Zigzag Idiot

Reminds me of a funny book I read a few years ago

To me it's a beautiful thing that you bring up imagination. Most people are unwilling to honestly do that.

Technically, yeah that's true. It was very short Inquiry.

The raving comes from those just getting a taste of it. Those who experience it continually don't rave. Unless they decide to put on that mask and consciously play the role. Im somewhere near the middle. That why I'm a Zigzag Idiot. Grasping prolongs the search, usually. Some would say though that if your whole life became just one thing, even grasping, then you might wake up to being quicker than 'normal' inquiry. Usually the formula is roughly that you have to awaken, then die, then be born again. Die to separate self,,,, born again in Realization of being///// mind not required Leo's videos are good stuff and there is plenty to chose from. That's where the good explanations are,,,,

Getting out the book and rereading, It occurred to me for the first time that this happened at his Saturn return which is the same for all of us. At 29 1/2 years of age.

He's was experiencing a state of extreme existential angst and just snapped when he observed and questioned his own thought of "I cannot live wth myself any longer", in the midst of his turmoil. It wasn't Inquiry. More like being shattered. Or rather, his mind shattered and he realized the fullness of being completely and all at once. He had been depressed for years and suicidal for several months.

Practice exercise for inhabiting the body with I Am Doing this correctly over time helps one to distinguish sensing from feeling. These are some instructions I copied from a Fourth way Course: Become aware of the natural flow of your breathing for a few breaths, noting the sensation or presence of the physical body as the air comes in and goes out. Relax the body as you breathe out. Let a feeling of gratitude or wonder arise. Relax into a feeling of gratitude or wonder for life or for whatever you may feel gratitude for. Do this for a few more breathes. For the next few breaths, say inwardly “I”, as you inhale, breathing with the intention of taking in finer energies or substances in the air and feeling a connection to Higher help. When you breathe out say inwardly “AM”, with an awareness of your whole body physical presence. The exercise itself is a form of self-remembering — returning from “all these other things” back to myself. Its aim is to practice three-centered awareness — observing (seeing), sensing, feeling. Engaging all three centers and having a sense of whole body awareness is essential. Activating gratitude, wonder, our being, or our own inner poverty and need for higher help — all are good catalysts for self-remembering. The inner exercise should only take a minute or two (or less) once familiar with the steps. After you get used to doing it, start feeling from the heart with the in breath and saying I And then sensing the body with the exhale while saying am, silent or inwardly. Powerful practice,,,,

Self Realized Beings and inner directed people often have little or no personality. Like these musicians who only stand out because of their musical genius.

All Spiritual Work Would be Pointless if There Were Such a Thing as Ultimate Evil If your orientation is that you love truth so that it will change you and make you a happier person, your orientation is out of sync with how things objectively are; if you see reality as it is, you can’t help but love it. It follows, then, that objectively there is no evil. We see evil only when we perceive reality through a filter. A person who behaves in what we consider evil ways is a person acting through a distortion. In spiritual work, concepts of a devil, of dark forces, of some evil that exists on its own outside of the goodness of reality are considered manifestations of ignorance, both in terms of believing in such concepts and in terms of the manifestations attributed to such forces. All spiritual work would be pointless if there were such a thing as ultimate evil. Facets of Unity, pg. 215

I don't usually have a mind. The mind has me. Discern between the experience of Being and being at the mercy of the mind, which has no mercy.

Waking up to a number of ‘button pushing’ passive aggressives in my life a few years ago gave the painful recognition for the need to integrate split off aspects of myself and do some shadow work to become a little more thick hided and resilient among miserable people who feed on negativity. This was an understanding that developed over time culminating with Maurice Nicolls’ articulation of what makes the world go around,,,, negativity, he said, and not sex. The more I saw this aspect in myself, of being an unhappy button pusher the easier I could forgive other people who did this to me. Mmmmm coffee Mmmmmm cheetos Im not the thoughts that pass through I'm not the emotions which come and go I'm not the body with bad teeth, torn rotator cuffs, a hard on, cold feet and a blank facial expression. I am my understanding I am I feel others and their being to the extent in which my emotions are purified of negativity am senses the Automaton The witness observes

Internalized images are basic to Ego. Ego structures are built off of internalized images which give us a sense of identity. In Inquiry, observing our inner life can reveal our internalized images. This seeing helps dissolve ego structures. Our experience becomes more 'spacious'. We can then experience the presence of being after we become quiet inside.

The people who push your buttons or annoys you the most is someone you share a shadow personality trait with. After reading about this phenomena in Nicolls' Psychological Commentaries I recognized partially in hindsight the truth of it. Over time through inquiry, I've observed it in myself and others. When people project at us in some way, this phenomena is often involved. I don't have to take it in a negative way and make it worse. Its difficult to just 'sit with it' and not react. "Become an emotional superconductor" "Breathe down into your belly"

I copy and paste my post put on The DiamondNet.org forum: This is a case in point. My projection. Sharing my inner world in print with others helps me to see things like my projection. In the Actualization.org 2 day website glitch, I projected that someone had put some kind of malware in my system and at times seriously considered that I had been banned from the site. Gurdjieff's Kundabuffer (imagination/self deception) - Even though I can name it, Projection still creeps in. It's not flattering to admit but it is what it is. Having a journal can help me see/admit/work through,,,, deal with my issues that might normally might be dismissed. Awareness is curative.

Jonathon Zap -Dark Elements part one Jonathon Zap; Dynamic Paradoxicalism -- The Anti-ism ism

"Everything is being." "Being is infinitely more profound than meaning." When I'm stressed out, I'm nearly always 'stuck in my head'. Unnecessary thinking creating little doom scenarios. When this happens I'm more susceptible to being reactive and going even more out of balance in emotions for a time as well. Vicious feedback between emotional center and intellectual center has in the past kept me perpetually out of whack. I was completely ungrounded and didn't have a clue about it. If someone would have told me. It probably wouldn't have meant anything. It would have been just another mental idea. So an ongoing daily practice besides Centering Prayer is sensing the feet or sense the 'hara', periodically through the day, as often as possible. I can nearly always sense my feet while I'm doing something else. Sensing my feet also keeps me more 'present' and relaxed when I'm around other people. The more grounded I become in the body, the quieter my mind becomes. Being is more easily experienced when mind is quiet. In Being, I find meaning.

I've been unable to access the last few days. Testing,,, ok, having read a few I see I'm not alone.

This isn't for everyone. If I'm annoying or you find this offensive, just ignore me. Back to unfolding Science of Idiotism and focusing on the bottom of the ladder of Reason. Only Seekers and Strivers of Being and becoming can be called True Idiots. Narcissistic Experts, Know-it-alls and people of violence fall into the subcategory of Objectively hopeless Idiots. In the Ritual meals Gurdjieff held, an often very drawn out and sad oratory was given and a toast was drank to the Objectively Hopeless Idiots who, being born with only a part of an Astral Body and being self satisfied or hopelessly confused, most will die like dogs. Dogs also only have part of an Astral Body and often times more of an Astral body than some people. Gurdjieff could make it so solemn and sad, people would sometimes cry when this Toast was made to the Objectively Hopeless Idiots. In life we have our strong suit. Where we are at most of the time. Intellectual dominance Emotional dominance Instinctive Center dominance Belly as it's used here implies instinctive center. Which means people whose life revolves are food. Food is how they dissociate. Preparation and eating. Or 'moving centered' people who can't stand still,,, always on the go. Dissociating from life through movement. Most people don't notice they are out of balance. The triad only "delivers the goods" when they are balanced. Fulasnitamnian Awareness or 3 Centered Awareness. Higher Consciousness are the goods that's delivered. This can be seen as ascending triads. The center of gravity of each Idiot gives a clue about each particular form of idiocy. 1 Ordinary Idiot. Belly 2 Super Idiot Heart 3 Arch Idiot. Mind 4 Hopeless Idiot Belly 5 Compassionate Idiot. Heart 6 Squirming Idiot. Mind 7 Square Idiot Belly 8 Round Idiot. Heart 9 Zigzag Idiot Mind I'll add to and then rake everything together from time to time,,,

I began reading in my early 20's mostly for a distraction from anxiety and depression. Novels, biographies mostly besides my Dianetics/Scientology stuff for the next 10 years. Began reading more spiritual, metaphysical stuff in my 30's. These were often books I would re-read sometimes 4-5 times or like The Power Of Now at least 20 times. I'm very rough on books and will not hesitate to circle paragraphs and write in the margins or in the blank pages in the back of the book, I'll write a page # and a 3-7 word reminder of the topic. That's been useful for going back to a book that was read 2 to 3 years in the past and being able to find the material. Most likely I'll have written a reminder and page # in the back. Its nice to read ebooks where you can usually find something by doing a search. I've never even tried a kindle or one the other kind. I like to hold a regular book, carry it with me. Read outdoors a lot when the weather is mild,,,

Rob Brezsny's - A Prayer For You. I am starting to pray right now to the God of Gods, the God beyond all Gods, the Girlfriend of God, the Teacher of God, the Goddess who invented God, and what I pray is: Oh Goddess Who Never Kills But Only Changes: I pray that my exuberant, suave, and accidental words might move You to unleash ferocious blessings on all the beauty and truth fans who've tuned in. I pray that You'll grant them what they don't even know they want. Not just the boons they think they need but everything they've been afraid to even imagine or wish for. Oh Goddess, You Wealthy Anarchist Burning Heaven to the Ground: The divine chameleons out there in sacred space don't even know they're crazy. Please use Your blinding magic to help them see they're all wildly creative geniuses too big for their own bodies. Guide them to realize that they're all completely different from what they think they are and more exciting than they can possibly imagine. And make it immoral, illegal, irrelevant, unpatriotic and totally tasteless for them to be in love with anyone or anything that's no good for them. Oh Goddess You Sly Universal Virus with No Opinion: I beg that You help all the personal growth-addicts that are reading this prayer to be disciplined enough to go crazy in the name of creation not destruction. I pray that You teach them the difference between self-destructive self-control and liberating self-control. Awaken in them the power to do the half-right thing when it's impossible to do the totally right thing. Arouse the Wild Woman within them ~ even if they're men. Give them bigger, better, more original sins and wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. And, oh Goddess, You Pregnant Criminal Who Scorns All Mediocre Longing: Inspire all the original sinners out there to love their enemies in case their friends turn out to be jerks. Provoke them to throw away things that make them believe they're better than everyone else. Show them how much fun it is to brag about what they can't do and don't have. Most of all, brainwash them with Your freedom, so that they never love their own pain more than anyone else's pain. Oh Goddess, you Psychedelic Mushroom Cloud at the Center of All Our Brains: These budding Demeters and Inannas and Buddhas and Christs deserve everything they need and much much more. Please arrange for a racehorse to be named after them, or a boulevard or river or thousand-year-old storm on another planet. Help them win the battle against time, and learn to talk the language of the most scientific angels, and master the zen of temper tantrums, and get a fabulous mommy and daddy in their next incarnation. Teach them to push their own buttons and unbreak their own hearts and right their own wrongs and sing their own songs and be their own wives and save their own lives. Bless them with lucid dreams while they're wide awake and solar energy-operated sex toys that work in the dark and a vacuum cleaner for their magic carpet and a knack for avoiding other people's hells [!] and a secret admirer who's not a psychotic stalker and a thousand masks that all fit their face perfectly and their own 900 number so that everyone has to pay to talk to them. Oh Goddess, you Dumb, Fast, Infinitely Wide River of Electricity, You Smart Slow Smoldering Lump of Angel Fat Left Over from the Big Bang, You Ghostly Snake Who Loves Inventive Tragedy and Sophisticated Superstition, You Cool Furnace That Incinerates the Props of Our Nightmares Much Too Slowly, You Creator of Happy Purgatories Where Impeccably Unironic Apocalypse Salesmen Preach Christian Satanism and Rosicrucian Baseball Players from the Middle Ages Dream Politically Cracked Dreams That Reveal the News in More Exact Metaphors Than Any Newspaper: I pray that You provide all the global village idiots that are reading this prayer with a license to bend all laws, rules, and traditions that keep them apart from the things they love. Show them how to purge themselves of the wishy-washy wishes that keep them distracted from their divine desires. And teach them that they can have anything they want if they'll only ask for it in an unselfish tone of voice. Oh Goddess Who Gives Us So Much Love and Pain Together That Our Morality is Always on the Verge of Collapsing: I beg You to cast a spell to nullify all bad spells that have ever been cast on all the beautiful love geniuses out there. Remove, banish, annihilate, and laugh into oblivion any jinx that has clung to them no matter how long they've suffered from it, and even if they've grown accustomed or addicted to its ugly companionship. Conjure an aura of protection around them so that they will receive an early warning if they're ever about to act in such a way that would attract another hex or plague or voodoo into their lives. And now, dear God of Gods, God Beyond All Gods, Sister Lover of God, Mother of God, Goddess who invented God: I bring this prayer to a close, trusting that in these mysterious moments You have impregnated the dream glands of all the beauty and truth fans out there with the most compassionate lust and smartest love You can imagine. And if there is anything I've forgotten which will help their cause, please flash it into my imagination in the coming days and months and decades, and motivate me to perform any tricks or carry out any project that will encourage an abundance of sweaty creativity to flow through them, inspiring them to become more wildly disciplined, erotically feminist, aggressively sensitive, demonically compassionate, ironically sincere, lyrically logical, insanely poised, orgiastically lucid, macho feminist. Amen. Awomen. Ommmmmmm and halle-fucking-lujah.

I'm pondering if helping unfold the Science of Idiotism is a part of my life purpose. Q. What would that mean? A. To help Actualize a psychological path to awakening. Q. Why does the world need another? A. To make a way of liberation which can be utilized by Tramps, Lunatics and even Hasnamusses. Q. Metaphorically, what does the Science of Idiotism look like? A. If someone is on one of the historical paths of spirituality ascending the side of Octave of the Sun and they were to open a window and look out. The Science of Idiotism looks like a fire escape that runs parallel the whole way. Also, it is a path that's entered into like a trampoline. Q. God is Idiot 21 and Idiot 18 is as high as a human being can go, A perfect Idiot. Who are Idiots 19 and 20? A. Jesus and his sister. Q. Whats her name? A. Hang on, let me ask.,,,,,,, A. Thomas Q. Is that really true? A. For some Idiots, it is. Q. Some Pillars of the Gurdjieff Work say that this Teaching died when Gurdjieff died and it was not meant to be continued. How do you address this. A. Either in writing or in person. Q. You know what I mean,,,, A. J G Bennett and other early teachers of The Work encouraged thinking not from ones separate self but from ones Individuality. Then Bruno Martin produced a beautiful little book about it which revealed the organic properties of the Teaching. Q. How are you going to determine if this is your life purpose. A. Through this Actualization journal, I guess. Q. Do you consider yourself as a teacher or messenger? A. No, I'm just an Idiot.

Novels were included so I figured science fiction allegories ok. A One Thousand and One Words Review Of Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson by Will Mesa The purpose of Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson is stated by the author at the very beginning of his book: "To destroy, merciless, without any compromise whatsoever, in the mentation and feelings of the reader, the beliefs and views, by centuries rooted in him, about everything existing in the world." There is no question that the author, from his very first word, strives merciless in order to fulfill the purpose of his book. The Tales are the “Unofficial Story of All and Everything,” of God, Creation, the Universe, Earth and Man. Unofficial because it is not the account given to us by official history and the official philosophies, sciences and the arts; and official religion as well. It is the hidden story, the one rejected by the ancient Greek fishermen turned philosophers-scientists. The story is told by Beelzebub, a three-brained being from a planet close to the Center or Most Holy Sun Absolute, the chief Place of Residence of our ENDELESS CREATOR. Long time before the story actually begins, this Beelzebub is forced, because of a transgression of his youth, to live in exile in a remote corner of the Universe, our solar system. Instead of complaining and dwelling in self-pity, Beelzebub spends his thousands of years, (time in the story being relative to the place of birth of the observer), of exile learning about All and Everything, including the reason for his exile. Because of his meritorious work and indirect service to our UNI-BEING OMNI-BEING COMMON FATHER ENDELESS CREATOR, he is eventually pardoned and allowed to return home. He is now recognized in the whole Universe as a distinguished Sacred Individual and He is invited to a special conference in the solar system whose sun is the "Pole Star." While flying through space in route to the conference in the "transspace" ship Karnak, Beelzebub tells his twelve years old grandson Hassein about All and Everything he has learned during his years of exile. Of special interest to Hassein are those strange three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth, where Beelzebub spends great part of his exile. With time and attention, we the reader become Hassein. Everything we have heard of is elevated or brought in the story to unexpected levels. Entropy, we are told, is Time, the Merciless Heropass, the "Ideally-Unique-Subjective-Phenomenon." It is precisely because of Time's Subjective-Merciless action that the CREATOR has to create the present universe. In this way Entropy is vanquished, in such a way that even Maxwell's clever demons could not have remotely figured it out. The secret, we are told, is very simple: "The Trogoautoegocratic principle of existence of everything existing in the Universe by means of reciprocal feeding and maintaining each other's existence." This principle of existence our COMMON FATHER ALL-GRACIOUS LORD SOVEREING ENDLESS ENDLESSNESS CREATOR actualizes by altering the functioning of the two primordial sacred laws, making them the two fundamental laws of World-creation and World-maintenance: the Sacred-Heptaparaparshinokn and the Sacred-Triamazikamno. Hell is elevated to a state of voluntary suffering; suffering itself to a cosmic necessity arising from the operation of the Laws. Good and Evil are impersonal forces operating in conformity to World Laws. Man's fall is caused by the "unforseeingness of Most High Sacred Individuals." Chiefly among them are the Great Archangel Sakaki and the Chief-Common-Universal-Arch-Chemist-Physicist Angel Looisos. They are responsible for the implantation in Man's ancestors of an organ with very astonishing properties, among which that of making them to perceive reality topsy-turvy: Kundabuffer. Although Kundabuffer is later removed, the consequences of its maleficent properties are still with us. The story at times gets very provocative. We are told about "that completely formed Arch-Vainglorious Greek, the future Hasnamuss, Alexander of Macedonia." We learn that the Divine Teacher Sacred Individual Jesus Christ is resurrected not in His physical but in His Kesdjan body. Judas is not a traitor but the "most faithful and devoted" of all the disciples of Jesus Christ. Darwin, in the words of the very wise Mullah Nasser Eddin, "is very successful, though not without luck, in finding the authentic godmother of the incomparable Scheherazade on an old dunghill."Mesmer is a humble and honest learned being who, had he not been pecked to death by his contemporaries, might have saved Man from the consequences of Kundabuffer. Mendelejeff is "a contemporary comical earned chemist." Atlantis is a place of the highest learning. A university "is just that `hearth' on which everything acquired during decades and centuries by preceding beings is burned..." America is, during the present flow of Heropass, "the fundamental source of the issuing of new causes of abnormality." Among Americans is the largest percentage of beings with "possibilities for the acquisition of Being nearer to the normal Being of three-brained beings in general." And much more we are told. Man himself is elevated to a Being with the possibility of attaining Objective or Divine Reason and thus becoming a conscious laborer of our ALOVING ALMIGHTY COMMON FATHER ENDLESS ENDLESSNESS ETERNAL CREATOR ALL-MAINTAINER, a cell in GOD's Brain. But Man, we are told with great sadness and great sorrow, is now asleep to his innermost essence, to the Divine Impulse of Objective Conscience, the REPRESENTATIVE OF THE CREATOR in Man. He takes the ephemeral for the Real. He can no longer Love with the "Love of Consciousness," Believe with the "Faith of Consciousness," and Hope with the "Hope of Consciousness." This is "The Terror of the Situation." Consequently, Man can no longer fulfill his highest destiny. The chief particularity of his strange psyche is to periodically engage in the process of reciprocal destruction or war. Everything is elevated or brought to unexpected levels in the story; sometimes with great humor; all the time with great humanness. Even the concept of everything itself is elevated, becoming the "common-cosmic Ansanbaluiazar: Everything issuing from everything and again entering into everything." After having read the book three times, following the author's indications given in his Friendly Advice, one wonders: Have we been doped by the "official story of all and everything?"

I've lived on a ranch all my life, so I've ate my fair share. i used to love to eat steaks cooked rare but not anymore. I don't eat much beef anymore and if I do it has to be cooked thourghly or I don't digest it well. What is said by some about it causing a heavy vibration feels correct to me. Eating beef makes me feel heavy. I also believe it depends on the individual person and their collection of variables, worldview, occupation, emotional tuning, etc.,, I digest chicken pretty good. To me, in the 'spiritual' world, it's simply violence. But we live in this physical dimension that's an inherently violent place. To each, thier own. However they need to juggle it. -- Is basically how I feel about it.

"Get off your ass" Act. Don't talk about it. "Think about your death." “Death is the only wise advisor that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, 'I haven't touched you yet.” ― Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan “A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting. ” ― Carlos Castaneda “Think about it: what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.” ― Carlos Castaneda, Fire from Within “The aim is to balance the terror of being alive with the wonder of being alive.” ― Carlos Castaneda “The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.” ― Carlos Castaneda 290 likes