Zigzag Idiot

What do I know? I'm an Idiot. Someone hung out a sign that said we're all hot.

Just simply his being in an open and curious state of mind. Maybe it's a projection,,,,? My statement applies more to the cumulative effect over the last few weeks in seeing changes which seem to parallel emotional tones as they change. Pretty abstract interpretions that I feel have some merit but as I admitted,, projections are so easy. I appreciate the originality of this form of self expression anyway,,,,

As I watch more and more of Leo's videos I plan to reference his specific videos rather than other people's work such as Almaas. In that spirit, I paste this video link which applies,,, I think I appreciate more and more his ability for explaining and tying things together,,,

The way in which you worded your off and on situation is very similar to what I have experienced on my path. A.H. Almaas' Diamond Approach Inquiry has helped me work through a lot of this. His Glossary is just kick ass. I'll leave some excerpts and a link to his Glossary in case it resonates. Deficient Emptiness of Holes For each lost aspect of Being, a different form of deficient emptiness results. These different forms can be seen as the various holes in one's being or in one's personality. Each hole is a deficient emptiness in which the feeling of the deficiency manifests as an affect of the lack of a specific quality... We see that the experience of deficient emptiness -- which is the interface of space and mental content -- is of paramount importance, not only for understanding mental disorders, but for the process of unfolding of human potential. The Void, pg. 138 Genesis of Deficient Emptiness We propose the following hypothesis ......: * At birth the human infant has no sense of self. * He is Being. He is his being without knowledge or self-consciousness. There is no mental functioning yet. * Slowly, through experiences of pleasure and pain, memory traces are retained, forming the first self-impressions (self-representations). * As the infant starts taking himself to be this or that (this or that self-image) he separates from his sense of Being, because any image is not his being. * As the ego-identity and sense of self develop and become stable, the contact with Being in its various aspects and qualities is mostly lost. The extent of the loss also depends on the adequacy of the environment and the infant’s relation to it. * The process of loss of contact with Being leaves a sense of deficiency, a state of deficient emptiness, as if the Being is left with many holes in it. The deficient emptiness is the state of the absence of contact with or awareness of Being. * Space, which is the open dimension of Being, is lost in the formation of the self-image. This self-image includes the unconscious body-image of having a genital hole. * For the normal individual, the development of the personality happens relatively smoothly. The self is highly integrated and stays stable throughout most of one’s life. * In those with mental disorders, for reasons already known in depth psychology, the development of the personality and its sense of self is incomplete, or happens with various distortions, malformations, or inadequacies. The Void, pg. 127 The State of No Self The narcissistic emptiness sheds its deficiency and reveals its truth, as an emptiness that has no sense of self, but is spacious and peaceful. The deficient emptiness is actually nothing but this inner spaciousness, experienced through the judgment of deficiency. The state of no self is actually a pure manifestation of inner spacious reality, Being in its openness, we experience it as empty space, immaculate and pure, light and clean, empty of everything structured by the mind. However, the self reacts to the sense of no self in many ways—as a loss, as a deficiency, and so on, plus the associations, memories, and feelings that go with these interpretations. All this psychic content pervades the inner spaciousness so that we lose sight of its lightness, purity, immaculateness, and freedom. Instead, we feel it as deficient emptiness, dull and flat, heavy and dark. Only when we allow this emptiness to be, without judgment or rejection, without reaction or opinion, does it shed its obscurations and reveal its inherent truth: the state of no self, the freedom and openness of our Being. We experience ourselves then as a luminous night sky, transparent and pure, light and happy, cool and virginal, deep and peaceful. An emptiness, yes, but a stillness, a silence, where we recognize the absence of the familiar identity as the absence of agitation. This is black space, an inner spaciousness that manifests naturally when we accept the absence of self with no reaction at all. It arises when the self is free from identifying itself through representations. We experience freedom from the familiar identity and its structure. We experience ourselves without any structure, as openness, spaciousness, as boundless and infinite space. The Point of Existence, pg. 337 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/deficient-emptiness You are already doing most of what his method instructs which is just sitting with and being open to whatever arises,,,,

I watched this yesterday. I agree. Very good. To the point. Fourth way Inquiry aka esoteric Christianity is sometimes referred to as Transformation of being.

Oops, There I go projecting once again,,,,, ?

The way Eckhart Tolle quoted Jesus in the Power of Now helped me warm back up to Christianity after growing up in a Fundamentalist evangelical Church and the subsequent puking and disillusionment. I love the way you communicate with your changing Avatars. It's a great idea. So much gets communicated,,,,,

Inquiry and becoming the witnessing presence who has no fucking opinion. - can bring immediate relief from emotional turmoil. Use the idea of beginners mind if it helps you to touch that quiet inner space of just simply being the Witness. Eckhart Tolle refers to it as 'being the Watcher'. The exercise of imitating the 'higher' is a practice I was taught in the Fourth way. It's a version of fake it till you make it. In this light, learning correct self Inquiry applies and correlates to eventually becoming stable in what Ken Wilber call Witness Consciousness. So if it helps- pretend; act out the role; embody the Witness who just observes without putting labels on anything. Can you then taste this state of being the Witness? Simply become the witness. No assessments! NO SELF CRITICISM! If you get a taste of it, you will feel a detachment and probably at least a small sense of relief. "You're not going to figure this out intellectually."- Leo If we are unable to do Inquiry because of 'monkey mind and an inability to focus - "We need a daily practice to help calm down the mind." - Leo "The thing that is suffering is always the false self."- Leo

I think so. Welcome!

Reminds me of a funny book I read a few years ago

To me it's a beautiful thing that you bring up imagination. Most people are unwilling to honestly do that.

Technically, yeah that's true. It was very short Inquiry.

The raving comes from those just getting a taste of it. Those who experience it continually don't rave. Unless they decide to put on that mask and consciously play the role. Im somewhere near the middle. That why I'm a Zigzag Idiot. Grasping prolongs the search, usually. Some would say though that if your whole life became just one thing, even grasping, then you might wake up to being quicker than 'normal' inquiry. Usually the formula is roughly that you have to awaken, then die, then be born again. Die to separate self,,,, born again in Realization of being///// mind not required Leo's videos are good stuff and there is plenty to chose from. That's where the good explanations are,,,,

Getting out the book and rereading, It occurred to me for the first time that this happened at his Saturn return which is the same for all of us. At 29 1/2 years of age.

He's was experiencing a state of extreme existential angst and just snapped when he observed and questioned his own thought of "I cannot live wth myself any longer", in the midst of his turmoil. It wasn't Inquiry. More like being shattered. Or rather, his mind shattered and he realized the fullness of being completely and all at once. He had been depressed for years and suicidal for several months.

Practice exercise for inhabiting the body with I Am Doing this correctly over time helps one to distinguish sensing from feeling. These are some instructions I copied from a Fourth way Course: Become aware of the natural flow of your breathing for a few breaths, noting the sensation or presence of the physical body as the air comes in and goes out. Relax the body as you breathe out. Let a feeling of gratitude or wonder arise. Relax into a feeling of gratitude or wonder for life or for whatever you may feel gratitude for. Do this for a few more breathes. For the next few breaths, say inwardly “I”, as you inhale, breathing with the intention of taking in finer energies or substances in the air and feeling a connection to Higher help. When you breathe out say inwardly “AM”, with an awareness of your whole body physical presence. The exercise itself is a form of self-remembering — returning from “all these other things” back to myself. Its aim is to practice three-centered awareness — observing (seeing), sensing, feeling. Engaging all three centers and having a sense of whole body awareness is essential. Activating gratitude, wonder, our being, or our own inner poverty and need for higher help — all are good catalysts for self-remembering. The inner exercise should only take a minute or two (or less) once familiar with the steps. After you get used to doing it, start feeling from the heart with the in breath and saying I And then sensing the body with the exhale while saying am, silent or inwardly. Powerful practice,,,,

Self Realized Beings and inner directed people often have little or no personality. Like these musicians who only stand out because of their musical genius.

All Spiritual Work Would be Pointless if There Were Such a Thing as Ultimate Evil If your orientation is that you love truth so that it will change you and make you a happier person, your orientation is out of sync with how things objectively are; if you see reality as it is, you can’t help but love it. It follows, then, that objectively there is no evil. We see evil only when we perceive reality through a filter. A person who behaves in what we consider evil ways is a person acting through a distortion. In spiritual work, concepts of a devil, of dark forces, of some evil that exists on its own outside of the goodness of reality are considered manifestations of ignorance, both in terms of believing in such concepts and in terms of the manifestations attributed to such forces. All spiritual work would be pointless if there were such a thing as ultimate evil. Facets of Unity, pg. 215

I don't usually have a mind. The mind has me. Discern between the experience of Being and being at the mercy of the mind, which has no mercy.

Waking up to a number of ‘button pushing’ passive aggressives in my life a few years ago gave the painful recognition for the need to integrate split off aspects of myself and do some shadow work to become a little more thick hided and resilient among miserable people who feed on negativity. This was an understanding that developed over time culminating with Maurice Nicolls’ articulation of what makes the world go around,,,, negativity, he said, and not sex. The more I saw this aspect in myself, of being an unhappy button pusher the easier I could forgive other people who did this to me. Mmmmm coffee Mmmmmm cheetos Im not the thoughts that pass through I'm not the emotions which come and go I'm not the body with bad teeth, torn rotator cuffs, a hard on, cold feet and a blank facial expression. I am my understanding I am I feel others and their being to the extent in which my emotions are purified of negativity am senses the Automaton The witness observes

Internalized images are basic to Ego. Ego structures are built off of internalized images which give us a sense of identity. In Inquiry, observing our inner life can reveal our internalized images. This seeing helps dissolve ego structures. Our experience becomes more 'spacious'. We can then experience the presence of being after we become quiet inside.

The people who push your buttons or annoys you the most is someone you share a shadow personality trait with. After reading about this phenomena in Nicolls' Psychological Commentaries I recognized partially in hindsight the truth of it. Over time through inquiry, I've observed it in myself and others. When people project at us in some way, this phenomena is often involved. I don't have to take it in a negative way and make it worse. Its difficult to just 'sit with it' and not react. "Become an emotional superconductor" "Breathe down into your belly"

I copy and paste my post put on The DiamondNet.org forum: This is a case in point. My projection. Sharing my inner world in print with others helps me to see things like my projection. In the Actualization.org 2 day website glitch, I projected that someone had put some kind of malware in my system and at times seriously considered that I had been banned from the site. Gurdjieff's Kundabuffer (imagination/self deception) - Even though I can name it, Projection still creeps in. It's not flattering to admit but it is what it is. Having a journal can help me see/admit/work through,,,, deal with my issues that might normally might be dismissed. Awareness is curative.

Jonathon Zap -Dark Elements part one Jonathon Zap; Dynamic Paradoxicalism -- The Anti-ism ism