Zigzag Idiot

My I CHING reading this morning. Hexagram 48- The Well - with lines 1&4 changing creating a second hexagram 28- The Preponderance of the Great. Its a very relevant reading for me. I consider the changing lines as the most primary thing to focus on in a consultation of the I CHING. That is all that I've pasted below.

I still act like a dick sometimes and also still have some spiritual egotism periodically. I feel like I'm a better person for having once been a Zen Devil, though.. In the Work it's said that becoming man #5 before you've achieved balance as man#4 then there is no way to become man #6. Well there is but it requires enduring a difficult path in which you encounter the neccasary heat to bring about another recrystalization. Normally I'll phrase it as human # 4, human # 5, human #6, etc. so I don't come across as sexist or patriarchical. Human # 4 has their 3 centers or brains balanced as well as being integrated. Human #5 job is to begin expressing the individuality- data which is from the Causal body. This is called the second initiation and for this to happen we need to consciously incarnate in our two natured system. The first initiation is the realization that you are not IT, the body. Forgiveness and apologies are acts in which the heart as a perceptual tool becomes stronger because some individuality data from the Causal body Is being expressed. Because of this expression becoming freed-up we can then feel our nothingness. So I see Human #5 as in addition to being integrated are also individuated which is synonymous with realizing one's presence and having our being and realizing the True Self . In today's world this is as high as Actualization goes. 100 years from now it will probably be higher. People will be actualizing as human # 7 maybe. Jesus was human # 7 or #8 I've heard. I don't know but that may put things more in scale for some. Human # 1 likes eating, sex, and physical movement, instinctual things. They're the ones who can't stand still or stop for very long. Human #2 stays in the lower emotional center all the time being emotional and Human number 3's are the full time egg head's who most often never have inner quiet. Humans #1,#2, and #3 are all at the same level of spiritual sleep. Humans #4 is we awaken and leap out of our graves as Ocke de Boer humorously puts it. I would metaphorically put it that it's also when we have to become our own Fonzi and leave behind our imitation Fonzi. It's said you don't really understand something unless you can create metaphors about your understanding. I'm working on it. My Fonzi allegory will most likely exasperate more than a few but I'm going to stand behind it. It makes sense to me as well that our understanding increases only when we work on our knowledge the same as we work on our being. Apologies and forgiveness I would put in the category of work on being. I didn't aim to write this much. The Science of Idiotism can help those who became human #5 before they balanced as human #4. That's my predicament as well in being stuck here on the ladder of reason. The question here is always- What kind of Idiot are you? Some stations of Idiocy are more difficult to endure than other stations but then it's different with everyone as well anyway. Some people won't require the Science Of Idiotism but for others, it will be an effective springboard.

As someone who was on Paxil for 10 years and spent 5 of those years trying to get off them. It was good to see the above conversation take place. Not until I had gotten off Paxil did I learn there was a term for what I experienced a lot of - brain zaps. My dose was 20 mg per day. From my experience, the advice given by @lmfao was spot on. I cut my 20mg's in half and then after 10mg per day for a while would then skip every Fourth day etc.,, and slowly I was able to leave them behind. I know there has to be many out there who are thinking about quitting these drugs and seeing this conversation will give them some information and perhaps some inspiration.

Zen Devils have the bad habit of lining people out and setting them straight,,, for their own good of course. Zen Devils are sure of themselves and think they are the exception to the rule. This is a blindspot for them.

Your Own Little Corner of the World by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen He was so upset because there are so many things wrong in this world. “People just aren’t doing what they should. Even the simplest things at work – people aren’t even doing their jobs properly.” I showed him the Serenity Prayer and asked him to read it: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The things you can change, what are they? Those are just you, yourself. And the things you cannot change? Those are everybody else. The most that any human being can fix or control is just your own little corner of the world. If you concentrate on being true to yourself in your own little space, and accepting others as they are, no matter how small it seems, good changes will happen. You will come to a place of peace. And consider how truly valuable is your peace of mind.

Two things come to mind regarding the question. The phenomena called Inner considering in the Fourth Way. Which I still have to contend with in my own Work. Basicly, one way of describing inner considering is it's just when one is thinking way too much. Also, spiritual materialism, which is more talked about in different 'communities' . A google search on that phrase would probably reveal some information. Chogyam Trungpa wrote a very good and easy to read book called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. What Leo calls being a zen devil is one form of spiritual materialism. Years ago it would be safe to say I was a zen devil and also the phase when I based my identity on being a "spiritual" person. That also is a form of Spiritual materialism. Both spiritual Materialism and Inner considering are areas of work that everyone has to contend with to some extent. If someone says that either one is not any issue in their life then they are probably unconscious in that regard or as some would call it, they have a psychological blindspot. One has to see these phenomena in oneself through Inquiry or Self Observation because they are related to one's sense of identity as well as our projections onto others. Being connected real tight to one's own insecurities makes them difficult to work through for many people and usually takes a lot of time. @K VIL2 I respect your authentic honesty as well as your conscientiousness in your use of language. It seems to me those who are sincere and have a degree of humility are also those who make gains quickest in doing Inquiry.

More on hexagram 14,,, There is still another page or so of the general commentary on 14 before it gets to interpreting each of the six lines but I'll stop right here.

This is all it would let me upload. It’s about time for another one.

In this morning’s I CHING reading I received hexagram 34-Using Power line 6 changing into hexagram 14-Possession in Great Measure. I’m having trouble downloading any of it to my Journal. Trying to do it with my I-Phone because my I-Pad has an illness. It’s some rich text. Maybe I can do it in a little bit,,,

Having Schizoid tendencies This is from the Mayo Clinic website. Overview Schizoid personality disorder is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. They also have a limited range of emotional expression. If you have schizoid personality disorder, you may be seen as a loner or dismissive of others, and you may lack the desire or skill to form close personal relationships. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about others or what's going on around you. The cause of schizoid personality disorder is unknown. Talk therapy, and in some cases medications, can help. This describes me to an extent for a good part of my life. More so in the category of Schizoid splitting off as a coping mechanism. It's that- lets Pretend what just happened never happened kind of thing. That should ring a bell with a lot of you because it's pretty common. The experts don't know anything except for just a few in developmental and depth psychology and those who go into Transpersonal psychology. The rest are just knotheads who get treated to lunch fairly often by pharmaceutical representatives. If you get serious about shadow work, all that stuff has to get processed. Defending Against Personal Contact When we are confronted with impersonality in the course of letting go of ego identifications, if we neither posit it as the ultimate reality, nor reject it, but genuinely investigate the truth, we will ultimately come upon the personal element. The absence of the personal element, which is felt as impersonality, can be seen at such times either as an emptiness in the chest, or the presence of a hard impersonal shield over it. The emptiness is felt as almost physical, as an empty hole or cavity in the chest. The emptiness affects the individual by making him feel that it doesn't have what it takes for him to relate in a personal way. He is impersonal because he lacks the personal element. He feels the emptiness as a deficiency, a lack in who he is. This deficient emptiness is simply the state of the absence of the Personal Essence. The rigid shield is a defense against this deficiency, which gives the individual a sense of being a person that is not personal. In fact, it is what is usually referred to in depth psychology as a schizoid defense. It is a defense against personal contact, because of the vulnerability that it might expose. So the individual employs this impersonal defense of isolation and emotional detachment so that he does not feel either the vulnerability of personal involvement, or the sadness about the lack of it. This condition is much more common than is normally acknowledged, for it is usually hidden by the ego’s sense of being personal. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 75 - A.H. Almaas Ive also had grandiose coping mechanisms in the past but I won't go into that for now. I think the saying goes- Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean someone is not out to get me. It almost seems that getting these security cameras put in have aggravated my condition. There's at least 3 categories of 'hallucination' that I've been experiencing. The most faint is like my iPad has been hacked into and someone is overlaying images of people doing absurd things. Another kind is where the wind is moving the branches of trees and my imagination turns them into people who act like their creeping on me. The third kind is images of people so real like that I'll sometimes run out and try to catch them. This happens most when the light is dim. I mentioned in an earlier post about nearly catching up to someone only to have them go translucent. That really messed with me,,,, Well, last night I did catch-up to someone who was appearantly creeping on me. Actually I suspect a small group who are doing this. For sport, I guess,, go figure. I don't know. It was a young lady. I really think I would have had a good chance of tackling her but, I don't know. She had a fast walk down to an art and was smart enough to keep a tree right in front of her so she couldn't be silloqueted. Also, with a bad knee I really try to avoid extreme movements that could twist it badly. But I got close enough that I'm sure of this one. Both occasions have happened in really dim light. My eyes are getting worse every year. Maybe the guy who went translucent was real in physicality and between craftiness and my worsening eyesight my imagination interpreted him going translucent. I guess it's possible that their are Warlocks like on that old sitcom -Bewitched- Slim chance, though. I actually wanted to be a Warlock in the worst way growing up watching that show. Life can be strange. I know that much.

It was just that darned ole schizophrenia cropping up again. I'll comment more later about this . The worlds of the mystic and the schizophrenic are the same I've heard say. Intuitively It seems there is some kind of inner insight about this that's starting to develope. That is, if I don't lose my marbles in the meantime. Who knows though, it may be part of the neccasary process.

There’s something really bizarre happening outside my house right now. A lot of people,,,, Ill report back, I hope,,,

Most of the time I consult the I CHING in the morning and it seems to often provide a framework for the day. Every once in a while I'll consult it at the end of the day, like I did today. Well, actually about 5 hours ago. This is what I got- First Hexagram 30; Attaining Clariy with only 1 changing line; line 5 creating a second hexagram 13;Associating with People I feel asleep. Now it was over 12 hours ago that I did this I Ching consultation. I feel good this morning, well, it's almost noon. I may do another reading shortly.

Some may find this of interest. http://www.primasounds.com/ Music that resonates with the Chakras.

Abbey Road is probably my favorite Beatles album. This is a medley from it

@fridjonk Thanks brother I can’t paint or draw. Repurposing is my art form I enjoy besides expressing myself through writing. This crutch made a good rake handle. The extra leverage makes it good for working in thick brush. In my last really bad anxiety spell I was advised to keep a diary or a journal but I was just unable to. My worst episodes of anxiety and depression was in my late teens and twenties. Here’s Jim’s mini-column for the week. "My Primary Relationship Comes First" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen When you feed your child and give him or her good nourishment and lots of love, your child thrives and grows. The same is true of marriage and partnership, and indeed all love relationships. When you feed it, when you nourish it, when you put lots of loving energy into it, your relationship can thrive and grow. Of course, nourishment and your time and energy do not guarantee a successful relationship. But without your time, your energy, your love, your sincere efforts to grow, it is guaranteed that the relationship will wither and die - even if the two of you choose to stay under the same roof. The ones who make it, the ones who develop and maintain a healthy happy partnership, are the ones who adjust their attitude to “my primary relationship comes first.” It’s an obvious message, a simple message. Hardly could we say it’s profound. It’s just that it’s true and needs your close attention.

I could view my astrological type and my enneatype as my mask and hat perhaps. I like the distinction made in the Fourth Way of false personality, personality and Essence. Personality here is synonymous with True Self combined with Essence. Ive become used to the Ridhwan school's notion of personality =ego and that through purifying, integration and shadow work there's a personal Essence that emerges along with other aspects of Essence of which there are many. I just ran across a good excerpt from A. H. Almaas's Pearl Beyond Price which sums it up more efficiently than I could paraphrase it.- Absorption of all Essential Aspects into the Personal Essence So the capacity to be without this ego sense of self eliminates selectivity in one’s personal experience of essential qualities, opening the consciousness to an unlimited range of qualities. The absence of inner selectivity due to cessation of the feeling of self, coupled with the openness to expansion due to disidentincation from ego inadequacy, allows a new possibility of realization. It makes it possible to complete the process of personalization of Essence, which is the absorption of all essential aspects into the Personal Essence, or the synthesis of all aspects into a personal presence. The essential aspects now constitute the very substance of the Personal Essence. One not only feels one is a full personal presence, but that this very same presence includes the presence of Love, Joy, Strength, Compassion, Merging, Peace, Intelligence, Will, Consciousness, etc. Aspects are simultaneously personalized, with their capacities and functions integrated. This is a condition of completeness, of an amazing degree of integration. One is full and firm, strong and soft, sweet and warm, and so on. One is a complete person. This does not mean that one’s personal presence from now on is always this complete state. It indicates that one is able to be present in this expanded state of Being. The Personal Essence is an organic and fluid presence; there is no rigidity in it at all. All its states, through the whole process of its realization and development, are available to it now, manifesting according to the situation. Practically, this realization allows the capacity to be personal in any of the essential aspects, or any combination of them, depending on the demands of the situation. The complete state of the Personal Essence brings a perception of one’s presence as preciousness, beauty and regality. It is no wonder that the Personal Essence is called in some stories, the Princess Precious Pearl. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 391 A part of this process also is balancing and embodiment of the instinctive, emotional, and Intellectual centers. Excuse me for another copy and paste which elaborates about the three centers- Contribution of the Heart Center in the Process of Understanding The heart center’s contribution has to do with its central quality, which is the personal essence. The contribution of the personal essence is the diving movement, the actual living of the experience. You not only allow it, you’re in the midst of it, you’re one with it. You’re really it, you let it happen, you feel it fully, you sense it fully, you experience it fully, right? That’s the contribution of the heart center. The belly center has its contribution, which is represented by the self, the essential self. The contribution of the essential self is the disidentification, the turning away. When you are truly functioning in the belly, you are completely present, and being completely present, you are being yourself. So you are not identified with the usual activity of trying to get somewhere else. I am not implying that space is always in the head, the pearl in the heart, and the essential self in the belly. Centers lose their importance after a while in terms of locations of essential aspects. What I mean is that when space is functioning as allowing, it activates the head center; when the pearl is functioning as involvement, it is usually in the heart center; and when the essential self is functioning as disidentification, it is usually in the belly, in the Hara center. In my own work, the embodiment of the Essential Self in the belly Center has been the most striking so far in my discovery because for so long I had been completely ungrounded and stuck completely in the upper two centers. Mostly stuck in my head. In the egoic mind. This isn't to say that later I won't make a leap in further integration of the heart center or the head center.So far, this has all been an unfolding development involving, among other things, a dissolving of ego structures that I would label as conceptual in that they're internalized images of self representations. The Essential qualities I would then equate as the more real part. In the past couple of years how I've worded it has changed especially after a talk Cynthia Bourgeault gave pointing out that we are not Being but rather we reach a point in which we have our being. This is how it's also worded in ACIM as well as The New Testament.

I think that very often there is no one right answer for everyone because truth is often paradoxical. What is one mans food is another man's poison,,, This leaves it where we can have completely different answers to different life situations and that's just fine. We don't have to agree or disagree or agree to disagree. At times I've found peace in being able to just have no opinion at all and that what created the most misery in my life was reaching conclusions. If I need to make a decision, I'll do so but try not to identify with my decision in which it becomes more like a judgement. Thinking too much as well as making judgements are recipes for being miserable and confused. To practice becoming or being stupid can yield spaciousness and to sit stupidly is a great meditation or a decent doorway into nonconceptual awareness. I Don't believe in the Devil or any evil entity but things which appear evil are only things or situations born out of ignorance which is also the source of fear. I don't believe in beliefs and that any word that comes after I am is a a case of mistaken identity mostly because language is dualistic. Awakened Conscience is the same in everyone and is how God makes choices. To add I believe or I know to the previous statement distorts it. The degree of success that one has in culture is often an accurate measure of how lost they are and how distorted their perception is. A very common psychological blind spot in humans is their tendency to feed on negative emotions and not realize it. Consider the evening news and most sitcoms as well as Christ saying "forgive them, they know not what they do" which also points at herd mentality. One thing that Maurice Nicoll said that kind of disturbs me is that Jesus Christ never laughed because he had no negativity in his emotional center and laughter is created, Nicoll said, when Impressions fall equally on the negative part and the positive part of the emotional center. Maurice Nicoll did emphasize the importance of lightheartedness and this seems skewered when juxtaposed to His statement about Jesus never having laughed. I'm probably missing something. Being lighthearted is a virtue. The capacity for suddenly acting silly is a form of lightheartedness. I'm terrible at math. Saints are eaters of suffering. Communicating in nonsequitor statements erodes self-importance and being too serious and in general, people are much too serious. I hypothesize that being over serious is derived from fear. Therefore, become fearless as often as possible. This being a journal, I can write near anything if it's from authenticity, even if it may embarrass me to read it tomorrow. I'm not intoxicated but I suspect myself of being borderline manic at times. My point being, go wild and express yourselves. Color outside the lines,,, yet, try to be nice,,, This will set the stage for being brutally honest. See if you can catch yourself feeding on negativity of any kind and ponder deeply about that.

It's not that often that I receive just one hexagram. This morning I just received one hexagram 29- The Abyss. I do receive this particular hexagram fairly often though. @seeking_brilliance I have to have the clamps to hold the book together and taking pictures,,,

@LastThursday In trying to describe my felt experience, the Castaneda quote below seems to apply in that it's maybe between what's felt as a part of my perception and the abstract,,, causing me to become confused and tongue tied. ? "Words are tremendously powerful and important and are the magical property of whoever has them. Sorcerers have a rule of thumb: they say that the deeper the assemblage point moves, the greater the feeling that one has knowledge and no words to explain it. Sometimes the assemblage point of average persons can move without a known cause and without their being aware of it, except that they become tongue-tied, confused, and evasive." I'm leaving this link you might enjoy. This guy has extracted Don Juan's Teaching out of the narrative of Castaneda's books. Don't really care for his MP3 recordings but the text he provides is fun to read. https://www.prismagems.com/castaneda/djintro.html

"Kiddo, it was a sad day in Mudville", said on older plainspoken man from southern Indiana to me years ago. In that, he was referring to the untimely death of his best friend's son. They bury the body of my old childhood friend today. He showed up in my world during the second grade. An implant into the local environment from California. Prominent forehead, dark red hair. Open, friendly and honest bluntness. He was an Aries and he had the look of a martial warrior. Like me, he was destructive by nature but even more so. We entered adolescence as hellions. Terrorizers of wild game, destructive vandal's of barns and vacant structures while we were learning to manage our tobacco habits. All of us turned into drunks and were never the same again, in a way. We were tested and tempered by fire for our benefit though. A mutual friend of ours was killed in a car wreck our senior year. A quiet introverted shy kid you couldn't help but love. My old friend has spent the last 30 years grinding away at life until it suddenly came to an end here in this world a few nights ago. His life had become hard. He made many mistakes but in an ultimate sense I will never experience him as being wrong or bad. Is it lonely in timeless eternity? Perhaps for some in that are caught in a dream, can experience that. I don't know. Maybe the greater truth is that in a larger frame of reference the question is seen to be as ridiculous. I hope so. We carry our loved ones in our hearts so they're always with us. Just how real can we make it? Don't know,,, maybe we create suffering and futility in thinking that saying goodbye is a part of reality. I hold it as a possibility but I don't know that either.

My highest attainment can only be as a realized Idiot or perfect Idiot. Only God can be unique Idiot. I appreciate your sentiments, though.

The more I age my eyes see less, they perceive the world through feeling. My eyes feel the world or rather the eyes feel the world. They perceive through feeling and not seeing. This perceiving through feeling is like they grab onto what's there. From Castaneda's The Fire Within- I've mentioned to you that sorcery is something like entering a dead-end street. What I meant was that sorcery practices have no intrinsic value. Their worth is indirect, for their real function is to make the assemblage point shift by making the first attention release its control on that point. The new seers realized the true role those sorcery practices played and decided to go directly into the process of making their assemblage points shift, avoiding all the other nonsense of rituals and incantations. Yet rituals and incantations are indeed necessary at one time in every warrior's life. But only for purposes of luring one's first attention away from the power of self-absorption, which keeps his assemblage point rigidly fixed. The obsessive entanglement of the first attention in self-absorption or reason is a powerful binding force, and ritual behavior, because it is repetitive, forces the first attention to free some energy from watching the inventory, as a consequence of which the assemblage point loses its rigidity. When that happens, if you are not a warrior, you think you're losing your mind. If you are a warrior, you know you've gone crazy, but you patiently wait. You see, to be healthy and sane means that the assemblage point is immovable. When it shifts, it literally means that one is deranged. Two options are opened to warriors whose assemblage points have shifted. One is to acknowledge being ill and to behave in deranged ways, reacting emotionally to the strange worlds that their shifts force them to witness; the other is to remain impassive, untouched, knowing that the assemblage point always returns to its original position. If the assemblage point doesn't return to its original position, then those people are lost. They are either incurably crazy, because their assemblage points could never assemble the world as we know it, or they are peerless seers who have begun their movement toward the unknown. What determines it is energy! Impeccability! Impeccable warriors don't lose their marbles. They remain untouched. I've said to you many times that impeccable warriors may see horrifying worlds and yet the next moment they are telling a joke, laughing with their friends or with strangers. The mind, for a seer, is nothing but the self-reflection of the inventory of man. If you lose that self-reflection, but don't lose your underpinnings, you actually live an infinitely stronger life than if you had kept it.

It feels good to be crazy It feels crazy to be good