Zigzag Idiot

Watched Understanding Absolute Infinity and understand why so many have said they really liked it.

In The Pyramid Code Carmen Boulter referenced some ancient Matriarchal cultures and suggests that an egalitarian society should be referenced as matrifocal instead of matriarchal. I did a search and came up with the link below which I haven't watched but have just started. It just seemed that this is a topic her knowledge would be a good reference for.

@winterknight Do you think how insanity is defined in the United States could ever be changed by setting a new precedent for the definition of ego in relation to being as it has come to be understood by contemporary transpersonal psychologists? Or do you see another country which may be more inclined to do such a thing sometime in the future?

Bringing all three of my centers online puts me into Being, as opposed to 'narrative consciousness', with its intermittent internal dialogue. This is what I have to do every morning. It usually happens by the time I finish morning Centering Prayer. That felt condition of straight elongated posture (suspended by a string) sensation and of chi flowing,,,,, That's it. Successful Centering Prayer involves cessation of thought in gaps described as "objectless awareness" or "non-conceptual awareness". These gaps vary in length of time. From just a few seconds to a few minutes. The deeper and more connected with this condition of objectless awareness results in the familiar subtle forehead throb. Also the sound of crickets. Yeah, I know that sounds weird but I'll post a website below that elaborates on this. This developed a little over a year ago. It varies in intensity from just a very faint whine to at times, a "full bore" chorus that sounds just like setting outside in the southern U.S. on a hot summer night. It just interesting to me how the state of objectless awareness is connected to the sixth chakra phenomena and also this sound of crickets. This phenomena of hearing crickets has been with me most every day for over a year now. It varies in intensity, sometimes seeming absurdly loud for hours at a time. It is not disturbing at all though. http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

Different endocrine types Mooji - Venusian Deepak Chopra - Venus- Mercury Kevin Hart, Jimmy Fallon, Joel Olsteen , Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez- Mercury Teal Swan, Mercury-Saturn Ken Wilbur, Abraham Lincoln - Saturn Eckhart Tolle, Gaganji, Gurdjieff, Chogum Trunga- mars Yogananda, Teddy Roosevelt, Dom Deloise -Jupiter

I really enjoy reading your perspectives. The way you just described yoga and yin yoga made the light come on for me somewhat. In the three centered typology, I'm an Instinctive/Moving centered person. Because the Instinctive Center is subdivided, I'm specifically a "Moving Centered" type. Basically, someone who has difficulty being still. One of my big errors was putting off sitting meditation for years after beginning Inquiry. Pushing into spaces of extended 'objectless awareness' is a "medicine" I didn't know that I was so in need of, until a steady Centering Prayer practice showed this to me. It gave an inner quiet and a capacity to sit still that I didn't have before. Karma Yoga showed me how beneficial it was to develop the capacity for becoming passive to personality. This helps me to not become as reactive as I always used to have a tendency to do when encountering negativity or stress. I'm nowhere near through with growth in these areas but have certainly tasted the true benefits of what steady practices can do. For me, sitting meditation payed off a lot quicker than Inquiry did. I see promise in the Yoga you were describing as possibly being just the thing for helping me to balance more in slowing down and being mindful. That flow condition you referred to. I appreciate your Journal

Maurice Nicoll was brilliant and articulate yet often expressed an ability to be very lighthearted and spontaneous. Nicoll psychological commentaries page 683. Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time.

@Jkris true true

One thing we CAN do is not identify with thoughts and emotions. When they become MY thoughts or MY emotions,,,,, we're identified.

@pointessa Very true. I agree. Doormat is now only a role I play if I choose to. Other roles to play are the doorbell, the door and the threshold.

I've often thrown myself away being a doormat for other people. Seeking approval ,,,really. So I here what your saying. Growing up it seemed I was always the one singled out of a group to be made an example of. I decided people were crazy and started avoiding them and started spending time with books or in nature. I've always had three or four close friends. Actually about a dozen who stay scarce so it just averages out to 3 or 4.

When that picture was taken in the corner, I was in my belly center then. By the time I was in my teens I had gave up my groundedness and was neurotic with a lot of internal dialogue from then until my mid thirties. Existing overweighted in my thinking and heart center. 2 Centered Awareness. In the last two years, I've discovered territory I had abandoned early in life in my belly center. Traumas just do that. We lose some basic trust in the world with each Trauma we experience. It's a feeling of groundedness. Sitting Bull energy I think of it. As near always I have an Almaas quote. It's about how surrender is connected to will which is a function of the belly or instinctive center. Functioning of the Essential Self in the Belly Center Yes, usually the belly center has to do with embodiment, with the capacity to sense oneself. However, the belly center is also the will center. In a sense, the ultimate function of the will is to surrender to what happens, surrender to the now. And surrender to the now means not to hold on to something. The true function of the will is complete surrender to what’s happening without holding on. That is will. The essential self, like all essential aspects, can function in any of the subtle centers. When one is being the essential self its location is usually the heart center. However, when the essential self is functioning in relation to identifying or disidentifying from any content of experience, it becomes associated with the belly center. The essential self is more like a potential for experience, and it also manifests as a capacity for identification. One of the results of that capacity for identification is embodiment. Embodying something means you are identified with what’s happening. An essential state is present. You are embodying it if you are it. The true self has the capacity to identify with something you are experiencing, but it doesn’t have to. It has a choice; it has the freedom. Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 79

.@LastThursday If you're consciously aware, you do. If not, any distraction or identification does.

@purerogue I agree @Ingit I used to always have to have music playing when at home if I wasn't watching tv. I finally had to admit that I otherwise the silence disturbed me and that I was essentially using music to dissociate from,,, reality, basically. Instead of suddenly changing the habit, I just acknowledged it for a long time until one day I just naturally found myself enjoying absolute quiet. In going about it this way,,, it just happened naturally and I didn't have to make an extra effort or push the issue. Simply observing without self criticism and occasionally pondering the issue brought about the change.

I've had a tendency to have posture like Festus on Gunsmoke. Getting a chiropractor to twist my legs where my toes weren't pointing out shifted my pelvic girdle and allowed my belly/core to tighten up and helped me stand straighter. My body wants to always fall back into its old posture so I always have to return back to making this adjustment. I still make horrible choices for food but I've cut down on portions to manage my weight as I get older. Good luck with your new aims! You got some high octane workout music,,,, It goes well with my morning coffee/laxative/paint remover.

Note: 250 years out of date,,,, George Washington, sometime before the age of 16, transcribed Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation. 1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. 2d When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usualy Discovered. 3d Shew Nothing to your Freind that may affright him. 4th In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet. 5th If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkercheif or Hand before your face and turn aside. 6th Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop. 7th Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest. 8th At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary. 9th Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it. 10th When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them. 11th Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails. 12th Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak. 13th Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexteriously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off. 14th Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one. 15th Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Shewing any great Concern for them. 16th Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close. 17th Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play'd Withal. 18th Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask'd also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter. 19th let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave. 20th The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon. 21st: Reproach none for the Infirmaties of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof. 22d Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy. 23d When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always shew Pity to the Suffering Offender. 24th Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Publick Spectacle. 25th Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremonie are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected.

How is your control of attention? Is it dispersed often where life is just encountered on 'autopilot'. Or is the attention drawn by things. Maybe even doom scenarios which to avoid. If one doesn't control their own attention, what does that say? They are essentially a slave? Or a mechanical, stimulus response meat computer with emotions? Being awakened means you direct your attention. You don't forget yourself. You never get bored. Nothing is wrong. Nobody is bad. The intuition is informed by pure feeling uncorrupted by self interest. People are often on a pendulum of wake and waking/sleep throughout the day. Especially those newer to the work. This in itself creates existential angst and disparities which are resolved when an awakened state becomes more steady. Attention can be: 1 - Dispersed 2 - Drawn 3 - Directed Others judgement of nondoing is drawn attention through identifications. Reaching conclusions of others who are judging is judging and is attention being drawn through identification. Freedom is being in possession of ones own attention which is inner freedom. It has a lot to do with being deliberate.

I've taken to copying my posts onto my browser for insurance because I take forever sometimes correcting mistakes in what I put down is influenced by subtle imagination. Hiding faults or making myself sound more courageous than I am. That sort of thing. Wanting to make a good impression is lying! A lot of you will never believe the multilayered-ness to imagination and it's influence. Leo stresses this also. I wrote in the "dark night" club" topic about my Kundalini experiences 15 years ago and yet, I'm here. Jana Dixon makes good arguments about doing the right things to have a clean fast hot alchemical burn. I loved reading about it but ended up doing a lot of things wrong. This resulted in an incomplete burn. There's even evidence and arguments that I'm still having Kundalini episodes. What's interesting is in Leo's approach, I can see the rationale that his multifaceted approach has the potential to yield benefits faster than ever. Several months instead of several years,,,, potentially. I think 5 meo dmt and Kriya yoga are in my future. There is enlightenment/awakening but then there is also being realized or realization of being. There seems to be many degrees to each of these. Not only many degrees but also different qualities of being. Realization of Essence or Essential ontological aspects of being. Anyone pitch in a question or comment if moved to.

It really felt like more of the false in me died. I felt more of the awakening in the beginning. This was about 2002-2008. It didn't resolve everything, though. My work on myself then was very lopsided. I didn't start meditating until about 4-5 years ago. Full time only 3 years ago. I've pretty much always been a loner with no 'spiritual community'. Doing a lot of things the hard way,,,, Not meditating. Eating poorly,,, Over the 5-6 years of my Kundalini experiences, I had a couple of intense dark night episodes and several times of just gloominess. In one of my bad times, the light of day suddenly dimmed. It was a clear bright winter day and it was like I put on a pair of sunglasses, only I didn't. Like 'God' hit the dimmer switch. This sudden drop in the brightness of day felt strange as well. Hard to describe. Another time,,, actually two,,, I got on bad crying jags. An absurd number of times in 2-3 hours that I burst into tears. Maybe every 15 seconds at times. The crying would just go On /off, on/off, on/off. Practicing Forgiveness would probably help as much as anything. You mentioned humbleness or feeling humbled,,, that's the right territory,,,

Not only very readable but entertaining as well. Latest of Leo's videos that I watched. I'll watch this one again. He stresses the scope of self-deception. Also the need to not judge others as bad or express negative emotions.

Yes, Humbleness will help very much. I was having relationship problems and the turmoil and guilt from that added to my pain and confusion. I think Kundalini awakenings can span from a few months to 7 or more years. Different with everyone. Jana Dixon says that also. Within this, there are several up and down episodes sometimes culminating in a 'classic' dark night period. A lot of stuff in Biology of Kundalini didn't happen to me but a number of symptoms/phenomena did.

Yes. A part of it was seeing the 'sleep' of the world or a part of it. A lot of confusion. A lot of Dread.

Free online book -- Biology of Kundalini More practical and helpful than reading St. John of the Cross is modern Sage Jana Dixon and her Biology of Kundalini. There are many different chapters (listed on the left) dealing with elements of emotional upheaval. Excerpt below from Her Chapter - Phases of Kundalini Just like everything else in life kundalini cycles thru a specific flow of chemistry. The general periods for a full-on awakening are 2 years priming, 6 month apex, 3 years peak, 5 years recovery, but awakenings come in all shapes and sizes. The peak-apex of a mature awakening is usually around 6 months, the awakening itself is usually around 3 years, then the assimilation phase is perhaps around 5 years. These figures are almost impossible to contrive because everyone has an awakening specific to themselves. Each stage has its particular sensations, symptoms, emotions and thoughts. Broadly speaking the following outlines the linear process. The kundalini process cycles through these phases again and again, creating a hyperbolic wave of nested cycles. PRIMING--Two or more years of sexual heating, increased creative drive and muse/PSI--Thyroid, sex hormone activation. INFLUX--Opening, Grace, ecstasy, electrical. Initial Inner-conjunction, Double Helix of energy rising around the spine--Sex with Eros, God's Lightning Bolt. SHOCK--Major septic shock from influx nitric oxide spike—contraction, panic, sympathetic/adrenal hyper-activation--White Death. TRANSMUTATION--Fires, Heart-expansions proper, grounding, gravity warping. MAIN INNER-CONJUNCTION--Full body orgasmic, massive energy up spine, paralysis--Silver Cord, Achieving Ones Self. DIE-OFF--Ego inoperable, 3-7 days in bed, feels like body is eating itself, catabolic breakdown--Dark Night, Death prior to Resurrection. HEART-BRAIN SYNC--Mature link; right orbiofrontal-limbic connection activity and associated heart expansion--Penis on the Brain, brain orgasms. SUBSTANTIATION--Regrowth, building higher quality tissue, integration, calm, wholeness, anabolic--Spiritual Will. All these cycles have to do with the mechanisms of biological transmutation, but one can talk about it in terms of cell-life duration, homeostatic coping ability, reserves of resources, physical-mental-emotional blockage and resistance, conduciveness of ones environment and rest-recovery-repair. Below is an excerpt from her chapter titled Kundalini and Schizophrenia http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=KundaliniandSchizophrenia.html The perturbation and removal of normal consciousness and the consequent disruption of egoic-metaprogramming is not regression—it is not going backwards—but merely the removal of adaptive/repressive functioning in the present. This creates an entirely new consciousness that has never occurred in ones history, yet may have features similar to infantile being. This loss of the sense of the known self (ego) is standard procedure in many of the extreme kundalini events and in the overall metamorphic process itself. Contributing to this perturbation of consensus-adaptive consciousness is both the extreme amplification and expansion of consciousness during peak events and the consequent damage done by neurotransmitters, free radicals and metabolites. The higher we climb above the "norm," the further we thus fall into the downside of these acute neurological events. This is the shamanic journey to the heavens and then into the hell realms. Both extra-normal conditions could be classed as regression by an ignorant observer; but both high and low are equally part of the path toward the emergence of the life of the Soul. There must indeed be a suspension or cataclysmic breakthrough of the norm for the infinitely larger soul’s life to be born. So rather than "regression” in the service of the ego, we could more aptly state that during a kundalini awakening we undergo "suspension” of the ego in the service of the soul. For those that are breaking out of consensus mind and who are leaning toward inflation or the schizophrenic end of the scale, this vulnerable condition is NOT the time to be intensive meditation, shadow work or primal processing. For these people stabilizing and structure building is needed more than uncovering therapies as the interpenetration of the levels of consciousness proceeds. Humor, because of its trickster element is a great tool for establishing rationality, because laughter builds up the prefrontal lobes. The practices for the periods of unstable integration between the levels of consciousness should be of an embodiment and boundary building nature. Of self-definition through internal exploration via neo-shamanistic practices of a self-originating nature. The work of Miguel Ruiz, Byron Katie and Alberto Villoldo would be valuable at this stage to establish the self/other boundary and build up the core-self.

My recall of the Dark night Ordinary Meaninglessness and existential angst multiplied by 100 hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt ? ??????????????☠️??☠️?????????? waves of intensity