Zigzag Idiot

I thought of this song the other day. It was popular when I was just a pup.

I've actually taken to 5 meo dmt like a duck to water in the last few months. That stuff gets expensive! If only I could be paid a decent wage for being a psychonaut, life would be even more perfect than what it is. And that's not all. The synchronicities of late have confirmed parts of my inner truth and intuition. Knowing the value of and appreciating long hot baths all my life and also having an undying great appreciation of beautiful naked women, I thought SHITFIRE MAN! ?? ?? I have totally got this thing down!!!!??? I never been one given to gratuitous swearing. Excuse me for getting a little excited. ??. I haven't brought up, what follows, on the forum but if it has been brought up, I would appreciate it if someone would point me towards a link to any such conversation. That being about others thoughts and opinions about synthetic 5 meo dmt,,,, vs the genuine stuff. From folks with more experience than me. I do know there's a difference and also a difference between different batches of synthetic 5 meo dmt from the varied sources that I've encountered. My gut tells me that Leo and others more knowledgeable than myself will say - Just don't go there. But, I don't know,,,,,Personally, I do find authentic, for lack of a better phrase, 5 meo dmt is not only more powerful but also more pleasant than the synthetic stuff. Please be careful also, especially if you're like me and buy el-cheapo scales. At least buy a second set to have around to compare and pay very close attention to what the dose sizes look like in the beginning. An inaccurate reading of 5 meo dmt from cheap scales have knocked me unconscious on two different occasions. Although I know for sure I had made it to the bed and was laying flat out after vaping, sometime later I woke up on the carpet with a bedside table knocked over and contents scattered everywhere. Both times. Even busted a set of prescription eye glasses the first time it happened. Both of those occasions involved synthetic 5 meo dmt. I'm not what you could call an ideal example of being an actualizer at times, in this regard. That's one reason I stepped away from giving trip reports out in the forum. I don't want to be a troublemaker. A few months ago, I was called out by a veteran psychonaut for my amateurish trip report with mistaken and incorrect dose measurements given. If the person who called me out happens to be reading this, let me say thank you and I apologize and also appreciate responsible people like yourself speaking out. At the time. What did I do? I got kinda sassy and told them something like that they needed to maybe lighten up a little bit. That insecure part of myself (ego) flared up became thin skinned and childish. A part of my ongoing work still involves trying to address those parts of myself that gets offended and manifests reactively. Maybe by outing myself about that, it will help me to remember,,,,,,

@fridjonk I'll check out some of John Butler's videos. If there are some in particular that you think I would like, please send me a link. Otherwise I'll just pick one out myself. Under the umbrella of Christianity, I like Cynthia Bourgeault and Ted Nottingham who are also students of the writings of the mystic Gurdjieff. Ted gets an evangelical cadence in his talks at times which used to bother me by but no longer does. The following video about Karlfried Graf Durkheim, narrated by Ted is typical of his dramatic speaking which can also make him extremely hilarious at times when he gets goofy, because it's so unexpected.. Below that is one of an interesting character that Ted put up on his channel about a year ago that I thought gave an interesting story of his past as an evangelical and then a hippy who discovered a lineage of the Early Christian desert Mothers and Fathers.

@fridjonk That's reassuring. ? I know that I'm frequently self absorbed (self centered) and somewhat narcissistic in a way,,,, but the Machiavellian label made me step back. I think I could have filled out the test too fast and may have marked some questions one way when I actually meant the other. Thats neat about you having a farm and sheep to tend to there in Iceland. I've always been amazed at how tough newborn baby calves are. Like when they're born on ice covered ground in a snow and sleet storm and are up on their shaky legs and nursing in just a few minutes. I've lost count of the calves that I've had to help deliver. I always try to greet them by announcing "welcome to Earth". ?‍♂️??‍?

Both but definitely more spiritual type videos. Especially if psychological and philosophical content fall under the category of spiritual,,, True that. ?

L@fridjonk Me too, brother! My reading discipline has really suffered in the last couple of years. I'm still reading in Diamond from Heaven. I've had this book for a couple of months. 5 - 10 years ago, I would have already read it from cover to cover two or three times. I've also gotten bad about starting new books but rarely finishing one. Often I'll scan the table of contents in a book and then just pick around in it. A part of this is because of the large amount of time that I spend on YouTube. The amount of good content to be found there is staggering. Apart from the junk,,, ? Everything ssems to go in cycles eventually so for me, I'll probably be back to having better reading habits at some point.

Hi! I'm a self-centered, machiavellian, narcissist.

Lookee, I caught a perch! It wiggles. When I grow up I want to be a crazy missunderstood genius.

@Zanoni What I hear is pleasant and has been with me nearly constant for about 3 years. Heard in both ears and definitely sounds like crickets on a summer night. It also varies in intensity at times. Ive connected it possibly with what Gurdjieff called the Nirioonossian world sound. https://gurdjieff.org.gr/ae/terms/en50/0496.htm About a year after it started I ran across this site that connects it with a minor chakra called the Alta Major http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf ?‍♂️?‍♂️

Three songs that mentions "Conscience". This last one is kind of a hateful little song but the line stuck with me years ago - "When your conscience hits you, knock it back with pills". At the time it was something I definitely didn't want to hear at all,,,, "Conscience is the intelligence of the Universe"- Ocke de Boer

@The observer I know how you feel.

@Average Investor I've been following your Journal and just wanted to say I respect your self motivation and work ethic. Also watched one of your YouTubes earlier today. ??‍♂️

In this episode Martin Butler stresses the drive for survival very similar to the way Leo does in some of his talks.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ButlerAnalytic

Pondering aspbergers syndrome symptoms. In duality, a stick has two ends.

I experimented with ketamine for the first time last summer. That stuff is way too heavy. For me, comparatively 100 ug lsd tabs are like flinstones chewables. Ketamine is very serious business. The last thing you want to do is jump into a big dose. ESPECIALLY, the first time! Little details are very important fellow psychonauts. After haphazardly scanning over the PsychonautWiki page, Mistakenly, I insufflated an oral dose and found what felt like Satan's home address. Beware and be aware. Don't do that. Death is possible. You could easily end up choking on your own vomit. I nearly did.

This has been hooked to shadow. Unconscious and semiconscious behavioral phenomena. Encountering fear and uncertainty causes my hand automatically go to my penis at times without even realizing it. Just over my pants when in public, thank God. This causes talk among family and acquaintances behind my back which has also been revealed in inner seeing. Hindsight 'inner seeing' reveals shocking behavior also in the past when I've been intoxicated or altered concerning this automatic unconscious/semiconscious behavior. I've repressed and dissociated from this in a schizoid kind of way since adolescence. Jesus, this Inner seeing, 5th chakra, third eye business can get tough as hell. Not to mention, embarrassing. No one suspects that this is the kind of stuff that awaits in Inquiry.. There's a good bit of shame that's been manifested around this up to the present. My old Teacher Dwight once told me that it's only the ego that gets embarrassed. That idea doesn't seem to help all that much when I'm sitting right in the middle of it, though. Unintegrated shadow material/behaviors shouldn't be confessed and discussed until integration occurs. This has been my position about doing shadow work in the open, like here in the journals or in the forum. Unawakened people will peck you to death with passive aggressive button pushing. Some will be completely unaware that their even doing it. This is one reason not to openly do shadow work processing in a group. Let me take a step back. Seeing it, naming it and owning it is the first thing to do. Talking openly about it is then one of the last things to do when uncovering and integrating things like this from out of the shadow. Don't reveal things too soon or you could risk losing your marbles.

Motorcycle helmets are simply a nuisance. The first thing to do with any piece of modern industrial machinery is to remove all of the guards and safety mechanisms. Wear tennis shoes instead of steel toed boots. Only wear safety googles if your throwing sparks with a high speed grinder and you don't happen to have your sunglasses. The grinder probably needs its safety mechanisms ripped off as well. Work gloves are for people who don't have callouses. Instruction manuals are for college graduates and people who don't have any common sense. Lunch hour is about 12 minutes. Self motivated people look around to see what's going on and what would actually benefit the given situation. . They don't stand around waiting for instructions. Some people can go about their business like this and still be a thoughtful, compassionate, human being. It's been my honor to know few of them.

Jordan Peterson, you're often misunderstood but you're a wise and beautiful human being.

Allow me to explain myself concerning the notion that we create a psychological cul-de-sac or stumbling block in thinking that we need to explain ourselves to other people. In part, this comprises neurotic inner considering which puts a clamp on creativity, one's own progressive learning and the ability to express data from one's causal body. If you're unclear on what is meant by expressing data from the causal body. Don't worry about it. ?Casual body speaks from the Causal realm says the talking head. Dispensing with disclaimers and preambles, I'll often just throw out my perspective bluntly and to the point even when I'm aware that, when seen from another perspective, the statement may be just plain wrong, incomplete, or shortsighted. It's just simply a way of communicating that I utilize to avoid communication paralysis. This doesn't mean throwing away all discretion or that communication paralysis is gone for good. Hello brothers and sisters of a similar bent. I get you. Because I get you, I know you get me. Or at the least We understand each other partially and good enough, so that we're creating something to build on. An understanding that can be added to. So speak your truth of the moment (or not) and don't worry about it. Perhaps this could be called communicating from the gut, aka the belly center. This way of being also means allowing others their own space in a sense and not cross examining them at every turn just for the hell of it. Most often I'll compose my words from mentation into print and then post it. After posting, I'll then read other journals and then be halfway horrified that someone will think I'm messing with them because of a similarity in subject matter. I don't do that. Not consciously anyway. Especially if it implies mean spiritedness. Life is just often coincidental or synchronous and not in a pleasant way. ?‍♂️I thought this worth mentioning to prevent possible antagonisms and also because sometimes my timing really sucks.

@DrewNows I'm glad you shared that episode with me the other day. I've yet to listen to it for a second time but know that I plan to. Too much for me to retain with just one pass. Comprehensive and very rich. Good stuff!

I rarely go to my profile but stumbled into it a few minutes ago and started pushing buttons on the dashboard. Oh Wow! I didn't know all that stuff was there!

Ted is laying it down eloquently utilizing his sometime used, dramatic, evangelical cadence.

I don't seem to have a startle response while in witness Consciousness or 3 centered awareness. Not so in narrative or 2 centered consciousness in which I've observed that I'll startle from the experience of loud unexpected noises. In Witness consciousness, a good deal of my attention will be split away from predator vision and rest with attention divided in varying degrees with the peripheral field. In Witness consciousness, using a chainsaw seems natural or more easy for me to be in, rather than when I'm driving a nail with a hammer or grocery shopping or singing. Narrative consciousness seems to dominate with these activities In witness consciousness, my experience is grounded in the body with the attention being directed deliberately. The attention seems to be drawn while in narrative consciousness and might even qualify as passionate or feeling consciousness. Day dreaming occurs when I'm in 'autopilot' consciousness. I would bet most car wrecks and work related injuries occur when people are in this mechanical state in which a startle response is easily triggered. Witness Consciousness and autopilot consciousnesses appear similar from the outside but are worlds apart. Witness Consciousness experiences being as opposed to autopilot or mechanical consciousness which is similar to a calf staring at a new gate. I don't know what the calf is thinking but I know there are times when I'm similar to the calf. Martin Butler in his last podcast referred to someone's expression resembling that of a cow staring at a passing train. I seem to go to the same place as the calf or the cow when I'm 'out to launch' or 'not at home'. They don't have a neocortex though. Being is experienced in degrees related to the felt sense of the present moment. I.M.E. I wouldn't say cows don't have being, though. They just don't have the experience of being a human.