Zigzag Idiot

I can understand why some people I interact with are possibly concerned about my mental stability. I’m not saying that they are or I think they are because I don’t know and so to state that would be a projection. Looking in the rear view mirror at my life. The past has been a series of ups and downs in several areas of life. Mental acuity , physical health, psychological balance, spiritual insight, inspiration. Human beings are definitely multidimensional. Okay???? Okay,,,, In an earlier post I admitted to my life being on more of a left hand path within the last couple of years. Not in an Aleister Crowley kind of way but kind of. I’ve had episodes of delusion that mixed with paranormal phenomena to the extent that I can’t say for certain what constitutes actual reality as I write this down, here in my journal, in a non delusional frame of mind. That rather bland statement surely feels like an understatement. To go more out on a limb might just invite high minded conventional do-gooders into my life again and that is something I don’t care to do. Whoever originally remarked that the world of the mystic and the schizophrenic are one and the same knew something a large percentage of the population will forever be clueless about. IMO. That’s enough about that for now,,, Within the last month I’ve began to put my phone on -Do not disturb- for long periods of time. Here is one result. People began projecting like crazy. Some more than others of course. Some who are reading this might find this an inviting thing to do for two reasons. 1) As a Malamat practice to see if it’s true in how it results in many projections towards oneself and 2) paradoxically, an act of Self Love in reclaiming sovereignty over your own life in the form of being free from that damn thing that keeps you at the mercy of everyone who has your number. To put it dramatically. ?

A few years ago when I was doing dream work I found that this was key. It’s almost like movement of the body after awakening acts as a dream eraser. So writing the dream down as soon as possible is very important. At least it was for me.

I’ve learned through the I CHING that avoiding eye contact with someone who is completely taken over by the pain body is a beneficial thing to do. While at the same time asking that their higher self can come through. I remember my father not making eye contact with me when I was younger. Times when I was bad out of sorts and acting ugly. Recalling these times helped me realize the truth in this. Making eye contact with someone who is acting completely from the ego only feeds their ego. The I CHING says when someone’s pain body is in complete control they rob others of chi energy by making eye contact . I’m paraphrasing by using Echart Tolle’s word pain body but I think it communicates the idea clearer.

I have a friend who does Rolfing. Or a form of it.He’s a colorful character. He’s a self taught chiropractor. That should tell you something,,,He went to massage therapy school but he never bothered with getting a license. I would go so far as to call him a healer because he’s so talented. Over the years he’s worked on quite a few people so he can stay fairly busy if he wants to. The paradoxical thing about him is that in addition to being a healer, he loves to fight and will act like he’s bored if there aren’t 3 or 4 at once trying to take him on. He has taught different kinds of karate in the past. Mostly with his massage therapy he does a pressure point therapy mixed in with it he basically beats the hell out of you. What I referred to as a form of Rolfing. He’ll also crack your neck if he thinks you need it, even if you ask him not to. A few years ago he got into a scrap with another local over a woman. They met one another in town on the five lane. One going north and the other going south. I don’t know for sure but I think the other guy just stopped and got out and started running at my friend who was driving in the oncoming traffic. When he saw how he was being challenged, he didn’t waste any time abandoning his truck in the middle of the highway, just like the other guy. That’s how I he told me it went anyway. Long story short,,, they fought back and forth across the highway something like 1 1/2 times. Much like those stupid bulls of ours I was telling about a while back. Similar to the bulls, these guys was going at it oblivious of the traffic. This is kind of sad for my journal that I’m just basically gossiping. It was an entertaining description of my friend, I thought though. I guess the moral of the story is that we’re all multidimensional and my friend just provided a good example of it. I might show him this sometime. He’ll probably just laugh. I got attacked by a big pit bull when I went to visit him a couple of years ago. Some guy went to prison and his girlfriend was staying with my friend for a few days and kind of abandoned the dog for a while. The dog was absolutely crazy and had to be kept on a chain. Well, the chain broke when I approached his front door. He broke the skin an my abdomen. It would have been a lot worse if it hadn’t been cold and I had about 3 layers on. My friend was right there on it too. Even while being attacked I was amazed at how little the dog regarded the ax handle that was bouncing off his skull. The dog was put down not long after this. I thought it was the best thing to do given all the circumstances. That dog could have easy ended up killing someone’s kid(s). I guess that’s enough gossip for now.

To Be or Not to Be by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Be the things that you want to have. Do you want love? To be loving is the way to have the love you want. By extending your love, by expressing your love, obviously you add to the love felt by those around you. Not so obviously, you also add to the love that you feel. It makes you more whole, more full, more complete, more joyous, more love-filled. You want inner peace? To be peaceful inside yourself, express feelings of peace and calm to others. Grab onto every little bit of peace and calm you can find within, and then share it. Put it out there. You will find that it calms others and adds to your own calm and peace and well being. When you share love, when you share peace, you do not diminish the love and peace that you have. Indeed, you add to the love and peace within you. Your mind is a powerful thing. By using it to express goodness, you increase the goodness felt in the world - everyone’s world.

Harvard Professor of Psychology, Richard Alpert, peer and friend of fellow Professor Timothy Leary https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Leary, later to become initiated into Hinduism as Ram Dass. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Dass https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Be_Here_Now_(book) Great talk in which he shares in his usual rich way. I had forgotten that he taught at Chogham Trunpa's Naropa University in Colorado. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chögyam_Trungpa He starts out deep in this talk and on into his lecture and he reads some biographical events out of his Book; Be Here Now. He relates some personal stories with some humorous events sprinkled through out. One of which was his interaction with Bhagavan Das https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhagavan_Das_(yogi) and his giving Lsd to his Guru https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neem_Karoli_Baba

Back talking and sassing at the superego towards successful individuation Back talking and sassing at the superego as practice in reading Almass's books, To build up your red energy. Rarely was it all role played by me. I observed getting identified in emotion and passionate in imaginary speech . (back talk} That's ok. That;s the red energy. This makes possible available energy for spiritual practice. The one most crucial is inquiry, self observation and Self Remembering, From My I CHING reading this morning. Seed phrases that drive impulses are- "you need to defend yourself" "you need to be somebody" You must a assert yourself in this life" Should,s, ought to's, and musts" definitely have the smell, of the superego. Whoever human authority figure that has a voice in your head. That's it. Successful individuation is when we become more like friends moreso than before with our parents or caretakers'. "no blame" is to make him aware that the idea of guilt has no validity in the Cosmos This last bit about ","guilt having no validity in the Cosmos" is revisited several times in The Oracle of the Cosmic Way. I think the awakening of Conscience and our understanding then is our compass .To compact and paraphrase with metaphor.

Staying happy-- deceptive Happiness does not need to be kept, or else it is gone, it is preserved though the perpetual readiness to fall. This is a piece taken out of some of Arnold Keyserling's writings. i think it falls under the category of channeling.

One thing I didn't mention about dealing with passive aggressiveness in others. If you clearly see it and you witness it with conscious awareness, it has no effect on you, It doesn't push your buttons. Let me state also that my remarks about passive aggressive tendencies is in no way aimed at anyone here in the forum but rather my experience as it is with others where I live. I'm clumsily doing this on an hp laptop I just bought. My I pad either has a virus or malware or maybe somebody is hacking the shit out of it. I feel like posting my I CHING readings occasionally may be a benefit to others in seeing the type of council that's given. Even though Ive gone back and erased previous readings plus other attachments that didn't seem crucial, I may still run out of allotted space before long. My I CHING reading this morning Hexagram 52 Meditating line 1 creating a second hexagram 22 Grace Sorry about the lousy resolution. Working with new stuff here,,,,,

Not long ago I felt compelled to write about passive aggressive tendencies. In self observation I saw this phenomena in myself in hindsight. The further back in time I go looking at this the more pronounced it was. Observing this in myself allows me to see it more clearly in others. This allows for understanding and forgiveness in which the forgiveness element becomes more in the way of overlooking transgressions. I would go as far to say if someone says that they have never acted this out in their interactions with either family or friends, they are deceiving themselves. This is a factor that has made itself more noticeable to me lately in my pondering. The unconsciousness tied to negative emotion is so powerful and pervasive. Before, I noted how ‘plausible deniability’ is a crucial element in passive aggressive behavior. Lately I’ve seen how this plausible deniability manifests also in one’s self deception and linked with justification of some kind. This is how in the beginning of ones self observation the denial of passive aggressive tendencies in oneself will be expressed in defending against taking responsibility for this behavior. From my perspective the materialistic stage of S.D. Orange is where the apex of this schizoid behavior will be. At SD Green worldview the partly awakened heart will just not let this self deception take place in complete unconscious acting out. Conscience or the small, still voice has started to speak and although people dip back into spiritual sleep after awakening, they will never sleep as comfortably again and pretending not to hear the small, still voice will no longer be as effective as it once was. So in dealing with others the wisdom will be seen to give them space as in hands off or don’t point out or get preachy about what they’re doing. They may only double their efforts in justifying in some way their passive aggressive tendencies. On another topic is my own path becoming more and more of a left handed path in the last 3 years or so. I’ve progressively become more of an edge runner. This is something that would be foolish of me to deny. Let me also say that I’m not an advocate of this path. I’ll probably express more about this as time unfolds. Jim Marion in his book Putting on the Mind of Christ writes about this phenomena in a more judicious way than others but that’s just my opinion. It’s a book I feel compelled to reread.

@Myioko You posted a song from a movie. This was a favorite movie of my grandmother and sister. I liked it too. This song has always been bad to get stuck in my head. From High School days no one song in particular These albums were hot then I saw the Eliminator tour in Fayetteville as a 16 year old. The sound from the wall of their amps and speakers parted your hair when they thumped.

@The0Self Is consciousness an object?

Yes, The witness in non-conceptual awareness aka. Objectless awareness

@machiavelli Good self observation and question. I’m much like yourself and want to give expression to truth. I’ve seen myself expressing concepts that I agree with and that feel right but are not yet embodied out of a felt experience connected fully with my inner truth. So they remain more conceptual than realized. When it comes from my being instead of my mind, there’s no doubt and it flows out naturally in tune with whatever environment it’s being conveyed into. I’m still a work in progress, myself. I agree with a lot of what everyone else is saying, also.

@Myioko The Safety Dance came out when I was in High School and yeah, we all got sick of it fairly quick. I had forgotten all about it so, thanks for shaking my memory tree. ? By the way, as others have also said, I enjoy your art. ?‍♂️

In the Name of Openness and Honesty by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Is it always best to be open and honest? If it’s only going to cause more pain, perhaps you should try holding your tongue and refraining from what seems to be total honesty. The way to heal a wound is by speaking words of love. The way to resolve a conflict is by listening with understanding. The path to making any relationship better is through love and understanding. Openness and honesty are good if they help get you there, but not so good if they fuel the fire. When you are hurt and angry, there is such a temptation to attack and fight. You can feel a powerful desire to blame the other person and a seductive enticement to bring up just one more (honest) grievance. When this anger and resentment take over, they become a harsh and negative cloud that covers up the warmth in your relationship. You cannot blast this cloud away by expressing more hurt and anger and misunderstanding - even if it seems to be open and honest. Rather, you can wash the cloud away with expressions of love and understanding. This is the real way, the true way to be open and honest.

The energy experienced when I wrote the last post was something else. A little manic perhaps but that’s ok. I’ve always been that way periodically. What felt like everything’s wonderful and I’ll never have any problems again felt miraculous which also describes the events of that day.But life on earth being what it is. Nothing stays the same. Problems of different kinds will always reappear and have to be dealt with but I’m at peace with that. For the time being anyway.

Have you ever had an area of life in which the more you talk about it, the crazier you sound? Imagine this happening in 3 different areas of life at the same time. Time slows and then heaves forward. Odds seem near hopeless. Something recognizable yet mysterious then sweeps through and then everything is fine and the quality of life felt lived has a fresh and miraculous feel to it. You feel courage and trust but you know this life is still just a short while but that’s ok.

@SgtPepper Don’t be too quick to put them in a box. You might be surprised and please don’t take this response personally ,,,,, Many of them practice Centering Prayer meditation which is quite similar to the practice of Zazen. There’s an embrace of The Gospel of Thomas which the Catholic and most of the Protestant Churches won’t go near because ,,,?? the Nicean council didn’t approve in 325 ad to help coalesce the Roman political situation.??? Their humility comes in the form of controlling their tongue in the presence of self righteous fools and others who exhibit forms of false bravado with the practice of “bearing the unpleasant manifestations of others.” The Contemplative movement of today has its roots in early Christianity with the Desert mothers and fathers and also the Russian Orthodox Church if I’m not mistaken. Many of the great Christian mystics have been scattered along these same lineages. Cynthia Bourgeault a leader in the Contemporary Contemplative movement humorously coined the phrase do-gooderism in describing the all too well known phenomena that many of us witness in today’s churches and civic organizations. To top off my not so fluffy retort In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus said, "Don't worry too much what the outside of the cup looks like, You only drink what's inside." "Do not let fundamentalists come between you and God's love. They are like dog's guarding a cow's trough. They protect food they don't eat from animals that are starving." (Paraphrased)

For me, sitting with it, when done successfully can often create some inner space. Feeling whatever you feel fully without repressing but not acting on it. Not being reactive. This is often very difficult despite it sounding so simple. Martin Butler had a podcast recently that might be really applicable.

Regarding: Is feminine really related to submisiveness? Submissive seems derogatory although maybe it can be used in instances where it isn’t. The Teachings I follow would use the term passive. To me, passive is a term which can describe a way of being that denotes great strength, non reactionary, judicious, or having equanimity.

From the get-go, they have no being or very little and very little understanding as well and the knowledge that they do have is conventional worldly knowledge and of little use. As in - B. S. degree = Bullshit M.S. degree = More shit PhD = Piled higher and deeper In becoming overloaded and packed full of conventional knowledge they get lopsided in a more fixed way which is devoid of being, a necessary ingredient for true understanding. In having very little being, they remain earthbound with very little data in their Causal body which seeks to resolve disparities. Conventional knowledge only seeks to reinforce the vested interests of its overly mental conceptual knowledge. These people are like unguided projectiles and as such they radiate a harshness that that repels the very substances that would start to heal them and make them whole. People who have being have understanding in their Causal body which seeks to resolve disparities and as such they emanate instead of radiate. This is a very incomplete explanation that I would love to expand on. The people who radiate and read this may become highly agitated and try to peck me to death. The people who emanate might experience their curiosity becoming aroused and may have a smile start to form. They possess more being and are more in touch with their heart. People who radiate are low on the scale of being. Lashing out in negativity they set themselves apart. People who emanate can have compassion for people who act like jerks because they have seen it in themselves at some point and have moved beyond. At least just a little. The path to actualization is arduous and it naturally destroys self Importance.

A.H. Almaas has studied and used the findings of Margaret Mahler quite a bit in his Work. He divides narcissism into different categories. Below are a few of his quotes about Narcissism from his glossary. If you want to dig further, here is the page from his glossary containing 13 different listings about Narcissism. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/alphabetical?alphabet=14 Approaching the Dimension of Essential Presence We Inevitably Confront the Narcissism Inherent in Our Disconnection from that Presence When a person is working on self-realization, this narcissism is increasingly exposed; in fact, it is usually aggravated for some time. When we approach the dimension of essential presence we inevitably confront the narcissism inherent in our disconnection from that presence. The success of the work on self-realization depends, to a great degree, upon successfully resolving the arousal and intensification of narcissistic manifestations. The narcissism of everyday life is much more ubiquitous, much deeper, and much more significant than we usually allow ourselves to see. However, it dissolves steadily in the deeper stages of self-realization. Full self-realization completely eliminates this narcissism, for it is not natural to the realized self The Point of Existence, pg. 27 Complete Resolution of Narcissism Requires that We Cease to use Self-representations for Self-recognition Before we embark on this exploration, we need to address the significance of the above discussion with respect to narcissism. Our observation that the deepest root of narcissism is the absence of self-realization and the additional observation that in full self-realization the normal sense of identity dissolves, combine to give us a deep insight about narcissism: The presence of the normal identity is the root of narcissism. This implies two further insights, at different levels of the self. The first is that not only is normal identity fundamentally weak and vulnerable, but its very existence is responsible for this weakness, and thus it cannot become completely stable. In other words, the normal self (or more accurately, the ego-self) is inherently narcissistic because its identity is inherently weak and vulnerable. This weakness is due to the inevitable incompleteness of the self-representation, and therefore cannot be eliminated as long as the self-representation forms our sense of identity. Second, since the fundamental narcissism of everyday life is an expression of normal identity, complete resolution of narcissism requires that we cease to use self-representations for self-recognition. The Point of Existence, pg. 129 No Conventional Self is Ever Free from the Narcissism of Everyday Life (Fundamental Narcissism) We call this fundamental narcissism “the narcissism of everyday life” for no conventional self is ever free from it. However, this may bring up the question of how this dissolution of identity is related to the condition of fragmentation or disintegration of identity, which is, under normal circumstances, a manifestation of pathological narcissism. The main difference between the “death of the self” in self-realization and the disintegration of identity in pathological narcissism is that the former is a developmental achievement based on the greater strength and flexibility of identity, while the latter is a developmental difficulty resulting from an extreme weakness and brittleness of the identity. There is no sense of the normal self in both conditions, but the former is a state of equanimity of the self for being fully itself, so fully itself that there is no need for self-reflection, while the latter is a painful and deficient state of the self, where it feels disconnected from its depth and fullness. The former is a state of self recognition not based on any representation, for it is recognizing what is actually present, while the latter is a state where there is no self-recognition of any kind. The Point of Existence, pg. 525

The Flip Side of Depression by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen When you get depressed, you pull into yourself. You withdraw. You don’t want to be with people or even do things that normally give you pleasure. You experience a lack of energy and a lack of feeling. It becomes difficult to concentrate, and ordinary daily activities become hard to perform. It's as if your body and mind are shutting down. But why? What purpose does it serve? Actually, depression can have a couple of very useful purposes. To put it simply, you get depressed because you have unmet emotional needs. The depressive lack of energy is a signal that whatever you’ve been doing hasn't satisfied those needs. And the depressive withdrawal from the outside world is the mind’s way of getting you to look inward. Mentally it places a mirror in front of you and asks you to examine yourself. So depression signals the need for change. If you are willing to look within and make the changes, your release from depression is learnable, treatable and curable.