Zigzag Idiot

In an online course Cynthia Bourgeault had a couple of years ago there was a pretty high standard put forth in the forum there. I found myself breaking that standard time and again. It made me see myself a little better. It was not a very comfortable feeling,,,,, Anyway, this was the standard- The word "respect" literally means "to look twice," and respect is at the core of this fourth Obligolnian striving. Today, after beginning your morning with a period of meditation, I invite you to look at the systems in which you are embedded with intentional respect. Rather than moving too quickly to criticize and judge, you can exercise respect by practicing conscious speech. Before rushing to respond, stop, ground, take a couple of conscious breaths, then ask yourself these four questions: Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said now? Is it my place to say it? Can it be said with kindness? Allow these four precepts to guide your conscious speech today and see what changes you can detect in your relations with the world, both inwardly and outwardly.

@Corpus Thank you! Thank you! Very helpful!

Sedona Arizona would be a cool place to live that has no grass pollen.

I can agree with some of the things he says but Elliot Hulse seems to work himself into a frenzy of cynicism and anger just so he can feed off that energy. Too much unnecessary machismo and negative emotion when looked at closely. For me, anyway,,,

@ValiantSalvatore ?I'm an old fan of Terrence McKenna. What a mind that guy had! Thanks for mentioning the video of Leo talking about machine elves. I haven't seen it. Actually I feel like rewatching all the videos he has made about tripping. I need to check out Martin Ball and his perspectives also. Just vaguely familiar with the name,,,,

I love that quote,,,,

Meditations on the Tarot Page 379; There is what is called in Christian Hermeticism the “freeing of the guardian angel”. The guardian Angel is freed – often in order to be able to acquit new missions—when the soul has acquired the disposition of its part of “likeness” in order to experience the Divine more intimately and more immediately, which corresponds to another hierarchical degree. Then it is an Archangel who replaces the freed guardian Angel. Human beings whose guardian is an Archangel have not only new experiences of the Divine in their inner life, but also, through this very fact, receive a new and objective vocation.

Growing up, it seemed inevitable that if someone was to be made an example of, it would be me no how buried I was in the middle of the crowd. If I had gotten the 2 points, I know it would have stung. So I can empathize with you there. For some reason I can't fault Outlandish, though. I can see how tough it would be to be a moderator at times. Especially if if there is a concerted effort now to reduce the unnecessary argumentiveness and confusion created by those who seem to operate almost solely from imagination. I feel Irreverent banter can add to the lightheartedness of the forum and cushions against false seriousness. I guess there is always a fine line and a gray area and inevitably mistakes are sometimes made.

@mandyjw I wish someone would point out where Leo or any of the Moderators are being unfair or harsh. I've yet to see it for myself. I hope you and Jon stick around. I grew up in the country in a family with a strong work ethic much like the way you describe growing up. I have a lot in common with y'all. Don't get too self conscious on us. Speak from your being and don't worry about it. I'm a writer more than a speaker. Having the intention to express from my being instead of my personality has been something that has helped my communication. Even if I seemingly contradict myself, it doesn't matter when it's spoken from my being because it will be a contradiction I can explain. Your essential being is your treasure. As is Jon's.

@Wisebaxter I appreciate the encouragement. Good idea about the music! It may be something I need to let go of later on if I keep doing trips but I definitely remember hearing the video In the background after I was swallowed up in the first Wave and having that touchstone helped me not to fight it in that one instance. I wish I could remember more because there was definitely more that happened. Those few minutes were really intense. It's also hard to describe that unpleasantness of it also. Between the horrible smell and taste and almost a sense of nausea. For now, disturbing mentally and emotionally and unpleasant physically is my general description of it. It verified that what I did a couple years ago was definately NN dmt. I'm pleased with how quick the recovery was vs my 3 hour trip, though. After about 1 1/2 hour I felt relatively normal. But still, in a subtle sense it feels like I'm still carrying it with me some this evening. One thing I didn't mention was that at the end when I was getting on my feet to look at the clock, there was a drunkenness about me with moderate hallucinations like lsd. Physical objects having a waviness to them. But they went away after 2-3 minutes. I think I'll stick with the 50 mg for the next trip and see how that goes before I think about increasing the amount. Gonna give it a few days. It's all a curiosity thing instead of a pleasurable experience. I sure don't see it as being an addictive activity. Even if it came in strawberry or chocolate flavor ,,,,, it was just unpleasant and WIERD! Trip was about 10 minutes. @ValiantSalvatore I wish you luck if you try it. I've got Rick Straussman's book DMT The Spirit molecule. I think I'll get back into reading that and also pay more attention to what is being reported here on these dmt topic threads. To maybe build in a little more courage. ?

@Zigzag Idiot If Saturnine is teaching the same words as I wrote, it could be an interesting school to follow! I didn't get it as a putdown but I was surprised why you did such a comment about me but now it's clear... I'm seeing the problems of our young generation and I feel pity to us (including myself), that we've been deeply ingrained about what should do and not to do, what is right and what isn't, that makes the younger person prone to any kind of psychological problems (in case of this journal of the topic anxiety and...) So I'm taking that WE ARE 100% FREE to do what we want even it bothers the feelings of our family members! @hamedsf Regarding- So I'm taking that WE ARE 100% FREE to do what we want even it bothers the feelings of our family members! I don't know about that. Seems like there might need to be some gray area there,,,, ?

@hamedsf Just your initial advice to liris had the Saturnine tone to it. - "YOUR MAIN PROBLEM IS THAT YOU're MORALIZING EVERYTHING you're always in your head and overanalyzing everything, you make meaning of every situation in your head, and that could even make matter worse One point, that I wanna make is that we're always in our heads and not fully awake in entire body, there's not right and wrong in this life, and you could do anything you want in your life even the things that your parents are feeling disgusted about! " It wasn't meant as a personal putdown. Just a blunt observation about what appeared to me as a Saturnine essence characteristic. There's no doubt that I can be a dick sometimes, though. You're welcome to question me, respond or offer criticism to my assessment in my Journal. If you care to . Peace, ?‍♂️?

@WorknMan I agree with your assessment. I Just smoked 50 mg of NN dmt in a bubbler. It has a titanium bowl. With the 50 mg in a teaspoon I sat down on the floor of my bedroom, heated the bowl and dumped it in. Smells and tastes like shit. I feel like I got most of it in the first hit but then took a second pull on the bubbler and got a bit more. By the time I set the bubbler down in a metal cookie pan in front of me and leaned back, I was being swallowed up. There was a lot of fear with the loss of normal consciousness along with the stink and bad taste. An immediate recall of the felt sense from a traumatic NN dmt trip from about two years ago when I snorted about the same amount but it produced about a 3 hour trip where this was only about 10 minutes. Generally an uncomfortable and unpleasant experience. Rushing and swirling visuals of geometric shapes. An idea inspired by @ValiantSalvatore Journal. I had Leo's video on Turqoise playing in the background. I'm glad I did because after the loss of normal consciousness with the sense of being swallowed up by the experience and the rush of adrenaline and fear, hearing the video in the background reminded me of what I was doing and to keep my eyes closed, not fight it and relax into it as best I could, which I did. Please excuse the composition here. Red is definitely a color theme here. Similar to my first traumatic trip. Right now I have just a slight headache in addition to a discombobulated feeling. Like I was run over by the devil in an Ice cream truck. I really think I'll have some audio going in the background again next time for helping me to ground and not fight the experience. It's hard to describe the intensity of it and the natural tendency to resist it. In my first trip in addition to everything being red, there was also a near constant sound similar to the discordant sounding Tibetan horns being played. There was no sounds like that in this experience. Whew,,, Intense for sure. Nothing pleasant about it at all. I'm glad it didn't last 3 hours. That's all for now.

As Saturnine essence people influenced by the anterior lobe of the pituitary with its chemistry, it often has us telling people what's what about things. ? Which is also a part of our psychological blind spot. Im not trying to proselytize this system or an ideology. Meant to be taken with a grain of salt,,,,,,, ?‍♂️?

@Proactive ???

6-18-2019 36 Darkening of the Light. Line 1 15 Modesty The council from the changing line suggests I need to review the ego-elements in my attitude which contain a human centered view promoted by the collective ego and say the inner No to them and return to the inner path.

Pre-Shadow begins tomorrow. Adding this to the observations - Traditionally, retrogrades in Leo affect rulers, presidents as well as companies and people who are in an autocratic position. It was during a Leo Mercury Retrograde in 1998 that Microsoft was investigated by the Department of Justice for monopoly practices and faced being split up until the judgment was appealed. This Leo Retrograde begins with a Cancer Pre-Shadow, so the actions and response of the people or the governed will have an effect.

@hamedsf Your main problem is that you're Saturnine in essence, like me. ?? Welcome to the forum! ??

Leo pays the light bill.

Yoganandas- The Second Coming of Christ Is a 1600 page 2 volume set The subtitle says so much- The Resurrection of the Christ Within You. A Revelatory commentary on the original teachings of Jesus. Essentially, the second coming of Christ is the appearance of the capacity for Christ Consciousness. Jim Marion's high octane book lays out the stages of Consciousness with an Integral Spiral Dynamics model; stairway to Heaven, so to speak- Archaic Consciousness Magic Consciousness Mythic Consciousness Rational Consciousness Vision-Logic Consciousness Psychic Consciousness The Dark Night of the Senses Subtle Consciousness The Dark Night of the Soul Christ Consciousness - The Causal Level Nondual Consciousness - Kingdom of Heaven O Note- the forward by Ken Wilber This book is written in such a simple and clear way in just 300 pages. To me, in essence, it delivers a concise explanation on the subject matter of what Yogananda's book Title and subtitle suggest.

who's there? ????

It tickled me to read this! Sounds like your on you're way. It's been daily for me over two years other than missing 8 days about a year ago. Letting go of thoughts and to experience an increasing capacity for "objectless awareness" ,,,,, it creates an inner space which for me has helped with continuity of conscious awareness. With your endorsement, it deserves a bookmark in case someone is interested.

@flowboy Many times In the past an odd pain or symptom would cause me to get paranoid about my health. I really understand you there. i had some chronic sinus infection a few years ago that would move around from head to ear to throat. I eventually got rid of it. The cannabis you smoked might have been a mixed strain with a greater percentage of sativa and not good for relaxing and calming. That would add to your tension and paranoid feeling. I hope your able to get some decent sleep at night for the time being. That means a lot. And belly breaths,,,with letting go of repetitive thoughts,,,,

The following statement of yours cracked me up the most. It seemed to arrive out of state of flow. Posted May 21 · Report post I use to get dizzy reading journals as well. The secret is to stop shaking my head while reading. @Good-boy You posted this earlier in your Journal and I don't think I ever commented on it. It's a great book I enjoyed years ago and need to read again. I think I saw it on Leo's booklist. ,,@Proactive I have a knock knock joke. You have to start it though,,,,

6-17-2019 33. Retreating/Hiding Today is full moon.