Zigzag Idiot

Does anyone see that many stage Orange individuals who accurately self assess themselves? The Spiral Dynamics model seems to be written off by many in Orange when they see the liberal stage Green as being higher on the spiral.

@DIDego That sounds wise.

Being on Paxil for a decade, I spent the last 5 years or so in a continual attempt to quit it. Having brain zaps and other symptoms, by self medicating with cannabis I eventually managed to leave the Paxil behind. Now when possible, I run like hell away from conventional physicians and ‘experts’. Zigzag Idiots have five Friday’s in each week,,,,

@EddieEddie1995 The way of the Malamat or the way of blame is a high Teaching. The Messenger Jesus Christ lived it out fully. If one swats a hornets nests, repercussions show quickly and light heartedness makes for a good salve. @Matt23 This is well put. In being a good listener and grounded in empathy your presence will calm and teach without anything being said, IMO. Arnold Keyserling spent some time with Gurdjieff in Paris as a student and friend. The Wheel is very holistic. Keyserling penned some right brained poetry and visions in the early 1970’s. The following is about the Wheel. The Wheel is your tool with which to make sense of the world and to clear the path… The Wheel is the foundation of the new time. It has been built and is beginning to truly turn. Anything not tested by the Wheel has no permanence. The weapons of the Wheel will, unnoticed, smash false seriousness with a joke. The Wheel is a weapon which opens the gate to inspiration to whoever entrusts himself to the dissection of the false “I.” Taken from- https://schoolofwisdom.com/visions-and-poems/from-dark-to-life/what-is-the-wheel/

From the perspective of the Earth time Humans are a very recent phenomena. Taking the creation of the Earth 4.6 billion years ago to the present as one year of time, the evolutionary jump to Man in 8800 B.C. occurred only one minute ago. This was something I ran into n the foot notes of http://www.chanceandchoice.com/ Passive Aggressiveness In discovering my own passive aggressive tendencies years ago, which was an uncomfortable experience, I began to experience seeing it more in others and how it remains largely unconscious.I feel that seeing it in myself, I was allowed to see it in others more because I could forgive them or more accurately, at times, overlook passive aggressive jabs from others. I’m not trying to come off as any kind of saintly figure. Anyone who follows this journal any already knows that. The thought recently that plausible deniability and passive aggressiveness go together like peanut butter and jelly got this going. More accurately perhaps, plausible deniability is a component of passive aggressive jabs. There’s a form of suffering that’s going on with people who do this. I can say that because it was a part of my experience. Feeding on negativity is an element of this suffering. Schadenfreude is a German word whose definition comes real close to what I’m saying. When I was under this spell of subtle suffering, it seems now that I wasn’t really conscious of it. It’s easier to see in other people than in oneself actually but I believe that seeing it in oneself is key for becoming free of it in both cause of it and effect of it. Plausible deniability is also probably an ingredient in how we bullshit ourselves that we don’t do it. The mood is a toned down version of - I’m unhappy so everyone needs to be unhappy,,, Most everyone probably has someone in their life who really exemplifies this. That is, unless you’re one of the lucky ones. ? In self observation or inquiry, this kind of brutal honesty is necessary for getting anywhere in removing some shadow from our lives, I believe.

I see promoting the Socratic method as a form of encouraging learning among others. This process steers away from antagonistic argumentative ways and promotes openness. The spirit of this way I also see loosely reflected in A Course In Miracles which encourages - “Teaching to Learn”. When done in the proper spirit, no antagonism is produced or attitudes of one-up-manship. Love can be experienced as individuals share perspectives from different angles. The idea and use of the philosophers stone can dovetail well with the spirit of the Socratic method. Different ideas of what constitutes the philosophers stone can be a starting point such as the Keyserling Wheel or other ideas which represent the true nature inherent in all of us. To remain quiet and peaceful in the face of adversarial reactivity or arguing can also in itself help others to become more aware and open. Loosely put, this is what Gurdjieff proposed as a form of intentional suffering. For me, this is difficult at times but I try to remember and not forget myself in reactivity.

I didn’t post Jim’s weekly column last Sunday like I usually do. Here it is. Self-love or Just Plain Selfish? (part 1 of 3) by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen There is a line that goes from selfish at one end to people pleaser at the other. Right in the middle is self-love, where you live a balanced lifestyle - sometimes taking care of yourself and sometimes taking care of others. Balance is the key; neither extreme is a virtue. Taking care of other people, listening to their needs, setting aside your own plans - all are qualities of love. But if you do nothing else, you become a doormat. You don't listen to your own needs. You don't extend the same empathy to yourself that you extend to others. This will cause you to devalue yourself and resent other people. The opposite end of the line is no more virtuous. It's very important to attend to your own needs. But if you always look out for yourself, you're taking from others in order to build yourself up. It certainly isn't because you like yourself. It's really because you feel unimportant. Fear, hurt, anger and jealousy gnaw at you. You take for yourself to try to quiet these feelings, and you disregard other people. This isn't self-love; it's selfishness. (To be continued)

@Boethius I like your assessments.

The person who introduced me to most of the Fourth Way Ideas was an astrologer and someone whom I shared, what appeared to me as, a number of amazing synchronicities. This was about 2003. He also pointed me in the direction of the writings of AH Almaas. In the last few years I found out he was an acquaintance and peer of the poet and author, Red Hawk. I’ve talked to this person maybe 4-6 times since 2003. He is courteous but has dropped little hints that I later unfold as jabs to my foolishness and also my self importance. He has acted like he suffers my presence and so I’ve refrained from bothering him anymore even though he just lives a one hour drive away. Sometimes I ponder how I seem to be Hameed Almaas’ main proponent here on the forum at actualized.org. Not only am I just a rogue student of the Diamond Approach Teaching but a self proclaimed Idiot as well. What could be more depressing for a man of such knowledge? Naturally I think most everyone here is a little stupid for at least not acknowledging the brilliance of his online glossary. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/actualization. I just got this in my email today. https://online.diamondapproach.org/super-charged-psychological-work/?utm_source=ontraport&utm_campaign=eNews&utm_medium=email&utm_term=eNews&utm_content=Apr21&0= It will be overlooked and under appreciated I’m pretty sure. Like always. Spiritual learning and Wisdom lineages can really be weird sometimes.

@Matt23 I agree. Stage Orange materialists would want to place themselves in a seemingly higher prestige category. What do you think they might be doing?

Ken Wilber described psychological and spiritual development as pertaining to one line of development in a human being. The capacity for disinterested awareness. Another way of saying witness consciousness. First comes developing a healthy self esteem. Then realize that what also appeared in the process is self Importance. Castaneda called it a 3000 headed monster. I think women have the advantage in dealing with this. Men, by their nature go around all proud and puffed up with their feelings turned off. Having a broken heart can slay the monster. But, first things first.

Developing fully the intellectual part of the emotional center (King of Hearts) is not easy nor done overnight. Symptomatic is the ability to DIRECT one’s attention and not have it DRAWN away. Attention that’s not under one’s control results in reacting instead of responding. Remember the Queen of Hearts? In high emotion she said, off with their heads. The King of hearts followed behind granting pardons. Male or female, it makes no difference. King of hearts is a station, not necessarily a state of consciousness. King of hearts has equanimity. Case in point, me. Still working at it. Still not 100%.

I wished I had copied the entry I made on the forum about my numerology thinking I was in my journal. I hid it before thinking to copy and paste it here. I recently said in a conversation here on the forum that I no longer take numerology as a belief system but I give room for there to be a transrational connection by a few rare mystics. I’ve always been one to be carried away in imagination. I was teased by family years ago when as a second grader my report card stated that I spent too much time daydreaming! The numerology based on my full name. I don’t know about super consciousness or illumination but the part about being lured to excesses,,,, I’ve got that covered pretty good. As stated earlier in this journal, I still hear a chorus of crickets almost continually. This began back in about 2017 and I know it sounds weird but it is what it is. I ran into this website about a year after this phenomena began. http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

I agree and believe a person needs a therapist who is at their level or higher. If the Therapist is lower on the spiral, I don’t think they will understand their patient as well as a Therapist at the same level or higher. A blue-orange therapist won’t clearly see the world of a green-yellow individual and I think it’s possible that they may do more harm than good. Not intentionally but just through their limited worldview. I could also be wrong in some instances. Trivia- A few years ago I read that there are a disproportionate number of secular Jewish psychotherapists who in their career end up leading groups in - A Course In Miracles- which is as Christian based as you can get. Isn’t that ironic,,,?

A good friend will genuinely Love you for no reason. Sometimes they won’t let you bullshit yourself depending on what it is. They’re discerning but sometimes they mess up. A good friend cares about your feelings. But being human, they sometimes mess up. Good friends allow one another to mess up and they get over it. Good friends don’t keep accounts or hold grudges. A good friend will be themselves around you. They will apologize if that’s what’s needed. Being loyal or sincere means more than their own pride if they’re a good friend. A good friend will be a placeholder for you when you’re having a bad day or for some reason you aren’t being yourself. A good friend is willing to be a placeholder when you’ve done something odd and the room is awash in ‘fardow.’ That last one is a small riddle.....

This used to be my mindset for years. Unquestionably. I had to realize that I was horrible relationship material. It took half a lifetime of thinking I did want a relationship . I’m conditioned to being selfish now and having freedom. Going where and when I feel like it. Playing the tv or loud music in the middle of the night and not worrying about bothering or waking someone up. I would have been a disaster as a parent. I’m grateful and happy being single. I appreciate my friends though. I’m finally comfortable in being unconventional. For now anyway.

Dog and Butterfly is one of my favorite songs by Heart.. I don’t really know why. I liked the old David Bowie songs posted a few days ago.

I’ve already said that I rightly belong within some category of rednecks and there is a wide variety of categories. The same goes with Academics. Leo raked Academics in general over the coals pretty good in his last video. I put in that little preamble/disclaimer, what ever it is, so I could take the opportunity to pile on. In his book Higher Being Bodies, Ocke de Boer discuses the differing views of two well known Dutch Scientists. One a cardiologist and the others neurologist. When the neurologist starts making fun of the cardiologist for stating that consciousness can be seen apart from the brain and he begins to comment on spirituality, Ocke says he begins to embody a strange mixture of arrogance and humbleness— so often to be found in academics. That little quote really stuck with me. Probably because I got a big chuckle out of it This is the section of the book where Ocke is discussing the scale of Being. Human #4 is someone who has balanced their centers and is awoke somewhat.Human #4 knows that they are in Plato’s cave. This is a big achievement. Humans #1, #2, and #3 are lopsided in one of the centers, instinctual, emotional, or intellectual. Anyone who is awakened, which are humans #5 #6, and #7 knows that real intelligence means the position of a phenomenon in the scale of Being, and the influences to which this phenomenon is open in relation to higher worlds. They also know that they have to hide, if they don’t want to be pecked to death. For anyone who has studied Gurdjieff or the Fourth Way, I highly recommend Ocke de Boers two books. Higher Being Bodies and Two Souls. If you haven’t already studied Gurdjieff’s Works, I don’t think you’ll get much from them. I have to confess though that I’m somewhere between believing and knowing Some of the phenomena I know, but not all.

Be non-ideological Leo advises in his latest video addressing some points concerning whether or not actualized.org could be considered a cult. So watch it and decide for yourself. I began this journal about 2 1/2 years ago. The following quote from the work of A.H.Almaas was where I got my signature phrase of being a Universal heretic. It was included in one of my first entries in this journal. It’s not only profound but hilarious when Almaas also writes “Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds.” ? From the beginning I observed parallels between Leo’s work and Almaas’ Diamond Approach Teaching. To be non-ideological is very similar to the notion of being a universal heretic. This is Almaas- We Have to Risk the Aloneness and the Terror of Being Totally on Our Own To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic. You don’t believe in the ultimate reality of any concept. You can assume any belief you find useful and attractive, but you don’t need to hold on to any of it. Without being captured by your beliefs, you are strong enough and confident enough to throw away any and all beliefs and perspectives, each and every philosophy and story. You can stand totally alone, completely independent of all that comes through the mind, through time and space. This station of realization is difficult and rare. Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds. Although terrifying, it is necessary for true freedom. We have to risk that we may be wrong. We have to risk the aloneness and the terror of being totally on our own. We have to risk cutting all of our supports, burning all of our bridges, destroying all of our boats. They are all ultimately and fundamentally concepts that come from hearsay or, at best, from our own past experiences. Even the concepts and knowledge that have come from our own immediate experiences cannot be relied on. That knowledge is like Buddha’s words—old, unless corroborated in this moment. Maybe a week ago you had an experience of realization, but how do you know that will be the same today? Who said that God won’t change or that self-realization should continue being the same today? In other words, we cannot hold on to any concept past our direct experience of it; otherwise, what we’re doing is believing a story. Whether someone else’s or our own, a story is a story, not true reality here and now. To be truly independent and autonomous, we need to be free from the concepts acquired from others as well as our own past experiences. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 63 Back to Zigzag Idiot paraphrasing someone somewhere- To be free from narrative consciousness is a big thing. It means no more compulsive thinking. It begins with recognition of a state change. Recognizing you’ve parked in a free space of inner quiet. Realizing you can add your own spiritual coin to the parking meter. You earn spiritual coin by working on yourself instead of pointing the finger at others. To work on oneself means you can forgive others because you realize your own bullshit but it stops going that far. There is no forgiveness necessary because understanding intervenes and as a result, you understand. In understanding is peace. The human condition is one of a strange forgetting and the resultant amnesia and confusion which arrives and invites in identification and projections and all that stuff. You can use light heartedness to put a stick in the spokes of spinning monkey mind but you have to remember. Most everyone’s state of being is in constant flux.

That sounds cool to me and not just to or from the personal pronouns that’s used. If that makes any sense. Sounds like you’re acting spontaneously through the essence of being, to try to phrase it another way. I admire you’re willingness to put yourself out there in front of the camera. I’m not able to that it seems. It takes a lot of courage to willingly be vulnerable. I let go of that being something to aim for in expressing,,,,, I’m ok with being the way I am, though. Ive used terminology connected with a Fourth Way point of view in the past trying to communicate. I’m trying not to do that because it’s looks like my trying to highjack the conversation. I’ve caught myself doing that in a lot of conversations with different people. Everyone has been pretty gracious about it. Just wanted to express that about you living through being. It’s pretty neutral phrasing IMO and also out myself in acknowledgment of my use of words that may come across as dogmatic sometimes in conversations. Gotta go. Just heard someone in the driveway. Have a good day.

Meditation Retreat Campground I’m thinking more about opening a meditation retreat campground. I live on a rather unique 9 acre wooded hill. No Quad or dirt bike enthusiasts and no beer drinking hell raisers will be allowed. No loud or noisy people or groups, I’m not going to coordinate anything practice wise or baby sit people. Just simply provide a fairly peaceful environment. That’s roughy the plan for now. Maybe 6 campsites and possibly the loft in my house every now and then. Not sure though. I need to make a little income and I think it might work ok. A friend told me about hippie camp grounds that are scattered around the country and advertised. I might find an advertisement venue there or maybe more directly with people who are seriously into meditation and would like to do an intensive meditation for a few days in a quiet country setting. My plans will probably change a few times in the process. Over this past winter I’ve been clearing the brush and briar thickets out and it’s starting to look nice. There are a lot of wild vines growing up from the ground into the trees that I’ve left. I’m ready for everything to green up. I think it’s going to look pretty cool.

The descriptions are similar to an episode I had a few tears ago that I correlated with what many call the Dark night of the Soul phenomena. It felt crushing and devastating. I ordered Saint John’s Work - Dark Night of the Soul and also Saint Teresa’s Interior Castle which I seem to get more from. My Dark night of the Soul hit suddenly but seemed to depart gradually over probably about a two month period. It’s similar in nature to what Christina Grof and Jana Dixon among others refer to as a Spiritual emergency. One of the experiences that stood out to me was the distinct feeling that - “ I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy” which was an outlook that didn’t stick permanently but enough that the memory of it has never completely left. So later, roughly put, whenever I got into some kind of petty emotion or anger towards someone, I could draw on the memory of that terrible time and gain a bit of sobriety in emotion to allow a feeling of empathy back internally towards whoever triggered me. I consider it an aftermath of an awakening experience. We awaken, then we die but then we’re born again,,,,

Why do some people feel empty? In short, It coincides with the development of ego structures which alienates one’s own experience from the essential aspects of Being. This happens to everyone to some extent although there are many who successfully defend against the experience of it Although just a rogue student of the Ridhwan School, their explanation about this was one of the contributing factors for me digging deeper into their Teaching. Genesis of Deficient Emptiness We propose the following hypothesis ......: * At birth the human infant has no sense of self. * He is Being. He is his being without knowledge or self-consciousness. There is no mental functioning yet. * Slowly, through experiences of pleasure and pain, memory traces are retained, forming the first self-impressions (self-representations). * As the infant starts taking himself to be this or that (this or that self-image) he separates from his sense of Being, because any image is not his being. * As the ego-identity and sense of self develop and become stable, the contact with Being in its various aspects and qualities is mostly lost. The extent of the loss also depends on the adequacy of the environment and the infant’s relation to it. * The process of loss of contact with Being leaves a sense of deficiency, a state of deficient emptiness, as if the Being is left with many holes in it. The deficient emptiness is the state of the absence of contact with or awareness of Being. * Space, which is the open dimension of Being, is lost in the formation of the self-image. This self-image includes the unconscious body-image of having a genital hole. * For the normal individual, the development of the personality happens relatively smoothly. The self is highly integrated and stays stable throughout most of one’s life. * In those with mental disorders, for reasons already known in depth psychology, the development of the personality and its sense of self is incomplete, or happens with various distortions, malformations, or inadequacies. The Void, pg. 127 I thought that this explanation dovetails well with many of the replies given by other actualized members,,,, There are roughly eight more excerpts about deficient emptiness to be found at the link below. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/deficient-emptiness

@Sea I agree with @neovox who gets right to the point. Reading your post I felt a glimpse into your inner world and felt a similarity with my past somewhat. I didn’t understand the concept of what a successful individuation process meant until well into adulthood. A part of this process involves dealing with the internalized voice or inner critic in one, which is commonly the voice of the dominant parent (caregiver) aka super ego. My gut tells me you may benefit as I did by becoming more familiar with the individuation process and dealing with super ego attacks which can perpetuate doubts within oneself. Maybe find some YouTube’s to start with if this idea appeals to you. Good luck