Zigzag Idiot

I seem to be sensitive to Ketamine. I had a very unpleasant first trip. Have experimented with smaller doses since then. Im glad you were able to enjoy it and get something out of it. I sure didn't. It was terrible for me. I prefer Lsd, cubensis mushrooms and also the Ayahuasca concentrated solutions, one with Harmaloids (MAO-I) and Cumala Extract with 8% 5 meo dmt the other with a DMT Fumarate solution taken all at once. Actually the Harmaline is taken 30 minutes befor the other on an empty stomach. It's an all day trip with a long steady but pleasant come down. I tried that mixture the other day and it was just plain nasty. Also not a pleasant experience for me. Maybe you'll have better luck with it like you did the ketamine. A trip on a couple of 250 Lsd gel tabs is most always agreeable with me. ?

It's one of my favorites. ? Glad to hear that you enjoyed it, Drew!

@fridjonk i hope you have a trip sitter. That's a pretty heavy dose. If not already, your probably going into the ketamine hole shortly. I'll be interested in hearing/reading about your experience. Good luck to ya,,,

Don’t impose a property tax on a burned out village. Don’t scold the Lover. The wrong way he talks is better than a hundred right ways of others. These lines are from Rumi's poem - Moses and the Shepard I really appreciate them. They often come to mind.

To varying degrees, I'm in love with about every woman who keeps a Journal here. That's just the way it is. It's not my fault. Is it?

?

@Lyubov I agree What one fights and resists will only persist. One proof though is if you get blisters on your pecker or if it "coughs" dust.

Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove , Terms of Endearment, and the it's sequel - The Evening Star Doctor Zhivago Old Yeller - Leaving the Drive-in theatre, I told my Parents it made my throat hurt. Where the Red Fern Grows Beaches Life is Beautiful - about an Italian Family in a Nazi Death Camp. Sophies Choice Patch Adams The World According to Garp Into The Wild - with character Alexander Supertramp - based on True Story Average People Saving Private Ryan Dead Poet's Society Some of the good ones make you laugh and cry. Not a movie but Donald Trumps election to the Presidency

I'm an Idiot and so My practice is to return to Ordinary Idiot and put on Beginner's mind as needed or required. Almaas uses the feminine pronoun when reffering to the Soul. I can only partially remember why that is. Quotes 1 and 3 of about 6. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/meaninglessness Meaninglessness in Relation to Nonconceptual Reality Refers to the Transcendence of Meaning At the stage of recognizing true nature, the soul realizes that it is the ultimate meaning of existence and of life. She understands that when she is not in touch with her true nature her mind thinks of it as absence of meaning, which she then tries to find, pursuing a particular style of life, philosophy, activity, or interest. As she realizes her essence she finds that the need for conceptual meaning disappears. She finds that meaning is being, the fact of her existence. But at the stage when the soul moves to the nonconceptual, even being is gone, for being and nonbeing are both conceptual. She may first see this as meaninglessness, as the sense that life has no meaning. Meaninglessness becomes the true condition of things, for any meaning is simply a story the discriminating mind concocts. But precise inquiry into this meaninglessness reveals it to be simply the transcendence of the concept of meaning. Meaning requires recognition, cognition, and now we are simply beyond that. Reality is simply thus, pure awareness without commentary. In other words, to see Reality as ultimately meaninglessness, even when this is idealized as total freedom, is to still view it within the concept of meaning. Reality is neither meaningfulness nor meaninglessness, neither the presence of these nor their absence. It is simply independent of anything that the discriminating mind can grasp. So when we use the term meaningless to refer to nonconceptual Reality we need to realize we are referring to the transcendence of meaning, not the opposite of meaningfulness. Recognizing that Meaningless and Emptiness are Actually Expressions of the Lack of Self-Realization It is important to understand this significant juncture in the maturation of the normal self for what it is: a spiritual juncture. The sense of meaninglessness, pointlessness, and emptiness in one’s life is not due to being in the wrong life situation, like the wrong job or marriage. The soul is becoming aware of its inner existential emptiness. Changing external life situations will genuinely relieve our inner emptiness only if this change is part of a larger and deeper change. Recognizing that this meaninglessness and emptiness are actually expressions of the lack of self-realization makes it possible to begin looking in the right direction, so to speak: to begin one’s inner search for deeper truth. Various religious or spiritual ideas, therapeutic approaches which “explain” one’s emptiness as a lack of gratification in one’s history or relationships—or even more external factors such as new work projects, new relationships, even new possessions—are all too available to fill the hole of meaning in a person’s life. But if this emptiness is filled, even with notions of spirituality, it is not possible to penetrate the emptiness and become available to the arising of one’s true nature. In our work, we approach this—as all questions—with open-ended inquiry, in which the student is invited to investigate his feelings to discover their truth within his personal experience. The teacher guides him only to inquire sincerely and points out his assumptions and defenses regarding his self-awareness. The Point of Existence, pg. 225

?‍♂️ Likewise, You're good, man. No worries and hopefully no projections. ?

This journal among other things is an exercise towards a more complete psychological integration and individuation. I've stated before that I have lived in the same rural community all my life. One day, word will get out about this Journal in my little corner of the world and a few people there will probably shit bricks for a time. I kind of plan on this eventuality and it's okay. That's why I say it's about integration. It's why I leave some rather unflattering things in here. We're all a mixture aren't we? Sometimes people will always take something out of context and 'run with it'. In my experience, the more integrated one is psychologically, the more Teflon coated one is, as the saying goes. My interest in the Science of Idiotism is authentic as well. There's a subtlety as well as a depth to it. Like Gurdjieff's magnum opus- All and Everything, which he framed as a Legominism (Teaching) to hurl into the future, I take the Science of Idiotism also as a Legominism which he hurled into the future during the last phase of his life. Some people who tend to make a religion out of different Gurdjieff's lineages will claim the 'Toast to the Idiots' ritual ended and went into the grave with Gurdjieff in France in 1949. I simply disagree. Life, knowledge, and understanding sit there waiting for us to unfold these things and, perhaps, if they begin to unfold, a Mystic can come into being. We then become proper food for Archangels. Regardless, if you're born onto this planet, your life is inevitably a part of a chapter of human history.

I got confused earlier, which isn't that unusual. Incel community not excel.,,,, Jeez,, ? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel The search I did on excel wasn't producing much. I've touched on this in the past but the phrase "incel" and it's meaning had become occluded. It's kind of a sad thing with these people. Earlier in life I would have put myself in this category for a period of time in my twenties. Or borderline anyway. I have felt that sense of alienation and loneliness and it's not an easy thing to cope/deal with. Life and people in general can seem more cruel and mean than they are. Although life and people in general CAN at times be cruel. Hurt people hurting people,,, It seems to be a common equation which shows up from time to time. Sometimes it's real and sometimes it's born completely out of imagination from my experience. Projection in other words, as being the cause. The longer I live, the more I observe and experience how subtle this phenomena can be. Projection, once manifested, can go from subtle to extreme or blatant almost instantaneously. Life situations can certainly be a torture at times. Sometimes it has the effect of making one hurt and behave shallow which can create a downward spiral. Other times this kind of torture in life can create an inner seeing which leads to understanding and being more forgiving.

I forgot to add that I enjoyed your latest video. By your willingness and ability to share with others as you go on your path, you help others to resolve their own disparities which are similar to yours.

@mandyjw Are you implying that everyone here is either pre-personal or Transpersonal? ? I need someone to help me understand what the excel community is about? ?‍♂️

Many interpret that it's the ego or the separate sense of self based on internal images, which is the devil. Maurice Nicoll spoke about seeing negative states in oneself. That forgiveness arrives through understanding by observing reactive mechanical reactions that arise in oneself and others. From the Psychological Commentaries of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky BEARING UNPLEASANT MANIFESTATIONS “One sign of Being is the capacity to bear the unpleasant manifestations of others. Why is this a sign of greater Being? The answer is that you cannot do this unless you have seen in yourself what you dislike in others...When you have just criticized someone, go over what you said carefully and apply it to yourself. This neutralizes poison in you.” V. 1, pp. 168, 176 ON BEING PASSIVE TO NEGATIVE STATES “Sometimes when one is in a bad state and attempts to get out of it and fails to do so, one can be consciously passive to it, without being negative and without identifying with it fully, having the inner certainty that it will pass provided one does not let negative imagination work and does not consent to its presence. This is a form of Self- Remembering, and it is just as if one has to wait, and knows that one has to, because it is raining too heavily and one cannot go out just at present and yet remains certain it will clear.” V. 1, p. 368 RESPONSIBILITY FOR NEGATIVE STATES “If you are in a negative state, it is always your own fault, from the Work point of view. No matter what happened, what someone said, what someone did, we have to become responsible for our negative states—ourselves. . .When you feel the presence of negative emotions in you, as a foreign substance, as acutely as a stomach-ache, then you will seek, for your own reasons, to work on yourself and transform your inner state for your own inner health...But this takes many years and requires a certain inner courage, an inner bravery, an inner determination, until something new is born distinct from life.” V. 2, p. 695 Also Almaas comments- If You Want to Become Mature as a Human Being You Must See Your Anger If you are interested in becoming a truly mature human being, you must conduct yourself according to the highest values you know, all the time. It is part of being a mature human being to put in the effort of conducting yourself thusly. If you believe that the integration of your realization should just happen by itself, or that it should be easy, you are not understanding what life is all about and you are behaving like an infant. To become a gracious, generous, respectful, loving, kind, and clear human being, you have to work at it. It is not going to simply happen. God is not going to do it for you. You have to put effort into it, minute by minute; otherwise you will not transform. Of course, no one is saying you have to do this; no one has to do the Work. It is your choice. If you want to do it, this is what is required. You might say, “It’s too difficult. I’m angry about it and I don’t like it.” So it’s difficult. If you want to become mature as a human being, you must see your anger, your hurt, and your frustration, and tolerate it and in spite of it live like a mature human being. More quotes found on this page- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/anger

Bon voyage,,,,@fridjonk Good to see you checking in,,,,, Let us know how it goes. If you feel like.

Spiritually asleep humans feed on negativity of different forms. It was probably a bunch of angry ' greens' who made this Trump ballon. Which I also think accurately characterizes the man. I see many orange-blue worldview types who intentionally name drop Trump in front of more liberal types simply to push their buttons and feed off of their anger. Angry people enjoy making other people angry. There seems to be a pandemic of angry people in the U.S. and the most angry are also the most belligerent who are not interested in working on themselves or even acknowledging their own shortcomings. Second tier folks are those who have managed to transcend and include the lower levels of the Spiral. They have the practicality and common sense of blue-orange and also the compassion of the green. This world needs leaders who are solidly into second tier.

I can be such a dick.

The irony of Awakened Conscience is the felt experience of feeling one's own every-which-wayness.

In Pythagorean numerology, it's said for those with a 33/6 birth number, enduring an emotional crucifixion is on the menu. Enjoy your meal,,,