Zigzag Idiot

Early memories and hillbilly talk My Great grandfather always sat with ramrod straight posture. It was hard for him to walk because he was born with a club foot. Because he was half crippled he got to stay in school long enough to learn basic math. Knowing how to do basic math made him eligible to be the Sawyer at little portable sawmills that moved around the countryside. That gave him some clout. He intimidated me but not as bad as my Great Grandmother Myrtle. She really scared the shit out of me. I don't know why, she dotted on me and the boys in the family and didn't give a flip about most of the girls. She had long pig tails, when they weren't wrapped up tight on her head. She dipped snuff constantly and lumbered around in a cotton sack looking dress that covered her knees and half her shins. Always seemed to have a knife or utensil in one hand. They didn't have running water or a bathroom. There was a dug well out in front of the house which you could lower a bucket down and draw water. Her daughter, My Grandmother who I've always just called "Ma" is a fountain of colloquial hyperbole which is often politically incorrect. Some of which I won't repeat here. I go visit her in the nursing home a couple of times a week. She's 96 and can barely breathe. She always wants me to roll her wheelchair outside so she can have a cigarette. On see a log skidder stuck in the mud one time she said - "That thing is hung up tighter than a hair in a biscuit." Samples of hyperbole and fairly common hillbilly expressions- That rope is stretched tighter than ole Dick's hatband,,, I feel like a bastard at a family reunion. In regards to feeling out of place,,, Or something "smells worse than a sack full of assholes." Someone might be referred to as being as "queer as a football bat." Uncertainty about how to approach a dilemma. "It's as wide as it is long." My Unofficial Godfather and older brother I never had, Billy, would often say: It doesn't matter to me. By God, that's what I'm going to do even if it harelips the pope! Billy used to have a big Roping horse named Satin. Billy worked for my Dad for years. He still lives just a little ways down the road. I've had a lot of colorful people come through my life.

I'm grateful that I can listen to loud music in the early morning and late night. I have 3 neighbors 1/4 mile away so I definitely have to keep my doors and windows closed. On some nights when the air is very calm you can hear a cow moo 2 miles away or the frogs in the wet ground and creek 1/4 mile away in the warm weather. This is five miles from town which the train goes through. I can hear the train if I'm laying quiet inside with the house closed up. As a teenager out turkey hunting, I made note of hearing the train from about 15 miles away in the mountains just before daylight on a calm morning. I don't hunt or kill game anymore. Quit that a long time ago. I wouldn't be satisfied living somewhere that I couldn't pee off the porch. Earlier this fall I was taking an Lsd trip that carried over into the night. It was warm and the moon was out bright. I have light sensitive eyes and can see good enough to walk in the pasture or sparse woods without a flashlight if there is any moon out at all. On my moonlit walk I stopped and watched this clip that had been posted by a Journal keeper. It triggered a cathartic laugh out loud laughing fit. If any of my neighbors we're outside sitting on their porch, I'm sure I sounded like a madman. I lost my breath laughing so hard This wasn't coming from a heavy place either. My mood had been good and light for the whole trip. When I was younger I had a couple of bad trips and so I've had a taste of that phenomena. Bad trips are something I wouldn't wish on anyone. If your new to Lsd or are going to experiment with it. Don't expect the Lsd to DO it for you but just stay present and be with it. Start with lower doses in the beginning if you're going to try it. Don't do it if you're plagued with strong doubt. Just wait until the time is right. Deliberate is a good word to remember in everyday life. I inevitably forget but then eventually remember. Especially at the start of the day. Being deliberate in everything I do goes hand in hand with being mindful. Some of my all time favorite dog names- Snoot Sputnik Easter Jesus Grunt Sparkles and wiggles Small child of a friend came up with this name,,,,

See Lance See Lance run See Lance drop acid See Lance have no fear and a change in boundaries Yes, I realize it's fiction. It's also a form of allegory.

This morning's ICHING reading- Apologies for the length. Even after editing. Hexagram 23 Splitting Apart with changing lines 1 and 4 resulting in a second Hexagram of: Hexagram 21 Biting Through Edited out middle chunk of text,,,,

The Witness observes all the ways the ego brings in both blatant and subtle forms of being self-congratulatory. Complete a set of healthy ego structures Unavoidably watch the ego spit shine itself Then proceed to destroy it through non critical self observation. The witness observes the toll of being partially oblivious and the pain it causes others to endure On the other side if I let the feminine part of my nature step back and really feel what all the Journalers were feeling before I posted anything, the ego of the Automaton becomes paralyzed and will not express any data from the Causal body Thank you Emerald, Mandy, Russell Brand and the I CHING for helping me today, to better be - in tune - to Inner Truth

There's something to be said about being in tune with the spirit of the times in relation to spiritual work and integration. I just don't know how to say it. Express through song. I like the rich mid bass sound in a lot of her songs.

"This is the difference between us and the angels. Angels are perfectly made and, therefore, naive and stupid; they can only do what they are made for. Humans have many more possibilities. There is more joy in heaven for one perfected human being than for a thousand angels. -From Ocke de Boer's Higher Being Bodies, page 102. @tsuki I have the veiw that technically we're all Narcissists. You're one of the kindest and good hearted of all us narcissist.

I guess my understanding of enlightenment is of the soft version.,,,, Fardow - Word Terence made up as a kid meaning the embarrassment you feel when someone else fucks up. " The room was awash in fardow.

Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler went on to write a paraphrasing of the Apocrypha.

This was the book that led me to God is Dissapointed in You. Modern day Zen Master Brad Warner wrote this book described as -A Radical but Reverent Paraphrasing of Dogen's Treasury of the True Dharma Eye “. In the beginning of the book he mentioned that his inspiration for paraphrasing this 700 year old Zen text came from having read Wheeler's God Is Disappointed in You. This was around 2014-2015 when I was actually practicing Zazen, even though sporadically. Getting a feel for Zazen prepared me better for a continuing Centering Prayer Meditation practice. I was officially a Zen devil in the early 2000's. Zen Devils just need space and time IMO.

Mark Russell's paraphrasing of the Bible helped me to understand what was actually being said in the Bible often in a harlarious way. I would say that seculars and the Mystic's can jive with it, but probably not fundamentalists. On second thought I just remembered a story of some fundamentalists enjoying it. So,,, A Course In Miracles helped me to understand the New Testament better and in a transpersonal way as well. So,, ?‍♂️

Bells Theorem The Overmind as God? The most objective of The disciples- The Apostle Doubting Thomas Possibility of evolving beyond religion,,,

I was convinced that there was something to it in the late nineties when it came out. I also "ate up" his second book on it. Just noticed at some point there was a book three. I may read it at some point. ?‍♂️ I don't know,,,,,

@mandyjw Thank you very much. You articulate very well the complexity of living in the midst of a mostly blue/orange rural subculture. The fear to be worked through at times is no small thing. IMO Combined ingredients of the super ego ( internalized inner critic that holds our childhood caretakers worldview) and also our own conditioned ego to me are things which require a good deal of time to be processed and worked through/let go of. Its why I've posted this one little 2 minute you tube using Gurdjieffs word/concept of inner considering. IMO Becoming clear on what inner considering consists of helps me to thwart more times when when these conditions start to come about in my life situations. It's at that time I get that "cubic centimeter of Chance" to choose, as Castaneda put it. Each time I post this. It acts as an alarm clock for myself and helps center me if I need Centering in some way. The way I commicate can at times come off as preachy. Just wanted to remind everyone that I preaching to myself. I can only work on myself. Not that I won't throw out ideas to others like most of us sometimes do. Or like in this instance where what you say seems connected with innerprocesses of something I go through. That's why I share in instances like this on the chance that you might find something about it beneficial. Meanwhile repeated listening helps me to create more inner connections which in turn help my integration and individuating. logging off now. Back in a few hours.

Thank you, @modmyth Yes, me also. Regrettably. I often spend a lot of time choosing my words and I'll spend a great deal of time just writing a few short lines about something. Ironically that's one reason why I have a lot of typos like having two identical adjectives or verbs next to one another. Back and forth I'll pour over something until I'm just about sick of it and then I'll hit the send button too quick. In my understanding of essence types, I understand why a particular few, some also of my essence type and others not, who are sick of me, hate me, and wish I would just shut up and go away. Some of you love me because you realize that I am you, also. And then there are all those who are in between. Hi everybody. ?‍♂️ Truth is more readily apprehended from a place of light heartedness. I think this is true. It may not be true though. What does everyone think? For themselves as us. Ocke says something like - We leap out of our graves in becoming balanced human. Balanced human is human #4 in the Ray of Creation cosmological map. Going through the Cosmic Truckstop there was a partial map of Consciousness I picked off the floor. It said Human #5 has a Kedsjan body and has the light turned on. There is much more going on also. I need to find the rest of that map and try to learn more about human #6.

I've enjoyed reading this thread. I want to post some relevant quotes that are to the point and in my frame of reference resolve some disparities which have been expressed. In case anyone finds it of interest. Relating Without Object Relations The Pearl beyond price can relate in a personal way without the need to activate past object relations. So its capacity is not only innate but also natural and spontaneous. It is Possible to Experience Egoless Beingness Thus it is possible to experience egoless beingness, to be, as a substantial presence that is not a mental construct, and still live a human, personal life, in which love, work, knowledge, creativity and accomplishment make sense, a human sense. This true existence, this presence, this being beyond time that makes sense of human and personal life, is the Personal Essence. It is the reality of which ego is only a reflection. It is the truly integrated and developed human being. This is the beautiful presence that the traditional literature of work schools calls the “pearl beyond price.” The experience of universal impersonality of ultimate reality occurs when the separate individuality is transcended, when the separate individuality is seen not to be our true self. But this is the result of transcending the personality in its totality. Something different happens when we investigate the personality’s manifestations in more detail, exploring the hidden essential truth within it. The ego is a reflection of this true element of Being, the Personal Essence, and exploring the characteristics of the reflection can lead us to the reality being reflected. By isolating and understanding the elements of the false, we can begin to approach the elements of the real. The Essential Structure that the Soul Develops as She Metabolizes and Transcends her Ego Structure The pearl can also be seen as the essential structure that the soul develops as she metabolizes and transcends her ego structure. Ego structure gives the ego-self the sense of being an autonomous and unique individual. But this structure is constructed through fixed mental impressions in the soul; hence it both dissociates her from her essential ground and limits her development because of its rigidity and fixation. The essential pearl provides the soul with a sense of individuality and personhood that does not depend on fixed impressions, but on spontaneously arising forms of essential presence that structure her experience of herself and give her the capacity to function as a person. The soul matures and transforms into a person of essence. However, the qualities and actions of this person are quite fluid and flexible and are objective responses resonant to the needs and inputs of the environment. The Pearl is an Ontological Presence The pearl is the real, complete, balanced, and rounded personality that psychologists believe they are talking about when they are discussing the ego. We must remember that the ego is a structure, or structured process, whereas the pearl is Essence, which means the pearl is an ontological Presence. We call it the Personal Essence because among all the essential aspects it alone is personal. It is experienced as having a personal flavor to it, in contradistinction to impersonal. All aspects of Essence, even love and kindness, are impersonal. But the pearl is personal. And this is its miraculous quality, totally unexpected and unfathomable. From https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/pearl-beyond-price I posted 4 out of the 12 quotes from this web page in the Glossary.

l listened to this and left this talk in High Consciousness Resources yesterday. I need to listen to it again. They were offering imaginative conjecture about what constitutes Consciousness and at at one point they talked about Conscience. This is from Ocke de Boer: Ocke: One of the aims of our Work is to bring us in contact with Conscience, which is in our subconsciousness. Conscience is the inner memory for those actions necessary to bring any given situation back in tune with Unity. Although this definition of Conscience is correct, it stays incomplete, because Conscience cannot be reasoned but must come into Being.

You churn out a lot of good pondering and systems thinking. Your work helps my understanding develop more. Thank you for your work and for sharing.

My ICHING reading Hexagram 33 Retreating/Hiding with changing line 4 producing a second Hexagram 57 The Penetrating Hexagram 57 (skip some text) ,,,,,,,,,,In this Hexagram the Sage describes the Ćosmic Principle of Penetration. It has several fields of application: Penetration is the way our thoughts penetrate through the light to the Sage when we ask for help, and is the way the Sage's thoughts penetrate to us as insights, intuitions, mind-flashes, and correct responses to emergency situations. It is the means by which our thoughts get to the root causes of problems It is the way our thoughts communicate with others inner truth It is the means by which the inner Yes or inner No reach all parts of our own psyche and body. It is how the inner Yes or inner No, when said to others, communicates to their inner truth It is the way the inner No corrects projections, spells, poison arrows, and negative thoughts by meeting them in the realm of Consciousness It is the way chi is transmitted to our hearts from the Cosmic source, to renew our life force Penetration describes the way the smallest correct thoughts communicate sympathetically though inner channels between people.

B

I'm curious about the Astrology of situations. Come to think of it. Now would be a good time for me to consult the ICHING with a coin tossing.

I think a good deed would be as a placeholder to help others out in protecting the amount of privacy they want around their sexuality. Each person alone should have complete sovereignty concerning that. If there was seen such a way in which one could help. Im a different person when I go visit My grandmother than I am when I'm cutting firewood, buying groceries or being a slut. ?

Rhetorically, I ponder if it's because we are multidimensional that we get into these situations like this? Whats the formula for avoiding or undoing them? Anyone feel free to comment if it would benefit. Even if it there is a suggestion or question about any of my perceived blindspot. I can take some heat but likewise everyone following this observe your own projection especially if you're going to comment. My intention is for everyone walk away in the kind of laughter that brings unity to the situation and breaks all tension.. ?

This is a good example of the kind of situations I've got into through unfortunate synchronization for the whole of my life.