Zigzag Idiot

Nobody is special but everyone is absolutely unique. Friend and former therapist Jim writes a weekly mini column. This weeks column blends with Leo's video on forgiveness. Chasing the Elusive Outcomes by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen It is best not to be married to a particular outcome, not to need for things to turn out in a certain prescribed way. If you plan what the results “should be” or “have to be,” and they don’t turn out that way, then you think your world is caving in and you feel awful. You can control the choices you make and the actions you take. But you do not control the results. And just because you don’t have that control, this doesn’t mean you are inadequate. The ways that things are supposed to turn out are in the hands of a Higher Power, which means in the hands of One who sees the big picture and can arrange the results that are in the best interests of everyone concerned. Life is a great big learning experience. You are to make the right choices, and correct your choices when you have been mistaken. Whatever happens, you have another choice, which is whether you decide to learn from the results. As you allow life to unfold, and do your needed learning, your life takes on deeper meaning and a deeper sense of direction. @Wisebaxter Good to hear from you! Thanks for the encouragement. I haven't seen this video of Leo's. I'll see if I can find it or if you remember the title ,,, that would be much appreciated.

Alan Watts has credibility with so many but I've heard criticism in the past about his alcohol consumption. Wanted also to freshen this thread and keep it going because of his influence and appeal to such a wide audience. Here he touches on that two edged sword around which he is criticized. A part of the western mind sickness is black and white thinking in conjunction with morality and habits etc. More so than how it's experienced in the Far East according to my understanding,,,

My tendencies manifest often in an all or nothing kind of way. Not drinking enough water led to having a slight kidney infection flare up yesterday I believe. I need more of @DrewNows dietary discipline. I enjoyed visiting with him in person. i don't do as much physical work as I used to. This has led to more contraction in the body. Stretching or a bit of a Yoga routine would do much for this contractedness in the body but I can't get over the hump in developing this discipline. I may try to simply do more walking in order to limber up more. That I can easily do. I've always enjoyed walking on cow trails along the creek or through the pastures.

The notion that we are multidimensional but also fragmented is at the core of my healing/work on self/Self. Psychological blind spots exist in ways that we are unaware of because of the subtle nature of self deception. Often to deal with neurotic cyclical thought loops requires an exercising the 'letting go muscle'. Not easy for my personality or Enneatype which is based on fear. It manifests doubt which mechanically creates possible doom scenarios as a way to foresee and deal with uncertainty. I have a permit to use personal pronouns in the spiritual community. ? I issued it to myself on my own authority to forego unnecessary complexity in expressing. Paraphrasing Almaas- "I invite you to leave yourself alone". ,,, Turn and take one step and there is freedom,,,,, Utilizing the simplicity found in Zen. Not allowing our multidimensional qualities to unfold seems to create problems in itself. Reading others journals seems to help my own Work at times. I understand the desire of some to not want communication with others. We all need space in differing ways. We are all so much alike but yet so different.

I use humor as a coping mechanism when I'm under stress. Bumper stickers that have made me laugh- Mean people suck I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling I'd rather be jacking off Don't tell my folks I'm working in the oil patch. They think I'm a piano player in a whorehouse My child can kick your honor students ass

This song makes me sad. This one has is different. As Chief Dan George says- "It makes my heart soar like a hawk." -Playing the role of Chief Lodgeskins in the movie Little Big Man.

https://youtu.be/2_SfD5cdrnw Mary Tyler Moore plays her character so well as someone shut off from her feelings, it's spooky. The Movie Ordinary People put out about 1980

☠️??‍?☠️

I was pondering a Work idea earlier today. What in the Work is called 'Inner considering.' I periodically get this disease of naming my "stupidity" which then keeps the cyclical thought loops going. This was the particular perspective I was having about it. How it develops a magnetism about it. There's been a magnetic persistence in this process/phenomena of neurotic thought in my past. It's good to be able to put a stick in the spokes of this turning wheel. Easier said than done kind of thing,,, which it seems everyone wrestles with to some degree. In the category of letting go, perhaps. Connected also with ones tendency towards obsessiveness. Ive shared these before, which I enjoy re-listening to, for my own work towards Self Remembering. Inner considering also seems to be connected strongly to Superego and childhood conditioning. ?‍♂️

@DrewNows That's cool! Im leaving contact info. In private message for the time being and hope you can access it at some point.?

Hell is only terrible the first few days. Gurdjieff paraphrased from diary/book- Idiots in Paris. My deepest connection with others is often paradoxical in nature. It fluctuates in unexpected ways. I'm a continual student,,, or try to be.

Just did an I-CHING reading. I got one unchanging Hexagram. Hexagram 64 - Before Completion The Oracle of the Cosmic Way is way more than just a cool book. I recommend it for anyone that's drawn to it at all. I view the Helpers as similar to that of Nature Spirits,,,, My understanding is always transforming by coming and going. Back and forth through degrees of both opaqueness and clarity.

My beloved ex-brother-in-law used to say- "I'm not laughing AT you, I'm just laughing NEAR you. ?

This describes well the ongoing work on self. Using physical sensation to become more grounded in the body,,, Get out of my head,, which is often unpleasant. Gurdjieff said we "radiate" from the head brain but we "emanate" from the heart brain (purified emotional center). Emanating is so much more pleasant than radiating,,, Forgetting Self and getting hooked by thought is a very common occurrence and sometimes observance, in my Inquiry . Self observation in which I repeatedly fail begins to create space in my inner world. Delicate machinery sometimes being observed by the witness,,, Paraphrasing Almaas which struck me intensely at the time, years ago.- 'Reaching conclusions makes me miserable.' There's no judgement produced as long as I don't reach a conclusion. Thank you for your Work, @Serotoninluv You articulate very well. Reading nuanced articulations will often resolve unrealized inner conceptual disparities for me. ?? . It seems a majority of the Work for me is 'purifying the emotional center'. Observing, for instance how schadenfreude poisons my inner life. This produces in me a taste of that freedom you mention, when observed cleanly. That is, If I'm able to remain free of self criticism through this witnessing process. I'm a mess. We're all a mess. Then suddenly, in an instant, we're free and innocent. Forgive my periodic 'becoming too familiar '. ??‍?

? Very nice!

More on Science of Idiotism This evening I saw depression as a condition where there is a disconnect from being. Last night I was having the conceptual remembering of a deficient state connected to grief and death that I had experienced in the past. The experience was basically that of meaninglessness in connection with life. To face death with never having had a mystical experience. The mystical experience is a revelation of higher degrees of being. Its ontological, powerful, yet subtle. The Science of Idiotism is also the Science of Being. Gurdjieff said the Fourth Way was the way of the good Householder. No Tramps, lunatics, or hasnamusses were allowed into the groups. By tramps, he meant bums. Not sluts. A lot of us are sluts to some degree or another. That's no big deal,,,, A householder is someone who is capable of taking care of a small group of people along with themselves. A family for instance. By Bums, he meant lazy people and by lunatics he was reffering to people who distort everything and are always going off on tangents. There's a wide variety of hasnamusses. He also referred to the Fourth Way as the Way of the Sly Man. There's the three traditional paths or ways. The way of the Fakir who masters the body. The way of the Monk is the path of the heart or devotion. The way of the Yogi is the path of freeing or liberation of the mind. The Fourth Way combines the three traditional ways in a balance to create the Fourth Way. I see the Science of Idiotism as a large dust pan in which the possibility lies for everyone to be swept up into higher degrees of being, regardless of weather they're in a Tramp, Lunitic, or hasnamus cul de sac or a good Householder. Good Householders will always help lead the Way. The Science of Idiotism resolves the disparities between low states of being and mystical experiences which are high states of being. This is a truth for me, although a slippery one. Its not a belief. It can be a belief but then it's not worth very much if it just stays a belief. It's not a truth for you unless it is. This idea and experience is that there are existing higher and lower degrees of being which are degrees of consciousness which lead to the awakening of Conscience. Lower degrees of being create an amnesia around our previous higher states of consciousness or being. This requires time and effort to resolve. It takes Work. A return to Ordinary Idiot is a return to Beginners mind.

I'm not depressed but I'm not really inspired either at the moment. It's been a few days since I've made an entry in this journal. I enjoyed Leo's last video, as always. I wish I could remember all the details of a monetary system that Neal Donald Walsh had proposed in this Conversation With God books, years ago. It seemed fairly radical when I read it around twenty years ago. Transparency was a big factor, I remember that much. Reading other Journalers conjecture about this subject is probably what brought it to mind. I have the memory of driving in Oklahoma a few years ago. I had glanced in drivers side mirror and saw a wheel had come off the trailer I was pulling. It was in the Lane rolling parallel beside me. There was nothing I could do. I thought it was going to pass me for a moment or so. It was a helpless feeling to be on this two lane highway with the potential of meeting oncoming traffic in this slight rolling hill country. Luckily the wheel and tire left the highway and went through some barbed wire fence before oncoming traffic was encountered. The trailer had tandem dual wheels and was empty and so I was lucky on that account. After robbing the other hubs of some lug nuts, I was able to secure the remaining wheel and limp back into Arkansas. I associate this song with that memory. Willie evidently had a case of the red ass at Kris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge when he wrote this song. I guess we all have our days of behaving petty or being out of sorts. I'm in awe of this varied world we live in. At somber moments in the past when contemplating death, a particular thought or perspective would sometimes show up. The idea of meaninglessness I once heard expressed as - Life seems like something that just shouldn't have happened,,,,, Its kind of a dim view. An I-CHING reading would probably yield me something insightful.

This is a fair description of the ending of his third book in the series - Life Is Real, Only Then, When I Am It's an unfinished lecture at the end of this book called The Outer And Inner World Of Man. There's a fair amount of controversy around this book within the different lineages of Gurdjieff's Teaching. The lecture you read at the end of Beelzebub's Tales is pretty much given verbatim in the YouTubes of Gurdjieff's Allegory of the Horse, Carridge, and Driver that I posted on the first page of this Topic. Here's the first part again. For those who would just like to listen.

"We Have to Risk the Aloneness and the Terror of Being Totally on Our Own To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic. You don’t believe in the ultimate reality of any concept. You can assume any belief you find useful and attractive, but you don’t need to hold on to any of it. Without being captured by your beliefs, you are strong enough and confident enough to throw away any and all beliefs and perspectives, each and every philosophy and story. You can stand totally alone, completely independent of all that comes through the mind, through time and space. This station of realization is difficult and rare. Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds. Although terrifying, it is necessary for true freedom. We have to risk that we may be wrong. We have to risk the aloneness and the terror of being totally on our own. We have to risk cutting all of our supports, burning all of our bridges, destroying all of our boats. They are all ultimately and fundamentally concepts that come from hearsay or, at best, from our own past experiences. Even the concepts and knowledge that have come from our own immediate experiences cannot be relied on. That knowledge is like Buddha’s words—old, unless corroborated in this moment. Maybe a week ago you had an experience of realization, but how do you know that will be the same today? Who said that God won’t change or that self-realization should continue being the same today? In other words, we cannot hold on to any concept past our direct experience of it; otherwise, what we’re doing is believing a story. Whether someone else’s or our own, a story is a story, not true reality here and now. To be truly independent and autonomous, we need to be free from the concepts acquired from others as well as our own past experiences". - Hammed Almaas The creation of this Journal is/was a spontaneous thing for open to all. Transpersonal is my theme at the moment. Feel free to make comments or change themes and make comments.

Shift of theme. "Absence of joy is slow suicide." -Ocke de Boer "Any attitude other than peace or joy is egoic". - Jesus through ACIM Paraphrased by me through often faulty memory. Proper use of grammar is uninteresting and time consuming. Free pass on pronoun use here. I, me whatever. Doesn't matter here. Just express it. Run on sentences are ok too.

Everyone is schizophrenic. It's just a matter of degree. The Fourth Way frames our multidimensionality as a multiplicity of "I"s that are not integrated. "If you're going to be crazy, you might as well enjoy it" - TM

This is also a terminal/garage for magic flying carpets. Shamanic taxi drivers use these and assist those who have Psychological vertigo.