Zigzag Idiot

Good thread. Vulnerability and authenticity. Practical advice and wisdom. Understanding and relaxing into what Teacher Cynthia Bourgeault calls natural ebb and flow of yo-yo of being.

@Cryptos Yes! Big help,,, Thank you for making the notes!

Traumatic life experiences, if we use the energy in them, can result in becoming more impartial. The more impartial we are, the freer we are inside of other people. Giving Zero fucks. Also not being cynical in attitude about giving zero fucks is necessary. So it's also not giving a fuck about not giving a fuck. Only when I became free of other people did I start to really enjoy people and even appreciate them more. When I care about what people think about me, that's the beginning of inner considering. And the beginning of becoming in subtle conflict with oneself. Most of us don't cross this threshold of giving zero fucks, one time and all at once, permanently. We go back and forth for years and then one day we find that we're more 'there' than not. We're not concerned if the personality contradicts itself because we're not identified with the personality.

You describe how it was for me when I feel I was in a similar place. It's an intense ordeal. It helps to not come to conclusions about anything for a few days. When things "turn bad", there is an inherent tendency to immediately take vows of sorts but if there is any way of just holding things as neutral for a few days and not fixing a label on it, there is often deep wisdom to be had in holding things lightly. It's a common experience and it catches people off guard. There's no shame in that because it is also very real. It's hard to describe how disturbing it can be.

I've almost responded a couple of times. I've enjoyed the way you have expressed yourself and also your perspectives. You've really been through some heavy stuff.,,,, Inquiry is often painful and the Work becomes a seeming desert sometimes but there are payoffs and Oasises. Thanks for sharing,,,,Don't feel you've painted yourself in a corner in case you change your mind and decide to share again soon,,,

Watching the new one,,, The Voice of Happiness After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master's temple told a friend; Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congradulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world. "In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard." This story and one the other day about Ryokan and the thief are from this book. About 15 years ago after reading it twice, I started tearing out the pages of the Zen stories I didn't like and just left the ones I did and a few I couldn't decide on. One day I'll probably buy the book again and see if it reveals any change in my impulsive decision. I probably was a bit of a Zen devil at the time.

Time and your own heart resolves the every-which-way-ness,,,, Breathe deep belly breaths. Try not to self criticize.

Jana Dixon has several chapters near the end of her book dealing with Diet and supplements in relation with Kundalini. ,,,,,,It is very important to realize that even though there is massive free radical production with the rising of kundalini, and there is cell die-off because of this, the body uses this mechanism to restructure itself. So the temporary loss of functions should not be seen as pathological, but should be celebrated as part of the Metamorphic process. This "non-pathological stance" is very vital to grasp. This death and resurrection process may seem like an illness to the conventional mindset, but we must learn to see the Whole of it--the die-offs, the loss of cortical function, the pain, the bliss--we must see all of it in the larger picture of the evolution of humanity as a whole. It may appear like I am contradicting myself creating a protocol to prevent severe free radical damage, supporting hormones and neurotransmitters...why not let the body completely exhaust itself and cannibalize itself...doesn't that mean greater evolution? No, the dissolution occurs only in the service of greater order. We must simultaneously preserve the new order while supporting the old to fall away. The bottom line is protect your membranes, build your enzyme and mineral resources, repair your receptors, keep your blood nonacidic and get plenty of raw plant life into your system. Then you have the potential to rise to a higher homeostasis. Higher homeostasis, is to ride the dragon without falling off. ,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,If undergoing an awakening the two most important things to consider even if all else is ignored are: 1. Faith and 2. Antioxidants!!! from chapter Higher Homeostasis http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=HigherHomeostasis.html

I was wondering and glad you checked in. I've been where you are. It can humble the shit out of you,,,, You'll get your legs back underneath you and be ok,,,,, Being "broken open" can often show us the wisdom of integrating a deeper level of loving kindness.

My path has and still involves re-reading books and rewatching videos. It seems that most knowledge has layers and levels of depth plus I forget so much,,,, This was one of the first Youtubes I posted to my Journal. I've probably watched it 10 times in the last 6 months. Being solidly in three centered awareness, is key. There is often a disconnect between this state and ordinary neurotic 'narrative' consciousness. Specifically, in those who experience of periodic heavy depression very little of this higher awareness or energy or Self-Remembering can reach someone in who, to use Echart Tolle's phrase, the painbody is active. I've noticed that Jana Dixon and a few others have actively incorporated the word 'painbody' into their Self Inquiry vocabulary. I think it is a very helpful synonym for irritated or distressed ego. It's a more comfortable word if you're in the shit and trying to study your way out. It sounds more forgiving. Sounds less judgmental. Also that there is a wide variation of pain bodies is a helpful notion. Or, it was/is for me. I thought about starting a forum topic on "painbody". Im watching an older Charles Tart DVD. He is calling certain kinds of Mathematics - a state specific science. Buddhism he his calling - a state specific technology. This makes even more sense having just watched Ted's video about self observation.

??? Ted led a Fourth Way group a while back and he addresses them directly in this video. Knowing this in advance may prevent a little confusion. He expresses some things in just 3 or 4 minutes that are really powerful.

@DrewNows I agree ???

I relate to this and a lot of what you said in your video. People can really project some crazy stuff or half awake ideas that don't make any sense or they are blind to how they tip their hand in showing a kind of hidden agenda and it can be frustrating. Though every now and then I catch myself projecting or totally missing the point in a conversation and saying something stupid or completely non-sequitur. In the Fourth Way, the term 'inner considering' is something that really applies. It's when the neurotic wheels start turning and self doubt starts to erode everything in a kind of downward spiral,,,, it's so universal in applying to everyone but is another one of those things that doesn't really get talked about much. I've noticed with myself when I've tried communicating about 'inner considering', a lot of times it just makes it WORSE! Lol ? It seems to really trigger that feeling of being misunderstood. Your brave for doing your videos in that your willing to be much more vulnerable than most of us who are just writing a Journal and I admire you for that. You really seem up to the task. Hang in there and don't let the 'crazies' drive you into doubt and 'inner considering'. You're doing great! ?

Humans types one, two, three are spiritually asleep with one center heavily dominating the other two. Human type four is awakened and centers are balanced. Has compassion. Human type 5 has continuity of consciousness; personality transforms into Pearl beyond Price, embodiment of personal essence - the second initiation is encountered, which is the expression of the individuality-data which is in the causal body.

Fourth Way - Sevenfold typology of Humans and the Ray of Creation

One difference between 1st and 2nd tier SD is 1st tier is motivated by 'deficiency needs' and 2nd tier is motivated by 'being needs' as Ken Wilbur phrased it. Motivation for 'Being needs' is working because of a selfish fulfillment. Not selfish in the sense of stingy or narcissistically self absorbed but as in deeply inspired. Two usages for personality - A part of us will die in the sense that we realize that our personalities are just constructs. In the Work, personality is synonymous with ego which is a false self based on internalized images. I was thinking about Realized Individuals who have little to no personality. That is, personality as it's usually used in the world. Echart Tolle AH Almaas Larry McMurtry Maurice Nicoll - THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS “When the Work says that a man must come to realize his own nothingness before he can be re-born, it does not mean that he must humble himself and so on, but that he must by long self-observation actually begin to realize that he is nothing and that there is no such person as himself. The object of this is to get into a position, psycho- logically speaking, between the opposites...Why is it so important to get somewhere into the centre of the pendulum and not swing to and fro? Because here, between the opposites, lie all the possibilities of growth. Here influences from higher levels can reach us. Here, in this place where one can feel one’s own nothingness (and where one is therefore free from contradictions), influences and meanings com- ing from higher centres, which have no contradictions, can be felt. Not regarding yourself as good or bad, not priding yourself on being just or otherwise, not thinking you are well-treated or badly-treated, not being caught by either movement through identifying, you come into this mid-position. This is not easy! With personality active, it is impossible. EJ Gold seems like a rarity in the Work. He's an extroverted Jovial type. A big lively personality,,,

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing in it to steal. Ryokan returned and caught him, "You may have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler, "and you should not return empty-handed. Please take my clothes as a gift." The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away. Ryokan sat naked, watching the moon. "Poor fellow," he mused, "I wish I could give him this beautiful moon."

Just my 2 cents with a couple of quotes,,,, Self image is ultimately a barrier to authenticity and the experience of being. Personality is built on our collection of self images which are just constructs of the mind that are not only unnecessary but limit deeper realizations of our true nature. Dissolution of the Self-Image The final outcome of the process of disidentification is the experience of the dissolution of the psychic structure or self-image. This is the experience of space, of what is sometimes called the void—when self-image is dissolved, the person will experience the loss of boundaries, both physical and mental. The nature of the mind is then revealed as an emptiness, a void, an immaculately empty space. The void and the absence of the identifications that form the psychic structure are the same thing. There are various depths and levels of empty space. We can say that the beginning of the void is the absence of identification with the self-image. There is self-image but there is no identification with it. What results is the inner sense of expansion and spaciousness. Then, at a deeper level, the self-image is gone, dissolved. There is only the experience of empty open space, which is boundless, clear, and crisp. The focus is not on the content of the mind but on the spacious emptiness that is its nature. However, this is not yet the deepest level. There might still be identification with an image, but unconsciously. Parts of the self-image might remain in the unconscious. These will surface, in time, and the experience of space will be lost. Dis-identifying with these aspects of the self-image until they dissolve will deepen the experience of space. So we see that the experience of the void does not necessarily require the end of self-image or of the personality. It means only that during the experience the personality is not there, is not running the show. This experience is of the utmost importance, for it shows us that we are not the personality. It creates room for expansion and essential development. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 46 “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - Cynthia Bourgeault

Watched Understanding Absolute Infinity and understand why so many have said they really liked it.

In The Pyramid Code Carmen Boulter referenced some ancient Matriarchal cultures and suggests that an egalitarian society should be referenced as matrifocal instead of matriarchal. I did a search and came up with the link below which I haven't watched but have just started. It just seemed that this is a topic her knowledge would be a good reference for.

@winterknight Do you think how insanity is defined in the United States could ever be changed by setting a new precedent for the definition of ego in relation to being as it has come to be understood by contemporary transpersonal psychologists? Or do you see another country which may be more inclined to do such a thing sometime in the future?

Bringing all three of my centers online puts me into Being, as opposed to 'narrative consciousness', with its intermittent internal dialogue. This is what I have to do every morning. It usually happens by the time I finish morning Centering Prayer. That felt condition of straight elongated posture (suspended by a string) sensation and of chi flowing,,,,, That's it. Successful Centering Prayer involves cessation of thought in gaps described as "objectless awareness" or "non-conceptual awareness". These gaps vary in length of time. From just a few seconds to a few minutes. The deeper and more connected with this condition of objectless awareness results in the familiar subtle forehead throb. Also the sound of crickets. Yeah, I know that sounds weird but I'll post a website below that elaborates on this. This developed a little over a year ago. It varies in intensity from just a very faint whine to at times, a "full bore" chorus that sounds just like setting outside in the southern U.S. on a hot summer night. It just interesting to me how the state of objectless awareness is connected to the sixth chakra phenomena and also this sound of crickets. This phenomena of hearing crickets has been with me most every day for over a year now. It varies in intensity, sometimes seeming absurdly loud for hours at a time. It is not disturbing at all though. http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

Different endocrine types Mooji - Venusian Deepak Chopra - Venus- Mercury Kevin Hart, Jimmy Fallon, Joel Olsteen , Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez- Mercury Teal Swan, Mercury-Saturn Ken Wilbur, Abraham Lincoln - Saturn Eckhart Tolle, Gaganji, Gurdjieff, Chogum Trunga- mars Yogananda, Teddy Roosevelt, Dom Deloise -Jupiter

I really enjoy reading your perspectives. The way you just described yoga and yin yoga made the light come on for me somewhat. In the three centered typology, I'm an Instinctive/Moving centered person. Because the Instinctive Center is subdivided, I'm specifically a "Moving Centered" type. Basically, someone who has difficulty being still. One of my big errors was putting off sitting meditation for years after beginning Inquiry. Pushing into spaces of extended 'objectless awareness' is a "medicine" I didn't know that I was so in need of, until a steady Centering Prayer practice showed this to me. It gave an inner quiet and a capacity to sit still that I didn't have before. Karma Yoga showed me how beneficial it was to develop the capacity for becoming passive to personality. This helps me to not become as reactive as I always used to have a tendency to do when encountering negativity or stress. I'm nowhere near through with growth in these areas but have certainly tasted the true benefits of what steady practices can do. For me, sitting meditation payed off a lot quicker than Inquiry did. I see promise in the Yoga you were describing as possibly being just the thing for helping me to balance more in slowing down and being mindful. That flow condition you referred to. I appreciate your Journal

Maurice Nicoll was brilliant and articulate yet often expressed an ability to be very lighthearted and spontaneous. Nicoll psychological commentaries page 683. Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time.