Zigzag Idiot

Almaas's quotes about ego death Death of the Self-Identity It is clear here that the ego or self which is annihilated in “ego death” is not the ego of depth psychology and it is not the actual self. It is specifically the self-identity. The death of this identity merely means that there is no barrier or resistance to the presence of Essence. There is no need to uphold an identity based on a psychic structure that is bound to have some rigidity for the simple reason that this psychic structure is based on a representation, and that the representation is based on past experience. This might prove to be irrelevant to the arising dimension of presence, but it is an irrelevance that is bound to function as a measure of inflexibility. Ego death also implies the total freedom from the overall self-representation. This condition does not necessarily mean there will be no more self-representation or identity; it means that this representation does not pattern the experience of the self and that the identity is not experienced as oneself. The self is the presence of Essence itself, and when the identity is present in experience, it is perceived to refer to a superficial manifestation of oneself. The Point of Existence, pg. 524 The Idea of Ego Death is a Misnomer One important thing we see here is that there is no ego separate from the soul. The proverbial ego of spiritual terminology is nothing but the ego-self, the soul structured through ego development. There is no ego as an entity; there is only the soul that can become ego by becoming structured with mental forms. Therefore, the idea of ego death is a misnomer. There is no entity that dies, for the soul does not die. All that happens in such experiences is that an ego structure dissolves, and the soul field is liberated from its influence. More accurately, the soul ceases to structure her experience through these mental forms. This can bring about the dissolution or transcendence of one's identity, but this identity is a feeling that arises from the soul being structured by a particular self-representation. A representation dies, but no entity. Depth psychology itself, as in psychoanalytic theory, does not recognize an ego that is an entity. Ego in psychoanalytic thought is nothing but a mental structure, or a system of mental structures, and the processes and capacities that go into its development and functioning. In fact, some theoreticians consider the ego to be nothing but the organizing process itself. "The basic proposition we wish to develop is that the concept of ego, as it has evolved through its several definitions in the course of psychoanalytic theory construction, has become synonymous with organizing process." (Blanck and Blanck, Ego Psychology II, p. 15) The Inner Journey Home, pg. 627 More quotes about ego death here- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/ego-death

Good morning fellow Journalers For those with children The Adult Should Decide by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen Her kids are 8 and 10 years old. And Mom has a big decision to make for them. She leans one way; her friends and relatives are pressuring her the other way. She knows what her kids want, and they pretty much agree with what she wants. That’s not the problem. The problem arose when she gave away her parental responsibility. Mom said, “I’m going to let my kids make their own decision.” It is good for children to make small decisions (e.g., what outfit to wear or which friend to play with today), but not the big ones (e.g., who to live with, or whether to attend school virtually or in person, or should they change to a different school district). You should always ask for your kids’ input (i.e., their feelings and thoughts), but the big decisions belong to you. You are the adult, and your judgement is better and wiser than a child’s judgement. Furthermore, children need someone stronger and with more life experiences to guide and direct them. If you make the adult decisions, your children will feel more secure, and they will develop better self-esteem.

I've been pondering the schizophrenic experiences that I've been having the last few months. There is no blatant discontinuity of consciousness that is experienced. That's why I phrase it schizophrenic experiences rather than schizophrenic episodes.The experiences are technically schizophrenic. If I don't open my mouth and speak about them, I appear fairly normal ,,,. Only in the last couple of weeks have I verified that these experiences are not just visual but include the auditory senses as well. I have an idea of why they started happening. It's actually a combination of things but the realization of the how and why remain pretty much in the realm of patchy intuition which as yet I'm unable to put into words. If I tried it would only be crude notes as it stands. As odd as it may sound my emotional stability is as good as it ever has been. During the worst of my mental and emotional upheavals, at around 19-20 years old, some 30 years ago, I experienced a reoccurring visual hallucination that took place in the same location of my parents home. So far as auditory hallucinations, I don't recall any that were linked with times of upset or trauma. There have been a handful of times that I experienced what I would categorize as paranormal auditory episodes but mostly in childhood and seemingly haphazardly random in occurrence. Where I am, here later in life. There is no doubt that having re established a connection to my belly center or hara as it's called in the East, plays a big role in my staying grounded. If not for that, I intuit that both my mental and emotional stability would be much worse off than it is. This idea occurred to me this evening as I listened to an old favorite from Ted Nottingham narrating on the life of Karlfried Graf Durkheim. I've made some new friends over the last few months. One of them has a similar coping mechanism as mine in which he cracks jokes more as his stress level rises but also when he's just in a everyday lighthearted mood as well. Our sense of humor is slightly different from one another's but there seems to be an unspoken understanding that we share. His wife seems to be near Sainthood. An old joke about schizophrenia came to mind to me today. Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I. This triggers an associative memory of the lyrics in one of Roger Millers old songs called - Dang me. Roses are red? Violets are purple? sugar is sweet? and so is maple surple ?

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Leo talks about the Mastery of awareness in his latest talk. Castenada wrote about the Mastery of Awareness in his book Power of Silence. Just below, I've taken some excerpts from Power Of Silence. Just add salt,, The guide in the lives of sorcerers is called "the nagual." The nagual is a man or a woman with extraordinary energy, a teacher who has sobriety, endurance, stability; someone seers see as a luminous sphere having four compartments, as if four luminous balls have been compressed together. Naguals are responsible for supplying what sorcerers call "the minimal chance": the awareness of one's connection with intent. Naguals school their apprentices toward three areas of expertise: the mastery of awareness, the art of stalking, and the mastery of intent. These three areas of expertise are the three riddles sorcerers encounter in their search for knowledge. The mastery of awareness is the riddle of the mind; the perplexity sorcerers experience when they recognize the astounding mystery and scope of awareness and perception. The art of stalking is the riddle of the heart; the puzzlement sorcerers feel upon becoming aware of two things: first that the world appears to us to be unalterably objective and factual, because of peculiarities of our awareness and perception; second, that if different peculiarities of perception come into play, the very things about the world that seem so unalterably objective and factual change. The mastery of intent is the riddle of the spirit, or the paradox of the abstract--sorcerers' thoughts and actions projected beyond our human condition. Warriors are incapable of feeling compassion because they no longer feel sorry for themselves. Without the driving force of self-pity, compassion is meaningless. For a warrior everything begins and ends with himself. However, his contact with the abstract causes him to overcome his feeling of self-importance. Then the self becomes abstract and impersonal. There is a threshold that once crossed permits no retreat. Every sorcerer should have a clear memory of crossing that threshold so he can remind himself of the new state of his perceptual potential. One does not have to be an apprentice of sorcery to reach this threshold, and the only difference between an average man and a sorcerer, in such cases, is what each emphasizes. A sorcerer emphasizes crossing this threshold and uses the memory of it as a point of reference. An average man does not cross the threshold and does his best to forget all about it. Sorcerers say that the fourth abstract core happens when the spirit cuts our chains of self-reflection. Cutting our chains is marvelous, but also very undesirable, for nobody wants to be free. What a strange feeling: to realize that everything we think, everything we say depends on the position of the assemblage point. The secret of our chains is that they imprison us, but by keeping us pinned down on our comfortable spot of self-reflection, they defend us from the onslaughts of the unknown. Once our chains are cut, we are no longer bound by the concerns of the daily world. We are still in the daily world, but we don't belong there anymore. In order to belong we must share the concerns of people. And without chains we can't. What distinguishes normal people is that we share a metaphorical dagger: the concerns of our self-reflection. With this dagger, we cut ourselves and bleed; and the job of our chains of self-reflection is to give us the feeling that we are bleeding together, that we are sharing something wonderful: our humanity. But if we were to examine it, we would discover that we are bleeding alone; that we are not sharing anything; that all we are doing is toying with our manageable, unreal, man-made reflection. Sorcerers are no longer in the world of daily affairs because they are no longer prey to their self-reflection.

A rogue student's paraphrasing of a primary Ridhwan School method. Developing the capacity for being able to sit with different states or flavors of 'deficient emptiness' as Almaas refers to it. Easier said than done. There are a spectrum of these that can be encountered whenever our emotional pendulum swings into the negative side. We all have a pendulum to a degree. Even beyond emotional purification there are biorhythms which affect our states of consciousness. Normally we try to dissociate from these uncomfortable states through all kinds of activities. To not do that is more difficult than I thought when first encountering this method of what I would almost refer to as Contemplative psychoanalysis. That makes sound more complicated than it really is, though. In going about this, I'm just doing in a sense what Echart Tolle suggests. Also, what Cynthia Bourgeault instructs people to do when doing the Welcoming Practice. Below, I'll paste a YouTube about the welcoming Practice. Whatever is felt in this present moment,,,, bring it on,,. Let's feel and experience it completely. Taste it and start eating on it until your full or the plate is empty. It may take days or you might find transformation in 20 minutes. Dessert in this case will come with it a felt sense of letting go or having seen it through. That is, whatever the reason or state that the felt sense of deficient emptiness is all about. This dessert in this case, you're felt sense of the present moment, will be connected to an aspect of essence which is fulfilling. If you investigate further you may find that it connects with a very alive Red energy or a sense of felt solidness of Will that's grounded in the hara (third chakra) or the back of the neck (fifth chakra energy). Maybe it's empathy for all beings or loving kindness which emanates from the chest or peaceful quietness which is accompanied by a slight pulse from the prefrontal lobe area. Another practice I learned about 3 years ago. It's good when in stressful situations especially. Just sense the physical sensations in the feet. Lots of nerve endings there,,, pressures moreso when standing up or walking. The feet are furthest from your head and at times, nonstop neurotic noise if your like me. Simply get out your head by putting attention on the sensations in the feet. Maybe good for staying present if you have to speak in front of a crowd,,,

My I CHING reading this morning. Hexagram 48- The Well - with lines 1&4 changing creating a second hexagram 28- The Preponderance of the Great. Its a very relevant reading for me. I consider the changing lines as the most primary thing to focus on in a consultation of the I CHING. That is all that I've pasted below.

I still act like a dick sometimes and also still have some spiritual egotism periodically. I feel like I'm a better person for having once been a Zen Devil, though.. In the Work it's said that becoming man #5 before you've achieved balance as man#4 then there is no way to become man #6. Well there is but it requires enduring a difficult path in which you encounter the neccasary heat to bring about another recrystalization. Normally I'll phrase it as human # 4, human # 5, human #6, etc. so I don't come across as sexist or patriarchical. Human # 4 has their 3 centers or brains balanced as well as being integrated. Human #5 job is to begin expressing the individuality- data which is from the Causal body. This is called the second initiation and for this to happen we need to consciously incarnate in our two natured system. The first initiation is the realization that you are not IT, the body. Forgiveness and apologies are acts in which the heart as a perceptual tool becomes stronger because some individuality data from the Causal body Is being expressed. Because of this expression becoming freed-up we can then feel our nothingness. So I see Human #5 as in addition to being integrated are also individuated which is synonymous with realizing one's presence and having our being and realizing the True Self . In today's world this is as high as Actualization goes. 100 years from now it will probably be higher. People will be actualizing as human # 7 maybe. Jesus was human # 7 or #8 I've heard. I don't know but that may put things more in scale for some. Human # 1 likes eating, sex, and physical movement, instinctual things. They're the ones who can't stand still or stop for very long. Human #2 stays in the lower emotional center all the time being emotional and Human number 3's are the full time egg head's who most often never have inner quiet. Humans #1,#2, and #3 are all at the same level of spiritual sleep. Humans #4 is we awaken and leap out of our graves as Ocke de Boer humorously puts it. I would metaphorically put it that it's also when we have to become our own Fonzi and leave behind our imitation Fonzi. It's said you don't really understand something unless you can create metaphors about your understanding. I'm working on it. My Fonzi allegory will most likely exasperate more than a few but I'm going to stand behind it. It makes sense to me as well that our understanding increases only when we work on our knowledge the same as we work on our being. Apologies and forgiveness I would put in the category of work on being. I didn't aim to write this much. The Science of Idiotism can help those who became human #5 before they balanced as human #4. That's my predicament as well in being stuck here on the ladder of reason. The question here is always- What kind of Idiot are you? Some stations of Idiocy are more difficult to endure than other stations but then it's different with everyone as well anyway. Some people won't require the Science Of Idiotism but for others, it will be an effective springboard.

As someone who was on Paxil for 10 years and spent 5 of those years trying to get off them. It was good to see the above conversation take place. Not until I had gotten off Paxil did I learn there was a term for what I experienced a lot of - brain zaps. My dose was 20 mg per day. From my experience, the advice given by @lmfao was spot on. I cut my 20mg's in half and then after 10mg per day for a while would then skip every Fourth day etc.,, and slowly I was able to leave them behind. I know there has to be many out there who are thinking about quitting these drugs and seeing this conversation will give them some information and perhaps some inspiration.

Zen Devils have the bad habit of lining people out and setting them straight,,, for their own good of course. Zen Devils are sure of themselves and think they are the exception to the rule. This is a blindspot for them.

Your Own Little Corner of the World by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen He was so upset because there are so many things wrong in this world. “People just aren’t doing what they should. Even the simplest things at work – people aren’t even doing their jobs properly.” I showed him the Serenity Prayer and asked him to read it: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The things you can change, what are they? Those are just you, yourself. And the things you cannot change? Those are everybody else. The most that any human being can fix or control is just your own little corner of the world. If you concentrate on being true to yourself in your own little space, and accepting others as they are, no matter how small it seems, good changes will happen. You will come to a place of peace. And consider how truly valuable is your peace of mind.

Two things come to mind regarding the question. The phenomena called Inner considering in the Fourth Way. Which I still have to contend with in my own Work. Basicly, one way of describing inner considering is it's just when one is thinking way too much. Also, spiritual materialism, which is more talked about in different 'communities' . A google search on that phrase would probably reveal some information. Chogyam Trungpa wrote a very good and easy to read book called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. What Leo calls being a zen devil is one form of spiritual materialism. Years ago it would be safe to say I was a zen devil and also the phase when I based my identity on being a "spiritual" person. That also is a form of Spiritual materialism. Both spiritual Materialism and Inner considering are areas of work that everyone has to contend with to some extent. If someone says that either one is not any issue in their life then they are probably unconscious in that regard or as some would call it, they have a psychological blindspot. One has to see these phenomena in oneself through Inquiry or Self Observation because they are related to one's sense of identity as well as our projections onto others. Being connected real tight to one's own insecurities makes them difficult to work through for many people and usually takes a lot of time. @K VIL2 I respect your authentic honesty as well as your conscientiousness in your use of language. It seems to me those who are sincere and have a degree of humility are also those who make gains quickest in doing Inquiry.

More on hexagram 14,,, There is still another page or so of the general commentary on 14 before it gets to interpreting each of the six lines but I'll stop right here.

This is all it would let me upload. It’s about time for another one.

In this morning’s I CHING reading I received hexagram 34-Using Power line 6 changing into hexagram 14-Possession in Great Measure. I’m having trouble downloading any of it to my Journal. Trying to do it with my I-Phone because my I-Pad has an illness. It’s some rich text. Maybe I can do it in a little bit,,,

Having Schizoid tendencies This is from the Mayo Clinic website. Overview Schizoid personality disorder is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. They also have a limited range of emotional expression. If you have schizoid personality disorder, you may be seen as a loner or dismissive of others, and you may lack the desire or skill to form close personal relationships. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about others or what's going on around you. The cause of schizoid personality disorder is unknown. Talk therapy, and in some cases medications, can help. This describes me to an extent for a good part of my life. More so in the category of Schizoid splitting off as a coping mechanism. It's that- lets Pretend what just happened never happened kind of thing. That should ring a bell with a lot of you because it's pretty common. The experts don't know anything except for just a few in developmental and depth psychology and those who go into Transpersonal psychology. The rest are just knotheads who get treated to lunch fairly often by pharmaceutical representatives. If you get serious about shadow work, all that stuff has to get processed. Defending Against Personal Contact When we are confronted with impersonality in the course of letting go of ego identifications, if we neither posit it as the ultimate reality, nor reject it, but genuinely investigate the truth, we will ultimately come upon the personal element. The absence of the personal element, which is felt as impersonality, can be seen at such times either as an emptiness in the chest, or the presence of a hard impersonal shield over it. The emptiness is felt as almost physical, as an empty hole or cavity in the chest. The emptiness affects the individual by making him feel that it doesn't have what it takes for him to relate in a personal way. He is impersonal because he lacks the personal element. He feels the emptiness as a deficiency, a lack in who he is. This deficient emptiness is simply the state of the absence of the Personal Essence. The rigid shield is a defense against this deficiency, which gives the individual a sense of being a person that is not personal. In fact, it is what is usually referred to in depth psychology as a schizoid defense. It is a defense against personal contact, because of the vulnerability that it might expose. So the individual employs this impersonal defense of isolation and emotional detachment so that he does not feel either the vulnerability of personal involvement, or the sadness about the lack of it. This condition is much more common than is normally acknowledged, for it is usually hidden by the ego’s sense of being personal. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 75 - A.H. Almaas Ive also had grandiose coping mechanisms in the past but I won't go into that for now. I think the saying goes- Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean someone is not out to get me. It almost seems that getting these security cameras put in have aggravated my condition. There's at least 3 categories of 'hallucination' that I've been experiencing. The most faint is like my iPad has been hacked into and someone is overlaying images of people doing absurd things. Another kind is where the wind is moving the branches of trees and my imagination turns them into people who act like their creeping on me. The third kind is images of people so real like that I'll sometimes run out and try to catch them. This happens most when the light is dim. I mentioned in an earlier post about nearly catching up to someone only to have them go translucent. That really messed with me,,,, Well, last night I did catch-up to someone who was appearantly creeping on me. Actually I suspect a small group who are doing this. For sport, I guess,, go figure. I don't know. It was a young lady. I really think I would have had a good chance of tackling her but, I don't know. She had a fast walk down to an art and was smart enough to keep a tree right in front of her so she couldn't be silloqueted. Also, with a bad knee I really try to avoid extreme movements that could twist it badly. But I got close enough that I'm sure of this one. Both occasions have happened in really dim light. My eyes are getting worse every year. Maybe the guy who went translucent was real in physicality and between craftiness and my worsening eyesight my imagination interpreted him going translucent. I guess it's possible that their are Warlocks like on that old sitcom -Bewitched- Slim chance, though. I actually wanted to be a Warlock in the worst way growing up watching that show. Life can be strange. I know that much.

It was just that darned ole schizophrenia cropping up again. I'll comment more later about this . The worlds of the mystic and the schizophrenic are the same I've heard say. Intuitively It seems there is some kind of inner insight about this that's starting to develope. That is, if I don't lose my marbles in the meantime. Who knows though, it may be part of the neccasary process.

There’s something really bizarre happening outside my house right now. A lot of people,,,, Ill report back, I hope,,,

Most of the time I consult the I CHING in the morning and it seems to often provide a framework for the day. Every once in a while I'll consult it at the end of the day, like I did today. Well, actually about 5 hours ago. This is what I got- First Hexagram 30; Attaining Clariy with only 1 changing line; line 5 creating a second hexagram 13;Associating with People I feel asleep. Now it was over 12 hours ago that I did this I Ching consultation. I feel good this morning, well, it's almost noon. I may do another reading shortly.

Some may find this of interest. http://www.primasounds.com/ Music that resonates with the Chakras.

Abbey Road is probably my favorite Beatles album. This is a medley from it

@fridjonk Thanks brother I can’t paint or draw. Repurposing is my art form I enjoy besides expressing myself through writing. This crutch made a good rake handle. The extra leverage makes it good for working in thick brush. In my last really bad anxiety spell I was advised to keep a diary or a journal but I was just unable to. My worst episodes of anxiety and depression was in my late teens and twenties. Here’s Jim’s mini-column for the week. "My Primary Relationship Comes First" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen When you feed your child and give him or her good nourishment and lots of love, your child thrives and grows. The same is true of marriage and partnership, and indeed all love relationships. When you feed it, when you nourish it, when you put lots of loving energy into it, your relationship can thrive and grow. Of course, nourishment and your time and energy do not guarantee a successful relationship. But without your time, your energy, your love, your sincere efforts to grow, it is guaranteed that the relationship will wither and die - even if the two of you choose to stay under the same roof. The ones who make it, the ones who develop and maintain a healthy happy partnership, are the ones who adjust their attitude to “my primary relationship comes first.” It’s an obvious message, a simple message. Hardly could we say it’s profound. It’s just that it’s true and needs your close attention.

I could view my astrological type and my enneatype as my mask and hat perhaps. I like the distinction made in the Fourth Way of false personality, personality and Essence. Personality here is synonymous with True Self combined with Essence. Ive become used to the Ridhwan school's notion of personality =ego and that through purifying, integration and shadow work there's a personal Essence that emerges along with other aspects of Essence of which there are many. I just ran across a good excerpt from A. H. Almaas's Pearl Beyond Price which sums it up more efficiently than I could paraphrase it.- Absorption of all Essential Aspects into the Personal Essence So the capacity to be without this ego sense of self eliminates selectivity in one’s personal experience of essential qualities, opening the consciousness to an unlimited range of qualities. The absence of inner selectivity due to cessation of the feeling of self, coupled with the openness to expansion due to disidentincation from ego inadequacy, allows a new possibility of realization. It makes it possible to complete the process of personalization of Essence, which is the absorption of all essential aspects into the Personal Essence, or the synthesis of all aspects into a personal presence. The essential aspects now constitute the very substance of the Personal Essence. One not only feels one is a full personal presence, but that this very same presence includes the presence of Love, Joy, Strength, Compassion, Merging, Peace, Intelligence, Will, Consciousness, etc. Aspects are simultaneously personalized, with their capacities and functions integrated. This is a condition of completeness, of an amazing degree of integration. One is full and firm, strong and soft, sweet and warm, and so on. One is a complete person. This does not mean that one’s personal presence from now on is always this complete state. It indicates that one is able to be present in this expanded state of Being. The Personal Essence is an organic and fluid presence; there is no rigidity in it at all. All its states, through the whole process of its realization and development, are available to it now, manifesting according to the situation. Practically, this realization allows the capacity to be personal in any of the essential aspects, or any combination of them, depending on the demands of the situation. The complete state of the Personal Essence brings a perception of one’s presence as preciousness, beauty and regality. It is no wonder that the Personal Essence is called in some stories, the Princess Precious Pearl. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 391 A part of this process also is balancing and embodiment of the instinctive, emotional, and Intellectual centers. Excuse me for another copy and paste which elaborates about the three centers- Contribution of the Heart Center in the Process of Understanding The heart center’s contribution has to do with its central quality, which is the personal essence. The contribution of the personal essence is the diving movement, the actual living of the experience. You not only allow it, you’re in the midst of it, you’re one with it. You’re really it, you let it happen, you feel it fully, you sense it fully, you experience it fully, right? That’s the contribution of the heart center. The belly center has its contribution, which is represented by the self, the essential self. The contribution of the essential self is the disidentification, the turning away. When you are truly functioning in the belly, you are completely present, and being completely present, you are being yourself. So you are not identified with the usual activity of trying to get somewhere else. I am not implying that space is always in the head, the pearl in the heart, and the essential self in the belly. Centers lose their importance after a while in terms of locations of essential aspects. What I mean is that when space is functioning as allowing, it activates the head center; when the pearl is functioning as involvement, it is usually in the heart center; and when the essential self is functioning as disidentification, it is usually in the belly, in the Hara center. In my own work, the embodiment of the Essential Self in the belly Center has been the most striking so far in my discovery because for so long I had been completely ungrounded and stuck completely in the upper two centers. Mostly stuck in my head. In the egoic mind. This isn't to say that later I won't make a leap in further integration of the heart center or the head center.So far, this has all been an unfolding development involving, among other things, a dissolving of ego structures that I would label as conceptual in that they're internalized images of self representations. The Essential qualities I would then equate as the more real part. In the past couple of years how I've worded it has changed especially after a talk Cynthia Bourgeault gave pointing out that we are not Being but rather we reach a point in which we have our being. This is how it's also worded in ACIM as well as The New Testament.

I think that very often there is no one right answer for everyone because truth is often paradoxical. What is one mans food is another man's poison,,, This leaves it where we can have completely different answers to different life situations and that's just fine. We don't have to agree or disagree or agree to disagree. At times I've found peace in being able to just have no opinion at all and that what created the most misery in my life was reaching conclusions. If I need to make a decision, I'll do so but try not to identify with my decision in which it becomes more like a judgement. Thinking too much as well as making judgements are recipes for being miserable and confused. To practice becoming or being stupid can yield spaciousness and to sit stupidly is a great meditation or a decent doorway into nonconceptual awareness. I Don't believe in the Devil or any evil entity but things which appear evil are only things or situations born out of ignorance which is also the source of fear. I don't believe in beliefs and that any word that comes after I am is a a case of mistaken identity mostly because language is dualistic. Awakened Conscience is the same in everyone and is how God makes choices. To add I believe or I know to the previous statement distorts it. The degree of success that one has in culture is often an accurate measure of how lost they are and how distorted their perception is. A very common psychological blind spot in humans is their tendency to feed on negative emotions and not realize it. Consider the evening news and most sitcoms as well as Christ saying "forgive them, they know not what they do" which also points at herd mentality. One thing that Maurice Nicoll said that kind of disturbs me is that Jesus Christ never laughed because he had no negativity in his emotional center and laughter is created, Nicoll said, when Impressions fall equally on the negative part and the positive part of the emotional center. Maurice Nicoll did emphasize the importance of lightheartedness and this seems skewered when juxtaposed to His statement about Jesus never having laughed. I'm probably missing something. Being lighthearted is a virtue. The capacity for suddenly acting silly is a form of lightheartedness. I'm terrible at math. Saints are eaters of suffering. Communicating in nonsequitor statements erodes self-importance and being too serious and in general, people are much too serious. I hypothesize that being over serious is derived from fear. Therefore, become fearless as often as possible. This being a journal, I can write near anything if it's from authenticity, even if it may embarrass me to read it tomorrow. I'm not intoxicated but I suspect myself of being borderline manic at times. My point being, go wild and express yourselves. Color outside the lines,,, yet, try to be nice,,, This will set the stage for being brutally honest. See if you can catch yourself feeding on negativity of any kind and ponder deeply about that.

It's not that often that I receive just one hexagram. This morning I just received one hexagram 29- The Abyss. I do receive this particular hexagram fairly often though. @seeking_brilliance I have to have the clamps to hold the book together and taking pictures,,,