Zigzag Idiot

Reading this journal you would think I’m somewhat extroverted. Not really. I’m rather introverted in addition to being rather non-expressive with my speech. Talking just wears me out. Most of the time. Here is my I-ching reading/consultation I got for today- Line 5. Childlike folly brings good fortune. In its positive meaning, "childlike folly" refers to the person who has an innocent attitude in which he sees the good that is possible in all situations. The key ingredient here is allowing things to be transformed after having said the inner No to what is incorrect. This attitude always draws the Helpers that bring good fortune. In its negative meaning, it refers to the view of the collective ego that for his spiritual development, a person needs to seek out a human leader or master. The line can also refer to viewing the I Ching as a "sacred text" that can only be approached if one observes the taboos that have been placed around it. Among these taboos are: that one can only consult it for "important" matters; that one needs to understand the interrelationship of the trigrams; that it is only a book for telling the future; that it is a compilation of ancient wisdom; that it is a binary code or ancient set of mathematical principles (making it into a mechanical system); that it was written by wise humans (denying the influence of the Sage); that it is to be seen as one of "man's great achievements"; that one is not meant to question any part of its text; and that one needs a trained human sage to interpret it. These ideas present the I Ching as complicated, distant, and forbidding, inspiring the person who approaches it with awe and fear. They cause him to miss the fact that the I Ching is meant to connect with him through his ordinary experience. This is the opposite of the innocent (childlike) and simple way a person is meant to approach the I Ching, meaning free of preconceived ideas.

. My description was inaccurate above. When anger is experienced. There is a specificity in the cause. An identification of some kind,,,, In times of depression or apathy everything seems off. There is a heaviness and the expression “deficient emptiness” fits very well with the felt experience. After rereading what I had written. It occurred to me that the expression of “having a monkey on your back” related more precisely to episodes of working through an addiction. Specifically withdrawal from whatever the substance was. It’s difficult for me to say which addiction was more difficult to overcome, alcohol or cigarettes,,, in a way, cigarettes were more difficult because of the frequency of use and also the accompanying habits of coffee or mechanical habits of the instinctive/ moving center. I always reached for a cigarette after meals or after sex or whenever I got into vehicle. With alcohol the feeling of self-hatred was often present when I started in the direction to go drink. Having decided in a capitulation of sorts to satisfy the craving. Alcohol was definitely a coping mechanism. It took years before I didn’t crave alcohol. A number of years of binge drinking. I attended some AA meetings a few times. It’s a good organization. When you’re alone and hurting the meetings can help you ‘stay on the wagon’. My last binge drinking was in February of 2005. It began with drinking some mouthwash. Followed by a 12 pack plus. I didn’t drink mouthwash and beer together,,,,,. That would probably cause heartburn. You know,,, What’s wrong with being lighthearted?? I quit cigarettes in the year 2000. There are a lot of substances that can be addictive. Alcohol, tobacco,and narcotics are addictive in different ways. Shaming people who are addicts doesn’t help. In my opinion, the addict should be the one who decides when and how to initiate the intentional suffering necessary to reach the end of their addiction. Don’t divide a person against themselves by shaming them. Psychedelics are not physically addictive but people can use them in a reckless way. Such as simple dissociation from life. That makes them appear to others as an addiction of sorts,, It discredits the psychotherapeutic use of psychedelics. Being what they are, though, psychedelics can be useful for ‘getting the monkey off your back’ for those who are trying to quit a physically addictive substance. Using a crutch to quit an addiction is usually frowned upon by conventional attitudes but I’m all for it,,, It worked for me in quitting cigarettes,,,,

Gratitude Of all the “passions” in the enneagram or the 7 deadly sins, I view anger to be one of the most intense and difficult to work with, besides fear, which is my chief feature or stumbling block. In the past, a state of deep anger produced with it the general feeling of, everything is wrong. There was an unsettled quality present. Similar also to another period in my life which was one of chronic depression. The expression of- ‘having a monkey on your back’ seemed to describe it, to a degree. The point I’m trying to make is the difference found between two states of consciousness witnessed from a distance or the profundity of what a shared hindsight can bring. In the unbalanced state of consciousness whether dominated by apathy or anger I was unable to have any peace. Depression or apathy was a much more difficult condition to get out of. Usually anger was more of a transitional state of consciousness while, at the same time, more intense and unsettling. Deficient emptiness is a good description of how life is felt to be during these episodes dominated by depression or anger. The sensation of having peace is a good description that highlights the difference, contrasting between an unbalanced state of mind and a healthy one. There seems to be an entanglement that produces an amnesia of sorts in the shift between healthy and unbalanced state of consciousness. The following is one of my favorite quotes from Cynthia Bourgeault which well describes a part of the transitional experience between angst and peace of mind. “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault's book- This has been a rambling discourse about a path described in hindsight. Nuanced clumsily about finding the miraculous hidden within the mundane. What is forgiveness? Do you need forgiveness? Can you forgive yourself? Do you need to forgive yourself? Can you slow down? Terrence McKenna’s term -“Fardow”. The uncomfortableness yet empathy felt when someone else fucks up. When someone else messes up. Do you see you yourself in their making mistakes and does this understanding make forgiveness unnecessary because understanding is complete. Good morning. I need to roll out of bed and start the more active part of my day.

Abstract expressions and afterthought leftovers at tangential angles Basis of religions are pointing towards something higher. From physical dimension towards metaphysical or transcendence. …. How can something eternal be formed from a human birth? Reincarnation addresses this riddle which is perhaps a stumbling block for strict adherents of Christian Fundamentalism. Can you get over being angry by someone telling you— “Now don’t be angry .” That doesn’t work very well, does it? What do we usually do? Deny it. I’m not angry,,,, or pretend (tell ourself) I’m not angry at all. If we say, we’ll,,,, maybe a little bit. That’s when cracks appear in the dam. Wait for it. Wait for it,,,, Goddamn you motherfucker,,, I’m gonna Kill you,,,, Look what you did to me. Blah Blah blah,, word vomit,,,, This is kind of the extreme end of the spectrum but haven’t we all been here before? This childish attitude of reactivity,,, What humbles us in a permanent way? And how permanent is another question I’ve encountered. Can you really practice ruthless self-observation and observe your failures and justifications? Can you see how ridiculous you really are? Have a nice day.😀

( Picture of spatula,,,,,) I bought the spatula that Leo recommended in his blog. It is of a high quality and fundamentally makes flipping fried foods freaking wonderful. Below is an instructional. Alex for $300. What is another form of good cooking?

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@Elton Good post,,, I have similar views. I'm an introvert. A terrible speaker and don't care. It's not important for me to be a good public Speaker or a gregarious life of the party or an ambitious entrepreneur. I'm happily not married, and chances are, I'll probably stay that way. I don't hardly read anymore but I used to read books all the time. Science, metaphysical, biographies. I'll probably enter another phase of life where I begin reading again. My diet is horrible, and I waste a lot of time repurposing and building gadgets out of scrap piles. There are so many potential lines of development to work on. A variety of human potentials to actualize, I long ago quit trying to be everything to everybody and having such high aims that it just sets one up for an overabundance of self-criticism. I don't rule out putting out super efforts from time to time though, to counter those lazy self-deceptive tendencies. I'went into an early semi-retirement when I turned 50. I'm now 57,,, I think. I have an aim that, when death arrives, I want to be ready for it. Maybe even anticipating it with a bit of heathy curiosity. I haven't achieved lucid dreaming very many times but hope I can at some point. My hunch is,,, it would give some knowledge that would help when the time comes when I find myself without a body. The practice of ruthless self-observation and inquiry has been with me for the last 25 years. Fourth Way stuff,,,, I've rattled on enough. Everyone have a good morning and try to genuinely wish people well. Even if you don't like them. Mean people suck. Lightheartedness provides a good Armour.

“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.” — Rumi This was my I-CHING reading this morning. The Oracle of the Cosmic Way Line 1. Innocence brings good fortune. Receiving this line tells a person that he is in harmony with the Cosmos, therefore he receives its help and the gifts he needs. The line states that our original nature, in its two centers of consciousness, thinking and feeling, is innocent at birth. The thinking center is the large brain, the feeling center is the heart. When we are centered within ourselves, both are neutral and "ready to receive" in a balanced way. A person who is centered responds spontaneously in harmony with his inner truth, and thus attracts the help he needs from the Cosmos. This is the good fortune referred to. This contrasts with a person who has allowed his thinking center to be taken over by the ego; this results in the ego's seizing some of his true feelings and putting them into the service of its values. This happens, for example, when the ego seizes feelings of love and uses them as an instrument of power. Another consequence is that ego-emotions such as pity, hatred, envy, jealousy, and the like, are created by the mistaken beliefs, diverting the person from his true and natural responses to situations, and creating a fate for him. Line 6. Innocent action brings misfortune. Nothing furthers. The seeming contradiction in this line reveals that a person has acted from a delusion: he believes he has behaved innocently, because he has done all the "correct things," as defined by the collective ego. However, because such behavior is against his true nature, he has only suffered setbacks and misfortune. This line can also describe a person who thinks that by following the wisdom of the ancients, he is acting in harmony with the Cosmos. He is not listening to his inner feelings and inner truth, but is following prestructured beliefs that trap him in fixed responses. Since fixed responses cannot relate to the uniqueness of the moment, they exclude the Helpers and create disharmony. In both cases, a person can return to harmony by ridding himself of the self-image of the innocent person. (See p. 541, Freeing Yourself from Self-Images.) A person who follows his true nature only responds to what comes from his commonsense. This keeps him in harmony with the Cosmic Whole, and thus he does not create a fate. This line also counsels a person not to blame himself when he has made a mistake. Making mistakes is part of the Cosmic way of learning. After recognizing that he has made a mistake, all he needs to do is rid himself of the mistaken idea or belief, let go of the matter, and go on. Only the ego attaches itself to the mistake and indulges in blaming the person. The ego does this to make him be afraid of learning. Accepting the ego's blame puts a poison arrow on him, and also opens the door to more blame being heaped on him by the egos in others. All these consequences of accepting self-blame comprise the misfortune men-tioned. He can end his misfortune by freeing himself from the poison arrow of self-blame. (See p. 550, Deprogramming Procedure.) This line can also refer to a person who, in doing the right things, expects the praise and approval of the Sage to be reflected in some sort of success. Any form of expectation comes from the human centered view of the universe and soils his innocence. Related ideas are those of having rights over others or over Nature. Such ideas violate the Cosmic Principle of Modesty. An attitude of modesty is the result of recognizing one's true place in the Cosmos as equal to all other things. Without modesty, nothing furthers.

—————//////—————- From A.H. Almaas- The Root of Narcissism In the experience of self-realization, the self recognizes its identity as presence. When a person is identified with something other than the primordial presence, self-realization is absent. He is not then being himself; he is not simply being. He is not one with his essence. The most fundamental and deepest aspect of the soul is absent in his experience of himself. This is the root of narcissism. In narcissism, the experience of the self is disconnected from its core, from the depths of what it is. It is estranged from its true nature, exiled from its primordial home. The soul’s estrangement from its true nature is the basis of narcissism. Here, we are using the term narcissism in the colloquial sense, similar to what is referred to as narcissistic disturbance in psychoanalytic terminology. The Point of Existence, pg. 26

I’ve enjoyed the first in this series of videos over the last couple days. “Post modernism is questioning the status quo.” This quote from Leo stood out this morning for some reason.” I like its simplicity. The contrived, immature quotes that he conjures up in his blog hurts his credibility . These quotes give off an arrogant vibe that asserts his vast realization is always ahead of everyone else’s view. He does surprise me at times with a humbleness that is refreshing. In stating that. I feel a certain self consciousness that sheds a light on my own arrogance. I would not be able to speak as Leo does. In such a comfortable way for 3-4 hours at a time mixing in a nuance to balance many particulars. This is also an excellent discussion in which they make some very well worded statements regarding the differences between unnecessary suffering and conscious or intentional suffering. This has a purifying, transformational effect on one’s ego/personality that reveals a leftover pureness of being.

One phenomena that I’ve observed that was pointed out to me from a Teacher years ago.- One of the most difficult things to let go of is unnecessary suffering! People will cling to their suffering, such as complaining,,,, and just not let go. To truly see the uselessness of complaining,,, Observing this is almost as comical as it is persistent which from another viewpoint makes it a sort of tragedy.

I agree. Here are some distinctions about suffering from the Fourth way. Four types of suffering Unnecessary Suffering, Unavoidable Suffering, Voluntary Suffering and Intentional Suffering. The first is Unnecessary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we incur because of our unreasonable attitudes and expectations towards others, from our ill-will, hatred and rejection of others, from doubt, possessiveness, arrogance and self pity. In other words, suffering arising from our self-importance. The second is Unavoidable Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that comes to us by accident or from events beyond our control, such as interpersonal conflicts, war, disaster, disease or death. Third, we have Voluntary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish a personal aim, such as an athlete who disciplines himself to win a race, or a student who labours to get good grades. And finally we have Intentional Suffering. According to Bennett, this would be the kind of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish an impersonal or altruistic goal, one that is directed more towards service to others or to the Work, and not for any personal gain. Bennett assumes that this is what Gurdjieff meant by Intentional Suffering. From an article on the second Conscious Shock https://www.endlesssearch.co.uk/philo_is_talk_ae2005.htm

Being vulnerable requires a certain courage. Kindness is not weakness. Maturity is not synonymous with being serious. The most delicious and delightful part of one’s being is experienced more inwardly than outwardly. That’s in the inner part of the 3 centers. Instinctual, feeling, and Intellectual. Find the most inner part of those centers. It’s emanated rather than radiated. Trying to express with words only deteriorates what was started with. Don’t talk about it. When you are ALL THERE ,,,, Disentangling the 3 centers comes first. It goes in fits and starts and takes years. You forget yourself as do I and still do. This humbles me. You have to see your own Self-forgetting which is actually realized in a form of Self- Remembering. That will humble you. You work on you and I work on the multiplicity of me. I will see aspects of myself in you. A variety of aspects. This is where understanding eventually takes place. However menial your task is does not matter. If you or I need to speak about whatever is were doing. That’s only practical,,,, In one’s inner world. The most efficient communication is in the realm of silence. Some will understand you. Some will not. Human beings are multidimensional. There are many possibilities. I am a tree with a trained parrot in its branches. Silence, thought, and voice.- Rumi

It’s Monday and some water lines were frozen. Wonderful wonderful,,, More Maurice Nicoll SELF-JUSTIFYING “You know that one of the specific efforts we are taught to make in our personal work is the effort against self-justifying. Self-justifying is a complicated and very interesting process of inner and outer lying whereby we put ourselves in the right...If you are always going to be right, you will never be in the wrong, and if you are never in the wrong, you will never change. To feel one is always right is to block the way to any self-change...Remember, the more you find yourself-justifying the more certain you may be that you are lying.” V. 1, p. 142, V. 2, p. 558 SELF-JUSTIFYING II “Suppose a person is suddenly asked why he is so negative? Probably either he will indignantly deny that he is negative or say that he has good reason to be. In both cases, he justifies himself—that is, he justifies his negative emotions. . .The root of the matter lies in this picture of always being right and so never being actually in the wrong. Here a very powerful force is at work to keep us asleep in illusions about ourselves.” YOU HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO BE NEGATIVE’ “Now the Work says you have a right not to be negative...To be able to feel this draws down force to help you. You stand upright, as it were, in yourself, among all the mess of your negativeness, and you feel and know that it is not necessary to lie down in that mess. To say this phrase in the right way to yourself, to feel the meaning of the words: ‘I have a right not to be negative,’ is actually a form of self-remembering, of feeling a trace of real ‘I,’ that lifts you up above the level of your negative ‘I’s which are all the time telling you without a pause that you have every right to be negative.” I like this last one. Note: It doesn’t say you have no right to be negative. It says you have a right not to be negative! This isn’t forced positivity either. It’s seeing that complaining is completely useless and with it comes a feeling of acceptance. Realization that you can accept what is and not lose energy repressing WHAT IS. The bear doesn’t eat you. You eat the bear.