SQAAD

@Nahm That is a good point. I agree with you.

@DecemberFlower 1 year ago i wanted to trip hard. So i bought some LSA capsules from a headshop. The owner of the shop recommended me to combine the capsules with Syrian Rue (MAIO) for stronger effect. I just did a little bit of research, didn't find any good information and decided to combine the two. At the beginning i took 4 capsules of LSA and a teaspoon of Syrian rue. Then afterwards i had one of the best trips of my life. Very increased Consciousness. It suddenly became apparent to me that this is God. Everything became recontextualized. The state i was in was so good and beautiful, that i didn't want it to end. So i took another 4 capsules after few hours. Big mistake. For like 2-3 days afterwards straight i was high.. Or at least i was thinking that i was high. I am not sure at this point. But for like 2 days straight i couldn't sleep and was in a mystical state where my reality had dramatically shifted. It seems my neurotransmitters were out of balance. Then after 2 days of no sleep and constantly feeling high and enlightned i began losing my mind. I just wanted things to return to normal. I couldn't take it any more. The fear started hitting me. The hopelessness. The meaningless of God. And my mind began deteriorating very rapidly to the point where i lost my mind and had to be sent for psychiatric treament. I stayed in a psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks. They put me on antipsychotic medications which caused me to experience memory issues. My memory has always been my greatest strength. And suddenly i would forget what i wanted to say mid-sentence. When i came off the medications (my memory eventually returned to normal) but my brain chemistry was still all messed up. I had to suffer through a horrible depression that i've never felt before for 2-3 weeks straight. NOTHING would end the depression. Imagine that i couldn't even watch a youtube video for 5 minutes straight because i would get bored and depressed out of my mind. Nothing could make me interested or excited. Not even walking would provide any relief. It was pure torture. Depression is no joke. I now have empathy for those are clinically depressed. Its one of the worst things. They wanted me to take these antipsychotic drugs for like 4 months straight. But i realised immediately how dangerous these pharmaceuticals are and after i was released from the hospital i began tapering off . Sure some people need them. But trust they are really really dangerous. You feel your mind slowly eroding when taking them. Until that point i never knew what depression was. I am leaving many many details but basically this stupid mistake costed me a LOT of suffering and pain for several months afterwards. The worst experience of my life ever by far.

@lmfao Fair only because of Oneness. Other than that its a series of dreams and nightmares. Some of which make no sense whatsoever.

@Scholar I love what you said here. Very nice and poetic.

@Nahm My point is that Reality is hellish for a lot of people. It's not just a thought or a belief. Its reality. Its brutal. Its horrifically brutal. I would love it to be otherwise but i have to be honest with myself. I can't fake that everything is good when peoples limbs are being chopped off at Mexico right this very moment and all this barbaric stuff is happening all around us.

@Nahm Why do you say that? Because i am complaining about how reality is?

I have been meditating for the last 5 years on and off (mostly on) and i was in the same situation like you. I've read articles, watched several videos, etc and was feeling very confused at times about what meditation really is... The last year i have been meditating consistently. I regard myself as an intermediary level meditaror who can enter into meditative states with not much thinking or monkey mind involved. Nowadays i really enjoy meditation. Its like a drug for me. My advice to you is: Do not overcomplicate. Just find a technique, test it out and see if you enjoy it. Personally my favourite technique is just observing my breath and the space between thoughts and sensations. When your mind starts thinking , just bring it gently into the present moment, focusing on the object you wanna focus. But remember, meditation is not just a focus exercise. It is also relaxation. You focus on the breath but also you relax your attention. For me meditation is more like a relaxation exercise. After a while, you will not be meditating. Meditation will just happen to you.But it takes couple of years to get to that point. Its not a doing when you are experienced meditator. But in the beginning its a doing for sure.Meditation is the best thing i ever did for myself. It really works but it takes some years. Advanced meditators can get into very deep states. But newbies don't get much from it until they become more experienced. Also you need to distinguish between having thoughts and thinking. These are two different things. If you are having thoughts while meditating, thats not an issue. But if you are actively thinking about stuff, thats definitely an issue, Check this great video out if you are interested in learning the difference. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDsZSIWUDU

@Danioover9000 I think we are always dealing with some unknown variables in any situation. 100% certainty is impossible.

@BipolarGrowth I agree with you. Shulgins life purpose was to create and explore all these different chemicals. He really enjoyed it. And was in love with the whole process.

@Carl-Richard Thats the point: You don't know. But thats what true science is all about. Exploring and finding out. You can do it on animals or yourself at some cases. With your logic nobody would ever touch many psychedelics or research chemical just because we have not sufficient enough data. 5meo malt could be potentially neurotoxic as it is 5meo-dipt but i would be willing to try it nonetheless. I care about my well-being and safety but sometimes it is worth the risk. Personally i would risk my health in (an intelligent way) for God. Last time i was offered DMT by some friend. It could have been poison from all i knew. But i took the risk. I believe Leo is risking his health also with all his experiements. But i admire that he is putting skin in the game. When someone is willing to put his health on the line (in an intelligent way, not recklessly) for some greater cause thats very admirable. On the other hand when someone just cares about his well-being and nothing else, thats a petty sad existance full of fear and always obsessed with self-preservation. We don't admire people like that. They never do any breakthroughs in their lifes. They just survive. Thats why we admire people like Gandhi, Spartacus and Martin Luther King.The guy in the video does something good by testing the drugs on himself 1st.

Thats they problem with chasing money and having money be yout top priority. This is a really sad and unique case. This guy has sold his health to the devil for money. He is a cautionary tale for all the future generations. He is doing these mukbangs and ruining his health for money. At this point he has made some millions and could probably stop but he keeps going hard at it. This will not end well for him. Greediness never ends well. Eventually you lose everything when you are super greedy.

@Nahm Why is that the case? I don't get it.

@BipolarGrowth I really like it when i see scientists putting some skin in the game. Maybe its not wise or the most intelligent thing, but it shows some courage and passion for the job :-) I like courageous people. But it is easy to do stupid sh*t and think you are being courageous. So its very very very hard to draw a clear line.......

@Leo Gura Yup. I think to wanna be an athlete you have to be stuck at stage Orange or below.. Anything below Stage Green is pure devilry for my own tastes. Just the notion of being concerned with becoming the best , number #1 on the entire planet and really be concerned about that is pretty egotistical and low consciousness i believe. These people believe that they more important and significant when in reality they are as significant as an ant in the cosmic scale. I have watched bodybuilding carefully and also mma. I have seen a pattern. When these athletes become number one in what they do, it doesn't really change much. And eventually they lose that number one spot and try to reclaim it again and again like drug addicts. The ego never gets satisfied. That number one spot you got in the world will mean nothing in your deathbed. lol

This site says that i should avoid mixing L-Tryptophan with Hawain Baby Woodrose because they both raise serotonin... https://www.drugs.com/tryptophan.html The total dosage of l-tryptophan i will be ingesting is like 400mg alongside with 600mg of hawaian baby woodrose..

Today i purchased these LSA caps https://www.happy-caps.nl/en/caps/space-e/. They are legal in my country. I have experimented with them 2 times in the past. The 1st time i got some deeper clearer perception going on. Nothing too extreme. I found them kinda weak. The last time i barely noticed anything..... The good thing with those caps is that you can't trip hard but that is also their downside for me.. Because i want to significantly increase my Consciousness. They recommend not taking more than 2 capsules. But i think there isn't any serious danger if i exceed the recommended dose other than nausea and vomiting. I am thinking to take 8 at one sitting for strong effect tomorrow morning. Is this a good idea , am i risking anything? Last time i took 4 capsules but didn't get much going on. Here are the ingredients:

@diamondpenguin What you suggest about photography, thats what i want to do with programming. My goal is to make money from selling websites to clients. Make money that way and then one day be able to work only on projects that i really value and believe in. I enjoy creating websites , thats my passion. The creating of a beautiful website and program. I don't care at all about photography. I can't do that. But i care about online businesses too in general. I have attempted to make some money from affiliate marketing but only made a few bucks and wasn't consistent at it. I quit working on it few years ago... I am thinking to write blog posts about mental and physical health for greek audience only. The competition is not high and i have experience writing blog posts that are in the 1st page of Google... I am gonna focus on that and deepening my programming skills on the side. And if i really need cash, i will work a wage slave job for a while.

I am not sure i understand exactly what you meant in this video below. Let's say i am in some wage-slave job and i want to become a world class photographer. What should i do first? Escape wage slavery 1st or work 2-3 hours every day on developing mastery on photography while working my wage slave job at the same time?? Aren't you supposed to break out off wage slavery with your Life Purpose? From what you've said it seems that maybe you need to break wage slavery 1st before you start living your life purpose. But how are you gonna do that with no skills? Plus it could take you 10 years to break out off wage slavery. Aren't you supposed to be developing mastery on your life purpose 1st?? Thats the approach i am taking. I focus entirely on mastery. I can't risk losing 5-10 years into financial freedom. I think that will come when i've developed enough career capital. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zL5-Rrk7T8

I need to work on programming now that i am still relatively young. I have been working on it on and off for the last 3 years. I already can create some decent projects. Doing some other random sh*t for 10 years and reaching 39 years old is not worth it. By then i will not care about programming. What are the chances of escaping wage slavery by creating an online business like Leo did? 1 in a million?? lol

@diamondpenguin Expecting to create a random online business and escape wage slavary this way is idealistic. The chances are super low if we want to be realistic. And usually it takes a little bit of luck too. The most realistic path is developing mastery and earning money that way. Maybe also having a wage slave job on the side to save some money. Then once you have enough career capital you can solely rely on the work you enjoy to earn money.

@diamondpenguin My thing that i am working is front-end development. (I just used photography as an arbitrary example). If i work another 1 year at it know i can make money from programming by building websites/e-shops for others. I already have one client who pays me every year. Right now i am somewhat lucky because my family is feeding me so i don't have to work. But to be honest i need extra cash so i will probably need to do some wage slave job for a while. What do you mean by 'get the business going'? Starting my own business? The only way i see starting my own business is by developing mastery and selling my services as a programmer. Or building a website, create content and maybe make money from ads. I don't see myself getting out of wage slavery any time soon. And by then i will have wasted 10 years not working on my passion. I can't do that.

@Leo Gura I am just extremely fearful not developing mastery on the thing that i wanna master and wasting years making money. I can work 12 hours a day and make good money delivering coffees and food but i can't imagine not working on mastery and delaying it. I am super obsessed with mastery. The idea of earning money and not developing mastery doesn't sit well with me at all.....

@Lyubov He has tons of money. But not enough mind and wisdom.

@Scholar I love what you said here. Very profound and it touched my heart. Thank you :-) I am just resisting and trying to avoid suffering my entire life. The paradox is that by trying to avoid suffering i just endlessly create even more suffering and misery for myself lol. I know i'll have to bite the bullet once and for all sooner or later...and face my greatest demon which is fear and avoidance of suffering/pain. The level of extreme suffering and pain that exists really terrifies me. I haven't come to grips with it. Its shocking the amount of suffering that God is willingly to experience.... I am afraid what will happen if my mind deterioates and i lose my mind/memory. I worry that this will lead to a very miserable life. I am afraid of misery..... Thats what i have been resisting. Maybe because i had a miserable childhood. But the last 3 years my life has become really beautiful thanks to meditation , psychedelics, life purpose work, ocd recovery work, quitting marijuana & other drugs, etc .

@SonataAllegro I agree with your advice. Thank you.