Zigzag Idiot

A Gurdjieff quote came to mind It is better to be temporarily selfish than never to be just. Only conscious suffering is of value. Man is given a limited quantity of experiences; being economical with them lengthens his life.

@mandyjw Thank you! I'll put a Ted Nottingham talk about the Gospel of Thomas below. Many contemporary Christians refer to Jesus as "Yeshua" as a lot of you will already be aware of.

I found this ACIM website recently. Just did a search on one of its much used terms - the special relationship . In addition to the Patriarchal language, this could be offensive to some but that's not my intent. Reason also for not adding it to other threads. Basically it applies to romantic love. T-16.VI.1. The search for the special relationship is the sign that you equate yourself with the ego and not with God. 2 For the special relationship has value only to the ego. 3 To the ego, unless a relationship has special value it has no meaning, for it perceives all love as special. 4 Yet this cannot be natural, for it is unlike the relationship of God and His Son, and all relationships that are unlike this one must be unnatural. 5 For God created love as He would have it be, and gave it as it is. 6 Love has no meaning except as its Creator defined it by His Will. 7 It is impossible to define it otherwise and understand it. T-16.VI.2. Love is freedom. 2 To look for it by placing yourself in bondage is to separate yourself from it. 3 For the Love of God, no longer seek for union in separation, nor for freedom in bondage! 4 As you release, so will you be released. 5 Forget this not, or Love will be unable to find you and comfort you. T-16.VI.3. There is a way in which the Holy Spirit asks your help, if you would have His. 2 The holy instant is His most helpful aid in protecting you from the attraction of guilt, the real lure in the special relationship. 3 You do not recognize that this is its real appeal, for the ego has taught you that freedom lies in it. 4 Yet the closer you look at the special relationship, the more apparent it becomes that it must foster guilt and therefore must imprison. https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/

@Marks199 You'll be completely psychologically integrated and have a big grin about it!

@Keyhole I agree. Confusion and twisted perception abounds.

Many contemporary mystics study ACIM - A COURSE IN MIRACLES. It's channeled material. It dovetails also in many ways with today's growing Christian Contemplative movement. The following is a part of the preface of ACIM written in 1977. The first two parts—How It Came; What It Is—Helen Schucman wrote herself; the final part—What It Says—was written by the process of inner dictation described in the Preface. How It Came A Course in Miracles began with the sudden decision of two people to join in a common goal. Their names were Helen Schucman and William Thetford, Professors of Medical Psychology at Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City. It does not matter who they were, except that the story shows that with God all things are possible. They were anything but spiritual. Their relationship with each other was difficult and often strained, and they were concerned with personal and professional acceptance and status. In general, they had considerable investment in the values of the world. Their lives were hardly in accord with anything that the Course advocates. Helen, the one who received the material, describes herself: Psychologist, educator, conservative in theory and atheistic in belief, I was working in a prestigious and highly academic setting. And then something happened that triggered a chain of events I could never have predicted. The head of my department unexpectedly announced that he was tired of the angry and aggressive feelings our attitudes reflected, and concluded that “there must be another way.” As if on cue, I agreed to help him find it. Apparently this Course is the other way. Although their intention was serious, they had great difficulty in starting out on their joint venture. But they had given the Holy Spirit the “little willingness” that, as the Course itself was to emphasize again and again, is sufficient to enable Him to use any situation for His purposes and provide it with His power. To continue Helen’s first-person account: Three startling months preceded the actual writing, during which time Bill suggested that I write down the highly symbolic dreams and descriptions of the strange images that were coming to me. Although I had grown more accustomed to the unexpected by that time, I was still very surprised when I wrote, “This is a course in miracles.” That was my introduction to the Voice. It made no sound, but seemed to be giving me a kind of rapid, inner dictation which I took down in a shorthand notebook. The writing was never automatic. It could be interrupted at any time and later picked up again. It made me very uncomfortable, but it never seriously occurred to me to stop. It seemed to be a special assignment I had somehow, somewhere agreed to complete. It represented a truly collaborative venture between Bill and myself, and much of its significance, I am sure, lies in that. I would take down what the Voice “said” and read it to him the next day, and he typed it from my dictation. I expect he had his special assignment, too. Without his encouragement and support I would never have been able to fulfil mine. The whole process took about seven years. The Text came first, then the Workbook for Students, and finally the Manual for Teachers. Only a few minor changes have been made. Chapter titles and subheadings have been inserted in the Text, and some of the more personal references that occurred at the beginning have been omitted. Otherwise the material is substantially unchanged. The names of the collaborators in the recording of the Course do not appear on the cover because the Course can and should stand on its own. It is not intended to become the basis for another cult. Its only purpose is to provide a way in which some people will be able to find their own Internal Teacher. Below is an overview of what it says.

I'm excited over the High Consciousness Resources! In a couple of online Courses I've taken concerning Self Inquiry and Christian mysticism there were Resourse rooms. To have stricter Moderators will insure higher quality and less, speculating, rude behavior, emoting, etc,,,,, I bet this will draw back 'veterans' who have moved on.

Just half way through Leo's last video. It's good and yes I am biased. '"Vested interest" was a potent term for me years ago. One of the first encounters with this line of thought earlier in life was seeing a part of my own vested interest. Or the idea of it. Naturally I saw this in others first. Present day, I'm still biased! I feel a little heavy. Maybe a little bit emotionally triggered from physical tiredness. Yet still to do evening meditation. Between writing this above earlier and perhaps tiredness, triggered some inner considering with me this afternoon. Oh yeah, also Sunday family dinner. I don't feel alone. This last one, like holidays, seems to get at many of us at times,,,,,

Catching what I can bit by bit. One fire, many skillets. ///////////////////////////////////////// Abbreviated version: Conscious Love - If you love someone/something set them free. Romantic Love - If they/it don't come back, hunt them down and shoot them/it.

@khalifa I've never had 5 meo or a bad trip from one. I would put @Nahm 's advice ahead of mine.

I'm glad that some of what I wrote may have been a help. I respect your Journaling bits about everything. The good and bad and things in between. Besides helping your own integration, it helps others deal with their shadow elements. Thank you for sharing.

Not meaning to oppose others but I think 1 to 2 Xanax, some comfort food and maybe watching the three stooges or anything you think would help this break worry spell and anxiety cycle. Just my opinion. Good luck. Also reciting the Jesus Prayer or a version thereof - "Christ have mercy on me" or simply lay on the bed chant singing the word "Love". One time years ago chanting the word love over and over dramatically brought me out of a terrible condition.

8- 9-2019 44. Coming to meet "Coming to meet" refers to the Cosmic Principle that it is attraction which draws complementary aspects together. It does so in its own time, without the need for pressure or contriving. When allowed to take its time and natural course, everything matures and completes itself in the best way possible. All of this occurs in the atomic realm, through transformation, creating a unity that endures. Just a small piece of the commentary from today's reading. Yesterday was was one of the most interesting days of this life. Yesterday's reading was 38 Separating/ Opposition changing lines 3 and 6 resulting in a second hexagram of 14. Possession IN Great Measure

Psychedelic trips can dredge up a lot of trivia. It's no wonder Im twisted when looking at what partiality contributed to my conditioning. Popeye with his glorifying addictive behaviors. Sim Pickens colloquial hyperbole and Captain Kangaroo's eccentricity. The list goes on,,,,,

@DrewNows This is great! You shared this with me somewhere I'm pretty sure, I forgot where. Wish I hadn't waited so long to start watching it. Just halfway into it,,,,

Beautiful!

This last post caused me to go back and take a look at the beginning of your Journal which apparently I hadn't done. There is so much more about you I didn't know. Congratulations on the internship! I'm happy for you.

Beautiful!

I like the quote and am enjoying your Journal. Ive yet to research about your home country. Sounds interesting! Thanks!

@ValiantSalvatore Very interesting! Am reading about it now. Thank you! Thank you!

There is an old abandoned mine a couple of miles behind my house in the national forest. 15 years ago when I was in a period of experimenting with meditation in this cave, I experienced the sudden presence of a subtle light which seem to be coming from behind me because this light was mostly experienced in my periphrial vision. During this time I experienced this a number of times when meditating in this completely darkened cave. The other night after I smoked some NN dmt I experienced this peripheral light once again in my completely darkened bedroom. It's definite but very subtle. Years ago when Arnold Keyserling was alive he, as he put it, "heavily recommended" this book but the copy I got was Richard Wilhelm's and had a hard time trying to read it. I think I've lost it somewhere anyway. I need to try Thomas Clearly's translated version to see if maybe I can get along better with it. I appreciate the idea and reminder. Ive read another of Thomas Clearly's books and got through it ok.

The Heart is Nothing but the Mind Filled with Love The heart, obviously, is very important here, but we need to free the heart. Most of the time the heart is dominated by the perspective of object relations. We experience various feelings and emotions according to our psychodynamic history. Actually, the heart is nothing but the mind filled with love. The heart gives fullness to the concepts of the mind. So the mind and the heart are not separate things. They’re one thing. Love and thinking are one thing. Both the mind and the heart need to be freed from the perspective of the physical world. The heart is freed from object relations by arriving at non-attachment. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 287 The following quote disturbed me the first time I read it. Over time it has become clearer. Real Relationship Means to Manifest the Courageous Heart A person who does not have a heart cannot hate, cannot be angry, cannot be hurt, cannot be jealous. Without love there is no such thing as jealousy, hurt, fear, hatred, or anger. All of these things are reactions to the absence of love, to the blockage of it, to the non-perceiving of it. To be aware of the real relationship means that there is always awareness of love. This never goes, in any relationship. There is always the lovingness, and love has understanding in it. Love has forgiveness and acceptance in it. Love has compassion, appreciation, pleasure, happiness, strength, and gratitude. All these are elements of love, and it is there all the time; it is part of our nature. The courageous heart is the heart that is always present, regardless of what happens. If your heart is present only if good things happen, your heart is not yet free, not actualized. You are still a coward, still afraid. You have a heart, but not yet a courageous heart. So to have a true relationship, a real relationship, means to manifest the courageous heart. Diamond Heart Book Four, pg. 199 Law of Three has three elements: active - passive and neutralizing forces In the right blending of three a new arising is produced Humanity is third force blind say the seers. Blind to neutralizing force. May the force be with you

Cynicism Cynicism has been one of my biggest stumbling blocks. For a long time I was really blind to how I couldn't let go of lumping all church people together and reffering to them as shit for brains and things along that line. Not very nice,,, There is still a bit of that in me if I don't watch myself. A second uncle of mine is one of the most patient and good natured people I have ever known. A genuinely good person and also a devout Church goer. It was thinking of him that I would feel guilty because of my nasty automatic judgement and label of Church people. My cynical attitudes always resulted in getting that dirty inner feeling that kept my walls up. Even years after I read The Power Of Now for the twentieth time I stayed blind to my cynicism and the trouble it always caused me. As a conterphobic six on the Enneagram of personality, doubt, and always playing Devils advocate describes my relations and interactions with others. I used to feed on this energy and not realize what I was doing. Becoming more practiced with letting go of grievances toward others has helped. Also the willingness to be honest with self observation and Inquiry. Still work to be done though,,,,,,

Ken Wiber discusses this as "skillful means" which I believe is a term used in some Buddhist communities. This statement applies quite a bit to what I remember being said about "skillful means"

A simple yet powerful practice is to sense the feet. Just sensing the physicality of the feet. When I'm stuck in my head my attention is usually dispersed over several different things leaving my awareness ungrounded The feet are good because of all the many nerve endings in the feet. By putting attention on the body and not creating a narrative in the mind about it, the sensing will help ground the attention through the body cultivating a better balanced awareness. Being more grounded in the body, it becomes easier to observe and separate thoughts and feelings and how often they come out of a stimulus response from random things. The more one practices body sensing, the more sensitive the body becomes. Instead of narrative consciousness the mind can just be registering sense data more than the internal dialog of narrative consciousness. Along with this, relaxing the small muscles in the face several times a day is good as well as being mindful of one's posture as much as possible. These are practices out of the Fourth Way.