Zigzag Idiot

Just my 2 cents Head voice = ego, superego, and uncontrolled imagination Heart voice = awakened conscience and purified emotional center In spiritual sleep, conscience is buried in the subconscious.

Self-love or Just Plain Selfish? (part 2 of 3) by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Self-love is a feeling of positive regard. When you have true self-love, you guide this positive regard toward yourself and toward all of humanity. You show love to yourself because you're a person - a creation of God. You show love to the rest of us for the same reason. Of course you don't love everyone's behavior. What you love is their heart, their core. You love the soul of humanity, because they hurt and yearn and need like you do. Deep feelings - of love, trust, faith, and security - give birth to self-love. When you love yourself, you put trust and faith in yourself. You recognize that your needs and wants are real. You feel worthy and you want to be good to yourself. So, you learn to be giving and kind to yourself and appropriately assertive. You strive to pay attention to your own needs, and you give them equal importance to other people's needs. (To be continued.)

The quickest way to become miserable and confused is to reach conclusions. Most of my life I’ve been terrible at living with ambiguity, though. It’s gotten easier somewhat as I’ve grown older.

We are a different person every 5 minutes, all day long. Terence. McKenna said - “Rome falls nine times an hour.”

About 6 years ago I was in a little online ACIM discussion group. This idea popped into my mind one day and I produced a quote of my own. There’s nothing wrong with having nothing to say. At the time it produced a sense of groundedness. I’m usually a quiet person. The more quiet I am, the more grounded I feel, as a rule. I don’t get trapped up in my head in inner considering. Inner considering is a Fourth Way term roughly synonymous with neurotic thought. The more insecure a person is the more of a plague inner considering is, IMO. I’ve posted this little two minute video several times. With only 300 views, I bet 50 of them are mine. I really like all the short videos this guy made. I remember Castaneda writing that sometimes for the truth to stick we must repeat them to the point of exhaustion. He said something close to that anyway. Another thing which keeps me grounded in the body more and stuck less up in my head is not wearing glasses. I can’t see far off and I can do without glasses. A few years ago I noticed that with glasses on my frame of vision is closer to tunnel or predator vision. With glasses off I feel more spacious,,, more oceanic, more embodied and I’m tuned into my peripheral vision. Having split attention between predator and peripheral vision for me is a hallmark of or a part of being in Witness consciousness. In witness consciousness there is never a startle response experienced. In my experience anyway.

The Law of attraction and the flow state Years ago after beginning self inquiry I began to notice a peculiar phenomena. On days when my internal dialogue was filled with negativity, it would mirror outside in the world around me as being clumsy, stubbing my toe or getting fingers smashed, etc.,, Also my efficiency In carrying out tasks would go down the tubes. On the reverse side, when experiencing a state of flow, tasks would be knocked out with rapid efficiency accompanied by a quiet inner state. Yesterday while climbing up the side of the paint booth in our shop I recalled an incident years ago. I was on the roof of the shop near the peak temporarily removing a sheet of tin to repair a bad place in the peak. In doing so I mistakenly removed all the screws in the sheet of tin which sent it flying outward and down dumping me into the shop. God saved an Idiot I thought yesterday in going by that spot. Fortunately I fell downward two inches onto a rafter rather than 18 feet onto concrete with steel scattered about. My task yesterday was repairing some high pressure air line. Just a few seconds after going by the spot where the incident happened years before I walked across the top of the paint both and grabbed the high pressure line with intentions of snapping it off where the air was spewing. I thought enough air had been released that it would be safe to do so. I was wrong. It exploded and laid a raspberry across my face and shoulder and slightly blacking one eye. Even while the pain was still throbbing I thought something like “a benevolent God has once again saved an Idiot”. Knowing that I had just came extremely close to having lost my right eye being partially hit by the blast. The Oracle of the Cosmic Way points out how we create fates in our lives by the words we use which become spells in creating those fates. The spoken words and phrases we tell ourselves as well as the internal dialogue going on as we go about our day have very real consequences. I notice this phenomena more and more as time goes on. There’s a subtlety here as well I’ve noticed. In acknowledging a benevolent God/Universe, I was indeed spared from a more serious trauma. Had I been in a really poisonous frame of mind, things would probably been much worse. Despite years of noticing this phenomena, still there are days experienced in varying degrees of spiritual sleep. That’s a pointer to the difficulty in being and remaining in a state of higher consciousness.

I’m a phony if pretend to know much about the Socratic method. I know it’s the method used in Law schools and that more or less, it’s not adversarial. I watched Arnold Keyserling summarize it in a video years ago. It’s the method also for the School of Wisdom founded by Keyserling’s Father in Germany in the early twentieth century. The same with the Way of the Malamat. It was mentioned by Robert S. de Ropp in one of his books on inquiry - The Master Game or Self Completion and also by Maurice Nicoll in his Psychological Commentaries. Doing a search just now I see there is quite a bit to be found. It didn’t seem that long ago that I couldn’t find much about it doing a search. Looks like there is a way of Blame in all the major Religions. I was only familiar with the Christian Version. I’m attracted to the idea of developing better skillful means in giving advice. Giving unsolicited advice has been partly in my blind spot in the past. From my own experience with this I know the value of being a good listener more so now than in the past. Just by looking at the forum it seems giving unsolicited advice is a fairly widespread phenomena/behavior. I think it’s fine though here if done with goodwill, sincerity, and discernment. Isn’t learning from each other kind of what the forum is about? Rhetorical questions would seem to me to be in the spirit of the Socratic method. The spirit of the Socratic method was really my intentional aim when I thought of bringing it up this morning.

Does anyone see that many stage Orange individuals who accurately self assess themselves? The Spiral Dynamics model seems to be written off by many in Orange when they see the liberal stage Green as being higher on the spiral.

@DIDego That sounds wise.

Being on Paxil for a decade, I spent the last 5 years or so in a continual attempt to quit it. Having brain zaps and other symptoms, by self medicating with cannabis I eventually managed to leave the Paxil behind. Now when possible, I run like hell away from conventional physicians and ‘experts’. Zigzag Idiots have five Friday’s in each week,,,,

@EddieEddie1995 The way of the Malamat or the way of blame is a high Teaching. The Messenger Jesus Christ lived it out fully. If one swats a hornets nests, repercussions show quickly and light heartedness makes for a good salve. @Matt23 This is well put. In being a good listener and grounded in empathy your presence will calm and teach without anything being said, IMO. Arnold Keyserling spent some time with Gurdjieff in Paris as a student and friend. The Wheel is very holistic. Keyserling penned some right brained poetry and visions in the early 1970’s. The following is about the Wheel. The Wheel is your tool with which to make sense of the world and to clear the path… The Wheel is the foundation of the new time. It has been built and is beginning to truly turn. Anything not tested by the Wheel has no permanence. The weapons of the Wheel will, unnoticed, smash false seriousness with a joke. The Wheel is a weapon which opens the gate to inspiration to whoever entrusts himself to the dissection of the false “I.” Taken from- https://schoolofwisdom.com/visions-and-poems/from-dark-to-life/what-is-the-wheel/

From the perspective of the Earth time Humans are a very recent phenomena. Taking the creation of the Earth 4.6 billion years ago to the present as one year of time, the evolutionary jump to Man in 8800 B.C. occurred only one minute ago. This was something I ran into n the foot notes of http://www.chanceandchoice.com/ Passive Aggressiveness In discovering my own passive aggressive tendencies years ago, which was an uncomfortable experience, I began to experience seeing it more in others and how it remains largely unconscious.I feel that seeing it in myself, I was allowed to see it in others more because I could forgive them or more accurately, at times, overlook passive aggressive jabs from others. I’m not trying to come off as any kind of saintly figure. Anyone who follows this journal any already knows that. The thought recently that plausible deniability and passive aggressiveness go together like peanut butter and jelly got this going. More accurately perhaps, plausible deniability is a component of passive aggressive jabs. There’s a form of suffering that’s going on with people who do this. I can say that because it was a part of my experience. Feeding on negativity is an element of this suffering. Schadenfreude is a German word whose definition comes real close to what I’m saying. When I was under this spell of subtle suffering, it seems now that I wasn’t really conscious of it. It’s easier to see in other people than in oneself actually but I believe that seeing it in oneself is key for becoming free of it in both cause of it and effect of it. Plausible deniability is also probably an ingredient in how we bullshit ourselves that we don’t do it. The mood is a toned down version of - I’m unhappy so everyone needs to be unhappy,,, Most everyone probably has someone in their life who really exemplifies this. That is, unless you’re one of the lucky ones. ? In self observation or inquiry, this kind of brutal honesty is necessary for getting anywhere in removing some shadow from our lives, I believe.

I see promoting the Socratic method as a form of encouraging learning among others. This process steers away from antagonistic argumentative ways and promotes openness. The spirit of this way I also see loosely reflected in A Course In Miracles which encourages - “Teaching to Learn”. When done in the proper spirit, no antagonism is produced or attitudes of one-up-manship. Love can be experienced as individuals share perspectives from different angles. The idea and use of the philosophers stone can dovetail well with the spirit of the Socratic method. Different ideas of what constitutes the philosophers stone can be a starting point such as the Keyserling Wheel or other ideas which represent the true nature inherent in all of us. To remain quiet and peaceful in the face of adversarial reactivity or arguing can also in itself help others to become more aware and open. Loosely put, this is what Gurdjieff proposed as a form of intentional suffering. For me, this is difficult at times but I try to remember and not forget myself in reactivity.

I didn’t post Jim’s weekly column last Sunday like I usually do. Here it is. Self-love or Just Plain Selfish? (part 1 of 3) by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen There is a line that goes from selfish at one end to people pleaser at the other. Right in the middle is self-love, where you live a balanced lifestyle - sometimes taking care of yourself and sometimes taking care of others. Balance is the key; neither extreme is a virtue. Taking care of other people, listening to their needs, setting aside your own plans - all are qualities of love. But if you do nothing else, you become a doormat. You don't listen to your own needs. You don't extend the same empathy to yourself that you extend to others. This will cause you to devalue yourself and resent other people. The opposite end of the line is no more virtuous. It's very important to attend to your own needs. But if you always look out for yourself, you're taking from others in order to build yourself up. It certainly isn't because you like yourself. It's really because you feel unimportant. Fear, hurt, anger and jealousy gnaw at you. You take for yourself to try to quiet these feelings, and you disregard other people. This isn't self-love; it's selfishness. (To be continued)

@Boethius I like your assessments.

The person who introduced me to most of the Fourth Way Ideas was an astrologer and someone whom I shared, what appeared to me as, a number of amazing synchronicities. This was about 2003. He also pointed me in the direction of the writings of AH Almaas. In the last few years I found out he was an acquaintance and peer of the poet and author, Red Hawk. I’ve talked to this person maybe 4-6 times since 2003. He is courteous but has dropped little hints that I later unfold as jabs to my foolishness and also my self importance. He has acted like he suffers my presence and so I’ve refrained from bothering him anymore even though he just lives a one hour drive away. Sometimes I ponder how I seem to be Hameed Almaas’ main proponent here on the forum at actualized.org. Not only am I just a rogue student of the Diamond Approach Teaching but a self proclaimed Idiot as well. What could be more depressing for a man of such knowledge? Naturally I think most everyone here is a little stupid for at least not acknowledging the brilliance of his online glossary. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/actualization. I just got this in my email today. https://online.diamondapproach.org/super-charged-psychological-work/?utm_source=ontraport&utm_campaign=eNews&utm_medium=email&utm_term=eNews&utm_content=Apr21&0= It will be overlooked and under appreciated I’m pretty sure. Like always. Spiritual learning and Wisdom lineages can really be weird sometimes.

@Matt23 I agree. Stage Orange materialists would want to place themselves in a seemingly higher prestige category. What do you think they might be doing?

Ken Wilber described psychological and spiritual development as pertaining to one line of development in a human being. The capacity for disinterested awareness. Another way of saying witness consciousness. First comes developing a healthy self esteem. Then realize that what also appeared in the process is self Importance. Castaneda called it a 3000 headed monster. I think women have the advantage in dealing with this. Men, by their nature go around all proud and puffed up with their feelings turned off. Having a broken heart can slay the monster. But, first things first.

Developing fully the intellectual part of the emotional center (King of Hearts) is not easy nor done overnight. Symptomatic is the ability to DIRECT one’s attention and not have it DRAWN away. Attention that’s not under one’s control results in reacting instead of responding. Remember the Queen of Hearts? In high emotion she said, off with their heads. The King of hearts followed behind granting pardons. Male or female, it makes no difference. King of hearts is a station, not necessarily a state of consciousness. King of hearts has equanimity. Case in point, me. Still working at it. Still not 100%.

I wished I had copied the entry I made on the forum about my numerology thinking I was in my journal. I hid it before thinking to copy and paste it here. I recently said in a conversation here on the forum that I no longer take numerology as a belief system but I give room for there to be a transrational connection by a few rare mystics. I’ve always been one to be carried away in imagination. I was teased by family years ago when as a second grader my report card stated that I spent too much time daydreaming! The numerology based on my full name. I don’t know about super consciousness or illumination but the part about being lured to excesses,,,, I’ve got that covered pretty good. As stated earlier in this journal, I still hear a chorus of crickets almost continually. This began back in about 2017 and I know it sounds weird but it is what it is. I ran into this website about a year after this phenomena began. http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

I agree and believe a person needs a therapist who is at their level or higher. If the Therapist is lower on the spiral, I don’t think they will understand their patient as well as a Therapist at the same level or higher. A blue-orange therapist won’t clearly see the world of a green-yellow individual and I think it’s possible that they may do more harm than good. Not intentionally but just through their limited worldview. I could also be wrong in some instances. Trivia- A few years ago I read that there are a disproportionate number of secular Jewish psychotherapists who in their career end up leading groups in - A Course In Miracles- which is as Christian based as you can get. Isn’t that ironic,,,?

A good friend will genuinely Love you for no reason. Sometimes they won’t let you bullshit yourself depending on what it is. They’re discerning but sometimes they mess up. A good friend cares about your feelings. But being human, they sometimes mess up. Good friends allow one another to mess up and they get over it. Good friends don’t keep accounts or hold grudges. A good friend will be themselves around you. They will apologize if that’s what’s needed. Being loyal or sincere means more than their own pride if they’re a good friend. A good friend will be a placeholder for you when you’re having a bad day or for some reason you aren’t being yourself. A good friend is willing to be a placeholder when you’ve done something odd and the room is awash in ‘fardow.’ That last one is a small riddle.....

This used to be my mindset for years. Unquestionably. I had to realize that I was horrible relationship material. It took half a lifetime of thinking I did want a relationship . I’m conditioned to being selfish now and having freedom. Going where and when I feel like it. Playing the tv or loud music in the middle of the night and not worrying about bothering or waking someone up. I would have been a disaster as a parent. I’m grateful and happy being single. I appreciate my friends though. I’m finally comfortable in being unconventional. For now anyway.