Zigzag Idiot

@Zanoni What I hear is pleasant and has been with me nearly constant for about 3 years. Heard in both ears and definitely sounds like crickets on a summer night. It also varies in intensity at times. Ive connected it possibly with what Gurdjieff called the Nirioonossian world sound. https://gurdjieff.org.gr/ae/terms/en50/0496.htm About a year after it started I ran across this site that connects it with a minor chakra called the Alta Major http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf ?‍♂️?‍♂️

Three songs that mentions "Conscience". This last one is kind of a hateful little song but the line stuck with me years ago - "When your conscience hits you, knock it back with pills". At the time it was something I definitely didn't want to hear at all,,,, "Conscience is the intelligence of the Universe"- Ocke de Boer

@The observer I know how you feel.

@Average Investor I've been following your Journal and just wanted to say I respect your self motivation and work ethic. Also watched one of your YouTubes earlier today. ??‍♂️

In this episode Martin Butler stresses the drive for survival very similar to the way Leo does in some of his talks.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ButlerAnalytic

Pondering aspbergers syndrome symptoms. In duality, a stick has two ends.

I experimented with ketamine for the first time last summer. That stuff is way too heavy. For me, comparatively 100 ug lsd tabs are like flinstones chewables. Ketamine is very serious business. The last thing you want to do is jump into a big dose. ESPECIALLY, the first time! Little details are very important fellow psychonauts. After haphazardly scanning over the PsychonautWiki page, Mistakenly, I insufflated an oral dose and found what felt like Satan's home address. Beware and be aware. Don't do that. Death is possible. You could easily end up choking on your own vomit. I nearly did.

This has been hooked to shadow. Unconscious and semiconscious behavioral phenomena. Encountering fear and uncertainty causes my hand automatically go to my penis at times without even realizing it. Just over my pants when in public, thank God. This causes talk among family and acquaintances behind my back which has also been revealed in inner seeing. Hindsight 'inner seeing' reveals shocking behavior also in the past when I've been intoxicated or altered concerning this automatic unconscious/semiconscious behavior. I've repressed and dissociated from this in a schizoid kind of way since adolescence. Jesus, this Inner seeing, 5th chakra, third eye business can get tough as hell. Not to mention, embarrassing. No one suspects that this is the kind of stuff that awaits in Inquiry.. There's a good bit of shame that's been manifested around this up to the present. My old Teacher Dwight once told me that it's only the ego that gets embarrassed. That idea doesn't seem to help all that much when I'm sitting right in the middle of it, though. Unintegrated shadow material/behaviors shouldn't be confessed and discussed until integration occurs. This has been my position about doing shadow work in the open, like here in the journals or in the forum. Unawakened people will peck you to death with passive aggressive button pushing. Some will be completely unaware that their even doing it. This is one reason not to openly do shadow work processing in a group. Let me take a step back. Seeing it, naming it and owning it is the first thing to do. Talking openly about it is then one of the last things to do when uncovering and integrating things like this from out of the shadow. Don't reveal things too soon or you could risk losing your marbles.

Motorcycle helmets are simply a nuisance. The first thing to do with any piece of modern industrial machinery is to remove all of the guards and safety mechanisms. Wear tennis shoes instead of steel toed boots. Only wear safety googles if your throwing sparks with a high speed grinder and you don't happen to have your sunglasses. The grinder probably needs its safety mechanisms ripped off as well. Work gloves are for people who don't have callouses. Instruction manuals are for college graduates and people who don't have any common sense. Lunch hour is about 12 minutes. Self motivated people look around to see what's going on and what would actually benefit the given situation. . They don't stand around waiting for instructions. Some people can go about their business like this and still be a thoughtful, compassionate, human being. It's been my honor to know few of them.

Jordan Peterson, you're often misunderstood but you're a wise and beautiful human being.

Allow me to explain myself concerning the notion that we create a psychological cul-de-sac or stumbling block in thinking that we need to explain ourselves to other people. In part, this comprises neurotic inner considering which puts a clamp on creativity, one's own progressive learning and the ability to express data from one's causal body. If you're unclear on what is meant by expressing data from the causal body. Don't worry about it. ?Casual body speaks from the Causal realm says the talking head. Dispensing with disclaimers and preambles, I'll often just throw out my perspective bluntly and to the point even when I'm aware that, when seen from another perspective, the statement may be just plain wrong, incomplete, or shortsighted. It's just simply a way of communicating that I utilize to avoid communication paralysis. This doesn't mean throwing away all discretion or that communication paralysis is gone for good. Hello brothers and sisters of a similar bent. I get you. Because I get you, I know you get me. Or at the least We understand each other partially and good enough, so that we're creating something to build on. An understanding that can be added to. So speak your truth of the moment (or not) and don't worry about it. Perhaps this could be called communicating from the gut, aka the belly center. This way of being also means allowing others their own space in a sense and not cross examining them at every turn just for the hell of it. Most often I'll compose my words from mentation into print and then post it. After posting, I'll then read other journals and then be halfway horrified that someone will think I'm messing with them because of a similarity in subject matter. I don't do that. Not consciously anyway. Especially if it implies mean spiritedness. Life is just often coincidental or synchronous and not in a pleasant way. ?‍♂️I thought this worth mentioning to prevent possible antagonisms and also because sometimes my timing really sucks.

@DrewNows I'm glad you shared that episode with me the other day. I've yet to listen to it for a second time but know that I plan to. Too much for me to retain with just one pass. Comprehensive and very rich. Good stuff!

I rarely go to my profile but stumbled into it a few minutes ago and started pushing buttons on the dashboard. Oh Wow! I didn't know all that stuff was there!

Ted is laying it down eloquently utilizing his sometime used, dramatic, evangelical cadence.

I don't seem to have a startle response while in witness Consciousness or 3 centered awareness. Not so in narrative or 2 centered consciousness in which I've observed that I'll startle from the experience of loud unexpected noises. In Witness consciousness, a good deal of my attention will be split away from predator vision and rest with attention divided in varying degrees with the peripheral field. In Witness consciousness, using a chainsaw seems natural or more easy for me to be in, rather than when I'm driving a nail with a hammer or grocery shopping or singing. Narrative consciousness seems to dominate with these activities In witness consciousness, my experience is grounded in the body with the attention being directed deliberately. The attention seems to be drawn while in narrative consciousness and might even qualify as passionate or feeling consciousness. Day dreaming occurs when I'm in 'autopilot' consciousness. I would bet most car wrecks and work related injuries occur when people are in this mechanical state in which a startle response is easily triggered. Witness Consciousness and autopilot consciousnesses appear similar from the outside but are worlds apart. Witness Consciousness experiences being as opposed to autopilot or mechanical consciousness which is similar to a calf staring at a new gate. I don't know what the calf is thinking but I know there are times when I'm similar to the calf. Martin Butler in his last podcast referred to someone's expression resembling that of a cow staring at a passing train. I seem to go to the same place as the calf or the cow when I'm 'out to launch' or 'not at home'. They don't have a neocortex though. Being is experienced in degrees related to the felt sense of the present moment. I.M.E. I wouldn't say cows don't have being, though. They just don't have the experience of being a human.

@Aquarius What a free bird! I'm happy for you! You're the light of the World!

Sounds like you're having all the fun. Go ahead and PM me the uncensored art. I'm glade you're back around keeping a journal. ?‍♂️?

Carol Anthony in the new ICHING, Oracle of the Cosmic Way interprets and articulates that being in tune with one's inner truth means not letting thinking consciousness dominate our feeling consciousness. From a Fourth Way perspective though, I can see how people who are emotionally centered often lack the embodied energy of the King of Diamonds and King of Hearts. This can be cultivated over time through emotional purification or in esoteric Christianity terms, putting the mind in the heart. To me, this means awakening to Conscience This same sentiment, I heard echoed today in a podcast of 4d living with Paul Chek and associated with balancing chaotic It seems that uncovering and processing shame is a large component of shadow work and that talking or writing about it is a whole lot easier than actually doing it.? Hi @Aquarius Great Artwork you're putting out. This evening my IPad is Slloooooowwwww

I used to be a freak about drinking lots of water. I think that I drank too much, maybe. Around 2015, I did my first dry fast. Up until then I drank a lot of water and smoked Cannabis when I fasted. I don't know it for a measured fact, but I feel the Cannabis helped stabilize my blood sugar. After about 3 days, it seemed like any fat that I had just suddenly melted or maybe even dried up. ?‍♂️ My instinct tells me that the danger in doing dry fasts is variable among different people.

I'm ok with being a slob. In front of my dryer is a big pile of clothes that I flip and stir through to pick out what I need. It's been this way for years and I'm fine with it. I understand being a neat freak too because I was one of those in the distant past. Being a rogue student of more than one teaching, I have to untangle them when they seem to clash. This has happened quite a bit over the years and has been the source of a good deal of cognitive dissonance for me. Resolving some of these disparities has been really fulfilling though. Every now and then I'll run across a seeming disparity in Teachings that I had forgotten about. It seems like the deeper I get into a Teaching, the less I feel compelled to go to Source or a group which is closer to the Source. Like with the Ridhwan School and the Diamond Approach or the Gurdjieff Groups or Foundation or Contemplative Christianity. I just don't like the idea of getting around groups of people or any structure that limits freedom, for sure. I'm selfish in this way.

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. Pity is as worthless as arrogance. Try not to pity others. It is not Love. Castaneda called pity "sham compassion". The place of no pity is a condition. It is a state of consciousness that may have the appearance from the outside as teflon Love. It has a relentless Honey badger quality about it. I can't have the experience of it if my inner world is polluted by concerns of what I think about what other people are thinking. If I'm concerned about what other people are thinking, I'm not free inside. The atmosphere of my energy egg is polluted when my inner world is hooked to the outer world. Having a clean atmosphere and having the ability for stopping the world in order clean one's atmosphere is a trait of a universal heretic. It's a supreme condition that doesn't happen by itself. One has to make efforts and huff and puff in order to cultivate it. ?