Zigzag Idiot

I've recently encountered a freebase NN dmt referred to as Spacedust. Seems good quality; slightly yellow but not really harsh at all when smoked. Vaping 50 mg in a bubbler with a titanium bowl is giving a pretty consistent breakthrough into what I believe is a form of the Chrysanthemum??? When encountering the Chrysanthemum space previously with NN dmt fumarate the experience was harsh and the visuals were spinning in a slower mechanical rotation of the bright colored patterns. The Chrysanthemum space I've encountered with the freebase dmt is quite discernibly crisp and fast moving and more 3 dimensional. My whole visual field blinks very rhythmically with its changing patterns. Seemingly in sync with my heartbeat. At times, the experience will be of being inside a building in which the floors, walls, ceiling are unfolding quickly in motion and is quite pleasant. There is a change in sound. There seems to be a slight or muffled buzzing sound. If sound is coming from a tv or computer speaker, it becomes hollow and more distant when the visuals overcome me. Trip duration is about 10 minutes.

I felt pretty busted out by Leo's video as well. We can experience drastic changes in states of consciousness but the work of purifying the emotional body is what moves us in vertical stage growth. We've got bad software in our hardware among other things. IME A lot can be done in just witnessing the present moment. Im going to consult the ICHING now.

@Bill W Thank you, friend.

From Pauls letters to the Romans Ezekiel

I would recommend to anyone while doing their spiritual practices to also always have a good biography of someone going. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lives_of_John_Lennon https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_River_of_Doubt It helps round out our being.

I loved the book too. Also thought the movie adaptation was very good also. Lincoln is an inspiring character without a doubt. Danial Day Lewis did a great job in his performance.

Sometimes it can be, IME. Some claim, that primarily the capacity to feel negative emotion but not give expression to it is a part of the true transformative practice. The ability to 'hold one's tongue' as some say,,,, Arnold Keyserling, student of Gurdjieff, said that if a Person could go for two years, (which is the cycle of Mars) and not outwardly express negative emotion, the internal alchemical cooking that takes place becomes a particular Intellegence where anything that happens thereafter will simply be taken more as, - What is - and will not produce a reactive, mechanical, negative emotion or expression regardless of what may happen after a successful two years. Some might call it a formula for cultivating Sainthood or pure grace. Ive been attempting this for about 15 years and have lost count at the number of times I've had to start over,,,, ?Although I haven't succeeded, I feel it's a very worthwhile practice that does begin to produce more of a spaciousness in a person. Eventually, we do become less of a puppet of our mechanical reactivity.

@Sahil Pandit Besides the Jocko motivation video 'Good' that you shared in your Journal . I laughed so hard, I lost my breath. I already told you about it though. I was on a fairly stout dose of lsd. That probably also had something to do with it. This Homer Simpson clip puts me in stitches. This is like the third time I've shared this so I imagine a lot of people are getting sick of seeing it. Laughter is good medicine. I was going to post here last night but got diverted watching David Cross and Larry David clips for a couple hours. Two of my favorite comedians.

Reminded me of Almaas writing about 'basic trust'. Basic trust is the soul's way of attuning to a fundamental law of reality, the fact that our sense of existing as a separate and isolated entity is false, that our ego experience of isolation and helplessness is an illusion based on identification with the world of physical manifestation. Knowing that we are all part of one reality means that our true nature is not defined by ego experience in the physical body and cannot be fundamentally hurt or destroyed. If the individual soul is in touch with this reality of non-separateness, then it will reflect that by functioning in a way that expresses this knowledge. Facets of Unity, pg. 24 Basic Trust Enables You to Completely Stay with Experience As we have seen, when you are trying to make something happen, you are not trusting the natural order; you don't trust that Essence itself will manifest in the way it is needed. The first point of departure from this trust is always a rejection of the now. To apply the perspective of basic trust, of true will, you must have the complete confidence that staying completely with what you are experiencing in this moment, will result in what needs to happen, without your having to think about a certain outcome. When the confidence is there, your awareness of exactly what is happening in you will allow you to see that your organism will do the best it can in the situation. Your mind, however, doesn't allow that complete Presence in the now; it thinks it knows what is best for you, but of course it knows only what has happened in the past, and can lead you only in ways conditioned by your history. Diamond Heart Book Two, pg. 118 The Innate Sense that Life is Fundamentally Benevolent The presence of basic trust indicates that you have the innate sense that life is fundamentally benevolent, and that benevolence exists independent of you and your actions. You will have this sense to the extent that your grounding in the universe has not been disturbed. The relative presence or absence of basic trust is a belly quality, something one’s whole being is either grounded in or not. The disturbance of basic trust is a significant factor in ego development because the perspective of ego is diametrically opposed to the sense of basic trust. The ego’s perspective arises out of a lack of this trust. It is based on distrust, on paranoia, on fear, on the conviction that you're not going to be adequately taken care of and that the universe is not there to hold and take care of you in the ways that you need. This conviction causes you to believe that you have to engage in all kinds of manipulations and games to get your needs met and to make things work out. Facets of Unity, pg. 25 Trusting the Dynamism of the Inquiry In time, you develop basic trust and you learn to trust the dynamism of the inquiry. This will happen as result of several things: first, clearly recognizing the optimizing force in the dynamism of your own unfolding; second, truly seeing that optimization is the nature of the dynamism; and third, having faith that the optimizing is occurring even when you can’t feel it in the moment. Then you are trusting the guidance and the unfoldment. Basic trust – the knowing that you just need to relax and things will work out fine – is an automatic result of this developing knowledge of reality. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 122 With Basic Trust You Take Risks When you have a lot of basic trust, you are courageous and authentic. You take risks. You don't sit on your capacities. You engage in life wholeheartedly, doing what feels appropriate to you with the confidence that it will work out. Without much basic trust, you are paralyzed with fear of failure and fear of rejection. Facets of Unity, pg. 28 Without Basic Trust We Live Our Lives Defensively If basic trust informs your experience, your psyche is relaxed. Your soul is at peace with itself and with your situation, resting in the unquestioned confidence that the universe provides, that you have, and will receive, what you really need, and that things are workable. If we really have this trust, this deep inner relaxation, it becomes possible to live our lives out of love, out of an appreciation of life, out of enjoyment in what the universe provides for us, and out of compassion and kindness for others and ourselves. Without it, we live our lives defensively, in conflict with others and with ourselves, becoming self-centered and egoistic. To find our basic trust is to reconnect with our natural state that we have become separated from. When we are innately infused by reality, our soul or consciousness is completely transparent to the truth that we and the universe are one, that we are supported by reality and that reality is by its very nature good, and that what happens is inevitably right since it emerges out of that inherent perfection. When you understand this, it becomes obvious why it is so difficult to relax and let go, and why it is so important regain our basic trust. Facets of Unity, pg. 32 Without Basic Trust We React According to Our Conditioning Now we can see how the presence or absence of basic trust is crucial to the initial step in the process of the transformation of any sector of the ego. This step is only completed by giving up the particular structure we have been holding on to. Basic trust gives you the capacity and the willingness to let go of the images, identifications, structures, beliefs, ideas, and concepts -- the remnants of the past that make up the ego. Implicit in this initial step is the second one: If you are able to surrender, then you are willing to be. You are willing to not try to change things, to not manipulate them, to not push and pull at them. You are willing to just be present, which is a sort of realization itself. First, then, is the death of the old; second is the realization of Being. If you don't have basic trust, you will react to what arises in accordance with your conditioning and will want your process to go one way or another. You won’t let yourself just be present; you’ll be tense and contracted. So basic trust is needed for you to be able to allow the ego to die, and also for you to be willing to just be, without reacting. Facets of Unity, pg. 26

@skywords I hope you stick around. The forum needs more people who are in their 60's and 70's. I'm 52 going on 15,,,,, The more I dig into Spiral Dynamics the richer it gets. Especially when joined with other frames of reference. This topic will probably get moved but I'm glad you're here! ?‍♂️

Thanks! @yangmilun My words are worthless unless they help you connect with your inner Truth. Your summary is pretty rich. Instead of getting what we want we get what God/Cosmos wants. In letting go of the false part of ourselves, we experience unity consciousness and having Conscience. Conscience is the Intellegence of the Universe. The biggest obstacle to awakening Conscience is the inner bully of superego. Superego is the internalized voice of authority in us which is usually connected to a particular parent or caregiver. Imagination to begin with is our biggest hindrance leading us into infinite subtleties of self deceptions and magical thinking. But when the emotional center is purified we get access to the Causal realm also called the Imaginal realm or the realm of the atom. Being that I'm still on the way, I don't know but I think there are different depths of Cosmic Consciousness. When we purify our negative emotions we can intuit and grok others better.

The difference between uncontrolled imagination and creative imagination. The way I understand it, purification of the emotional center is the key between creative imagination in Causal realm manifesting and magical thinking run amuck in our uncontrolled thoughts and day dreams produced by undisciplined 'monkey mind'. W e"re two natured beings. The kedsjan (Astral) and the energy body in which the physical body dominates with its own wants and desires. As Terence Mekenna says "We are angels who have a Siamese twin who is a monkey growing out of our chest." Purifying the emotional center gives the Astral body the capacity to be able to boss around the physical body with the 3 lower chakras sometimes referred to in the Work as the Automaton.

Hans Wilhelm has an interesting message and map of the spiritual territory. Angels, Ascended Masters, chakras, Christ, and the Absolute (Father/Mother-God). Same message as ACIM pretty much. Forgiveness is not a very popular message, though. He stresses the power of thought and word. Law of Karma. Im not in 100% in agreement on everything he says but think his model is useful for holding things, temporarily, as if.

I spent years allowing for the possibility that Castaneda was giving a factual account. Now I perceive him as a genius trickster repackaging ancient wisdom in entertaining metaphors. Patterson makes a pretty good case. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2898191-the-life-teachings-of-carlos-castaneda

Leo's last video reminds me of a Teaching from Ocke deBoer. Conscious human has to learn to run and go hide. So that he doesn't get pecked to death. ? I know it probably sounds unencouraging but I've noted the phenomena.

My processor just noted that your energy resembles contemporary Zen Master Brad Warner. I enjoy his books. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brad_Warner ??‍♂️

I've watched my painbody get 'infected' from other 'painbodies'. Eckart Tolle introduced me to that word. Observing my negative emotions has been a long ongoing War until it's not. I have to watch myself around other people. Sense my feet to stay grounded in my body. My Automaton. The it. It eats on fear. Everyday I have to watch myself. Watch myself fail. Watch myself react. It doesn't act up if I'm watching it. Taking vigilance as nonstop practice will yield good interest eventually.. I've had a taste of being awake all day long and eventually one day after another. It's probably my painbody that is helping to write this post. One of my inner circle of friends/relatives came into my atmosphere this evening. They had a really active painbody. They've just left so I finish this post and will do 20 minute evening Centering Prayer. letting go of thought. nonconceptual awareness spacious inner quiet objectless awareness Peace ?

Welcome! ? Does the idea of mindfulness figure in very much with the big 5 you're working with?

I've had many experiences with psychic entropy or cognitive dissonance or 'Dark nights of the soul' and so this is a part of the path I'm on Beginners mind allows for possibility Which I also read about between the reoccurring occasions of dissonance At one point it became a part of the dread which drove the mind wild in increasing cycles of intensity. The it. A spiraling down in fear which is no problem in the end Distant territories of the mind make connections Inner quiet knows when it knows and doesn't challenge the Cosmos Hell becomes more real with every recurring visit The fullness turns into a desert again and there's no oasis in sight I'm so tired of this routine If I allow for the possibility of it in an impersonal way I'm not as likely to freeze up or become possessed if it comes my way This is inner quiet felt as a mild knowing Understanding people becomes understandable I have no idea at all what other people should do though I'm steadily losing interest in other people unless I can see a way to be a friend A friend doesn't get in your space unless he forgets himself This in itself can become a jarring sensation or plant the seed for an unfolding realization Because it's plain to see how this kind of an idiot is innocent of malice That's the source of its power with remembering that going against the way is an invitation to being completely humbled again Jesus is the archetype of the friend. I know I'm an idiot without out doubt or regret I just gave evidence. Only an Idiot would say that There's no negative connotation in my felt experience And so it's not a spell I'm putting on myself This kind of Idiot is intimate with the Witness Idiot is something completely different from how the rest of the world puts a negative frame of reference around it. My ordinary idiot is good friends with Beginners mind Beginners mind is just watching There's inner quiet with trust and appreciation I'm pretending to be a poet also

@Bill W Powerful message,,,, Thank you. I'm a narcissist as well. There is nowhere to hide. Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened.... Let the beauty we love be what we do. ~Rumi, as interpreted by Coleman Barks

Know Thyself Socrates exhorted His disciples to do so; every Master including Jesus, who called it witnessing, has taught his disciples to observe themselves, so they might come to know themselves. On the other hand, I am no Master and I say, Don’t do it for God’s sake! They never tell us the terrible trouble it brings, how we will never sleep easily again in our unconscious selfish mad habits, how what is now unconscious, hidden in us will be revealed, like opening a locked cellar door, turning on the light and what you find down there is the county asylum crawling with inmates, some wrapped in torn filthy sheets, others naked and drooling; they are clawing and scratching to gain position on the stairs, to escape, and standing calmly in their midst, dressed in robes of Light, is an Angel around whom most of them huddle weeping, whose gentle touch upon their fevered brows calms and soothes them. This is what I am warning you about: never mind the swarming lunatics, they are everywhere, but once you have seen that Angel in your midst the sorrow and longing will tear at you and trouble you all the days of your life. (Red Hawk)