Zigzag Idiot

Yeah, me too, for the most part. Talking with an old friend years ago after a funeral. He said, you know, calf roping is like jacking off. Everyone wants to do it but nobody likes to watch. Note: I live in the heart of redneck country,,,,,

@liamnewsom202 I hear and acknowledge,,,, That's tough, man. I have no advice to share. Instead just some quotes from Maurice Nicoll that I go to at times on matters of working on myself. These quotes may or may not be applicable. They are from Gems Of Wisdom. It can be found on the Maurice Nicoll thread in High Consciousness Resources. OVERCOMING THE PAST “The overcoming of the past is one great line of personal work on yourself. Most people have such a great register of unhappy moments which they have nourished so much...The whole of the past must be cancelled eventually. In other words, you must have nothing against anyone.” V. 3, p. 811 OVERCOMING THE PAST II “It is quite useless to forgive: you have to cancel. And this is always done by finding the same thing in yourself, and you will always find it if you are sincere...You must remember here that you may not have said something unpleasant externally yourself but you have thought something and consented to it.” V. 3, p. 812 REAL POSITIVE EMOTIONS “If you, all alone, in this solitary place, in yourself, full of the integrity of your most Real I, have decided, made a decision, not to identify or feed a particular negative emotion . . . you will taste positive emotion for a brief moment—something blessed—that is, filled with such bliss that nothing of human love-hate emotions can be compared with it... Such emotions . . . never change into their opposites but visit us and then withdraw.” V. 4, pp. 1238-9 BEING PASSIVE TO REACTIONS “Now let us come back to the meaning of being passive. In the full sense it means being passive to the personality, and this, in turn, means being passive to oneself. Can you be passive to your mechanically-arising objections for even five minutes? Well, I advise you to observe how your personality reacts every moment to everyone and everything...Notice when you begin to object inside—notice what reactions arise in you—and try to be passive to them, not to the people who cause them to arise. Is this clear? You must make yourself passive to your own reactions, not to the people you are reacting to.” V. 1, p. 276 Good luck to ya,,,

Well, I gave doing NN dmt intravenously a few tries here lately. By the way, (VERY IMPORTANt) it has to be in fumarate form for it to be done intravenously. The first time I diluted 17 mg in 20 ml of water. Afterward I went to 24mg, then 30mg, and then mid to upper 30's. Given my weight, this was beginning to go past the .5 x kg body weight formula that is often given as a maximum amount. I don't think this is really going to be for me because I'm not real adept at doing an IV push. One reason is that sometimes I get a case of the shakes. I've given shots to farm animals all my life but rarely was it done intravenous. Getting the shakes while putting a needle in your vein is unhealthy as well as unnerving. The stress this created interfered with me really fully experiencing the first 2 or 3 times in a staying present kind of way. The last couple of times though at the upper range was quite an experience. There was a high pitched kind of sound that I heard as well as a lot of pressure felt in the cranium and equally in the prefrontal lobe area. I can't say that I had a 'breakthrough' but it was very intense none the less. I may try it a few more times and then be done with it. 5 meo dmt is of more interest to me as is lsd as a tool for the psychonaut trips. I've mentioned in the past this seemingly paranormal phenomena I have of hearing crickets at varying volumes most of the time. For about the past three years. It's actually a pleasant sound. This goes away when the NN dmt high pitch sound comes on. It is not really a pleasant sound either and It might actually be tinnitus or something close to it. I don't know...

My favorite Nisargadatta quote - "Nothing is wrong anymore ".

On another note. I'm just not relationship material. I've been single for too long. I have to admit, I like to flirt though. Enjoy my solitude and living selfishly not worrying about making noise disturbing anyone anytime of the day or night. Don't have to coordinate anything with anyone. Go in any direction at anytime,,,,,,I like the freedom. There's a decent chance I'll die alone and that's ok. We really all die alone anyway. My Automaton will have a heart attack or a stroke or I'll choke on something. My great grandfather choked on a cracker sitting on the couch a year after my great grandmother died of mouth cancer. He was born with a club foot in 1898 and she dipped and snorted snuff and cussed like a sailor. Born in 1900. I was about 8 years old when they passed. They never had an indoor bathroom or running water.

Paramahansa Yogananda pretty much said the second coming of Christ will be the widespread arrival of Christ Consciousness in Humanity. That would be fairly close to the idea of a Collective Consciousness. Ken Wilber wrote the forward to Jim Marion's Putting on the Mind of Christ. It contributes to the notion of Christ Consciousness in the upper part of the Integral model. He even gives/names levels of Consciousness beyond Christ Consciousness!

@liamnewsom202 That's it! That would be some pretty intense work anyway. Castanedas ' Don Juan said one had to go in search of a petty tyrant, to hone one's will. If you find a real good petty tyrant they can do wonders for destroying one's self importance. Im convinced now that Castaneda was a cosmic trickster extraordinaire, using Gurdjieff and other esoteric sources for developing and sharing his lineage of sorcery in his books. Useful fiction though in how his version helps one to understand the Work better. The guy was a genius creating metaphors concerning methods for work on self or Alchemy,,,, he just called it Sorcery or Neoshamanism. William Patrick Patterson laid out the 'lowdown' on Castaneda pretty welll in a book dedicated to this mystery, i no longer think going in search of a petty tyrant is all that necessary anymore. Just staying present and conscious day to day with all of the ordinary troubles in life is all the work we need. Just my 2 cents though,,,,

The Oracle of the Cosmic Way Two excerpts from this morning's I CHING reading.

Years ago a friend of mine pointed out an ironic phenomena that was immediately recognizable. If you're a 'good' guy who cares what others think and try to be courteous and respectful of other people's thoughts and opinions. In that case, most women won't touch you with a ten foot pole. At the time, I was a very self conscious and insecure. It took me years to begin to taste at times the authentic embodiment of not giving a shit. One might categorize it as a form of confidence without being a total jerk. To be honest, I still have episodes of being a self conscious people pleaser. Oddly enough, it seems humiliating myself countless times did a great deal in cultivating this aspect. I kind of associate the I CHING' phrase - (humiliation; great good fortune) with this phenomena. A former Fourth Way Teacher of mine once told me years ago - " It's only the ego that gets embarrassed." One practice that's associated with this is to consciously play the role of a fool convincingly, in front of others. Intentionally say or do extremely ignorant and stupid things in front of people,,, and feel the burn. ? Burn ego burn,,,! ?

A review I copy and pasted - God is Disappointed in You, by Mark Russell and Shannon Wheeler / **** JANUARY 17, 2017CLYDEUMNEY Whatever you might think of it, and despite it being one of the most influential books ever written (and how many people name it as their “favorite book”), you would be hard pressed to argue that the Bible remains one of the least read “important” books ever written. That’s not to say that people don’t study it, or dig into certain passages or sections – but the idea of actually studying the text, of reading the book from cover to cover, rarely seems to happen. And that’s understandable, given how often the Bible reflects its ancient roots, diving into the intricacies of scriptural doctrine, long family histories, historical records, and more. All of which makes God Is Disappointed in You such an interesting idea. What author Mark Russell (along with contributions from cartoonist Shannon Wheeler) has done is retell the Bible, reducing each book to a few pages and summarizing it as though it were a story (or, in the case of Psalms, a greatest hits album; meanwhile, Hebrews becomes an FAQ about doctrinal changes). Moreover, he does so with a sharp sense of humor, telling the stories with a flair for the comic, up to and including a bit more profanity than you might expect from a telling of the Bible (where, honestly, you would assume a level of pretty close to “zero”). The outcome is undoubtedly “irreverent,” but never to the level of “blasphemous” or “disrespectful”. What makes God Is Disappointed in You so interesting is the fact that Russell treats the Bible with admiration and respect; his humor comes from his dialogue, his phrasing, and the text itself, not from assuming a mocking tone towards the text itself. Rather, he conveys the anger and frustration that God and/or the prophets so often feel, turning the book into the history of a people loved by a God that they cannot remain faithful to. It’s equal parts comical and profound, allowing Russell to grapple with the major questions and ideas of the book while removing the sidebars and extra details. Below - Ezekiel telling it like it Is,,,,,,,, - Illustrated by shannon Wheeler

@Espaim I don't know of any free ones right off. http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/enneagram_types.html For personality type, You might use this link above with descriptions of the types and decide for yourself and then maybe use the Diamond Approach illustrations and commentary to help hone in better on what type you may possibly be. For body (endocrine/essence) type, the following site would be handy. http://humanbodytypes.com/chief_feature.shtml http://humanbodytypes.com/body_type.shtml

Some would say our uncontrolled imagination.

Started the day watching Hans Wilhelm videos. Pondered solving some world problems and also running for President of the United States. Tried intravenously injecting NN dmt in fumarate form around mid day for the first time ever. Amount- .17 msgs Very interesting,,,, Noted a high pitched sound,,,, I may try this again tomorrow and up the dose a bit. Ended the day watching 3 more Wilhelm videos. Taking these with a grain of salt. Like a skillet full of fried squirrel. I've quit killing squirrels and living creatures in general long ago, though. Still not against eating them when they're cooked right!

I copied this from the thread on George Gurdjieff Intentional suffering is sometimes referred to as Conscious suffering in the Fourth Way. In Talks on Beelzebub's Tales, Bennett distinguishes four types of suffering - Unnecessary Suffering, Unavoidable Suffering, Voluntary Suffering and Intentional Suffering. Lets have a look at each of these to see if they can help our understanding: The first is Unnecessary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we incur because of our unreasonable attitudes and expectations towards others, from our ill-will, hatred and rejection of others, from doubt, possessiveness, arrogance and self pity. In other words, suffering arising from our self-importance. The second is Unavoidable Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that comes to us by accident or from events beyond our control, such as interpersonal conflicts, war, disaster, disease or death. Third, we have Voluntary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish a personal aim, such as an athlete who disciplines himself to win a race, or a student who labours to get good grades. And finally we have Intentional Suffering. According to Bennett, this would be the kind of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish an impersonal or altruistic goal, one that is directed more towards service to others or to the Work, and not for any personal gain. Bennett assumes that this is what Gurdjieff meant by Intentional Suffering. From an article on the second Conscious Shock https://www.endlesssearch.co.uk/philo_is_talk_ae2005.htm

Gettin the Led out,,,

Another webpage devoted to the Enneagram. http://www.rahul.net/raithel/otfw/enneagram.html My favorite Enneagram book is probably - Facets of Unity by AH Almaas Movers and shakers concerning the Enneagram https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudio_Naranjo https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Gurdjieff https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Óscar_Ichazo

Your articulation reminds me of hearing Ken Wilber once say in an interview about 2nd tier folks- "They are able to meet people where they find them".

These are more basic and concern personality/ego types and the outer flow. There is a body type or endocrine typology which concerns one's essence and the inner flow and direction of the Enneagram. Information on this essence typology is more difficult to find. http://www.enneagram.com/ https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Enneagram in the Diamond Approach https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/enneagram-and-diamond-approach https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/enneagram-holy-ideas from - https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/enneagram-specific-delusions from- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/enneagram-specific-difficulties from - https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/enneagram-specific-reactions

The first link combines the Enneagram with Spiral Dynamics http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html https://www.gurdjieff.justwizard.com/Enneagram.html I'll probably haul in some more,,,

If I decide to run for the Presidency of the United States, I'll have my cabinet picked before I announce. The secretary of defense will be someone who is all for reducing the amount spent on weapons manufacturers and who is for radically rearranging the military. Basic infantry will be shifted to being goodwill ambassadors, street clowns, and Helpers of the elderly. All necessary combatants will be Navy Seals, Army Rangers, and such. If elected, Multinational corporations will get their ass handed back to them in some way. Yet in such a way that most of them will get a case of the giggles over it. Black Sabbath's God is Dead? may be the campaign theme song. Maybe,,,not sure yet,,,, Imaginative conjecture is another expression for when one is engaged in thinking big and outside of the box.

I really enjoyed and benefited from Cynthia Bourgeault's Teaching about the Yo-yo of being. It helped me to slow down and understand how that particular amnesia takes place. The forgetting of the beauty of life whenever I go into a state of deficient emptiness. Also, how the quality or degree of our being fluctuates during the day. The works and articulation of both Almaas and Bourgeault at times compliment one another. The State of No Self The narcissistic emptiness sheds its deficiency and reveals its truth, as an emptiness that has no sense of self, but is spacious and peaceful. The deficient emptiness is actually nothing but this inner spaciousness, experienced through the judgment of deficiency. The state of no self is actually a pure manifestation of inner spacious reality, Being in its openness, we experience it as empty space, immaculate and pure, light and clean, empty of everything structured by the mind. However, the self reacts to the sense of no self in many ways—as a loss, as a deficiency, and so on, plus the associations, memories, and feelings that go with these interpretations. All this psychic content pervades the inner spaciousness so that we lose sight of its lightness, purity, immaculateness, and freedom. Instead, we feel it as deficient emptiness, dull and flat, heavy and dark. Only when we allow this emptiness to be, without judgment or rejection, without reaction or opinion, does it shed its obscurations and reveal its inherent truth: the state of no self, the freedom and openness of our Being. We experience ourselves then as a luminous night sky, transparent and pure, light and happy, cool and virginal, deep and peaceful. An emptiness, yes, but a stillness, a silence, where we recognize the absence of the familiar identity as the absence of agitation. This is black space, an inner spaciousness that manifests naturally when we accept the absence of self with no reaction at all. It arises when the self is free from identifying itself through representations. We experience freedom from the familiar identity and its structure. We experience ourselves without any structure, as openness, spaciousness, as boundless and infinite space. The Point of Existence, pg. 337 I enjoyed Leo's latest video and find that what he says most often will mesh with what Hans Wilhelm says in his videos. In some instances though, what they relate, SEEMS to be at odds. There seems to be more gain than confusion so I'll continue to watch and listen to both. Ive been binge watching Hans Wilhelm this morning.