .

@UDT Are you serious? I dont wanna fuck women nor do i care about being an alpha male chimp.

At 8 minutes and 30 seconds of this video, Leo talks about existing as every single possible decision point of his life simultaneously. Leo is this still valid? Or not? Do i exist as every single possibility of my life? This is EPIC if it is the case and implies Parallel Universes i guess.

@ajasatya Thanks ,i will have to contemplate that one. Anyways most people are screwed mentally. If someone finds my physical appearance funny i can't change that. I just want to not care about idiots like that.

So i have been hearing from Leo how people have a self-image. Even a Spiritual self-image. And i get the sense like this has some sort of negative connotation from the way Leo talks about it. Is it wrong to have a self-image? What self-image "Should' we have? I'm confused... Can anyone give an explanation? - Thanks .

@Leo Gura Thanks for your time. I am willing to surrender to be honest. I am tired already of my egoic problems. So much delusion, pain and suffering.