Zigzag Idiot

Technically, fear is itself, is a delusion. Fear is an over consideration of the past and also so of the future where as being is radically in the present.an openness to whatever is or will be. On having this thought come through me , the old Mary Tyler Moore sitcom thing appeared in my mind.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golf_in_the_Kingdom https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Journey_to_Ixtlan https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Celestine_Prophecy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tenth_Insight:_Holding_the_Vision

With the possibility that I may stumble into a place of partially losing my marbles, I shared a link to my Journal with my former and potential Therapist a few weeks ago. Hi Jim! I put Jim potentially in charge of the big safety net. I still intend to seek council from Emerald on a couple issues in the near future, though. Silence is Golden... Sometimes by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2019 Dr. Jim Rosen His mini-column just released this morning. There are times when you need to speak up and express yourself. But for those of you who grew up with abuse or neglect, expressing yourself is most difficult to do. In your early world, it frankly wasn't safe. It wasn't even safe to feel things, let alone show those feelings. And saying them to outsiders was especially taboo. Dysfunctional homes can have a lot of "family secrets." These secrets add fuel to the idea that you are somehow terrible and awful. Your early world invades your present life and spills over to other things that should be shared. You dread that the people you want to share with will think you're bad. So you keep quiet. And the negative feelings about yourself spiral. Psychotherapy can end this vicious spiral and release you from your hiding place. The silence is broken, and at long last the pain and bad feelings are cast off. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. Dr. Rosen sees patients in his home in Magnet Cove, Arkansas (20 minutes from Hot Springs). Because he doesn't accept insurance, his fee is only $55 for a full 50-minute hour of treatment. Of course it's best when you can work with him face to face, but when that isn't possible, telephone sessions are available. He can be reached anytime at 501-623-2050. If you like Dr. Rosen's column, you are free to share it with other people. There is no fee for this column. It's free. If you're not on the list to receive it, just send an email that says "Please Send Column" in the subject line. You will receive a new column each Sunday. If you are on the list and you don't want to receive Dr. Rosen's column anymore, just send him an email that says "Stop Column" in the subject line.

@milii possibly study different typologies in order to find ways or recognize how to undo some of these possible twists. You mention anger which points to the personality Enneatype 1 (the perfectionist) who's chief feature is anger This suggest possibly you may also fall into the category of man#2 as well in the (endocrine) essence type ( center of gravity) in the Queen of hearts, feeling everything in such an intence emotional way,,,, just my thoughts,,,,, good luck ? With your work.

@Girzo @loub @Annonymous @Athemnajar @John Lula @Guest Quanty @Slade @from chaos into self @Solace I agree with each of you somewhat in my view that there is both a prerational and transnational way of interpreting. Most Numerology enthusiast go down the rabbit hole of imagination while others tap in to the reality of being a seer. The numerology book I give some credence to is The Divine Triangle although the following website about it is loaded up rich with ads about toenail fungus. Wheat and chaff kind of thing,,,, For me it's a very profound book. IME https://gaiaandthemessiah.wordpress.com/2016/11/23/the-divine-triangle/ i encourage those who have some interest in this do some more Google searches or to just buy the book.

Yea! ?‍♂️You started a Journal! An interesting and great start as well. I like all David Hawkins books and The Mastery of Love and The Fifth Agreement also. ?

@mandyjw When you said get on the same frequency with nature,,,,,, "7.83 hertz" I thought and was struck by the memory a YouTube I became obsessed with about 3 years ago. Even though it's fairly long- 1 1/2 hours. I feel compelled to share it because it expresses elements exactly like you were sharing in your video. I thought anyway,,,,, Hope I'm not wasting your time. If you get a chance and also for others who might have time and interest. It's mostly an argument for how electromagnetic pollution is messing with us and discusses the benefit of just being outside. @DrewNows Discusion here gets into the unique cells that are found in the pupils. Some of this might blend with Iridology ? Maybe?

Mushroom trip #2 My first 5 gram Golden Teacher trip was a week ago. I repeated this again yesterday except this time I made tea with the mushrooms. I took notes again. It's a struggle for me to do this but I feel it helps me integrate better. Lots of yawning,,,, I'm giving my friend a few days to review my notes and the opportunity to edit out anything that she doesn't want me to reveal here. Some stuff relating solely to me I may share off and on in the meantime. Again it was a pleasant trip. Felt sense of psychological healing yesterday evening and today. But during the trip, an ANSWER/solution to a situation that developed earlier in the week. A person in my local environment made attempts this past week to psychologically manipulate me in a very negative yet subtle way. Passive aggressive nuclear weapons were brought out, you could say. It felt that intense. Shock, almost. There was a good deal of fear and confusion coming from this person who was attempting this. They were of a Mercurial essence type. Big smiles, then not. Snappy, agile, small talk,,,, Mercury (thyroid) types are said to be the most perceptive of all the types. Perceptive of others in a way that a master thief or a good Doctor is. Catching details that most others overlook,,,,, To be honest, they got inside my head. They made me fear. The trip yesterday showed me how to get a handle on the person who was trying to get a handle on me. For me to get a handle on them just long enough to set them free again going in the right (harmonious) direction. No problem. No harm. An enormous sense of relief,,,,, Relaxed body.

Or maybe just Bruce Lipton. i haven’t followed him in a while. Hes on ?

Maybe a better title. What is a twice-born?

@Matt23 Thank you. Yes, I agree. Seems to be. Same/same Right now I'm enjoying rereading that in the link you provided!

Enneagram Archetypes within Levels of Consciousness Spiral Dynamics is a model that describes phylogenetics, the evolution of the species. The Enneagram of Personality is a tool that details the fixated aspects of the individual and describes ontogentics, the development of the individual of the species. Pairing these two systems provides a map for the evolution of individuals through levels of consciousness. Through properly comprehending and applying these two systems, we can develop deep compassion and understanding for our fellow human beings and can be more effective in all endeavors (Ooten, Unpublished). from: http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html You can pick out your personality type from the lower part of the page,,,,, My personality type (Enneatype 6 chief feature fear- through the Spiral stages- Type Six: The Questioner/The Vizier. In the Purple level of awareness, Type Six, the Questioner, takes on the role of the Vizier, becoming an advisor to the authorities of the group. The Vizier rigidly obeys the magical beliefs in order to keep the group safe, secure, clothed, and fed. The Vizier uses her intuitive powers to forestall or forewarn of dangers that may compromise the group, advising the authorities how to remain in power (Ooten, Unpublished; Ooten, 2010). Type Six: The Questioner/The Conniver. Type Six, the Questioner, is the Conniver at the Red level. The Conniver has the ability to move into the phobic prey space or the counterphobic perpetrator space. The paranoia is in full swing with the mentality that “I’ll get them before they get me” and “better you than me”. The phobic Conniver uses her intellectual faculties to move towards those more powerful to be protected. The counterphobic moves into a position of perpetrator, defending their hedonistic desires intellectually (Ooten, Type Six: The Questioner/The Obligationist. Type Six, the Questioner becomes the Obligationist at the Blue level, as duty calls the righteous to battle for the good of all. Type Six understands that sacrifice is necessary to ensure safety and security for the group. The Six sacrifices self and is subsumed in the group, believing that this is the only way to attain salvation. Doubt and questions are permitted to recede in the mind of a true believer, and this allows the Questioner to have the desired certainty of “the authority”, sacrificing the “inner authority” (Ooten, Unpublished). Type Six: The Questioner/The Frenetic. The independent mindset at the Orange level reduces the ability to trust in an outside authority and Type Six, The Questioner, must look inward for authority. Yet, Type Six still questions and doubts her inner authority. Questioning the inner authority, combined with needing external scientific proof, leads Type Six to become the Frenetic. Faith in an external authority is mistrusted. There is also a drive for material security, which can be procured only through one’s own actions. This drive can create courageous action through risk taking to seek ways to advance, forcing through fears and questions (Ooten, Unpublished; Ooten, 2010). Type Six: The Questioner/The Champion. As Type Six, the Questioner becomes aware that “going it alone” doesn’t bring security, she turns to trusting others. In allowing herself to trust others, she begins to learn to trust herself. She finds connection with others through serving as the Champion for underdog causes, the downtrodden, and the disenfranchised. In the egalitarian mindset of Type Six in the Green level, she still does not trust authority figures, and she does not trust herself as an authority (Ooten, Unpublished; Ooten, 2010). Type Six: The Questioner/The Trusting Self. In the Yellow level of consciousness, Type Six, the Questioner, is able to trust himself for the first time. The Trusting Self transforms rigidity and inconsistency into solidity as faith is embodied. From an understanding of the need for adaptive, flexible systems, the Trusting Self can operate under external authority when needed, or can serve as the authority. “Authority can be authorities because I’m the authority too, and I trust myself” (Ooten, Unpublished; Ooten, 2010). Type Six: The Questioner/The Faithful Self. Type Six, the Questioner, understands at the Turquoise level that fear is simply one aspect of the multitude of experiences, and it has no more meaning than any other experience (Ooten, Unpublished). Realizing that life and death are merely energy states, the Faithful Self understands that security is always present and trusts in reality as it unfolds. Faith and trust in the unknowing brings courage to act spontaneously and allows Type Six to lead the continuation of life (Esposito, 2008; Ooten, 2010).

I've found this to be a handy webpage. http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html ,,,,,,Red The Red level of consciousness is impulsive and egocentric. The core motivation is about doing what you want and being who you are, regardless of the consequences (Ooten, Unpublished). Neurotransmitters related to guilt are not physiologically present in individuals at this level, thus guilt is not expressed (Graves, 2005). The world is seen as rough and harsh; the mentality is about fighting to survive. At this level of consciousness, the needs of the individual outweigh the needs of the group. The individual expresses himself in an egocentric, exploitive, impulsive, control-driven manner. There are two categories of individuals at this level: the victim and the perpetrator, or a few “haves” and many “have nots” (Beck, 2006). Hedonism, immediate sensory gratification, power impulses and displays, and spontaneous guilt-free actions drive the individual. Individuals at this level are most motivated by survival fears, using any means of exploitation to attain power (Graves, 1974). When individuals begin to question why they must die and impulsive living takes its toll, some people will shift into the next wave of development (Graves, 1974).,,,,,,,,

Some interesting commentary from hexagram 32 Duration: Unlike Cosmic Reality, the parallel reality created by the collective ego does not endure because it is based in the mistaken ideas and beliefs about the Cosmic Way. When a Person, through holding to such mistaken ideas and beliefs violates the Cosmic Harmony, the Cosmos responds with Fate. Fate is part of the law of physics, and has the purpose of restoring this Cosmic Harmony and of helping a person return to unity with the Cosmos. It does so by decreasing the ego in him, thus bringing him back to humility. The parallel reality is characterized by changes. These changes are brought about by the use of power on the part of humans and the Cosmic response to it in the form of Fate. Among the main mistaken ideas and beliefs that create the parallel reality are the presumptions that humans are at the center of the universe changes are the rule of life Nature operates through opposite forces to propel changes time is linear, having a beginning and an end the universe works on mechanical principles the Cosmos has a hierarchical order All of these ideas create discordant fields of consciousness which compete with the Cosmic Order and its Principles of Harmony. They separate humans from Cosmic Unity. When Fate is not recognized as help from the Cosmos to make a person aware of his mistaken ideas and beliefs, but is taken as Cosmic "punishment," the blame he puts on the Cosmos creates a new fate, thus perpetuating the misfortune. A small bit from Hexagram 45 ""Letting oneself be drawn" refers to allowing the correct way to show itself by responding only, rather than to take the initiative. By responding to what our inner senses tell us in relation to the situation of the moment, we remain blameless. In this circumstance we restrict ourselves to only what we feel is correct for us. We never tell others what they should do or how they should feel; thus we do not lose our Cosmic protection." From the glossary. Page 570 Sacrifice: The idea of sacrifice violates a number of Cosmic Principles, such as the Principles of Justice and of the Equality and Dignity of all the aspects of the Cosmic Whole. The Cosmos gives its gifts freely to the person who is modest. Cosmic Justice respects a person's dignity; in fact, a part of its function is to restore a person to his dignity which he has "thrown away" as by thinking that he has to make deals with a "higher power". The idea of sacrifice comes from the feudal view of the Cosmos as having a hierarchical order with an all powerful and judgmental entity at the top that needs to be pleased, bribed, or soothed. Since everything is an equal part of the Cosmos, no one part requires the submission, reverence, or sacrifice of another part.

Removing the Ego as the defining agent of reality releases awareness to reinhabit the natural world. --Jose Cedillos, Ph.D. Prof. of Consciousness and Creativity Studies, The Union Institute. https://www.ichingoracle.com/ From the Glossary under Good/Evil Page 565 - Cosmic Consciousness is primarily a feeling Consciousness and that every person is connected directly with it through His feelings. When he connects with his feelings they tell him the inner truth of what he is experiencing. Doing this allows him to call things by their true names.

@ActualizedDavid Good video! I like how Ken Wilber frames it as states of Consciousness and stages of Consciousness. States come and go. Stages develop/grow slowly by ones own effort/work on self. I paraphrase,,, from https://www.soundstrue.com/store/kosmic-consciousness-5113.html

@Skanzi I agree with your perspective. I'm 52. Self diagnosed in my forties. When I was a child, Aspergers wasn't being diagnosed. I had restless leg syndrome also and neither was it being diagnosed. If I had been diagnosed with Aspergers, it would have given me an excuse for not fitting in or being scapegoated at other times. If these difficulties had not been there, I would not have gone on the search. I would have not dealt squarely with self hatred. I would have never awakened from the cultural consensus trance or my own multiplicity. Being slightly autistic along with being slightly schizophrenic has forced me through fires that otherwise I never would have gone through. It all turned into one giant blessing.

@Corpus I'm very much in agreement with you. It doesn't need to be 'glorified'. You sound responsible and I'm 52 going on 15. ? ?

More from Maurice Nicoll interpreting the Gurdjieff Work BEARING UNPLEASANT MANIFESTATIONS “One sign of Being is the capacity to bear the unpleasant manifestations of others. Why is this a sign of greater Being? The answer is that you cannot do this unless you have seen in yourself what you dis-like in others...When you have just criticized someone, go over what you said carefully and apply it to yourself. This neutralizes poison in you.” V. 1, pp. 168, 176 ON BEING PASSIVE TO NEGATIVE STATES “Sometimes when one is in a bad state and attempts to get out of it and fails to do so, one can be consciously passive to it, without be- ing negative and without identifying with it fully, having the inner certainty that it will pass provided one does not let negative imagina- tion work and does not consent to its presence. This is a form of Self- Remembering, and it is just as if one has to wait, and knows that one has to, because it is raining too heavily and one cannot go out just at present and yet remains certain it will clear.” V. 1, p. 368 RESPONSIBILITY FOR NEGATIVE STATES “If you are in a negative state, it is always your own fault, from the Work point of view. No matter what happened, what someone said, what someone did, we have to become responsible for our negative states—ourselves. . .When you feel the presence of negative emotions in you, as a foreign substance, as acutely as a stomach-ache, then you will seek, for your own reasons, to work on yourself and transform your inner state for your own inner health...But this takes many years and requires a certain inner courage, an inner bravery, an inner determination, until something new is born distinct from life.” V. 2, p. 695

I could do a better job at being exact and articulating my experience better, though.

Tripping has been good for me. I'm not as anal and as full of complaints as I used to be.

Excuse me,,, Milligrams

@Corpus Time stopped. That's how it felt last night.At first a rush of fear and then nothing,,, just empty awareness Tonight was a different experience not as intense. It overtook me in an unexpected way each time vs NN dmt which overwhelms my visual field when I've taken good hits of it.

@Corpus Yes, it was 17 mcg. I understand it's not the most thorough trip report but, what is wrong?

With 5 meo dmt