Zigzag Idiot

A gillion different people have sung this song but I think Perry Como's version is the best of the men. Roberta Flack's version of the Women. I get tickled watching Dusty Hill's backwards and forwards nonchalant shuffle in this video.

There are at least 3 versions of the following saying that came from Gurdjieff. "Happy is he who has a soul; happy is he who has no soul, and woe and shit for those who are in between." Purifying the emotional center doesn't happen overnight,,,, I'm still not done with mine. An old poem called "Rafais Dervish Song"- The greatest thing, you will ever know Is to remember yourself wherever you go For when you do not identify You will never cease to be. But when you do identify You will become a thing and lose your I.

As a rogue student of the Diamond Approach, I was learning about what Almaas called the Diamond Guidance from reading his books and doing Inquiry on my own without a group. It's a capacity that one develops in doing Inquiry. This is my paraphrasing. Having read his book Spacecrusier Inquiry for about the third time, he made a statement that I had missed before and you could have knocked me over with a feather. More or less he said, oh yeah, this, what I've been calling the Diamond Guidance is just another name for the Angel of Revelation or the Holy Spirit. This was around the time I began experiencing the phenomena of a slight throb or pressure in the forehead. It's the sixth chakra or third eye starting to blink open,,, No extraordinary revelation of rapture or thunderbolts or anything like that but just increased intuitiveness. A very subtle capacity. Actually my first real Inner seeing wasn't pleasant at all and didn't occur until 8 years after this. About 3 years ago. It was horrifying and I'm glad I wasn't shown this ,,, revelation until then. I wouldn't have been able to handle it earlier in life.. Diamond Guidance Discriminates the Immediacy of What We are Experiencing This brings us back to the discerning and knowing capacity of presence itself—the higher intellect, essential nous, or what we call “diamond guidance”—which reveals that freedom has other meanings and other horizons. The thing that we need to understand about this discerning capacity is that it discriminates not only our knowledge and the content of our mind but also our direct experience. It discriminates the immediacy of what we are experiencing by discerning, seeing, and revealing what is there. It can extract the meaning and the implications of the experience, which in any experience of true nature are countless and varied. When I say “higher intellect” or “divine mind,” many people misunderstand and consider these to be mental faculties. But the heart is vital to this kind of creative discrimination. The functioning of this capacity actually happens through the unity of mind and heart because without love, there would be no compassion or sensitivity to the mind’s discernment. The creative discrimination of presence is activated by the participation of the heart. This discrimination arises according to true, deep, existential need and only when we have the right orientation—a loving desire to know the truth. Runaway Realization, pg. 232 from-https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/diamond-guidance many other excerpts to be found here also

More interesting quotes I just thought of further on in the text- You ARE the Kingdom of Heaven, but you have let the belief in darkness enter your minds, and so you need a new light. The Holy Spirit is the radiance that you must let (in to) banish the idea of darkness. His is the glory before which dissociation falls away, and the Kingdom of Heaven breaks through into its own. The voice of the Holy Spirit does not command, because it is incapable of arrogance. It does not demand, because it does not seek control. It does not overcome, because it does not attack. It merely REMINDS. It is compelling only because of what it reminds you OF. It brings to your mind the OTHER way, remaining quiet even in the midst of the turmoil you have made for yourselves. The voice for God is always quiet, because it speaks of peace. Yet peace is stronger than war, because it heals. War is DIVISION, not increase. No-one gains from strife. Actually this is from the Urtext- http://a.courseinmiracles.com/urtext/chapter-5/section_4.php#gsc.tab=0 And more- How willing are you to forgive your brother? How much do you desire peace, instead of endless strife and misery and pain? These questions are the same, in different form. Forgiveness IS your peace, for herein lies the end of separation, and the dream of danger and destruction, sin and death; of madness and of murder, grief and loss. This is the "sacrifice" salvation asks, and gladly offers peace INSTEAD of this. - http://a.courseinmiracles.com/urtext/chapter-29/section_7.php#gsc.tab=0 And this- The miracle forgives; the ego damns. Neither need be defined except by this. Yet could a definition be more sure, or more in line with what salvation is? Problem and answer lie together here, and having met at last the choice is clear. Who chooses hell when it is recognized? And who would not go on a little while when it is given him to understand the way is short and Heaven is his goal?

The Teacher who led me through ACIM in 2015 had by that time already been through the Course 3 or 4 maybe 5 times. He stressed the importance of The Lessons of the Holy Spirit in Chapter 6 when we got to that point. A. To Have, Give All to All B. To Have Peace, Teach Peace to Learn It C. Be Vigilant Only for God and His Kingdom Some of the text here: C. Be Vigilant Only for God and His Kingdom T-6.V.C.1. We said before that the Holy Spirit is evaluative, and must be. 2 He sorts out the true from the false in your mind, and teaches you to judge every thought you allow to enter it in the light of what God put there. 3 Whatever is in accord with this light He retains, to strengthen the Kingdom in you. 4 What is partly in accord with it He accepts and purifies. 5 But what is out of accord entirely He rejects by judging against. 6 This is how He keeps the Kingdom perfectly consistent and perfectly unified. 7 Remember, however, that what the Holy Spirit rejects the ego accepts. 8 This is because they are in fundamental disagreement about everything, being in fundamental disagreement about what you are. 9 The ego's beliefs on this crucial issue vary, and that is why it promotes different moods. 10 The Holy Spirit never varies on this point, and so the one mood He engenders is joy. 11 He protects it by rejecting everything that does not foster joy, and so He alone can keep you wholly joyous. T-6.V.C.2. The Holy Spirit does not teach you to judge others, because He does not want you to teach error and learn it yourself. 2 He would hardly be consistent if He allowed you to strengthen what you must learn to avoid. 3 In the mind of the thinker, then, He is judgmental, but only in order to unify the mind so it can perceive without judgment. 4 This enables the mind to teach without judgment, and therefore to learn to be without judgment. 5 The undoing is necessary only in your mind, so that you will not project, instead of extend. 6 God Himself has established what you can extend with perfect safety. 7 Therefore, the Holy Spirit's third lesson is: 8 Be vigilant only for God and His Kingdom. T-6.V.C.3. This is a major step toward fundamental change. 2 Yet it still has an aspect of thought reversal, since it implies that there is something you must be vigilant against. 3 It has advanced far from the first lesson, which is merely the beginning of the thought reversal, and also from the second, which is essentially the identification of what is more desirable. 4 This step, which follows from the second as the second follows from the first, emphasizes the dichotomy between the desirable and the undesirable. 5 It therefore makes the ultimate choice inevitable. T-6.V.C.4. While the first step seems to increase conflict and the second may still entail conflict to some extent, this step calls for consistent vigilance against it. 2 I have already told you that you can be as vigilant against the ego as for it. 3 This lesson teaches not only that you can be, but that you must be. 4 It does not concern itself with order of difficulty, but with clear-cut priority for vigilance. 5 This lesson is unequivocal in that it teaches there must be no exceptions, although it does not deny that the temptation to make exceptions will occur. 6 Here, then, your consistency is called on despite chaos. 7 Yet chaos and consistency cannot coexist for long, since they are mutually exclusive. 8 As long as you must be vigilant against anything, however, you are not recognizing this mutual exclusiveness, and still believe that you can choose either one. 9 By teaching what to choose, the Holy Spirit will ultimately teach you that you need not choose at all. 10 This will finally liberate your mind from choice, and direct it towards creation within the Kingdom. T-6.V.C.5. Choosing through the Holy Spirit will lead you to the Kingdom. 2 You create by your true being, but what you are you must learn to remember. 3 The way to remember it is inherent in the third step, which brings together the lessons implied in the others, and goes beyond them towards real integration. 4 If you allow yourself to have in your mind only what God put there, you are acknowledging your mind as God created it. 5 Therefore, you are accepting it as it is. 6 Since it is whole, you are teaching peace because you believe in it. 7 The final step will still be taken for you by God, but by the third step the Holy Spirit has prepared you for God. 8 He is getting you ready for the translation of having into being by the very nature of the steps you must take with Him. I get new insights each time I read and reread the text. For those who are curious about more of the text I'll leave this link. https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/course-miracles-chapter-6-v-lessons-holy-spirit/

I gathered some excerpts on Awareness that I like from the Ridhwan Glossary. The Ego Responds to Anxiety by Cutting off Awareness As awareness expands, the person becomes aware first of the necessity to find ways of dealing with his superego. This is the first important task. Without this ability, the individual will find it extremely difficult to expand his awareness and deal with his unconscious. The reason is that the status quo of the personality is maintained by the superego. In particular, the status quo is continued by keeping the unconscious unconscious, by enforcing the defensive mechanisms of the ego. The agent that enforces these defensive functions is the superego. We need to understand the process of repression in order to understand this mechanism more fully: awareness of unconscious material causes anxiety to the ego. The ego responds to anxiety with repression; it cuts off awareness from the arising unconscious material. In this way it avoids experiencing the anxiety and thus avoids the disintegrating effect of the anxiety on the ego structure. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 136 What Awareness Means Being aware means immediacy. It means that the tentacles of my soul are wrapping themselves around the feeling, penetrating it and all its parts, feeling it from inside and outside—because my awareness extends everywhere. If I am not fully aware of the situation, how am I going to find out the truth about it? And if I am not interested in paying attention to what is happening now, what does it mean when I say that I love being myself? When you love somebody, you want to find out everything about them, don’t you? When you love something, what do you want to do with it? You want to know it. Love always translates into awareness, into knowing. If you love somebody, you want to see them, you want to know them, you want to be as completely familiar with them as possible. If you are really interested in being yourself, that interest begins with the awareness of where you are at this very moment. Being who you are can only arise from the love of being where you are. The Unfolding Now, pg. 14 Pure Awareness is Specifically Transcendence of the Concept of Being Since pure awareness is beyond knowing, the experience is totally nonconceptual. There is awareness of awareness, which is the presence of awareness, but this presence is not felt as presence. Nonconceptual awareness is beyond the concept of being, so we cannot experience or describe it as being or presence. We might then think that it must be nonbeing, but nonbeing is also a concept, the opposite of being. Being and nonbeing constitute a pair of mutually defining concepts; like all conceptual pairs, neither exists without the other. Experientially, being is presence and nonbeing is absence; the latter is often referred to as emptiness. Because pure awareness is free from the cognitive element, it transcends all concepts, but it is specifically the transcendence of the concept of being. By transcending being it also transcends nonbeing, emptiness. Experientially we feel it as simultaneous presence and absence, being and nonbeing. But this is only when we begin to view it conceptually. When the experience is full and complete we cannot say it is both presence and absence, nor neither. In fact, it does not occur to us to say anything about it, for to speak is to conceptualize, while here we are absolutely in the moment, beyond all mind and speaking. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 327 This last excerpt reminds me of a quote Ocke de Boer uses to start off chapter 16 in his book Higher Being Bodies. The reference His gives for it is Wei - Wu- Wei, All Else is Bondage: Non-volitional Living (Fairfield Iowa; Sunstar publishing, 2002), page 53. I am the absence of my presence and I am the absence of the presence of my absence In searching for this last quote I discovered Ocke's website Higher Being Bodies is no longer up. The main feature of which was his article/interview A dialogue with Ocke was was extremely rich. Bummer, I hope it gets put back up,,,, Ocke has many interesting ideas he conveys such as: The chakras are the sense organs of the Kedsjan (Astral) body. I don't take ideas such as this as a belief but I hold them in the category of 'as if' and ponder them at times.

I printed this off back in 2007. Although it is wrinkled from being shuffled around over the years, I'm glad I did because I can no longer find it on the School of Wisdom website. It is about what the center of The Wheel represents - Awareness. I don't know if Arnold Keyserling penned it or R.C.L. who was a student of his and has remained a friend. Arnold passed away in 2005. He was a friend and student of Gurdjieff's during his Paris days after WW2.

Hexagram 15; Modesty - is one of my favorite hexagrams in ICHING The Oracle of the Cosmic Way. I guess the fact that I rarely get it may be saying something in itself. I did get it this morning though in my second hexagram. My first was hexagram 52; Mediating- with just one changing line. This is not all of the general commentary on hexagram 15-Modesty. There are still 2 more pages that I won't include but if you've read this far you've gotten a sample of some of this books treasures. The three virtues- Modesty Equality Uniqueness = Love

Jana Dixon describing an episode during a phrase of her Kundalini rising (awakening) that I found humorous. She then goes on to quote Dave Chapelle. How can you not like that? "A funny thing happened during a massive 4 day ecstasy period around the full moon in January 2007 (when the earth was closest to the sun). I was in a hardware store floating around in ecstasy looking for things and an Australian sheep dog barked at me. I made a joke that it was because the dog is Australian and I am a New Zealander, but really I knew he was barking at the ecstasy energy, which vicariously inflates the heart fields of lifeforms within its reach. The owner eyed me suspiciously however...perhaps I could have told the owner that the dog was barking due to my radically magnified heart field...but that would be just too much information for a non-initiate (trancer). While there is some volition and cooperation needed, mostly as “surrender to Grace,” it is the "alchemy" itself that does all the "work." Altho people have been trying for centuries, you cannot really force the heart to open, it opens of its own accord in its own time, and in its own pace...and it doesn't have a lot to do with our will, volition or ego control. When the cerebrospinal fluid is adequately ionized, and the amrita substances filter into the blood+lymph that goes to the right side of the heart…then the heart goes solar and circuitry in the brain is transformed at a faster rate...the whole body is transfigured within the magnified heart field. The ecstatic heart is obviously palpable to the person who owns it, and also at an unconscious level by those who come within the heart’s field. I think eventually scientists are probably going to call this energy scalar energy, if the research done at Heartmath institute is any indication. After coming down from a period of ecstasy you might feel a withdrawal-like hangover. Comprising of a sense of disorientation, clouding and sense of loss in the brainstem area. Baths, walking, stretching, rebounding, breathing, drinking water, toning and meditating with the mindseye on the brainstem will help metabolize the down-cycle." http://www.appliedmeditation.org/The_Heart/articles_joseph_chilton_pearce.shtml “Wisdom arises when the vibratory capacity of an individual, or a group, increases to a point of direct apprehension of the underlying pattern, or unity of phenomenon is possible. This capacity is modulated through a sequence of subtler planes of experience and seems to best be achieved when the heart opens. We see with this kind of opening that the root of wisdom is to be found in what we truly care about.” David La Chapelle http://www.collectivewisdominitiative.org/files_people/LaChapelle_David.htm "The hardest thing to actually handle is the "pleasure" of our own emergence." - Jana Dixon Taken from this page of her e-book- http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=HeartExpansions.html

A Man Should Too by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen “A woman should be able to be both independent and dependent, active and passive, relaxed and serious, practical and romantic, tender and tough minded, thinking and feeling, dominant and submissive. So, obviously, should a man!” (Pierre Mornell) To try to be just one or the other (e.g. only dominant or only submissive), is to ignore your real humanness. Look at the lessons that God tries to teach us when we experience a hardship, for instance, and life demands that we be flexible and bend. It is in the letting go of the rigid ways, when you walk away from the extreme and allow yourself to experience the other side of life, that life becomes more stable and balanced.

After reading AH Almaas description that duality couldn't exist without nonduality and that anything nondual exists within nonduality, I had a peak experience. This was in 2015. Being that my capacity as an artist is arrested at the level of a second grader, I chose crayola to create my artistic expression of this. That is ultimately there is only nonduality but within are pockets of dualism. That's Nisargadatta's statement after his enlightenment in the upper right. "Nothing is wrong anymore". Not even my bad art.

My homemade starter kit for for mindfulness Years ago after reading some Vernon Howard, I was struck by the powerful effect on my state of mind or Consciousness that the words - being deliberate- had on me. Just by remembering the word 'deliberate' oftentimes my attention becomes more concentrated and less disperse. When my actions become deliberate, however simple they may be. I'm not trying to do 5 things at once and my efficiency for getting things accomplished increases dramatically. If I'm buttoning up my shirt, I'm all there while doing it. Then maybe I,m tying my shoes. When my actions are done in a very deliberate manner, I observe that a natural result is that I'm much more mindful and my movements are more efficient in carrying out a task. This may not be as a dramatic a trigger for everyone else as it was/is for me but I bet for a percentage of those reading this and who are working on themselves some will definitely observe, feel , and understand this coorelation between being deliberate and mindfulness. Im listening and following along now to Leo's latest. Actually it's paused at the moment as I type this out. Goodnight,,

@TripleFly Are you sure Martin was talking about 5 meo dmt and not nn dmt? 3 hits or inhales of NN dmt sounds about right but it takes so little of the 5 meo dmt that one hit can capture all that's needed. With the synthetic anyway. I've just used the natural 5 meo dmt from the frogs one time. I just remember that it had a horrible taste to it and it's been so long I've forgotten its potency compared to synthetic. @herghly I'm not following on what you mean by 3 rounds per session. Could you elaborate? Please don't take my questions as being adversarial. I'm just trying to figure out what everyone means,,,

I did this last spring/summer with synthetic 5 meo dmt. Twice actually Stayed out for quite a while both times. I had taken the hit and then lay back on the bed. I must have convulsed some because I woke up both times on the floor with furniture knocked over. Broke 1 ? and I pair of eyeglasses. Be careful to not overdo it and also stay on top of keeping your scales accurate everyone. My scales were bad off from being accurate. It was a waste. Got nothing out of it those 2 times. Only busted eye glasses and Tv and a loss of dignity.

I remember Jana Dixon touching on the subject of unrequited love in her book Biology of Kundalini. I happened to find it just now. It was in her chapter titled Projection. This is about the 9th paragraph down from the top that I plucked out, if you wanted to read more of what she wrote. "What about the ultimate gamble of loving and finding it unrequited? Loving someone who doesn't love us back is not such a bad thing, if we are able to use that love to grow and not react in self-destruction. The pain from such an event can help us to open and be ready for a deeper love, And more grateful when it arises, in awe of the miracle and the precariousness and the rareness of it all. Romantic longing for another is synonymous with longing for the unity of one's own Self. Unrequitted love can result in metamorphic initiation, for the energy that would have been used in relationship is then used in the opening of the inner flower of Self." From: https://www.biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=Projection.html

It could be,,, Although I haven't really taken them apart and studied them side by side. There is a lot in common. Thanks for spending the 2.99. AI's answer to both questions were impressive. If that's what causes a loss of a post,,, at times yeah,or no,,, me too. When spending a lot of time in choosing my words and composing a post, it's become a habit for me to copy and paste it to notes and save it before I hit the send button.

This thread is being created for those interested in learning more about and/or discussing The Fourth Way. Below is a short bit from a Wikipedia description followed by 2 bookmarked links in High Consciousness Resources which are 100% relevant to the subject. I'll add more commentary, links, and articles periodically and try not to leave any redundancies from those threads except for the following introduction video to The a Fourth Way. I recommend this guy's channel but most of his videos are found on the Gurdjieff Thread, which are very concise and usually only 2-3 minutes long. In the Fourth Way, having a big personality is usually seen as only being a detriment to the discovery of one's True Nature which is ,,,, (pause for dramatic effect) -Being. Which produces or is synonymous with presence. The Fourth Way[1] is an approach to self-development developed by George Gurdjieff over years of travel in the East (c. 1890 – 1912). It combines and harmonizes what he saw as three established traditional "ways" or "schools": those of the emotions, the body, and the mind, or of monks, fakirs, and yogis, respectively. Students often refer to the Fourth Way as "The Work", "Work on oneself", or "The System". The exact origins of some of Gurdjieff's teachings are unknown, but various sources have been suggested.[2] The term "Fourth Way" was further used by his student P. D. Ouspensky in his lectures and writings. After Ouspensky's death, his students published a book entitled The Fourth Way based on his lectures. According to this system, the three traditional schools, or ways, "are permanent forms which have survived throughout history mostly unchanged, and are based on religion. Where schools of yogis, monks or fakirs exist, they are barely distinguishable from religious schools. The fourth way differs in that "it is not a permanent way. It has no specific forms or institutions and comes and goes controlled by some particular laws of its own."[3] The Fourth Way addresses the question of humanity's place in the Universe and the possibilities of inner development. It emphasizes that people ordinarily live in a state referred to as a semi-hypnotic "waking sleep," while higher levels of consciousness, virtue, unity of will are possible. The Fourth Way teaches how to increase and focus attention and energy in various ways, and to minimize day-dreaming and absent-mindedness. This inner development in oneself is the beginning of a possible further process of change, whose aim is to transform man into "what he ought to be." Taken from: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth_Way

In the Fourth Way it is said that the act of Self remembering really can't be defined because the scope of its breadth and depth cannot be approached because of the limitation of language. A student and Teacher of the Work, Nicholas Tereschenko tried anyway and his attempt is found helpful by many others in the Work. He said- Self-remembering is the expansion of the field of Consciousness, so that both the outside and the inside worlds are perceived together in the unity of experience. Years ago, when I first found the Work or the Fourth Way, I assumed that I already had an inner world and at times I did but this inner world that I experienced was very shallow in its depth. Because of this, things in the outer world were always affecting me greatly and still does at times when I lose contact with the inner parts of my centers. A vital criterion in the ability of making contact with the depth of the inner world is establishing a solid grounding in the belly center aka, the hara. An embodiment in the belly center establishes the possibility of leaving the noise that goes on when we are stuck in the storm that results in a perpetual turbulence that goes on between the mental and emotional worlds. People often get disconnected from their belly center by the time of adolescence and a good many never again will rediscover and achieve a grounding there. Having an erect posture as well as experiencing inner quiet are only minor side effects of rediscovering this embodiment in which your belly expands when breathing like it did for many in childhood. Becoming grounded in the belly center makes it possible for the mental and emotional worlds to disentangle. Sensing the physical body is how you 'jailbreak your mind' to use Leo's allegorical description. Sensing, not feeling the body. The heart is the perceptual organ for feeling and intuitive seeing, but only after it becomes the manager-boss of the mind and disentangling has to be accomplished first. Until this happens the mind has you instead of you having a mind. Realization of Being is then possible and then one can have their being. I began this post with only the intention of sharing Nichols Tereschinko's attempt at describing Self-remembering but in the processes I began to spontaneously download and broadcast. So please pardon the resultant and ensuing spiritual mansplaining. Hope some of you find parts of it useful in some way. @seeking_brilliance I went to ask A. I. Philosopher once again about the Fourth Way but unless I'm wrong, it seems only to be available now if one purchases the app.

Valuable and very interesting insights @fridjonk . I appreciate your taking the time to express them here. What you say could also be true here where I live if only I got out more and interacted with people to discover. I no longer even read the local newspapers. The following is from a 12th century Egyptian Sufi named Dzou'l Noun and to me contain a whole world of meaning having to do with Conscience and the consequences of being awake in a culture that is asleep. All men are dead, except those who know. All those who know are dead, except those who practice. All those who practice are dead, except those who act. All those who act are lost,except those who act with righteous intent. And All those who act with righteous intent are all in grave danger.

I need to call Ghostbusters Either I'm hallucinating or I'm seeing ghosts or something,,,, It's been happening for more than a week anyhow. Couldn't deny it after my experiences today. Right before dark I was walking down to the mailbox and nearly called out to a man in camouflage to stop and identify himself. He was just a few yards ahead of me and I saw him become transparent. This was the most vivid apparition yet and undeniable because of the close distance, remaining daylight and vividness becoming transparent . Another odd factor is that they have been mostly in small groups and half the time are engaged in sex with one another. Not every time , but in a good percentage of these occurrences they are. Sometimes there will be just a handful and they seem to be talking to one another. I feel lucid and not delusional around these occurrences although the experiences have left me a little confused or perplexed because I couldn't decide if I was seeing actual people or not. It occurred most often when the daylight was dim in the morning or evening but sometimes at night and a little less often in full daylight when peering into woodlands. Go figure ?‍♂️ Another odd factor is that the, what I call paranormal phenomena, that Ive experienced almost continually for the last three years of hearing a chorus of crickets have grown even louder in volume. Over a year ago when I was faithfully doing two a day centering Prayer meditations, I noticed then that whenever I experienced brief periods of objectless or nonconceptual awareness and perhaps closer to that state of consciousness than normal, upon entering back into everyday awareness, I would recognize this background chorus of crickets would be louder than usual. Also a light pressure or pulse would be felt on my forehead simultaneously. This slight throb was noticed back around 2008 after having read a lot of the Almaas material and gradually recognized I too, on occasion was experiencing this which was similar to his personal descriptions of the phenomena. Telling about this probably won't help my credibility here on the forum but as I've mentioned in the past, I've intentionally left entries in that were odd, crass, petty, unflattering or just revealing a coarse sub personality or minor ship mate on this ship of fools that makeup my fracturedness which over time I'm trying to integrate into a more cohesive multidimensionality. Carl Jung once said that we should let people see us in just our undershirt. I think this was what he was reffering to. Like many of you, I come from a conservative small town environment and have refrained from revealing my journal/forum activity. For the most part, to be saved from being tarred and feathered. Lots of Christian fundamentalists, Trump supporters, and the like where I live. I did reveal this to my former Therapist and friend Jim who lives about 80 miles from here. Also two very nice ladies who were a part of my Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson group book reading on the internet, which took almost a year. One of these ladies, I would consider somewhat similar in Generation and worldview to my mother yet I felt a bond and friendship with in some way which in ordinary life would be unlikely. So Joan, if you still are stopping in from time to time and happen to be reading this, THANK YOU! and please excuse the more coarse aspects of myself that I've revealed. Knowing in the back of my mind, though, that you might be following along has allowed me to integrate and perhaps reconcile some of my fracturedness due to some stubborn aspects of My Superego. If that makes any sense. To me it does and I think perhaps it has. To those who are like myself in regard to flying under the radar of conservative small hometown environments.You better plan on the day coming when the cat gets out of the bag. Integrate before it's too late. Be like a green sapling who doesn't burn but only singes when the gaslighters come along. For those who are wondering what I'm talking about. You don't know how lucky you are. ? I'll report back on the issue of these apparitions, ghosts, or whatever they are when there is something to report.