Zigzag Idiot

This song makes me sad. This one has is different. As Chief Dan George says- "It makes my heart soar like a hawk." -Playing the role of Chief Lodgeskins in the movie Little Big Man.

https://youtu.be/2_SfD5cdrnw Mary Tyler Moore plays her character so well as someone shut off from her feelings, it's spooky. The Movie Ordinary People put out about 1980

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I was pondering a Work idea earlier today. What in the Work is called 'Inner considering.' I periodically get this disease of naming my "stupidity" which then keeps the cyclical thought loops going. This was the particular perspective I was having about it. How it develops a magnetism about it. There's been a magnetic persistence in this process/phenomena of neurotic thought in my past. It's good to be able to put a stick in the spokes of this turning wheel. Easier said than done kind of thing,,, which it seems everyone wrestles with to some degree. In the category of letting go, perhaps. Connected also with ones tendency towards obsessiveness. Ive shared these before, which I enjoy re-listening to, for my own work towards Self Remembering. Inner considering also seems to be connected strongly to Superego and childhood conditioning. ?‍♂️

@DrewNows That's cool! Im leaving contact info. In private message for the time being and hope you can access it at some point.?

Hell is only terrible the first few days. Gurdjieff paraphrased from diary/book- Idiots in Paris. My deepest connection with others is often paradoxical in nature. It fluctuates in unexpected ways. I'm a continual student,,, or try to be.

Just did an I-CHING reading. I got one unchanging Hexagram. Hexagram 64 - Before Completion The Oracle of the Cosmic Way is way more than just a cool book. I recommend it for anyone that's drawn to it at all. I view the Helpers as similar to that of Nature Spirits,,,, My understanding is always transforming by coming and going. Back and forth through degrees of both opaqueness and clarity.

My beloved ex-brother-in-law used to say- "I'm not laughing AT you, I'm just laughing NEAR you. ?

This describes well the ongoing work on self. Using physical sensation to become more grounded in the body,,, Get out of my head,, which is often unpleasant. Gurdjieff said we "radiate" from the head brain but we "emanate" from the heart brain (purified emotional center). Emanating is so much more pleasant than radiating,,, Forgetting Self and getting hooked by thought is a very common occurrence and sometimes observance, in my Inquiry . Self observation in which I repeatedly fail begins to create space in my inner world. Delicate machinery sometimes being observed by the witness,,, Paraphrasing Almaas which struck me intensely at the time, years ago.- 'Reaching conclusions makes me miserable.' There's no judgement produced as long as I don't reach a conclusion. Thank you for your Work, @Serotoninluv You articulate very well. Reading nuanced articulations will often resolve unrealized inner conceptual disparities for me. ?? . It seems a majority of the Work for me is 'purifying the emotional center'. Observing, for instance how schadenfreude poisons my inner life. This produces in me a taste of that freedom you mention, when observed cleanly. That is, If I'm able to remain free of self criticism through this witnessing process. I'm a mess. We're all a mess. Then suddenly, in an instant, we're free and innocent. Forgive my periodic 'becoming too familiar '. ??‍?

? Very nice!

More on Science of Idiotism This evening I saw depression as a condition where there is a disconnect from being. Last night I was having the conceptual remembering of a deficient state connected to grief and death that I had experienced in the past. The experience was basically that of meaninglessness in connection with life. To face death with never having had a mystical experience. The mystical experience is a revelation of higher degrees of being. Its ontological, powerful, yet subtle. The Science of Idiotism is also the Science of Being. Gurdjieff said the Fourth Way was the way of the good Householder. No Tramps, lunatics, or hasnamusses were allowed into the groups. By tramps, he meant bums. Not sluts. A lot of us are sluts to some degree or another. That's no big deal,,,, A householder is someone who is capable of taking care of a small group of people along with themselves. A family for instance. By Bums, he meant lazy people and by lunatics he was reffering to people who distort everything and are always going off on tangents. There's a wide variety of hasnamusses. He also referred to the Fourth Way as the Way of the Sly Man. There's the three traditional paths or ways. The way of the Fakir who masters the body. The way of the Monk is the path of the heart or devotion. The way of the Yogi is the path of freeing or liberation of the mind. The Fourth Way combines the three traditional ways in a balance to create the Fourth Way. I see the Science of Idiotism as a large dust pan in which the possibility lies for everyone to be swept up into higher degrees of being, regardless of weather they're in a Tramp, Lunitic, or hasnamus cul de sac or a good Householder. Good Householders will always help lead the Way. The Science of Idiotism resolves the disparities between low states of being and mystical experiences which are high states of being. This is a truth for me, although a slippery one. Its not a belief. It can be a belief but then it's not worth very much if it just stays a belief. It's not a truth for you unless it is. This idea and experience is that there are existing higher and lower degrees of being which are degrees of consciousness which lead to the awakening of Conscience. Lower degrees of being create an amnesia around our previous higher states of consciousness or being. This requires time and effort to resolve. It takes Work. A return to Ordinary Idiot is a return to Beginners mind.

I'm not depressed but I'm not really inspired either at the moment. It's been a few days since I've made an entry in this journal. I enjoyed Leo's last video, as always. I wish I could remember all the details of a monetary system that Neal Donald Walsh had proposed in this Conversation With God books, years ago. It seemed fairly radical when I read it around twenty years ago. Transparency was a big factor, I remember that much. Reading other Journalers conjecture about this subject is probably what brought it to mind. I have the memory of driving in Oklahoma a few years ago. I had glanced in drivers side mirror and saw a wheel had come off the trailer I was pulling. It was in the Lane rolling parallel beside me. There was nothing I could do. I thought it was going to pass me for a moment or so. It was a helpless feeling to be on this two lane highway with the potential of meeting oncoming traffic in this slight rolling hill country. Luckily the wheel and tire left the highway and went through some barbed wire fence before oncoming traffic was encountered. The trailer had tandem dual wheels and was empty and so I was lucky on that account. After robbing the other hubs of some lug nuts, I was able to secure the remaining wheel and limp back into Arkansas. I associate this song with that memory. Willie evidently had a case of the red ass at Kris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge when he wrote this song. I guess we all have our days of behaving petty or being out of sorts. I'm in awe of this varied world we live in. At somber moments in the past when contemplating death, a particular thought or perspective would sometimes show up. The idea of meaninglessness I once heard expressed as - Life seems like something that just shouldn't have happened,,,,, Its kind of a dim view. An I-CHING reading would probably yield me something insightful.

This is a fair description of the ending of his third book in the series - Life Is Real, Only Then, When I Am It's an unfinished lecture at the end of this book called The Outer And Inner World Of Man. There's a fair amount of controversy around this book within the different lineages of Gurdjieff's Teaching. The lecture you read at the end of Beelzebub's Tales is pretty much given verbatim in the YouTubes of Gurdjieff's Allegory of the Horse, Carridge, and Driver that I posted on the first page of this Topic. Here's the first part again. For those who would just like to listen.

"We Have to Risk the Aloneness and the Terror of Being Totally on Our Own To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic. You don’t believe in the ultimate reality of any concept. You can assume any belief you find useful and attractive, but you don’t need to hold on to any of it. Without being captured by your beliefs, you are strong enough and confident enough to throw away any and all beliefs and perspectives, each and every philosophy and story. You can stand totally alone, completely independent of all that comes through the mind, through time and space. This station of realization is difficult and rare. Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds. Although terrifying, it is necessary for true freedom. We have to risk that we may be wrong. We have to risk the aloneness and the terror of being totally on our own. We have to risk cutting all of our supports, burning all of our bridges, destroying all of our boats. They are all ultimately and fundamentally concepts that come from hearsay or, at best, from our own past experiences. Even the concepts and knowledge that have come from our own immediate experiences cannot be relied on. That knowledge is like Buddha’s words—old, unless corroborated in this moment. Maybe a week ago you had an experience of realization, but how do you know that will be the same today? Who said that God won’t change or that self-realization should continue being the same today? In other words, we cannot hold on to any concept past our direct experience of it; otherwise, what we’re doing is believing a story. Whether someone else’s or our own, a story is a story, not true reality here and now. To be truly independent and autonomous, we need to be free from the concepts acquired from others as well as our own past experiences". - Hammed Almaas The creation of this Journal is/was a spontaneous thing for open to all. Transpersonal is my theme at the moment. Feel free to make comments or change themes and make comments.

Shift of theme. "Absence of joy is slow suicide." -Ocke de Boer "Any attitude other than peace or joy is egoic". - Jesus through ACIM Paraphrased by me through often faulty memory. Proper use of grammar is uninteresting and time consuming. Free pass on pronoun use here. I, me whatever. Doesn't matter here. Just express it. Run on sentences are ok too.

Everyone is schizophrenic. It's just a matter of degree. The Fourth Way frames our multidimensionality as a multiplicity of "I"s that are not integrated. "If you're going to be crazy, you might as well enjoy it" - TM

This is also a terminal/garage for magic flying carpets. Shamanic taxi drivers use these and assist those who have Psychological vertigo.

A lot of stuff can be said about the Transpersonal. The capacity for making fun of oneself. That's one thing. There can also be a complete absence of emotion. The mulltidiminsnality of our being. The phenomenology of it. The changing states of consciousness. We can experience our multifacetedness as clear and precise as a diamond. Next week it might be more like a crumpled aluminum can. Emotions can be high volume or low volume. But from my experience higher volume emotions usually are in the territory's of the personal. If you're reading this right now and have a slight pressure felt in the vicinity of the prefrontal lobes, you're at the right spot. But then if that's the case, you didn't need me to tell you. Huh? If you don't experience that at the present, nevermind, but please put it (the notion) on the shelf for the time being. Slow, concise, Zen-like land-mines is one way of expressing. I have a Eurasian friend who does pretty well delivering it machine gun style also. ?

@modmyth So true and I agree. A part of my work on self is seeing in myself what I don't like at times when I observe it in others. In the ballpark anyway. ? Nowhere to hide really when I observe heavy self absorption so I just sit in the middle of it. Having trouble accurately expressing today,,, Big storms rolling through the 'Natural State' today means internet signal very sketchy. ✌️??‍?

@fridjonk That's the spirit! I appreciate the feedback as well. At times, for me. The trouble with words,,,,,, Also at play in this is my own confusion about what constitutes authentic, natural, and or synthetic. This could easily get into the subject of sourcing and that is something I definitely want to avoid because of Leo's policy about it which makes sense and I agree with because of the can of worms it can open up. I'll add a little more here. The natural 5 meo dmt that's derived from the desert toads has been probably my least favorite. The distinction I need to make and understand better is probably more around the quality of the work with different chemists and their integrity with the process. There's just a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I have continued commenting partially about my trips here in this journal and will continue to do so from time to time. Im not afraid to experiment. Typing myself or rather my personality as a counterphobic type six on the Enneagram probably has something to do with this part of my nature. I've been into experimenting with different mixtures and the effects of doing these mixtures. This is something that Terence McKenna pointed out that just never happens in the more orthodox researches that have gone on. Especially the closer one gets to academia or the government. Unless it's the CIA ( note the hypocrisy) The kind of things that cause the do-gooder types to jump up and down while blowing a whistle and pointing their finger. One of the inherent dangers of being someone who makes conventional people get all big eyed and shit their pants is their tendency to scapegoat us more adventurous types. To me, mixing NN dmt and 5 meo dmt and vaping doesn't seem scandalous at all. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. It's a gray area though because people who have real addictive type of personalities will do this type of thing simply for entertainment or dissociation from their troubled, shitty, inner life. In time I'll probably comment more about different mixtures or what I call marathon trips but I'm going to stop here before a tar and feather committee starts to form.@fridjonk , If you ever travel into the U.S., I hope you make a detour through Arkansas. You seem like a kindred spirit. ?