Zigzag Idiot

Here is a relevant perspective on the topic for anyone interested. I googled ectomorphs and got this link. https://www.uh.edu/fitness/comm_educators/3_somatotypesNEW.htm

Reaching Up "Let's See What You're Made Of" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Are you love or are you fear? God created you to be love. The world demands that you be fear. You can try to be both, but you can’t really be both. Being afraid blocks your ability to be loving. Fear covers up your loving nature. It is clear beyond crystal clear that your brothers and sisters need your love. Everyone needs your love, your compassion, your kindness. And you need the very same to be returned to you. What you give is returned to you. You have a choice, an obvious choice. You can comply with the world’s commands to stand in fear and tremble within. Or you can listen to your deeper within, the One where God is. You can stand in His light and be the loving being you were created to be. The power to make this choice comes from the simple realization that you have a choice.

BLACK ELK's VISION This is a quote from a well known and recorded vision. It's from the Lakota healer and visionary, Nicholas Black Elk (1863-1950). It's a powerful statement expressing about his nondual experience. In reading it, some of you will cry. ,,,,,,,,,,Then I was standing on the highest moutain of them all and around and about me was the whole hoop of the world. And while I stood there I saw more than I can tell and I understood more than I saw; for I was seeing in a sacred manner the shapes of all things in the spirit, and the shape of all shapes as they must live together as one being.,,,,,,,,,

I'm about a week late posting Dr. Rosen's weekly mini- column. Tomorrow he should send out another. Reaching Up "Challenge the Bull" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Challenge the untruths and educate yourself with truths. You're not stuck with the thoughts you have today. It's a good thing too, because "bull" causes people a lot of pain. The Greek philosopher, Epictetus, put it more eloquently when he said, "It is not events, but the perception of events that disturb people's minds." There are many untruths. Here are just a few examples. Put-downs: "I'm bad. I'm stupid. I'm ugly." False ideals: "If I don't do _____ like other people, then I'm abnormal." "If it's not perfect, I've failed." "I've made bad mistakes, so God couldn't possibly love me." Awfulizing: "If I don't get enough _____, I'll go crazy and I'll die." Personalizing: (S)he did _____ because there is something wrong with me." The untruths cause much emotional distress, including anxiety and panic. You've heard the proverb, "The truth shall set you free." Well it's true.

@fridjonk Please forgive the slowness of my responses. I understand what you express about the cost of running a farm in a responsible way with a long term view. When I managed our family ranch there seemed to be no end to the things I could spend money on ( x 10 ) with good justifications. I got tired of working my ass off whie deciding what I had to spend money on that was most crucial and then paying taxes with the rest. Often denying things for myself like health insurance and taking vacations. @fridjonk Expounding on the question I asked you became a launching pad for a spontaneous spiel that I just typed out and in no way is directed at you but to the forum at large. I wanted to make that specifically clear and thank you for allowing me this space in our conversation for this indulgence. My question about the possiblilty of deceptive potential mates probably gives away my tendency for having a rather pessimistic 'glass half empty' view of the world, At times anyhow. That admission is likely to push the buttons of lurking self righteous zen devils that are currently trolling this section of the forum. When I say these things that appear to have an inherent negativity, I do so with a non-judgemental heart, or try to, because in the past, I was one of them. A zen devil that is. This is my expression of how I've found this work towards Self actualization to be a two edged sword. I could often see others shortcomings but lacked the love of absolute truth enough that I would put on the blinders to avoid seeing my own self deception and folly. I've also found these type of confessions to draw out the beginners and partially awakened neophytes who are quick to dog pile onto others and in which they fail to recognise their own judgemental assessments. The neccessity here that I see of this work to eventually resemble an ouroboros. A similar cryptic statement out of the Fourth way is that one must work on oneself and purify emotionally in order to become food for Arch-angels. When one has cooked enough internally in an alchemical way, anything which happens will no longer be taken in a negative way. Even seemingly "bad" things. This realization is one that comes and goes with the flux in my degree of being. My daily yo-yo of being. When I have objectively seen my own bullshit, how can I judge others at all for theirs,,,, When my degree of being is at a higher level I perceive how Understanding is a magic bullet for unconscious behaviors and unneccesary suffering. It comes with a price though.

@fridjonk I would have been glad to have your company! Yesterday I did discover how much better a millwaulkie high speed grinder with a metal cutting disc cuts through roofing tin versus the old skillsaw with a blade put on backward. And much less noisy as well. Such an improvement there has been in tools over the last 30 yrs.,,, Ive been meaning to ask you a rather personal question. Please disregard if you would rather not answer. With all of your families enormous spread of land, people must view you as rather wealthy. Have you ever been suspicious or a little paranoid that potencial mates/wife would pursue you because of your wealth?

Re; List any and all the ways you see as being contributors to building and sustaining and solid sense of self. An internalized self image Being identified emotionally with ideals and values I believe we need a healthy well rounded personality/ego before we can begin transcending and letting go, Eventually the two things I listed will have to be let go of for Self realization of one's essential identity. For those who want to dig a little deeper and maybe from another perspective- A Dynamic Structure Comprised Not Only of Self-Representations but Also of Inner Activity The self-identity structure is a dynamic structure comprised not only of self-representations, but also of inner activity (Kohut’s tension arc). This “dynamic essence of the self” is an automatic, compulsive and incessant activity, which is mostly unconscious. We saw in Chapter 8 that the main components of this activity are rejection, hope and desire. Repeated experience of the stillness of black emptiness exposes this activity as mental agitation, which now intensifies and reaches feverish proportions, as an obsessive inner activity whose ultimate purpose is to perpetuate itself. It becomes increasingly obvious that the details of this activity, the content of what the self rejects and what it hopes for, are immaterial. What matters is the activity itself. The notion of giving up this inner activity appears to the self as defeat, a surrender to hopelessness. The mental activity intensifies in an effort to avoid deep hopelessness and helplessness, despair and depression. These feelings are part of a narcissistic depression and deep hopelessness that the student feels about being her real self. This heavy and painful state is characterized by inertia, dullness, and self-hate. One feels existential hopelessness and despair about the possibility of existing authentically, and about receiving support for one’s authenticity. The Point of Existence, pg. 340 From; https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/self-identity There are several more excerpts on this same web page.

So I tackled a few shitty jobs today. It was a good day to do it because I felt centered and peaceful. Not always do I feel centered and peaceful. But neither do I experience the emotional turmoil that I did 20-30 years ago. I've neglected my well pump and pressure tank over the years. When I finshed building my house back in 1995-96, I was so sick of carpentry that come fall, I would just throw a few square bales around it and call it good. Some years I would throw a tarp the over pressure tank pump and pressure switch and scatter loose hay over it for insulation. A few years here lately I would just throw all my old clothes that were ready for the rag pile onto the pump and then throw a tarp or some plastic over it all. Well this morning I went out to clear around the pump so could build a nice insulated pump house. When I tried to find earth around the pump I encountered layer upon layer of haystring, rotted tarps, insulation, and old half rotted clothes. Mixed in was some fine looking electric extension cord plus a nice section of 6 guage high voltage wire. Fine looking extension cord is anything thats not rotted or has bad insulation. I cut the plug in cord off every appliance I throw away. The heavier ones with three prongs I'll use to put on old extention cords. The female ends I usually get new at the store. I do the same thing with garden hoses. Patch with splices and attach new ends whenever necessary. if for some reason I need to run out a 1/4 mile of water or electric line, ,,,,,,, no sweat. It took me all morning using box cutter, pruning shears, pry bar, shovel, 420 Honda quad and chain. At mid day I was soaked with sweat and short of breath but I had dug down to fresh earth around the well pump. This afternoon I went and cut garage door panels as jigsaw pieces for a small well pump house. My father had bought a couple of semi loads of these things that had been culled at the manufacturing plant. This was 30 years ago and the things are still worthy a building material. Mostly they're 2 foot wide in random lengths. You can cut them the way you can roofing tin. Just turn the blade around backward on a skill saw and lay into it,,,, You just have to watch out for the carbide saw teeth as they fly off the blade on the first cut. With the blade turned around the saw will still eat through the tin. One problem though is the massive noise polution you put out into the world. The terrible growling whine made by a skillsaw cutting tin is just God-awful. On a still day it will echo for miles. It will make your ears ring. The chorus of crickets that I often hear sounded like they were on a frozen lake. This only lasted for an hour or two. ,,,, I take that back. i payed closer attention just now and their sound still isn't back to what sounds normal. I didn't mention. Last night I had rather long and vivid dreams. Thinking of them this morning early started the day good.

Sometimes being awake means that most everywhere you look, you see things that make you cry, because of their beauty. in this beauty is the inherent meaning in which any words of description completely fail to do justice.

Change vs. transformation is a topic worthy of consideration. As it sometimes happens with those who struggle with alcohol addiction. There can come a time when an inner seeing takes place and they may experience a moment of clarity. With that moment of clarity comes the willingness to endure the suffering that lay ahead of them in order to move past their accute addiction. The enduring of this friction within themselves is alchemical. It produces a transformation. Sometimes this inner struggle moves one as well from the realm of mind to the realm of Being. Below is a diagram produced by Dwight Ott, a former Teacher of mine of the Fourth Way and esoteric Christianity. Metanoia, a transliteration of the Greek μετάνοια, means after-thought or beyond-thought, with meta meaning "after" or "beyond" and nous meaning "mind". It is commonly understood as "a transformative change of heart; especially: a spiritual conversion." From Wikipedia

it's tricky from a certain perspective when you consider that the self esteem that's usually pitched and is pretty much a necessity equates as fundamental narcissism which is often overlooked. When speaking of narcissism people are usually taking about pathological narcissism. But in Self Realization self identity is out the window. I like these quotes from Almaas. Approaching the Dimension of Essential Presence We Inevitably Confront the Narcissism Inherent in Our Disconnection from that Presence When a person is working on self-realization, this narcissism is increasingly exposed; in fact, it is usually aggravated for some time. When we approach the dimension of essential presence we inevitably confront the narcissism inherent in our disconnection from that presence. The success of the work on self-realization depends, to a great degree, upon successfully resolving the arousal and intensification of narcissistic manifestations. The narcissism of everyday life is much more ubiquitous, much deeper, and much more significant than we usually allow ourselves to see. However, it dissolves steadily in the deeper stages of self-realization. Full self-realization completely eliminates this narcissism, for it is not natural to the realized self The Point of Existence, pg. 27 Complete Resolution of Narcissism Requires that We Cease to use Self-representations for Self-recognition Before we embark on this exploration, we need to address the significance of the above discussion with respect to narcissism. Our observation that the deepest root of narcissism is the absence of self-realization and the additional observation that in full self-realization the normal sense of identity dissolves, combine to give us a deep insight about narcissism: The presence of the normal identity is the root of narcissism. This implies two further insights, at different levels of the self. The first is that not only is normal identity fundamentally weak and vulnerable, but its very existence is responsible for this weakness, and thus it cannot become completely stable. In other words, the normal self (or more accurately, the ego-self) is inherently narcissistic because its identity is inherently weak and vulnerable. This weakness is due to the inevitable incompleteness of the self-representation, and therefore cannot be eliminated as long as the self-representation forms our sense of identity. Second, since the fundamental narcissism of everyday life is an expression of normal identity, complete resolution of narcissism requires that we cease to use self-representations for self-recognition. The Point of Existence, pg. 129 Taken from; https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/narcissism-everyday-life

An excerpt from a favorite article of mine. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Only years later did Professor Tart learn that he had the CIA to thank for all of the LSD he ingested in those experiments. In the early nineteen sixties the CIA had set up dummy foundations to secretly fund research into psychedelic drugs. They wanted to know if there was any military potential to these strange new psychological drugs. They found the drugs were powerful, and potentially dangerous, but the experience of God was found to have no military value. Although not all unwitting government guinea pigs were as fortunate as Charles Tart, he, at least, was eternally grateful to the CIA. ,,,,,,,,,,, Taken from; https://schoolofwisdom.com/laws-of-wisdom/the-problem-of-the-subtle-sybil-effect/ This article, written by Ralph Losey, provides a good explanation of one of our common human conditions which is also a huge blind spot. That being our psychological fracturedness which necessitates the need for integration. This process of integration is a key element in the overall goal of what Dr. Carl Jung described as individuation. If actualization is your goal. This idea of integration and individuation lay at the very heart or foundation. I highly recommend this article for anyone interested in the goal of actualization of your human potential.

i went to a reputable therapist a few years ago and unloaded all the lowdown, shameful, dirty, corrupt, humiliating events and episodes that i could recall. My attempt at some proactive shadow work. i feel it helped me and I would recommend it to others who may be so inclined. Just be sure and comfortable with the therapist you pick. 5 or 6 appointments was all it took. it really does help to unload that stuff in front of another human being. a therapist who has been around for a while has probably heard it all and will not be judgemental.

RE; Is it "easier' to reach non-dual states as a male? I think not. @OneHandClap @Jakuchu I agree. Rhetorical question,,, Who are those that are more able to become passive towards themselves or their personality? Specifically their thoughts and opinions, beliefs, etc.,, Maybe nondual capacity in contemporary women is overlooked because of the blindspots and prejudices inherent in our dying patriarchical paradigm,,,

It's feels nice when someone expresses their Love for you. Those who Love are the most blessed, though.

Reaching Up "Your Personal Fulfillment" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen Personal fulfillment comes from doing things that are meaningful to you. So the important things in life aren’t really things at all. They are your ongoing activities – your personal involvement in working, learning, growing, and loving. We can lump these together and call them your inner development. If you invest yourself in your inner development, you will learn and grow, and your learning and growing will add to your fulfillment. Fulfillment means that you feel whole and complete, and that your life has purpose and meaning. Without fulfillment, without purpose and meaning in your life, there is a strong tendency to feel empty inside and get depressed. Please keep in mind that therapy can very much help you with your inner development and lead you to a more purposeful, meaningful life. Each of the steps you take in the positive direction, either with therapy or on your own, will add to your good feelings. It’s a process, and all along the way you get to feel better and then better some more. So take the steps. It may seem like you’re taking risks, but these are healthy risks. Make the decision to try some things that fill you up, and then do them boldly.

Crying upside down will stop-up your sinuses really bad. A miracle inverts perception which was upside down before, and thus it ends the strange distortions that were manifest. Now is perception open to the truth. - From ACIM

Reaching Up "A Few Keys to Enjoyment" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2021 Dr. Jim Rosen You can make the decision to enjoy. You make many, many decisions that determine how you feel. You can make this one, too. Deciding to enjoy means that you’re focusing on the present moment because that’s the only time where joy is. So you decide to do an enjoyable something right now. Small basic things are often the best. This can include playing in your garden, listening to music, reading a few pages of a good book, playing with your kids or your animals, having lunch with a friend. The list is as long as you want to make it. Evaluating your experience or judging the other people involved surely takes away from your joy. To enhance joy, you want to be right here in it. So do your best to suspend judging and evaluating. Instead, embrace what happens and how things unfold. This also means that you decide to let go of attempts to control the moment. Allow the moment. Don’t try to push it one way or another. If you also decide to give the thing that you want to receive, you will surely receive it. Give moments of joy to others. Keep it at the top of your to do list. And when you can’t be with them, see them joyous and whole in your mind’s eye. And remember that love and joy and peace all go together. As my good friend Tom used to say, “now go play.”

Lsd I have an appreciation for Terence Mckenna referencing Lsd as being "psychological Drano". He had a preference for mushrooms. Even though I greatly appreciate Mckenna's knowledge and way of expressing, I equate myself as being more of a 'Timothy Leary' in nature. Apart from microdosing, which I've never tried. I've correlated low doses (50- 150 ug) with unpleasant trips because of the minds tendency to resist the onset of the trip. Or rather in the past I noticed this tendency in myself. So my approach has been to take a good stout dose 400-500 ug. Then be overwhelmed by the substance. Finding myself being flung right into the experience. Being spontaneous and a bit reckless is just my counterphobic personality giving expression perhaps. This would probably typify me as a not-so-responsible psychonaut. A distinct felt sense of creative thinking, especially through the written word is very much a part of my trips. Long, drawn out vivid dreams often occur during the comedown or right after my lsd trips. A felt sense of being cleansed is often an after-effect and so for me, "psychological Drano" is appropriately descriptive.

My favorite enneagram book.

Objective self observation In a rather long conversation a few days ago. I asked this person I was talking with if they could recall an instance in their life when they had been passive-aggressive towards someone. They reflected for a moment or two and then said, "no, I don't think I have ever been passive aggressive towards anyone." They then replied with something like. "I'm just not that kind of person". This is someone I've known all my life. You could have knocked me over with a feather. We all don't see how much we psychologically project onto others nor do we clearly observe all of our own shitty little behaviors like when we're offended or under stress. There's a good reason Leo has done a three part series on self deception,,,,,

I really appreciate your journal and relate quite a bit to a few things you have written about. You express yourself well. if this is a closed journal, let me know and I'll hide this post.

,,,,,,Purity? Cherubim babies long for my innocence.,,,,,, ,,,,,,My worst habit is, I get so tired of winter I become a torture to those I'm with,,,,,,,