SQAAD

@Peter Miklis The pain was not gone completely after i ejaculated. It was gone after couple of days though. It was more like a blockage sensation rather than a pain.

@Endangered-EGO Yes it is But after you reach an extreme level of Suffering, then it isn't that 'bad' or terrifying anymore. I thought that i had suffered in my life previously but no.. The level of suffering i experienced the last 6 months was beyond the scope of anything i could imagine. There are levels of suffering that your mind cannot comprehend. But God is infinitely intelligent. There is nothing to worry but good luck convincing that the ego-mind.

@Osaid After the Semen Retention, when i masturbated, i did not get the 'watery semen' that you've experienced. What i got was very much reduced semen volume which is still the case even now after couple of weeks. Great advice. Thank you~!!

@Osaid No. I wasn't edging. Maybe only while dreaming i guess. Also my libido remained normal , it didn't flatline. Is the build-up of prostatic fluid something concerning? I haven't heard about it. Do you think that i could continue my semen retention safely? I think i have experienced this mild pain other times when on semen retention as well but it went away with time. I am not sure though.

@Nahm Thank you~!!

Yesterday i took 15grams (fresh) of Magic Truffles (Atlantis). I made a tea out of it and had a Beautiful and also quite Difficult Experience. I didn't really had a specific intention out of the trip.. I just wanted to do it recreationally and also to see things from a different Perspective which always very helpful. I know Leo is against doing psychedelics recreationally but to me i prefer to take mushrooms instead of drinking a beer or smoking pot. And i trip very sparringly. Usually 3-6 times a year. Pros from the trip: It is Amazing how much your Perception of Reality changes when you are on Psychedelics. Materialism gets thrown out of the window. It is I-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e~!! It is always still a mind-fuck for me because my brain still kinda operates from the Materialist paradigm because when i am sober it seems impossible that reality isn't grounded on something external like brains and etc. The difficult part is that when all dualities begint to Collapse there is also a Fear of Losing your mind. This time i kinda surrended and didn't try to figure anything out which was super helpful. Also i realised that maybe sometimes low doses of Psychedelics are better than higher ones. Because one a high dose sometimes you feel like losing your mind when dualities collapse and your ego-mind tries to grasp the ungraspable. With lower doses you can tolerate the confusion much better. Also the Incredible thing about realising Non-duality is that it is almost more like a Feeling rather than a logical abstraction. Now i understand why every 5-meo trip report video mentions that the their realisation its more of a feeling rather than anything else. I always enjoy watching Leo while tripping. Every time i trip i realise that i am him and i feel very grateful for being part of this spiritual work. I admire all the work he has put into this. This is some very advanced and radical stuff that most people are not aware of and it's a shame. Psychedelics are a game changer. Of course it shouldn't be your only tool. I understand that now even better. I don't expect psychedelcis to solve all my problems . I need to combine this tool with others tools like Contemplation. The understanding i get from tripping is profound and worth it to me more than a million dollars or banging a hot girl. Incredible Understanding. Everything becomes Crystal Clear. Almost All the human ego-mind BS get cleaned out of my Consciousness, Also now i have a deeper trust in God. I know that i might experience 'bad' things , pain , suffering etc but in retrospect everything is always Good. Everything is Perfect. God is incredible in his widsom and intelligence. You have to trust 'him'. 'He' is fn God. If you don't trust God who are you gonna trust?? Cons from the trip The bad part is that i tripped while i hadn't slept well the other day and was feeling very sluggish and tired. I knew it was better to trip the next day but i was feeling kinda sad and wanted to experience something different to be honest. The trip was incredible overall. Problem was that it interefered with my sleep and the other problem is that i ended up masturbating a lot while watching porn. I broke my streak of 103 days of not watching porn. I felt bad afterwards for engaging in porn. If my mind was at 100% i would have the willpower to not watch porn. I need to be more Conscious of how Different Systems affect each other. If you haven't slept and take a drug it's much more likely to engage in behaviors which you later can regret. Your willpower muscle is so weak at certain points that it's stupid to take drugs.

I was watching this video with Anna Brown. And basically it is like she is dismissing that different States of Cosnciousness exist . She seems to be dismissive of lower consciousness/ higher consciousness, higher vibrations and etc. I have heard similar opinions from other spiritual teachers. Rupert Spira and Frank Yang seem to have a similar approach. How you make sense of all this? In my experience there are higher states of Consciousness especially when i take Psychedelics. Some people seems to be dismissive of all this 'states' thing just for the sake of the simplicity of what already is.

@BipolarGrowth I agree with you.

@Leo Gura So true.

Are plants conscious like animals or humans? They are definetely alive like we are. In this video Sadhguru suggests that even eating plants is cruel and talks about a communication system that trees have developed. What do you think?

@Leo Gura Yes. Only Consciousness is conscious in actuality BUT.. still in the dream it always seems like different entities are Conscious. For example Consciousness imagines my body and uses it to experience the world. It imagines having your body also. Anywhere i go , i always see my body. That's the most consistent thing i experience. Thats why it seems that consciousness is always located in this body. I can't imagine Consciousness being a table and having any sort of experience. Consciousness seems to dream of being some living thing and then viewing all other inanimate objects. That's the confusing part i think .

@Ry4n Ahahahahahah :-)

The most useful thing for me is Not Reacting to the thoughts. Every time you are reacting to a thought you basically train your mind that thoughts are truthful and improtant. When you just observe a thought and don't engage with it , it loses its grip on you over time.

I have heard many spiritual people (Leo, Shunyamurti etc) call reality an illusion. But others don't like calling it illusion..For example Martin Ball claims that Reality is NOT an illusion. What's going on here? Can someone explain to me please. I know that conceptually it doesn't really matter if you call reality reality or illusion since there is nothing to contrast it with. Is it just a word game?

I want to take magic mushrooms soon but i've taken 30grams (fresh) like 4 days ago. How long should i wait before my tolerance is ok ?? I've heard anywhere from 1-2 weeks. Does anybody know?

I am just getting really tired of seeing Jordan Peterson all over my YouTube feed even though i avoid watching his videos. I understand that some of these people offer massive value to others but to me most of these modern intellectuals seems like hypocrites who are exploiting their publicity to make tons of money. Jordan Peterson didn't even became famous because he was a good psychologist. He became famous just because of the drama he got involved in. The reason i don't like most of these intellectuals (Sam Harris, Peterson and others) is because they are all over YouTube telling you how to be happy, how to deal with losses, how to that & etc But their baseline level of happiness is pretty much average. (Maybe that's a projection on my part). These people don't really seem happy people. They always have an opinion about how you should live your life but their life isn't really reflecting that. I can tell it just by looking at their faces. (Maybe i am wrong though) Of course i am NOT in their minds 24/7. I am just saying that i think. What i see. Maybe i am wrong. When i watch Sadhguru or Eckhart Tolle i can sense that these people have figured it out how to live a peaceful life. Eckhart Tolle for example is someone i am jealous of. It is obvious that he does everything that he preaches to others. Leo is also a good example. It is obvious that he truly values everything he teaches and many times he gets emotional over it. Most of these modern intellectuals are just very intelligent hyper-logical robots disconnected from everything spiritual. It is hard to connect to most of them unless you are an atheist materialist.

@Meditationdude Because i am curious and trying to find out what is going on. Many times i get confused by spiritual teachers and how differently they seem to interpret God and etc.

Today i had a mushroom trip (30g fresh). While having the full-blown experience , everything became quite crystal clear (God - nonduality). But at some point my ego was trying to control God in some very delusional ways. At some point my ego-mind believed that it could will reality. I even felt like i was about to actually become Leo at some point. After the trip i felt very empty, disheartened like i don't know nothing anymore. All the answers i had while tripping seemed to melt away after the trip. It's like the trip did nothing to me other than create an emotional distress afterwards. I felt bad emotions after the trip because in the back of my mind i feel like i was deluding myself while tripping. I really don't know if i will trip again on this dose of mushrooms again... Sometimes it's like i don't accomplish anything while tripping. While tripping everything seems great and Profound but after trip is over your mind isn't quite so sure what the heck happened and you feel bad for deluding yourself in some ways. Also i've noticed that after a trip i am more prone to dysfunctional old patterns of mine based on fear. I don't know why. It's like my ego gets shaken very violently while tripping.. And doesn't know how to react after the trip is over.

@BipolarGrowth I had more intense trips than this one. Some trips i've had were really 'good' , clean and crystal clear when the ego was not reacting and making stories out of the experience. But others trip had a delusional component to it. I don't know why there are different reactions sometimes. I will trip again soon but without lemon this time. This time i'll make sure to surrender also.

@Nahm When i meditate i always let go of thought, and i am pretty good at it. But while tripping sometimes the ego doesn't want to surrender to the experience and reacts out of fear. Actually while tripping Everything was great. You are right about the narrative. Bc the problem was all the narrative afterwards. Mainly because of some delusions i fallen into. That upsets me the most. I want to be closer to Truth, not delude myself. I believe i had some genuine mystical experience but it was sprinkled with some ego BS which ruined it a lil bit fo me. If i had surrendered the trip would be much better for me. My ego was just reacting and could not stop it unfortunately. When i was surrendering for a few seconds , i was blown away from all the Understanding i received from that level of Consciousness. But the surrender didn't last long..

@BipolarGrowth True. I have taken this dose multiple times but never tripped so hard. This time it was too much and my ego wanted it to stop.

@Loving Radiance Yes i agree and thank you for the advice. While tripping my Consciousness expanded a lot. I became Conscious of what God is and it was so beautiful. BUT the problem was that i did not surrender to the experience. My ego was trying to control what was happening because of fear.

Good idea.

@BipolarGrowth Thank you for advice! While i was tripping all distinctions collapsed and this caused some fear later on. Yes you are right that i am being very judgemental and harsh on myself.

@Nahm I have been meditating for the last 4 years on and off (mosty on). I have close to 20 trips i would say.