Zigzag Idiot

5-21-2019 45. Gathering Together Line 2 31 Influence Council given from changing line 2 - ""Letting oneself be drawn" refers to allowing the correct way to show itself by responding only, rather than to take the initiative. By responding to what our inner senses tell us in relation to the situation of the moment, we remain blameless. In this circumstance we restrict ourselves to only what we feel is correct for us. We never tell others what they should do or how they should feel; thus we do not lose our Cosmic protection."

@lostmedstudent A lot of people find the Enneagram of personality helpful to work with. By taking the passion of the type and integrating, it can transform into the virtue. Type 5 the Observer, sometimes called the Investigator or Sage is associated with the passion of avarice (greed). When this is worked with consciously has the possibility of transforming into Generosity. Doing a google search on Enneagram of personality will give plenty of resources because of its popularity over the last few years. The type 5's I've known have often been more secure in life financially because of their natural frugality.

Leo's words say a lot but towards the end, the tears that well up speak additional volumes because they're tears produced by a full heart.

5-20-2019 56. The Wanderer. Line 2 50. The Ting "in its Cosmic meaning, the Ting is an image of the Cosmic Consciousness as a vessel containing the nourishment for all things that exist." -- from the text. You're not really listening or hearing this song unless the volume is starting to rattle glass and loosen Sheetrock. Pop culture was out of favor with me in the early to mid 1990's. That's one reason I didn't really discover Kurt Cobain until about 6-8 years after his death. I really relate to him because he's a moving Centered Mars essence type. He was a real embodiment of the adrenal type.

What you said reminded me of one my favorite quotes from Cynthia Bourgealts book “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.”

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At the drop of a hat, my inner child can turn into a mean little shit.

@tsuki Good! Cut loose when the Spirit moves you. Besides what I mentioned above in helping lately to create a mental traffic jam, the idea of practicing unconditional love has also been bugging me. Particularly as it's concerned with others in ones life and their painbody. Echart Tolle has articulated well how painbodies are especially devilish in relation to those closest to us. Having a close relative or a friend who has an active painbody means that everything they know and also intuitively know about others will be utilized by their painbody in its business of being unhappy and picking fights. There is a genius quality in provoking others in sneaky ways when this is the case. Most of us know all too well the suffering caused by those closest to us. Another idea to bring in here is that when under the spell of the painbody, people are completely asleep. They may be walking around and interacting successfully with the world but if they are in the game of blaming and finding fault with others or framing themseves as a victim of some kind. They're walking around spiritually asleep or spiritually dead. In other words they are not even responsible because they don't realize what they are doing. What happens when people like this learn that you proclaim unconditional Love as a standard to live by? Their painbodies become as effective as any skilled, ambulance chasing dirty lawyer, in twisting your words to use against you. The trouble is when you proclaim unconditional love as a personal standard to try and live by. If you do,,, this is what you invite. At the same time, you can't blame them. Not when you understand spiritual sleep. So my idea is that the more loving thing one can do is to hold that standard but not tell it to the world. Follow the path of the sly man and not arm others painbody with a weapon to use against the well intentioned in the form of a lofty idea.

A while back there was an insight/joke here on the Journal forum about spongebob being hung up spending 3 hours writing the word 'the'. I've had a bad case of it lately. I thought writing about it might help me get past it. One reason for it is an avalanche of ideas coming together. The ingredients here are - the idea of shadow work, forgiveness and love as a focal point in practice, kenosis (letting go), metanoia (reversal), transformation in rebirth, unveiling of essential qualities, 3 Centered Awareness as the result of alchemy.

5-18-2019 32 Duration Line 2 62 Preponderance of the Small 5-19-2019 14. Possession in Great Measure. Lines 2 and 6 43. Resoluteness/Breakthrough A part of this morning's reading and Its council is about letting go of ego emotions such as grief, guilt, blame, fear, doubt and hatred. " Of all these emotions, it is most important to get rid of guilt, because guilt keeps a person caught in a vicious circle of self- blame."

On this last YouTube, the insights you gave about looking at the clock during meditation was interesting and helpful. It's something that's been discussed a little by Journalers here in the recent past. I pasted the video since I mentioned it in case someone wanted to view it.

Just finished watching. Woo Woo doesn't spook me off. It just goes into the 'what if' category. Especially when it comes from someone who has some degree of credibility like Him. I found his mention of 5d Reality very interesting along with the idea of ascension being a metaphor for activation of a higher body and disappearance of the ego. I forget the term he used for higher body.

I understand Matt Kahn better now. I get him. Yesterday was a rich experience. To be lighthearted is key in many ways. To know means to know all. Not to know all means not to know. In order to know all, it is only necessary to know a little. But, in order to know this little, it is first necessary to know pretty much. (Gurdjieff)

@Anderz I arrived at dry fasting intuitively in 2015. Taken as an exercise in conscious suffering, my body has never transformed more quickly. Ocke deBoer uses the phrase -- bossing the Automaton around -- in describing carrying out practices of discipline. Utilizing this phrase has a distinct effect of clarifying and reinforcing my intentions. It re-enforces the concept that I'm am not the body. The ability to boss the Automaton around seems to strengthen witnessing presence. At a certain threshold in doing any fast but especially a dry fast, I experience an inflow of new subtle energy that I take to be chi or Prana. It's then that I feel my body is energized by this new, finer energy. Intuitively I feel it's this life force or chi that feeds not only my Automaton but my very being. This kind of Conscious suffering is simple but not easy. I draw a line between bossing the Automaton around and bullying myself. The former feels like discipline/love and the latter feels more like unloving masochism. It feels like the Witness can feed on Impartial Love/Chi but requires a balancing act of sorts.This balancing act is a whole subject unto itself. Ive been a fan of Nassim Haramein for a few years. I'm enjoying your Journal!

What he says really doesn't contradict this. Most of his quotes I pasted are after 47:00. I once had a theory God often used kids and old people in their 'second childhood' as instruments to 'mess' with us when it was needed in realtime.

@d0ornokey I feel the same way and have subscribed to his YouTube but for now I'm not going to allow myself to think about such an ambitious undertaking in using the excuse I'm a stones throw from being a wore out old man. Good luck ttom,,, give it hell!! ?‍♂️?

"All is one, now go fuck yourself" Make peace with your inner child "I'm here to resolve the madness" "I was brought here to free you from the shit that doesn't work." Quotes above from Matt Kahn in this video making an argument AGAINST shadow work. @Wisebaxter Thank you for sending this video link to me last night. Metanoia = reversal "Break on through to the other side" - more Jim Morrison ?

There's an old saying that sex is what makes the world go around. Gurdjieff countered this notion saying it's not sex that makes the world go around but negativity does. The momentum of the world is propelled by negative emotion and this is a major ingredient in spiritual sleep. This is connected with the idea of awakening and not being a puppet of reactivity in accord with group think. People are afraid of being alienated from the herd. Projection comes from the subconscious in which people extract elements they don't want to be responsible for and then pin it on others in their outer world. Many have connected this tendency with the phenomena of scapegoating others. Let's find someone to scapegoat so we can relax for the time being while it's someone else in the spotlight. Stuck in duality of good and bad, (blue) sheeple of fear point to those awful sinners. The (orange) ambitious materialists point to the unambitious ignorant losers sustained by others tax dollars. Better not become one of them,,,, The (green) self righteousnessly condemn those in the territory they have just traveled through,,, This idea of negativity propelling the world would align more with power than competence. Look at the news media and how people's attention becomes hooked or the advertising industry sending a constant barrage of messages telling us what we should want or be afraid of and how it splits one against themselves in comparison to others. The fundamentalists of the religions constantly shaming people and instilling fear,,,, I could go on but instead of a nickel, I'll stop at two cents.

@Yellow_Girl Good recommendations you give. Fasting is so powerful and simple and a great initiator into different facets of healing. In connection with the second recommendation, I've had helpful insights from pondering spontaneity juxtaposed to reactivity. Reactivity seems to happen from ones contracted and fearful conditioned ego and spontaneity is the action of the True Self at ease in the present moment connected to a larger context and a state of flow. Spontaneity seems to cultivate the capacity for more spontaneity.

5-16-2019 59. Dissolution/Dissolving Line 6 29. The Abyss/Danger

Thanks! ? A girlfriend once told me that I was similar to Jack Nicholson's character in the movie As Good As It Gets. I represent the gray area perhaps. Also In childhood, a friend of my Mothers who was well educated and traveled was visiting when she saw my collection of banana stickers running vertically restuck onto on the front of the refrigerator and named it with a fair amount of theatrics. It stands out in memory because she kind of made a big deal about it. Some of my compulsive tendencies are not very flattering. Being lighthearted helps me integrate some of these aspects and not make a problem or a big deal about it. It's not a big deal in my life. So far as being a problem, it's way down on the list of things which cause me suffering or worry. I sure don't mean to make light of this tendency in regards to other people though because I know in a lot of situations it's a major disruption and a source of suffering in their life. Centering Prayer meditation has been good for me in this regard because it's all about letting go of thoughts.

I've worked in the outdoors for years. This is my collection of empty used up chapstick dispensers. The Graduates or Alumni. Chapsticks that get ruined going through the clothes dryer don't get to become Alumni. They get thrown away. Somewhere I have another lost collection to go with these,,,, I have a theory that people who are a little OCD are naturally gifted systems thinkers. Maybe,,, maybe not,,,?‍♂️

My first and favorite book on Numerology. Never found any others who really compare. also by same Author.

@now is forever Mmmmm that needs some cornbread with it,,,

Oops ,,, missed yesterday 5-14-2019 61. Inner Truth Lines 5 and 6 19 Approaching Jointly 5 -15-2019 12 Being Halted