Zigzag Idiot

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Bingo.

@jbram2002 It's good to hear from you. Even though I remembered your name wrong, ? All the synchronicities,,,,, I'm just watching.

I relate to Joe Walsh sometimes because he's a Solar Saturn-Mars essence type.

I lack some aspects of courage that I formerly expressed when I lived as a drinker. For instance, when around a group of friends (half lit alpha males) I would enjoy changing the music from something 'tough guy', like Hank Williams Jr. to something like Dreamboat Annie just to watch their uncomfortableness and see who would speak out and what they would say. What I thought was my own quirkiness I later realized as 'a type of drunk' that also manifested in others. Is there an Andy Kaufman archetype? If so or regardless, Jim Carey was able to embody that in his portrayal of Andy in the movie Man on the Moon. Sitting with uncomfortable things though later proved helpful in being able to let go and forgive others for their being in fear and lashing out. I nearly had my private pilots license when I was just 17. Before I got consumed by fear. The older I get, the greater my fear of height becomes but I don't care about overcoming my fear of heights anymore. It doesn't matter. I'm a walking contradiction but I don't care about that either. Never underestimate the value of light heartedness. A message that I would find again in the writings of Maurice Nicoll. To be able to play the role of the fool or Idiot requires inner separation from the fear of being the fool or Idiot.

@d0ornokey Good Observations. @RunningBD Good Insights. Tom articulates a number of things about balance really well in his last video.

Recorded in my journal in the last hour. Pasting here. it took an enormous effort to just record the following while experiencing effects. I was partly motivated by fear. There was a rush of fear, then ,,,,, nothing. 17 mcg of 5 meo dmt vaporized first time. Probably too much. Time stops. Crickets drown out ,,,,, off and on Cranial blasted open Journaled into my fear realtime, still tripping but coming down Whew,,,,, That was very intense. There was a real heavy body lode in it. Awareness didn't alter. It did feel like time stopped in a way. https://m.psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Perception_of_eternalism still quite a bit of forehead pressure and crickets louder than usual. To some this will really sound crazy,,,, crickets signify activation of a minor chakra http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

That was very intense. There was a real heavy body lode in it. Awareness didn't alter. It did feel like time stopped in a way. still quite a bit of forehead pressure and crickets louder than usual. To some this will really sound crazy,,,, crickets signify activation of a minor chakra http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

From Hexagram 8 Page 117 While the Cosmic Consciousness is capable of thinking, it is primarily a feeling Consciousness that operates through the force of attraction between complementary aspects. page 118 - "Holding Together" in the sense of being centered within, occurs when a person's true self is the sovereign within---the sole authorizor of the validity of his feelings. The person who is thus sovereign over himself holds together with the Cosmos and receives from it chi energy and help, while contributing back to it his feelings and unique experiences. Because he then contributes to the Cosmic Evolution, he never needs to ask "What is my purpose?" Because he is all the while fulfilling it. ,,,,,,,A person gives away his self-authorizing ability when he adopts any self images (ego) either to conform to or rebel against the collective ego.,,,,,, ,,,,,,The collective ego achieves this controlling role in a person's life through its promotion of the idea that the source of evil lies in humans' animal nature and that it is the source of all human inadaquaccies and guilt.it proposes that without its control and supervision, humans would supposedly run wild, creating chaos.,,,,,, not

Here's more jibberish! ? 17 mcg of 5 meo dmt vaporized first time. Probably too much. Time stops. Crickets drown out ,,,,, off and on Cranial blasted open Journaled into my fear realtime, still tripping but coming down Whew,,,,,

When we can carry the red thread of the present moment for a whole day and not drop it. Then eventually, days at a time and finally get to the point of never dropping it. I vaguely remember Fourth Way text about the 'fake it till you make it' practice. After posting this, I'll go search,,, I thought this applicable from a Christian perspective. A lesson from an online Course during Lent a couple of years ago, about the pendulum of emotions. The yo yo of Being. Session 6: Growing Your Being "As we are raised in Being, so is meaning transformed. As we fall back, the old meanings return." — Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of G.I.Gurdjieff and P.D. Ouspensky by Maurice Nicoll, Volume 5 Commentary by Cynthia Bourgeault This arresting comment by Maurice Nicoll, one of the early British students of the Gurdjieff Work, provides some useful insights into how one might engage practically with the task of "perfecting oneself in the sense of Being," the goal of the second Obligolnian striving. First off, what does it mean to "be raised in Being?" Setting aside for the moment the question of "who" or "what" does the raising, let's start with the obvious — namely, that if we can be raised in being, Being must have levels. This is not hard to verify internally. With a flick of your imagination you can picture yourself in a relatively higher state of being. Maybe it's sitting on your meditation cushion, relaxing in nature, or almost anywhere you feel yourself in a greater spaciousness, equanimity, and inner alertness. Another flick of your imagination and you can (all too) easily recall those low-being states: when you're caught in negativity or reactivity, or as well when your attention is totally scrambled and dissipated, like noodling on the internet or wandering through a task on autopilot. During the day we travel up and down on the yo-yo of Being. Some days yo-yo feels like an understatement; it's more like bungy-jumping! Now what does this "meaning is transformed" part mean? Again, you can easily check this out in practical experience. When you're in a higher state of Being — spacious, grounded, present — it's easier to stay in touch with those loftier and more generous impulses: things like compassion, trust, forgiveness. It's easier to ponder the great questions like "What am I here for?" — or even to see, beneath the fragmented surface of things, a deeper order and presence. When you're in a lower state — negative or distracted — your perception of reality tends to get co-opted by mental scenarios, projections, cynicism, self-importance, urgency: all the small-self agendas. Ever notice how often perceptions based in negativity inevitably turn out to be skewed? In a lower state, it gets harder to hold onto large ideas like compassion, trust, non-reactivity. Even Being itself can sound like just another concept! From a Gurdjieff Work perspective, falling to a lower level of Being inevitably entails moving to a less energized state. This may not seem obvious to you at first, because negative states can sometimes feel highly energy-charged. But in the Work, the tip-off is not the state of your emotions but the state of your attention. A state in which you're collected, gathered, focused, present, is a higher energy state. This means that it is running at a more powerful magnitude of Being; it supports the "upward" transformation of meaning. A lower-level state plunges you back below the critical threshold needed for maintaining lively contact with that deeper aliveness of "Real I." Inevitably, once your reservoir of Being starts to get drawn down you fall back into identification with your smaller self, which in turn draws your reservoir of being down still further. It's a complete vicious circle. Unfortunately, it's not easy to spot when we move to a lower state. Just as most people can't see the moment they fall asleep at night, so they also can't and don't notice when Being starts to sink. And when you think about it, that actually makes sense: you can't go consciously unconscious! But with training and sincerity you can begin to notice more promptly when you've gotten hooked, and at least not feed the downward slide! Sometimes, as the Psalms say, you simply have to "wait in the darkness crying for the Lord." The ability to see a deteriorating state does not immediately mean that you can do anything about it. You have to endure for a while (sometimes a long while!) in the gap between your power to see and your power to do. It's one of the most uncomfortable tight spots in the whole spiritual journey. But simply noticing is a far more important act than you might at first expect: Because as you sit there in that unaccustomed helplessness and exposure, you gradually begin to see that there really is a "something" or "someone" who calls you back to your deeper spiritual intention. And it's not your own personal efforts but your growing trust in this deeper relational field working on your behalf that will eventually get you there. For the time being, your job is simply to notice as promptly as you can, always with a small thanks offered to that unknown "something" that always seems to notice, even when we don't, and to intervene on our behalf, as the ombudsmen of our real yearning for Being. To Practice What I've just given you here is actually a very condensed introductory course on what the Gurdjieff Work calls "self-observation." This is the capacity to notice, without judgment or self-criticism, what's physically going on inside you from an objective, "third-person" point of view. Today I invite you to further explore any or all of today's teaching in the laboratory of your own more being. Here are some practical suggestions: 1. Begin each day with at least twenty minutes of meditation, if that is not already your usual practice. (It is best to start this exploration into self-observation by "tanking up" your reservoir of Being.) 2. As much as possible, notice as your state of being shifts, particularly when you "fall asleep" (Work terminology for falling to a lower state of being). 3. What effect (if any) does simply noticing have on your state? 4. Can you begin to spot the hooks that drag your level being down? This should keep you more than busy! As you're so moved, please record your work-in-progress in your journal. "Becoming Truly Human: Gurdjieff's Obligolnian Strivings" is a joint project of Cynthia Bourgeault and Spirituality & Practice. Content copyright 2017 by Cynthia Bourgeault. Photo credit: Steve Nathans-Kelly and Wisdom Way of Knowing. Rev. Dr. Cynthia Bourgeault is the Principal Teacher and Advisor for The Contemplative Society (www.contemplative.org), an inclusive nonprofit association that encourages a deepening of contemplative prayer based in the Christian Wisdom tradition while also welcoming and being supportive of other meditation traditions. Spirituality & Practice (www.SpiritualityandPractice.com) is a multifaith website presenting resources for people on spiritual journeys. The organization is helping to build a worldwide community of people vitally engaged with the wisdom of the spiritual traditions and serving the world through spiritual practice. from https://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/ Im not sure if they're still offering this,,,?

What if it already happened and is in our past?

https://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/galleries/category/12s#/25/12-courage https://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/galleries/category/12s#/23/12-connections The people and issues that repel me are pointing to the parts of my unconscious self not yet integrated.

I liked this Documentary also. It complements the older 5 part Documentary The Pyramid Code pointing out the precession of the equinoxes and cycles of histories. In Gurdjieff's science fiction allegory Beelzebub's Tales to his Grandson, ancient Egypt is linked to an earlier Atlantis civilization. Thanks.

Osho's opinion on Nicoll's Commentaries Osho: "Nicoll was a disciple of Gurdjieff, and unlike Ouspensky, he never betrayed, he was not a Judas. A true disciple to the very last breath and beyond it too. The Commentaries of Nicoll are vast. I don′t think anybody reads them. Thousands and thousands of pages, but if one takes the trouble one is immensely benefited. Nicoll′s Commentaries should be considered as one of the best books in the world." (Osho - Books I have Loved) Short review by Sam Copley Possibly Osho considered Nicoll to be one of Gurdjieff′s most important disciples, because Nicoll had a light touch in his teaching and writing and warned that anyone who adopted a serious demeanor to appear to be a follower of "The Work" probably was far from it, this in accordance with the saying inscribed on a wall at one of his group houses: "Serious things can be understood through laughable things." In his Commentaries he writes, after having explained something to his readers, "Now you may think that this is a little solemn. Actually it is not so, but, like everything else in The Work, must be taken with a grain of salt." And: "What is this Work about? It is about enjoying yourself, but people cannot enjoy themselves. It is the most difficult thing to do." from https://www.satrakshita.com/gurdjieff_books.htm

I have a weird sense of humor sometimes. The Voice of Happiness After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master's temple told a friend; Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congratulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world. "In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard."

Reading the book Space Crusier Inquiry brought me recognition of this phenomena. Almaas refers to it as the Diamond Guidance. I reread the book two or three times before it registerd on me that he wrote that the Diamond Guidance was just another way of describing the channel of the Holy Spirit! Then it became more than a metaphor for me. Opening of the Forehead by the Diamond Guidance Usually the Diamond Guidance operates as a presence in the center of the forehead. When it arises in support of discrimination and understanding, we become aware of an expansion as space opens up in the forehead. With that expansion comes a sense of peacefulness; the Black aspect at the center of the forehead opens and we feel stillness and spaciousness. When the Diamond Guidance arises in this peacefulness, we feel a delicate presence, a pulsating energy that possesses a sense of clarity and transparency, an intelligence, an illumination. This delicate, pulsing, breathing presence appears as understanding, as insight, as intuition. As the forehead opens, we feel the Diamond Guidance as a tingling, an energetic throbbing—but very delicate, very soft, very subtle. If we are not attuned, we might dismiss it as just a physical twitch. Or if there is a lot of blockage, as is often the case in the early stages of our development, the diamond might feel hard. Due to the blockage, it can't get through, so it feels almost like a rock. But if we are relaxed and open, we feel it as a softness, a delicacy. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 226 Outside of his own teaching he makes connection about this with knowledge from Sufism. The Fourth Latifa The fourth latifa is at the forehead between and just above the eyebrows. It is called khafi, meaning "hidden," and the color is a shining black. The consciousness is a state of peace and absolute stillness, related to the activity of intuition and objective understanding. It is connected to the black death, which is the state of annihilation of the sense of identity of the ego, which is the false self. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 143

If you have adobe, you can read it all free here. http://www.gurdjieffwork.com/site/index.asp?page=107379

An excerpt from an excerpt from an article. " Sustained encounters with objectless-awareness are in fact meaningfully relevant to ongoing transformation," Here, Samadhi consciousness exists as the peak form of non-dual attainment. That being said, it administers a very serious ultimatum. If one does not come down from absorption into the formless, then an inability to function in the causal world may result. Due to the notorious hardships of Samadhi subjects who endure this precarious experience, Ramakrishna believed that the subsequent “fall from grace” back into phenomenal reality could beneficially actualize an intermediary consciousness. Surmising that sustained encounters with objectless-awareness are in fact meaningfully relevant to ongoing transformation, he suggested Samadhi’s function, after having been summoned back to ordinary consciousness, was to gradually integrate the experience into Bhavamukha. This zone of liminal reception allows for a transformed multiplicity to join in with absolute One-ness, resulting in a sophisticated mode of non-dual perceiving. Through bhavamukha, personhood remains in-tune with the phenomenal world, as Ramakrishna himself, their life spared from complete absorption into One-ness for the continuing enlightenment of all beings. https://wisdomwayofknowing.org/resource-directory/on-the-imaginal-by-joshua-tysinger/

I picked mine up one at a time used through Amazon. I just looked,,, https://www.amazon.com/PSYCHOLOGICAL-COMMENTARIES-GURDJIEFF-OUSPENSKY-2015-05-04/dp/B01FKRWWSK/ref=sr_1_5?qid=1569118107&refinements=p_27%3AMaurice+Nicoll&s=books&sr=1-5&text=Maurice+Nicoll $200 probably as cheep as you can find for a whole set. Here is a used volume 4 for $25 https://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Commentaries-Teaching-Gurdjieff-Ouspensky/dp/0394726952/ref=pd_sbs_14_3/143-8002126-3163130?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0394726952&pd_rd_r=c53c9bf0-4d80-499d-8c38-c1501cac1ef6&pd_rd_w=RbQta&pd_rd_wg=rbavr&pf_rd_p=d66372fe-68a6-48a3-90ec-41d7f64212be&pf_rd_r=DHKREJH2D681XTFK1WVM&psc=1&refRID=DHKREJH2D681XTFK1WVM

@Bill W Yes. There is a condensed version that was given to me by a Teacher from a Fourth Way study group a couple of years ago in PDF which I'm having trouble with pasting here Gems_of_Wisdom http://www.gurdjieffwork.com/site/index.asp?page=623765&DL=243 This is a link to a clunkier version for the time being reducing nearly 2000 pages down to a little of over a hundred. Really rich stuff. I enjoyed the Five volumes so much I read it twice.

I will take time for a tonglen practice for John today. I type you a martial essence type and John as venusian. My friend I tripped wth yesterday is a Venusian. Venusians generally have a groundedness which is a good counterbalancing medicine for us sporadically hyperactive (adrenal) Mars types. You said you usually mow the lawn anyway.? When he feels like it, tell him to get his ass back on the forum! You said regarding: This is going to sound really stupid but my third eye loves his voice. Making lots of connections. Do you ever sense slight pressure or pulse in your forehead? Or perhaps flash images? Im a recovering workaholic. My Dad drilled that into me, bless his good heart. That's one reason I think Centering Prayer is so beneficial for me especially. Breaks the conditioned habit and momentum of going full speed most of the time. Age has helped me some with this as well. Past the initial resistance, sitting perfectly still and quiet and having quiet inside is similar to the regeneration of a good nights sleep. It seems to me at times anyway. I just remembered Terence giving that humorous account of his own dream in that video of his you posted. He's just plain funny sometimes,,,,!

Leo makes some important distinctions on his blog. Specifically this last,,,, This Work Is Not About Belief September 12, 2019 All of my teachings are worthless unless you validate them in your direct experience. This stuff is far too profound to be heard or believed. Belief in what I say is a great obstacle to this work. You will spend years believing me only to realize that you made a big mistake. Yet at the same time, actively disbelieving me — trying to debunk me or debate me — is an even greater mistake. The correct method is to listen to what I say, consider it as an advanced possibility, and do the work to validate this possibility and feel it as your living reality. This work is about transforming your experience of reality. I have no desire to make you believe in God or my teachings. What you believe is such a shallow level that it is irrelevant as far as this work goes. What matters is what you're conscious of, what state of consciousness you're in, and what the meta, cognitive structures of your mind are. This work is not about the contents of your mind. This work is structural. Think of this difference as the difference between apps vs the OS or BIOS on a computer. In our work here, we're not interested in changing the apps of the human mind, we're interested in changing the OS & even the BIOS. This work is meta work. This work is experiential. This work is about changing what reality is for you. You don't even know what that means yet. It will take you years of work just to appreciate what was just said. And that's as it must be. You can't know what you're missing until years of trial and error. It would speed things along greatly for you to realize that we are not interested in getting you to believe things here. Anything you believe is far too shallow to help you. Belief is like a veil of fakery which obscures the doing of the real work. So be careful not to get tricked into thinking you are doing the work when you are merely rearranging your beliefs. The real work requires hours upon hours of precise mindfulness and accurate self-observation. Precision and accuracy in this work is important. Towards this end it would help you greatly to distinguish between what is a belief, and what is not. Spend some time observing in your direct experience what is a belief, and what is not. Get really clear about this without getting caught up in the trap of judging whether a belief is true or false. What's more important than whether a belief is true or false is that you are conscious that it is a belief regardless. For example, "The Earth is round" is a belief regardless of whether its "true". Just because a belief is "true" does not mean it isn't problematic or doesn't distort your experience of reality. In this sense, scientific beliefs can be more problematic than religious ones because scientific beliefs are not usually acknowledged to be beliefs, or problematic — yet they are both. Notice the distinct difference between believing a thing and direct experience. Notice that experience does not care what you believe. Although of course your beliefs greatly distort and color your experience. And even though I call all this "work", you must find a way to do it so that you enjoy the process, rather than making it some chore that you must do. You will never be successful in this work as long as it feels like a chore. You must find a way to connect it with your passion for life. It must become an organic part of your life.

I really enjoy listening to Terence and how he can unpack a lot of this stuff, seemingly off the cuff.