Zigzag Idiot

For a long time I've experienced pressure or a slight throb in my forehead that comes and goes. Also For the last year almost a continual background chorus of crickets sound. I've noticed at times in Meditation how they seem to both suddenly get stronger when I'm hitting those spaces of objectless awareness.

I had a small realization this morning about some of the bickering that goes on in the forum. People will be talking about the same thing and each has a valid point of view but they are completely contradictory to what the other is saying. This occurred to me when thinking of this Teal Swan video I watched a few days ago. This is the first time that I've heard Alan Watts mention Gurdjieff. He brings several threads together. What he is getting at reminds me of a talk AH Almaas was giving one time and after several minutes into his talk and bringing different threads together suddenly said to the audience- "So now I would like to invite you all to leave yourself alone." ?

I feel like I've had more than my fair share of days like this. In his 10 cd Kosmic Consciousness cd set (interview by Tami Simon) Ken Wilbur described his own confusion at times as "plutonium confusion". I can relate to the idea of experiencing plutonium confusion. Cynthia Bourgeault, in talking about the subject of Awakened Conscience has used the phrase "feeling my every-which-way-ness". I've found it to be an apt phrase as well. Its weird how this stuff can sometimes come and go 12 times before lunch,,,,,,

@Michael569 I just joined in December. I wasn't around then.

@okulele It goes with my morning I CHING reading that I've been posting in the Journal section under Tea-Ching friend. Cautioning about having a self image,,,,

4-4-2019 46 Pushing Upward/ Being Lifted Up by the Helpers Lines 2 and 6 52 Mediating

Some commentary from this mornings I CHING reading is relevant to this topic. Referring to hexagram 46 with a changing 6 line that I got in throwing the coins - ,,,,,,,,,This line can also refer to a person who thinks he has been spiritually awakened. To bring himself back into harmony he needs to free himself of the self image of the awakened person.

Fulasnitamnian Awareness

4-3-2019 1 The Cosmic Consciousness Line 5 14 Possesion in Great Measure Mu_ shared this in a Topic he started in Meditation, Consciousness, Enightenment, Spirituality She makes some very good distinctions. Gurdjieff said when we are stuck in our head, we radiate. When our heart opens, we emanate. Unless we open our heart and also become grounded in body, Kundalini is a curse.

Yes, sometimes. When I realize that I mistakenly follow obsessions.

Me too. I have both a double barrel shotgun and a semiautomatic that I can't seem to get rid of. I throw them away and they remanifest like I'm living in the movie Groundhog Day.

I would be glad to only if the Muse works through me. On my own it would become polluted with imagination. Did it? No, but returning to Ordinary Idiot and finding beginners mind has been restorative. No answers though.

@mandyjw I like to think I'm beyond psychological projection, but Inquiry at times tells me otherwise. When do I catch myself projecting? Sometimes in hindsight, in seeing that the ego/personality has become identified over something.

@Wisebaxter The video you mention of Leo's live enlightenment is one I haven't seen. I'm going to make it a point to watch it soon!

@zambize If you see my blind spot. Tell me about it. Be without mercy. Thanks.

Today I will be Ordinary Idiot and try to settle into beginners mind. If an answer comes to me regarding the question, I'll relay it.

My answer is - I don't know. ?‍♂️

Not at all. What's the question?

@tsuki I don't know

@tsuki No

Hydrocodone. At the time, I thought of it as 'better living through chemistry '.

Real I = True Self A voice said to me - Squirming Idiot ?‍♂️ I really don't know. That's just what the voice said.

4-2-2019 21 Biting Through Lines 5&6 17 Following

@tsuki I could be wrong but my intuition tells me you still have deeper layers to reach. Also, while being intellectually oriented, you appear to be operating out of the emotional center with some reactivity that points toward,,,,,,?

@tsuki one place to start,,, What is your center of gravity? Your strong suit,,, Intellectual, Emotional, or moving/instinctive.