Zigzag Idiot

@WorknMan I agree with your assessment. I Just smoked 50 mg of NN dmt in a bubbler. It has a titanium bowl. With the 50 mg in a teaspoon I sat down on the floor of my bedroom, heated the bowl and dumped it in. Smells and tastes like shit. I feel like I got most of it in the first hit but then took a second pull on the bubbler and got a bit more. By the time I set the bubbler down in a metal cookie pan in front of me and leaned back, I was being swallowed up. There was a lot of fear with the loss of normal consciousness along with the stink and bad taste. An immediate recall of the felt sense from a traumatic NN dmt trip from about two years ago when I snorted about the same amount but it produced about a 3 hour trip where this was only about 10 minutes. Generally an uncomfortable and unpleasant experience. Rushing and swirling visuals of geometric shapes. An idea inspired by @ValiantSalvatore Journal. I had Leo's video on Turqoise playing in the background. I'm glad I did because after the loss of normal consciousness with the sense of being swallowed up by the experience and the rush of adrenaline and fear, hearing the video in the background reminded me of what I was doing and to keep my eyes closed, not fight it and relax into it as best I could, which I did. Please excuse the composition here. Red is definitely a color theme here. Similar to my first traumatic trip. Right now I have just a slight headache in addition to a discombobulated feeling. Like I was run over by the devil in an Ice cream truck. I really think I'll have some audio going in the background again next time for helping me to ground and not fight the experience. It's hard to describe the intensity of it and the natural tendency to resist it. In my first trip in addition to everything being red, there was also a near constant sound similar to the discordant sounding Tibetan horns being played. There was no sounds like that in this experience. Whew,,, Intense for sure. Nothing pleasant about it at all. I'm glad it didn't last 3 hours. That's all for now.

As Saturnine essence people influenced by the anterior lobe of the pituitary with its chemistry, it often has us telling people what's what about things. ? Which is also a part of our psychological blind spot. Im not trying to proselytize this system or an ideology. Meant to be taken with a grain of salt,,,,,,, ?‍♂️?

@Proactive ???

6-18-2019 36 Darkening of the Light. Line 1 15 Modesty The council from the changing line suggests I need to review the ego-elements in my attitude which contain a human centered view promoted by the collective ego and say the inner No to them and return to the inner path.

Pre-Shadow begins tomorrow. Adding this to the observations - Traditionally, retrogrades in Leo affect rulers, presidents as well as companies and people who are in an autocratic position. It was during a Leo Mercury Retrograde in 1998 that Microsoft was investigated by the Department of Justice for monopoly practices and faced being split up until the judgment was appealed. This Leo Retrograde begins with a Cancer Pre-Shadow, so the actions and response of the people or the governed will have an effect.

@hamedsf Your main problem is that you're Saturnine in essence, like me. ?? Welcome to the forum! ??

Leo pays the light bill.

Yoganandas- The Second Coming of Christ Is a 1600 page 2 volume set The subtitle says so much- The Resurrection of the Christ Within You. A Revelatory commentary on the original teachings of Jesus. Essentially, the second coming of Christ is the appearance of the capacity for Christ Consciousness. Jim Marion's high octane book lays out the stages of Consciousness with an Integral Spiral Dynamics model; stairway to Heaven, so to speak- Archaic Consciousness Magic Consciousness Mythic Consciousness Rational Consciousness Vision-Logic Consciousness Psychic Consciousness The Dark Night of the Senses Subtle Consciousness The Dark Night of the Soul Christ Consciousness - The Causal Level Nondual Consciousness - Kingdom of Heaven O Note- the forward by Ken Wilber This book is written in such a simple and clear way in just 300 pages. To me, in essence, it delivers a concise explanation on the subject matter of what Yogananda's book Title and subtitle suggest.

who's there? ????

It tickled me to read this! Sounds like your on you're way. It's been daily for me over two years other than missing 8 days about a year ago. Letting go of thoughts and to experience an increasing capacity for "objectless awareness" ,,,,, it creates an inner space which for me has helped with continuity of conscious awareness. With your endorsement, it deserves a bookmark in case someone is interested.

@flowboy Many times In the past an odd pain or symptom would cause me to get paranoid about my health. I really understand you there. i had some chronic sinus infection a few years ago that would move around from head to ear to throat. I eventually got rid of it. The cannabis you smoked might have been a mixed strain with a greater percentage of sativa and not good for relaxing and calming. That would add to your tension and paranoid feeling. I hope your able to get some decent sleep at night for the time being. That means a lot. And belly breaths,,,with letting go of repetitive thoughts,,,,

The following statement of yours cracked me up the most. It seemed to arrive out of state of flow. Posted May 21 · Report post I use to get dizzy reading journals as well. The secret is to stop shaking my head while reading. @Good-boy You posted this earlier in your Journal and I don't think I ever commented on it. It's a great book I enjoyed years ago and need to read again. I think I saw it on Leo's booklist. ,,@Proactive I have a knock knock joke. You have to start it though,,,,

6-17-2019 33. Retreating/Hiding Today is full moon.

@seeking_brilliance Anything benificial written by me more likely comes from being a spontaneous Idiot rather than Intellegence. Universal heretics embrace spontaneous idiocy and the way of the sly man. Smoke up, friend. ???

To just look at a few key words or phrases: ego- different usages identification - as in being or becoming identified witnessing or Witness Consciousness - which could be defined in short as a state of split conscious awareness - Besides different usages for ego another often used word in Inquiry/spiritual work is identification. Identification as in being identified with a thought or an object to the extent of being drawn out of oneself. To be pulled in through fascination and in a sense forgetting oneself. It seems a lot of times with people new to Inquiry are unfamiliar with the use of the word 'identification' as it's used in spiritual or psychological work. Any comments? Other basic words or phrases?

Does a multiperspectival approach form a natural bridge between conceptual knowledge and the Truth of being?

I think I'll start a topic on understanding astrology first hand. A Mercury retrograde begins in just a few days. Associated with them is mechanical breakdowns in travel and problems in communications. We could observe if it seems a higher rate of these problems occur in the next few weeks. This is such a controversial subject between some. It shouldn't take any time at all until people start pecking each other to death. But,, maybe not,,, addendum: I should have added that occasionally,I still suffer with seeing myself, mostly in hindsight in having 'pecked' at somebody.

I garbled up some of my above post. This articulates it better Confusion About the Term "Ego" Here we digress to point out a source of confusion about the term “ego.” Readers who know both the spiritual and psychological literatures will find the term freely used in both, but with no general agreement on what the term refers to. This ambiguity often leads to confusion. The literature on spiritual development, on essential or inner development, on all matters of religious concern, generally uses the term “ego” to mean something which is seen as the barrier to spiritual realization. The literature on depth psychology, however, uses the term with a very different meaning. The ego referred to by Freud, and which ego psychology studies, is not the ego which is the barrier to spiritual development. They are two different concepts. The psychoanalytic term “ego” refers, rather, to the functional self, which is the site, organizer, and coordinator of the functions of perception, memory, mobility, and so on. There is, however, a concept in depth psychology and ego psychology that coincides with the ego of spiritual literature: it is called the “ego-identity,” and is sometimes referred to as the sense of self, or the sense of identity. This sense of self or separate identity is the main concern of ego developmental theory. This identity is, in fact, the acme, the most important outcome of ego development. It is ultimately the organizing center of the psychic apparatus. This psychic apparatus includes as one of its units the Freudian ego. In other words, the Freudian ego is part of the mind, is a structure or a structured process in it, while the self is a sense of identity and a center of action. The exact sense in which the ego identity is a barrier to spiritual development will become clear in later chapters. From https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/ego

@ Mu Maybe we can point at the symbol from different angles and discuss it with some profit. Wish I had Found this topic earlier. @Mu_ I'm absolutely with you on this. I've been noticing this causing confusion for years and actually brought it up in a former online community I was apart of. As a community, it would sure be helpful if we could come to a common agreement that there have developed two usages of the term ego which end up almost in contradiction to one another. Ego is used synonymously with personality in some circles of developmental psychology but in spiritual work it's a reference to narcissism and identification.. There is no Ego Separate from the Soul One important thing we see here is that there is no ego separate from the soul. The proverbial ego of spiritual terminology is nothing but the ego-self, the soul structured through ego development. There is no ego as an entity; there is only the soul that can become ego by becoming structured with mental forms. Therefore, the idea of ego death is a misnomer. There is no entity that dies, for the soul does not die. All that happens in such experiences is that an ego structure dissolves, and the soul field is liberated from its influence. More accurately, the soul ceases to structure her experience through these mental forms. This can bring about the dissolution or transcendence of one’s identity, but this identity is a feeling that arises from the soul being structured by a particular self-representation. A representation dies, but no entity. more to come,,,

@Iksander Jana Dixon admitted that the following was about the most speculative thing she had written in her book about Kundalini and that more research was definitely needed. Her theory concerns a build up of Ammonia in the body. I tried to keep the excerpt small. If you want to look more into her suggestions and thinking I'll put the link below. Both dehydration and the extremes of high and low blood sugar increase the stress hormone cortisol, which could trigger off Jim's neurological cycle; and cortisol decreases fasting blood glucose. So blood sugar must be carefully managed to prevent the body going into stress/panic mode and kicking off a cycle. High blood sugar also makes the kidneys filter too much blood and such overwork reduces their filtering capacity. The vagus nerve of the parasympathetic nervous system is affected by poor kidney function. Tight muscles at the base of the skull can impinge on the vagus, and malfunction of the kidneys can induce these neck muscles to contract. If too much potassium (K+) is excreted blood levels of potassium are reduced creating alkaline urine. This alkaline urine reduces the amount of ammonia that is removed from the blood via the kidneys. We know ammonia increases seizures and convulsions, but we also need to find out if seizures and convulsions actually produce ammonia. Glutamine protects the brain and body from ammonia toxicity. If serum ammonia levels increase the body uses more glutamine to reduce ammonia levels in the brain. High levels of NH4+ lead to increased levels of glutamine, which serves as an osmotically active solute swelling glial cells. Thus ammonia in the brain leads to glial cell swelling which reduces their function and causes confusion and pressure in the head. There are 10X more glial cells than neurons--they act like liquid crystals resonating in harmony with the surrounding electrical fields. They act as semiconductors, picking up faint electrical impulses from the nervous system and the environment and amplifying them thousands of times--tuning impulses to the proper frequency for the neurons. Obviously glial cell swelling interferes with this tuning process and other glial cell functions. Fast and efficient enzyme systems usually maintain low tissue levels of ammonia, these enzymes primarily include glutamate dehydrogenase, glutamine synthase and carbamoyl phosphate synthetase. Magnesium activates glutamine synthetase, a key enzyme that helps cells dispose of ammonia. Chlorophyll is thought to act as a "body cleanser," neutralizing toxins such as ammonia and carbon monoxide by many mechanisms. Wheatgrass is also one of the richest sources of vitamins A, B, and C. It is a source for calcium, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, sulfur, cobalt, zinc, and protein. Eat 3-4 stalks of celery per day for the duration of any period of hyper-sympathetic stimulation especially if you have high blood pressure or pressure in the head. This will help with kidney function, electrolyte balance and celery is also a sex tonic. Because celery removes excess uric acid from the blood, it might also help the ammonia situation as well. I suggested Jim supplement with Glutamine to serve as a carrier to remove the ammonia. Peripheral tissues may also remove ammonia from the blood by metabolically incorporating it into glutamine. Glutamine is freely permeable and may transfer ammonia to other tissues for nitrogen transfer reactions or for metabolic degradation via the urea cycle. Substrates of the urea cycle, such as arginine, citrulline and ornithine, are also reported to act as protective agents against ammonia toxicity, possibly by stimulating urea formation. Ornithine may help reduce elevated ammonia levels seen after exercise, reducing fatigue. 500mg of L-Arginine or ornithine in the morning neutralizes ammonia (NH3) in the liver, the body and in urine. http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=TheAmmoniaHypothesis.html

@Gladius I think the old Greek usage had even become obscure 100 years ago when Gurdjieff began putting some structure to the Science of Idiotism. The double meaning/usage of the word adds to the confusion but that in itself makes it all the more valuable for its intended purpose. Hence, a glimpse into the mind and Being of George Gurdjieff. I appreciate the comment. ?‍♂️

Had readings but didn't record them here the 2 previous days. 6-16-2019 41 Decreasing Line 6 19. Approaching Jointly From line 6 of hexagram 41- "Perserverance brings good fortune" refers to the person who recognizes the Cosmic source of his increase. He perseveres in saying the inner No's to the ego's attempts to appropriate the gifts by suggesting he has "deserved" them. He also does not allow them to be used for any egotistical purpose. This line states the Cosmic Principle that Cosmic gifts may never be used for egotistical purposes because doing so decreases the Cosmic Whole, creating blame.

I used to couldn't tolerate hearing any song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It reminded me of the concrete desert of Little Rock Arkansas in the summertime of the early 1990's. Around the time period Slick Willy got elected President . I felt betrayed by pop culture during this time, which I eventually resolved when I realized the world is asleep. I've come to appreciate some of the songs of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Gotta have pronouns to effectively communicate.

As stated in the other thread, I still catch myself - Having the need to be right. Having the need to know something, anything about a topic instead of just stating, "I don't know", Imagination still pollutes all areas of my life. Arrogant attitude that I still see subtle elements of imagination that 99,85 percent of World doesn't. What Gurdjieff called Kundabuffer Still self congradulatory at times.

Is one's insecurity the motor fuel for the need to be right? In the relative world where we are responsible for our own intellectual and emotional balance, is there wisdom in sometimes placing the good above the True. Is there a lack of 'holding space' for others on the forum?