Zigzag Idiot

This lower Video is posted further up the page. Thought it might be good to group these two together since both are primarily about identification.

@Raptorsin7 Jana Dixon as well as Stan Grof and his deceased wife Christine call/ed them Spiritual Emergencies. There are others besides them that look at things this way. I've been the route with pharmaceuticals for anxiety/depression and finally quit them about 8-10 years ago. But in the near term, I think your hunch is right and you should utilize them for taking the edge off to help give you some space, near term. I'll put some relevant links down in case your interested in what's being said. On any of these, all the links will be on the left of the web page. You may see something you want to look at other than my picks. This is definitely a book to skip around in. IMO http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=DownisUp.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=ShockofAwakening.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=MeaningofKundalini.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=ToxicMindTheory.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=WelcomingBelongingTherapy.html

I'm having to log on every 5 minutes. It did this months ago but I forgot the cause of it. If anyone knows what I need to do, I would appreciate some advice. Even just A hint left in a private message would be appreciated. I'm a technological Idiot. Integrating male/female yang/Yin qualities 27 [22]. Jesus saw some children who were taking the breast: he said to his disciples: "These little ones who suck are like those who enter the Kingdom." They said to him: "If we are little, shall we enter the Kingdom?" Jesus says to them: "When you make the two <become> one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the upper like the lower! And if you make the male and female one, so that the male is no longer male and the female no longer female, and when you put eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in the place of a hand, and a foot in the place of a foot, and an image in the place of an image, then you will enter [the Kingdom!"] I

I remember when I was a Zen Devil.

Letting go and practicing forgiveness have a lot in common it seems. People who enjoy abstract thinking and pondering space-time should play around with home security cameras. The ones I got have about a 20 second delay. I get confused sometimes whether I'm looking into the past or future. The other day I ran outside and back in real quick and I actually met myself coming back! Being of split mind implies fragmentation doesn't it? A blank spot regarding integration? It's that way with all of us I surmise. To varying degrees. I would wager that Integration runs parallel with continuity of Consciousness. Like Willie Nelson, it's when one is the same all the time regardless of the situation. There's probably a group of people insisting he actually has that certain disorder having to do with impersonalness. It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't think of the name at the moment.

Forgot about this one. Good lyrics and melody.

These guys could all be in a Rest Home by now. It's crazy how time flys. Some 80's and early 90's Ive always liked Steven Tyler and AeroSmith. This song, it's the melody and his voice range more than the lyrics. I like Avril Lavigne too.

Me too also,,, ? whoever I am and what it is I'll do,,,? Regarding chapter 3, A quote from Ocke de Boer delivers a perspective given in the Fourth Way regarding Acquired Conscience vs. Awakened Conscience as seemingly very relative food for thought with what was given in chapter 3. Ocke: These religions almost always fall into the hands of people with a lower level of being, often possessed of intolerance and a need for convention. These religions soon become dogmatic, and therefore increase subjective, or acquired, conscience. Acquired conscience has been well described by Nicoll in his Commentaries. It is a subjective conscience based on collusions (collective illusions). It is also well described at the end of the chapter Bogachevsky in Meetings With Remarkable Men. Bogachevsky often urged me not to adopt any conventions, either those of my immediate circle or those of any other people. He said; From the conventions with which one is stuffed subjective morality is formed, but for real life objective morality is needed, which comes only from Conscience. And in general I repeat, acts of this kind occur simply because people stuff their children, while the future men is still being formed in them, with all sorts of conventions, and so prevent Nature herself from developing in them that conscience which has taken form over thousands of years of struggle by our ancestors against just such conventions. Ocke: One of the aims of our Work is to bring us in contact with Conscience, which is in our subconsciousness. Conscience is the inner memory for those actions necessary to bring any given situation back in tune with Unity. Although this definition of Conscience is correct, it stays incomplete, because Conscience cannot be reasoned but must come into Being. Taken from- http://www.higherbeingbodies.com/a-dialogue-with-ocke.html

To All who read this- Don't let me get away with spewing imagination and bullshit. Please call me out also if I've approached any of this in a wrong or skewed way. That's very possible. I do stuff like that. The statement- "Living on Earth may be expensive but it includes an annual free trip around the sun". The first part is definitely a belief because expensive is a subjective and relative term. I guess the second part is a belief also because I'm using others study of this part of physical existence. If I got a telescope and studied observable astronomy then it might become a known. As long as I'm using others data, I think it has to stay in the category of belief. I'm going to die in a few years. I know that because I've observed human beings growing older and then dying, most of my life. Well, I know my body is going to die. I'm sure of that. My body has slowly deteriorated with age. I've observed this trajectory in other living creatures and also in myself up till this point in my existence on this planet. I don't know what my experience will be when my body dies though. So anything about my experience of awareness after the death of the body can only be framed as belief,,,, I think. Mind is separate from being. I BELIEVE the majority of humans are not able to distinguish the difference here but I KNOW it's possible through following the Inquiry process. Through the felt sense of the present moment, it can become ontological and known. It's paradoxical though in that the mind can overwhelm being at times and through imagination and self deception the experience can suddenly become all beliefs. So I don't know how it will go tomorrow but I also know it's possible to for this to be distinguished in the felt presence of experience. on·tol·o·gy /änˈtäləjē/ noun 1. the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being. 2. a set of concepts and categories in a subject area or domain that shows their properties and the relations between them. "what's new about our ontology is that it is created automatically from large datasets" e·pis·te·mol·o·gy /əˌpistəˈmäləjē/ noun PHILOSOPHY the theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, and scope. Epistemology is the investigation of what distinguishes justified belief from opinion. I heard Alan Watts say this one time- “There was a young man who said though, it seems that I know that I know, but what I would like to see is the I that knows me when I know that I know that I know.”

Appropriate for this thread. Good effective practice for everyday life/struggles- The Welcoming Practice

J.G. Bennet certainly had a long interesting life. As a Young British military officer he first met Gurdjieff in Constantinople as Gurdjieff was leading a small group out of and away from the Russian revolution. J.G. Bennet's personal Diary combined with his wife, Ezlizabeth's Diary were made into a book about Life with Gurdjieff during the last 2 years of Gurdjieff's life. This book is Titled - Idiot's In Paris Bruno Martin who put together the book- The Realized Idiot - in 2008, was a Student of J.G. Bennet This book is subtitled The Artful Psychology of G. I. Gurdjieff and "The Science of Idiotism" In an online group reading of Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson I wrote a summary of chapter 38 which is somewhat flawed and amateurish. The last couple of paragraphs addresses Judas and The Last Supper. I put this Summary in my Journal a while back for anyone who might be interested. If this were moved to the Thread on George Gurdjieff, it would be fine with me. Not all of the Students of Gurdjieff, past and present, go along with this version of The Last Supper.

I think Red Hawk referred to one's 'chief feature' as it's called in the Fourth Way also as one's 'blind spot'. There was a similar thing in Scientology. I think it was called one's 'ruin' I certainly don't like to group The Fourth Way and Scientology together, though. Scientology is definitely a cult and as a general rule Fourth Way Teachers will try to run people off by offending them or other ways. Gurdjieff did this as well to insure that only people who were really sincere about working on themselves would be the ones to stick around, regarding whatever bullshit they had to put up with. Side note- This has to do with the Title of his magnum opus- Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. Being offensive in this way, Beelzebub aka The Devil, guaranteed Religous people would stay away and for the most part only the highly educated would be drawn in out of curiosity or as he put it, if they had a magnetic center. Someone with magnetic center is someone who has a natural inclination for gathering knowledge as well as working on oneself. Back to chief feature. Jane Heap, a student of Gurdjieff's, boiled it down to a short list. She said chief feature is usually based on one of five things- Greed, Fear, Sex, Lying, or self Pride. So chief feature, in being also a part of the makeup of one's psychological blind spot has to do with how we usually react. If anyone reading this is aware of the phenomena where people see one another's foibles better than they can see their own,, This is the ball park, so to speak. If you tell someone what their chief feature is. They won't believe you,, Through radical honesty and long self observation, one has to learn it for themselves. The goal isn't to be rid of it but to know it and be it's Master. One's chief feature is said also to be a distorted reflection of a personal virtue. For instance, fear becomes courage,,, Chief feature can also be a combination of Greed-Fear-Lying-Sex-self Pride. One has to be willing to observe over a long period of time, one's own habitual reactions. This process is definitely linked to the Science of Idiotism.

If nothing else works, start smoking cannabis. Or quit smoking cannabis in case you already smoke it.

Definitely a negative aspect of red wasnt so sure if this represented a positive aspect of red?

@Aquarius I didn't understand a word of it but I enjoyed it immensely! Look forward to the English version. I was one of your first subscribers on your other YouTube channel.

To Have your Being is to render your ego harmless (perhaps,,,,,? 28 ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ - Acts 17:28 God, who encompasses ALL Being, nevertheless created separate beings who have everything individually, but who want to share it to increase their joy. Nothing that is real can be increased EXCEPT by sharing it. That is why God Himself created you. Divine Abstraction takes joy in application, and that is what creation MEANS. How, what, and to whom are irrelevant, because real creation gives everything, since it can only create like itself. Remember that in being, there is no difference between having and being, as there is in existence. In the state of being, the mind gives everything always. - ACIM chapter 4 . For you have denied the condition of his Being, which is his perfect blamelessness. Out of Love he was created, and in Love he abides. Goodness and mercy have always followed him, for he has always extended the Love of his Father. When you have accepted the Atonement for yourselves, you will realize that there IS no guilt in God's Son. And ONLY as you look upon him as guiltless, can you understand his Oneness. For the idea of guilt brings a belief of condemnation of one by another, projecting separation in place of unity. You can condemn only yourself, and by doing so, you cannot know that you are God's Son. For you have denied the condition of his Being, which is his perfect blamelessness. Im feeling a pull to dive back into the Science of Idiotism I encourage anyone who's interested to buy a copy of The Realized Idiot by Bruno Martin and help me make contributions to The Science of Idiotism. It would help if your were a reader of Gurdjieff books. This is not negative foolishness. Its more like Contemplative psychoanalysis that involves purification of the emotional center.

Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī, also known as Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī, Mevlânâ/Mawlānā, Mevlevî/Mawlawī, and more popularly simply as Rumi, was a 13th-century Persian poet, faqih, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic originally from Greater Khorasan. Wikipedia Born: September 30, 1207, Balkh, Afghanistan Died: December 17, 1273, Konya, Turkey Title: Mevlânâ, Mawlānā, Mevlevî, Mawlawī Buried: December 18, 1273, Mevlana Museum, Konya, Turkey

@seeking_brilliance Great idea to have a book study group in a Journal. Hopefully someone will join in. Nonetheless your doing a good job. I'm reading this journal so that in a sense, I'm reading the book somewhat vicariously.

@Toby Thanks for Sharing. Just discovered this last night. Bernadette Roberts is a modern mystic that I see as being in a league all her own. Without Peers as far as I know. Except for maybe Cynthia Bourgeault. IME Bernadette Roberts refers to Karlfried Graf Durckeim as she explains how the hara or the third chakra has a vital role in human consciousness. Ted Nottingham made a good video about Durckeim in the past. I've left it in case it would be of interest to anyone.

As a counterphobic enneatype six, you sound also like a counterphobic enneatype six. So maybe some study on this can help you to observe it in a larger frame of reference which might allow you to become free of it to a degree. You can Google Counterphobic enneatype six and get a lot of information. Below is a bit from a search I just did. The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it. From: https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/type6

A ship of fools I am with all of them fighting over the helm. Maurice Nicoll wisdom on human multiplicity and the pendulum CHAPTER 21 ESCAPING FROM THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM “Our moods are all hung on to pendulums. We should not trust them. Unfortunately, we identify with them. We take them as ourselves. We say: ‘I feel,’ ‘I think,’ and so on. We forget that ‘Real I’ is in the centre of the pendulum-swing, and we allow ourselves to swing between ex- citement and dejection, between enthusiasm and depression, between over-valuation and under-valuation, between conceit and humility, and so on, endlessly. In all this there is no centre of gravity.” V. 1, pp. 328-9 THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM II “Our whole lives, ordinarily, are governed by the Law of the Pendu- lum. We all swing to and fro. When you are in one opposite you are unconscious of the other, and vice versa. You may have idle dreams of rising and rising, of progressing and progressing, of getting better and better, but all these are indeed idle dreams...What do you think self-knowledge means? It means knowledge of all sides of yourself... If you can see both sides of yourself, what you call your good side and your bad, then you begin to be conscious in opposites at the same time.” V. 1, p. 325 ON HAVING NO MIDDLE “The pendulum is the great thief within. I only remind you that you have to find some method of managing it; or else it will take away anything that it gives...If you let yourself identify mechanically with each of the two opposites in turn—that is, with one side and then the other side of the emotional pendulum, wholly believing each with your whole feeling of ‘I’—you will remain helplessly on the pendulum, swinging to and fro from excitement to depression, from depression to excitement...We have to draw the feeling of I out of the opposites. That means one attempts to withdraw the feeling of I from the feeling that one is good or the feeling that one is bad...The feel- ing of I can be squandered in infinite ways.” V. 5, pp. 1561, 1655-6 ON OBTAINING A MIDDLE “We have to observe the whole swing from one extreme to the other in order to discover our particular opposites...An increase in con- sciousness in regard to our emotional life through the making of the opposites conscious by following the swing in Time, and so seeing how they are connected, shifts consciousness gradually towards the middle zone of the pendulum, to a third place lying between the op- posites which becomes receptive of new emotions not on the pendu- lum. We acquire a middle.” V. 5, p. 1563 SEEING THE OPPOSITES “Try sometimes to see the opposite point of view to that which you hold...If the opposite is genuinely and with effort included in con- sciousness the sphere of consciousness is greatly increased and a number of unpleasant features in us disappear. Our one-sidedness, which causes our over-sensitive reactions and also our totally wrong ways of self-evaluation, is replaced by a broader, fuller consciousness. We can no longer insist we are right nor be cast down when proved to be wrong. We find it more difficult to be petty. In fact, we begin to escape from the prison of ourselves whose bars and gates result from our one-sidedness.” V. 5, p. 1521 THIRD FORCE “The Work teaches that there are three forces in every manifesta- tion. We see only two—if we see as far as that...Third Force lies between the opposites and so we can picture it as the mid-point of the pendulum-swing. If you take the feeling of ‘I’ out of both sides of the pendulum, then you do not feel yourself through the opposites and the feeling of ‘I’ moves to the centre, into nothingness, or, if you pre- fer, into not-somethingness. Here in the middle is the place or state where ‘Real I’ is.” V. 1, pp. 329-30 INNER SILENCE “Different ‘I’s, ranged along the orbit of the swing, wish to say now this and now that, as the light of consciousness touches them, wakes them to momentary life. To a limited extent one may permit them to speak, provided one has a distinct idea that neither side is right. Inner silence means being silent in oneself. It means not taking sides in yourself and so being silent. This is impossible if you identify with every ‘I.’ You may let talk take place on one side or the other, but you observe it and are in yourself silent.” V. 1, p. 334 THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS “When the Work says that a man must come to realize his own nothingness before he can be re-born, it does not mean that he must humble himself and so on, but that he must by long self-observation actually begin to realize that he is nothing and that there is no such person as himself. The object of this is to get into a position, psycho- logically speaking, between the opposites...Why is it so important to get somewhere into the centre of the pendulum and not swing to and fro? Because here, between the opposites, lie all the possibilities of growth. Here influences from higher levels can reach us. Here, in this place where one can feel one’s own nothingness (and where one is therefore free from contradictions), influences and meanings com- ing from higher centres, which have no contradictions, can be felt. Not regarding yourself as good or bad, not priding yourself on being just or otherwise, not thinking you are well-treated or badly-treated, not being caught by either movement through identifying, you come into this mid-position. This is not easy! With personality active, it is impossible.” V. 1, p. 329

Being ok with ambiguity Living with any ambiguity used to drive me berserk. Whatever situation I was a part of in the past, I wanted everything planned out ahead of time. I had absolutely no trust that things would unfold in the way they needed to. Larry McMurtry, in one of his novels described one character as being as noncommittal as the Buddha. That description has stuck with me. Probably just because I found it to be so funny at the time I read it. I'm not that ambiguous but I'm somewhere in the middle. Doesn't planning things out mean that you're not present? For me back then, much of the time I was living in a future that didn't exist anticipating possibilities which always included a number of doom scenarios. I can see in retrospect that a good deal of this was because I was consumed with a vague fear. I'm not saying that all my fear has been conquered but I'm not as consumed by it as I used to be. Some applicable Almaas quotes- All of Our Feelings or Emotions are Communications from the Heart All of our feelings or emotions are communications from the heart: they are reflections and reverberations of the basic emotional tone of the heart, which is love. And no matter how far removed from that quality of the heart they might be, as reflections they have something to reveal. So if you don’t follow them—if you say, "This is a bad feeling; I should just feel good . . . I should just feel love"—then you're not listening to the messages of your heart. If you take any emotion and really study it and follow the feeling itself, you will find that it will ultimately take you back to your original movement of love toward the Beloved. That is one of the central rationales on this path for becoming aware of your feelings: To move toward the Beloved, you activate whatever feeling is there at a given moment, you remove the repression, you feel it fully, in order to recognize what it is and understand it. The more that all of your feelings are understood, the more they reveal the deeper roots of those feelings in our true nature. What are they about? What are they telling you? Why do you feel angry? It's good to feel your anger, but you have to find out the reason for it. Remember what Rumi said: He doesn't have any stones to throw. He doesn't have anger, because the love is fully moving in its natural direction. Why would he be angry? If you're angry, it means that a barrier is still there. The anger is not bad, but it's not the end point. Its value is that it helps remove barriers; but first it is a message to us that there is a barrier. Love Unveiled, pg. 93 Grounding Awareness in Bodily Experience is Important Inner support implies that we need to be in touch with our experience. Inquiry is not a mental exercise, disconnected from ordinary reality. We have to be rooted in our everyday personal experience and in touch with our own thoughts, feelings, body, and behavior. Inquiry does not require us to leave our body or try to reach unusual transcended heights of perception—and we will not feel our inner support by doing so. Instead, we need to become more concrete, more down to earth, by delving into our own everyday experience. It is the embodied soul that is the entry to all the treasures of Being. When you are inquiring, it is important to keep sensing your body—to stay in direct touch with its movements and sensations. This includes the numbness, the dullness, or the tensions you may feel. To ground your awareness in your bodily experience is important because your essential qualities are going to arise in the same place where you experience your feelings, emotions, and reactions. They are not going to appear above your head, they are going to arise within you. So your body is actually your entry into the mystery. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 294 Without Basic Trust We React According to Our Conditioning Now we can see how the presence or absence of basic trust is crucial to the initial step in the process of the transformation of any sector of the ego. This step is only completed by giving up the particular structure we have been holding on to. Basic trust gives you the capacity and the willingness to let go of the images, identifications, structures, beliefs, ideas, and concepts -- the remnants of the past that make up the ego. Implicit in this initial step is the second one: If you are able to surrender, then you are willing to be. You are willing to not try to change things, to not manipulate them, to not push and pull at them. You are willing to just be present, which is a sort of realization itself. First, then, is the death of the old; second is the realization of Being. If you don't have basic trust, you will react to what arises in accordance with your conditioning and will want your process to go one way or another. You won’t let yourself just be present; you’ll be tense and contracted. So basic trust is needed for you to be able to allow the ego to die, and also for you to be willing to just be, without reacting. Facets of Unity, pg. 26 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/basic-trust