Zigzag Idiot

Just within the last couple of weeks the idea has came to me. I haven't made a fool of myself in a big way. Should be any day now,,,, I put on my psychonaut helmet and tried some 3 meo pcp last night. 10 mg of that stuff insufflated will really grab you by the boo boo. Yeah, that's enough for me, thank you very much. It's classified as a dissociative like ketamine. The comedown was ok and today I felt nice but dissociatives are just not for me. I like the name Angeldust. It sounds friendlier although 3 meo pcp is probably not considered angeldust proper. Doesn't matter. I've about washed my hands of that stuff for good I think. Dissociatives, that is. Still trying to figure out how to get Dwight's article on Esoteric Christianity posted in one piece. Wouldn't think it would be that difficult but for those who are onlooking, it's pretty easy to gauge my technological ineptitude. Still haven't a clue as to why or how my paper clip icon button at the bottom of the page has disappeared. I could use a technological guardian angel,,,,   

I'm probably a candidate,,,, Enjoying your Journal!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1554UNFSUBYxvZQwmBX_XmGvF3m7_r_z8/view?usp=drivesdk https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_t-w3LPNF5BtR-0KFKsphfSffClY_GZL/view?usp=drivesdk https://drive.google.com/file/d/1d3-Ec7sA0E1Yaylyh7Eol5NWjhdWuVit/view?usp=drivesdk https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CllrzGMvBnhXD33ocLzE_o8P0sizm-LD/view?usp=drivesdk Testing,,, 100 monkeys at work here. Does this link to Dwight's four page article work for anyone?

My paper clip icon thingy has gone away which leaves me unable to finish adding the rest of the article about Esoteric Christianity in the forum. I’ll try to figure something out. I went outside and was cutting and piling brush and got my eye poked by a limb. Built a fire and and was unable to fully enjoy it because my eye was hurting. Playing with fire most always cheers me up but not so much this evening. I’m thankful to still be able to see out of my left eye though. Here’s Jim’s weekly mini-column- The Strength of Dependence by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen The idea of independence can be taken too far. The thought that you can be completely independent -- that you should be so strong within yourself, that you will not need other people for your self-worth or your happiness -- is a false teaching. Total independence is not reality, and it’s not the true way to self-esteem and happiness. If you never depend on another human being, you can never be complete. Perhaps without realizing it, you are affected by other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions. You are especially affected by those you’re closest to, in particular your partner or mate. You can and should achieve some independence; in fact you have to in order to be a whole person, and stand on the two feet that God gave you. But total independence is not a worthy goal. It is a sign of strength for you and your partner or mate or friend to depend on one another. The deeper your love, the more you rely on each other for love, support and reassurance. When you can do this for each other, you both grow stronger. When you can’t, you hold each other back.

Thanks, @Preety_India @blackchair @seeking_brilliance I agree, @kbone Moderators or anyone who can answer. My button on the left for adding from photos has disappeared, how do I get it back so I can ad the rest of the article? Thanks

This was written by a former Teacher of mine, Dwight Ott. Of the different Gurdjieff lineages, so to speak, Dwight studied with one of the Nyland Groups. http://www.nyland.org/ When I met him, around 2003, he was a fairly recent widower, an early retired school Teacher, Vegetarian, and a portrait Artist in the resort town of Eureka Springs Arkansas. I'm glad I had copied this off his website that he had available for a few years. I just wished I had saved all of his writings concerning the Fourth Way and Esoteric Christianity. Around the time I met Dwight, Charles Tart had ran across Dwights writings on his small website and paid him compliments. I guess that's all the name dropping for now. These were poor copies and not helped much with my photography. I plan to clean this somehow and then put it in the Christian High Consciousness Resources where I think it belongs. I would like some feedback about that if anyone has objections or comments. There are 1 1/2 more pages I'll load tomorrow,if not sooner. .

Worry is praying to the devil - Terence McKenna

Martin Butler talks about Schadenfreude.

Hell is only terrible first few days,,,

Blows my mind that Don Beck would be a Trump supporter. Very, very sad. Being so asleep would possibly put him in the subcategory of being an objectively Hopeless Idiot, perhaps. I pray that this embryo of a soul may awaken to a degree and at least become a subjectively Hopeless Idiot with at least a slim chance of dodging an extended vacation in the lower astral realms. Tear runs down my cheek, throat aches a bit. I would like to live in a world where the President of the United States would hold an impromptu press conference and looking into the camera would tell U.S. citizens and the world - "A good number of you people just have no idea of how Loved you are." Biden is at times a kind of wild card. I could almost see him doing that. That would make for a really cool and likeable President. At least in my warped opinion. It seems that Trump has always primarily fed negativity to the populace.

You might want to consider Emerald Wilkins. She seems wise as well as practical. I usually like her YouTube's

Cannabis and insomnia + LSD good and bad trips I went to an Iridologist a few tears ago. In the conversation we had as she looked at my eyes and also did some kinesetic testing, I told her that I smoked Cannabis fairly regular. She said, "Oh, that stuff is good for stabilizing your blood sugar." I've never had any issues with my blood sugar, as far as I know. But for some reason her statement really stuck with me. I've never stoped to research if anyone else is saying this, though. Being somewhat of an energetic person. Some might even call me a bit high strung at times. Using cannabis has helped me to offset some of that. Meditation did also after it became more established as a steady practice. As I've mentioned before with cannabis, using it played a role in my quitting Paxil, an SSRI. My mother has had trouble with insomnia all her life. So I come by that honestly but not quite as severely as she has to deal with it. I attribute that to my use of Cannabis as well. She's way too uptight and conservative to even think about smoking some weed. If she did, I think it would really freak her out so much that she would never get over that hump to where it would start becoming beneficial. Long time smokers of cannabis will understand what I mean by this. I see this same issue with people trying psychedelics for the first time. A bad or unsettling type of trip can unnerve a person to where they can become so shaken to the core that not only will they abandon the idea of ever trying it again. The impact of this trauma can also be so overwhelming they may actually stop associating with anyone who does them and also their previous goals in Spiritual development. I believe this kind of backlash more easily comes about if they have an idea of what the trip we be like before with far flung notions of full of blissful transcendency. Or also if they begin a trip with a good deal of fear. Some of the more unpleasant LSD trips I've had has been where I've taken 100-200 ug. I'm more likely to resist it's coming on and then with the mind getting involved in the resistance, it will begin to start issuing thoughts which are more negative. That's why I'm a believer in taking a good stout dose of 500 ug or so. There's no resisting that. It just overwhelms you and with proper set and setting, next thing you know boundaries drop away. Then one just becomes childlike and full of wonder and often experiences subtle forms of things paranormal. Tripping with someone who is experienced and psychologically balanced, I believe also makes it possible to have a great trip instead of a nightmare trip. Anyway, back to the point I was wanting to make in regard to insomnia and sleep deprivation. Cannabis for myself anyway, has had some good effects. An indica strain combined with reading on a book really does me good for the times I wake up and can't get back to sleep. Just as pronounced, if not moreso is when I find myself sleep deprived to the point that I feel super tired and my body is flushed and feels almost feverish. A good mixed indica/sativa strain will revive me in a sense but also get rid of that sensation in the body of it feeling flushed and feverish. Then I almost feel somewhat like I got more sleep than I actually had and then have a decent start on the day ahead.

Undoing Errors in Judgement by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen Suppose you’ve been sick with a stomach virus and you’re still feeling weak. But wishing you felt OK, you push yourself and get up and get out. And then this lands you in bed again, but now with an even longer recovery time. Or suppose you really like that car, but you can’t afford it. And you buy it anyway, wishing and trying to make yourself sort of believe that you can afford it. And now you’re burdened with payments that put an extra strain on you. Or let’s suppose that your relationship with your mother has never been good. You keep hoping it will magically turn around. So you make another trip to see her and spend too much time with her. And now you get to experience the distance and the disappointment yet again. You appear to be suffering from a kind of MADness that psychologist Richard Kluft calls “Mental Alchemy Disorder.” You are believing in magic when you respond to the way you wish things were instead of responding to the way things are. This can lead to some pretty stressful and costly mistakes. You may not like the way things are, but if you deal with what is, you put yourself in a place of peace by your acceptance. And you release yourself from the consequences of yet another unfulfilled fantasy. Your willingness to see it as it is enables you to deal directly with life events. You are undoing an error in judgement. You are expanding your abilities to focus your efforts and manage your life.

@tsuki For whatever it's worth, I see nothing wrong with flirting. Ken Wilber once stated that he admired the openness and psychological flexibility of Bi-sexual men and he kinda wished that he were bisexual even though as he says that he's a hardwired heterosexual. I identify with James Franco's statement a few years ago when he said that he was just a little bit gay. That perhaps he was just a gay cock tease,,, lol. Around that same time (2015) I told a relative a that at times I felt perhaps, psychologically gay. Just a different way of expressing what James Franco did. It immediately got twisted and blown all out of proportion. Although as a hardwired heterosexual, as Wilber phrases it, in having friends who were gay and bisexual, I've had a lot of experience in witnessing and dealing with homophobic pathology in our patriarchical world. I admire your courageousness in being authentic, friend.

I respect you and others here on the forum like @mandyjw and @DrewNows who take the initiative to get in front of the camera. I get tense, uptight and nervous more often than not when being recorded on video. You come across as authentic and at ease in front of the camera. That's a gift of sorts. I can see where encountering bullys would almost be a given when anyone puts out YouTube videos. As you know, bully's are just hurt, insecure people who compulsively try to hurt others but they still suck. With English being your second language, I have to pay attention a little more closely than normal. I seem to be kindred spirits with Romanians for some reason, similar to the way I feel/am with the British. Regarding your perspective that there is an elite Left who are manipulating things in the world. I have to say take a real close look at news sources who mischaracterizes the left while camouflaging their own right wing world view and agenda. I saw this happen with my sister, somewhat. Then again, maybe I misunderstood your perspective. I'm not saying I'm correct and the other way is not but,,,, well, yeah, I guess I am saying that. Perhaps in being an Idiot, I can get by with that. ? Hope your trust returns soon. With having trust, we're more likely to be happy and also protected by the Cosmic Forces that are of harmony. Let's hear you rattle off a few sentences of Romanian sometime on one of your YouTubes ,,,,.?‍♂️

That describes him very much in giving this talk. Tonight being the first time I've heard it. Found this one here in my browser. Thought I posted it previously but I guess not. If anyone runs across Ram Dass telling the joke about Nussruddin identifying himself at the bank, I would appreciate a time mark and also which lecture it is in. I lost track and would like to hear again and how he tells it.

@soos_mite_ah You're journaling about going into the psych Ward for a few days triggered memories of a similar time earlier in my life. I've already related about that earlier. I'm impressed when others are willing to Journal about their weaknesses or things about themselves which are unflattering. I equate that with a degree of authenticity and sincerity. I've made it a point in trying to do that in my Journal. I get fairly self conscious about about some things that I've written. But at the same time, I feel doing this has helped me to work out remaining Superego issues and also the notion of integrating more and better. A reminder that we're multidimensional beings and it's okay. I draw the line though in not sharing issues which are still fairly deep into my shadow. So it's not like I'm completely an open book. People who have a heavy painbody will unconsciously try to trigger others. I've seen this part of myself do the same thing in the past. So in that regard, I can forgive because I have seen that type of behavior in myself. But the fact that this does go on at times. I don't feel like it's wise to share things which are a fair distance from being owned completely and integrated. For instance, in the past I kept quiet about being a regular Cannabis user. But the change that's taken place in our culture and also the openness of others like Terence McKenna, Graham Hancock, Ram Dass, and Rupert Sheldrake among others. A time came when I thought that I needed to come out of the closet on this issue. The shame is no longer there and the stereotype of the listless pothead is no longer as prevalent as it once was. At times, I'm self conscious of my writing style and the inevitable run-on sentences that spill out. But I'm able to make fun of myself sometimes and that helps. Maurice Nicoll impressed me with the virtue of being lighthearted and Gurdjieff too. Even to the degree of being over the top and bombastic. That's just my moon in Leo taking the stage every now and then. I used to read all of everyone's Journal every day for the first year or so. It's become more hit and miss anymore with the increase in Journal traffic. Sometimes I'll read every bit of a long post. Other times I may just skim though, depending on my degree of interest related to the topic. Some people don't like to have others asking questions or commenting in their journal and I can completely understand and respect that. When I first started reading spiritual and metaphysical books years ago and working on myself, I was very tongue tied and unable to express myself with the written word. This is an aspect about me which has blossomed in the last 5 years or so. In person, I'm a lot more quiet than people would think. Primarily, those who only know me through this Journal. I'm actually a fairly quiet person but then again, there's that definite issue of being multidimensional. I saw where you wanted others to share a little and I appreciate your openness. I think your assessment of where you're at on the Spiral is about right. In regards to self deception, all of us are horribly plagued with it! ? Have you watched Leo's video Mankind is the bullshiting animal or something like that was the title. It's very good. I've just written off the top of my head and a little more than I intended,,,, ?

Continuation,,, taken from Bruno Martin's The Realized Idiot, with his referencing Gurdjieff as G.

Can a person curse and still not be expressing negative emotions? Maybe,,,,, That kind of implies the presence of cynicism, though.. To me, cynicism is definitely a negative emotion. Not blatantly but still definitely negative. In culture it's often considered a form of cool. A form of defense mechanism and also a blindspot of mine for a number of years. I eventually recognized an inner feeling of vague filth after the fact. To this day I still fail at times but sometimes I can say something which sounds horrible yet feel truly light-hearted. Which could also describe a psychopath. Actually In the Science if Idiotism, the Genial Idiot, a station quite high on the ladder, has been referred to as a psychopath of sorts. I had a picture of some great correlating text but it seems I've used up all my allotted mb's for today. I'm not doing something right because I notice others posting a great number of pics. This gives me away probably as a technological Idiot which is not an official station of Idiocy. Perhaps I can find its coresponding Idiot, though. If there is one. I'll try to post the picture of text when possible. Maybe in a few hours. If anyone has any technological advice, I would appreciate it. If you're concerned I'll reply with something that makes us both look foolish, you could play it safe and use private message. Thanks,,

A part of my practice is to not express negative emotions. This doesn't mean repressing anything. Actually it usually means feeling whatever it is more intensely This has been and at times, still is, very difficult. It's a practice towards purification of the emotions. My father was a great example in how to suffer fools graciously. Not all the time though. On one occasion he got so angry that he thru his hat on the ground and then started jumping up and down on it with both feet while conveying some choice words. He definitely mellowed with age as most of us do. I noticed this with myself at the Saturn return we all have at 29 1\2 years old. Then some more at around 40-45. I just turned 53.

Thanks @fridjonk The tornado ended up being about 15 miles away. In this area severe fall storms have been on the increase in during the last 30 years. This is a little bit of my numerology based on my name.

Yes, to a degree, but it's arduous. Not easy at all. Gurdjieff refereed to it as "good cooking". ?

@Shunyata maybe in a sense,,, Developing the capacity for being passive to our own reactions or reactivity. Doing true self observation which is uncritical and having to stand in the middle of what we observe without going into justifications or berating ourself will increase ones degree of being faster than anything is what I was taught. Fourth Way stuff,,, Developing the capacity for Witness consciousness is a good aim.

@No Self I understand it that way also pretty much. As long as we have any internalized self images we have some degree of narcissism. The more one can taste (experience) Witness consciousness the freer one is from narcissism. Meglomaniacs push it to pathological narcissism because of their extreme insecurity. By the way, I heard that David Koresh's last words were - "Is it hot in here or am I crazy? Yeah, I know. That's a horrible joke.,,, Fundamental and Pathological Narcissism Fundamental narcissism, the specific and most central manifestation of the disconnection from the essential core of the self, the Presence of being, underlies all other forms of narcissism. Pathological narcissism is a distortion or an exaggeration of fundamental narcissism. Fundamental narcissism is an intrinsic property of the ego-self, which is the self as experienced in the dimension of conventional experience. The Point of Existence, pg. 91 - A.H. Almaas https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/narcissism

Being that we've just been issued a tornado warning and are supposed to be seeking shelter. I thought it would be a good time to share Bruno Martins description of a Zigzag Idiot. Some of it applies to me and some of it I've worked through. I picked it as a screen name just because I liked the name. I am serious though about adding to The Science of Idiotism in some way. At the least, I hope to be carrying the torch for a little bit anyway. I haven't gotten around to making contact with Bruno Martin yet because I have too much of the Zigzag Idiot about me. Bruno was a long time student of J.G. Bennett who was a student and friend of Gurdjieff. J.G. participated in a great number of Gurdjieff's Toasts to the Idiots which was a ritual carried out after the evening meals.