Arman

I love asmr

Funnily enough when I read this thread before, I was going to recommend you a book, but for the life of my the name wouldn't come to mind. Then I see you have done a book review of it just 9 hours ago. The War of Art. Are you becoming hungry for more and more information? More books? Careful not to use that as another form of Resistance. Eventually it's time to put down the books and simply work/create.

Do you feel that your own vision (being an artist) is an equally valid contribution to the world? If the answer was 100% yes, then I suspect there would be no need for this thread.

Yeah take it from someone who had a rough 2-3 years because of some non physical brain trauma, you'll be ok. Have recovered now. Honestly the brains plasticity is amazing. I didn't even go through half the lengths you're going through to take care of yourself, and I came out not only ok, but stronger than ever. Time heals all things. Yes, look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're doing so well. You're doing everything perfectly." In terms of practical efforts, you're nailing it. Rid yourself of the feeling that you need to do more. Trust me, the magic spell you're looking for has already been cast and it's working. No no no no.... that is not the way it is. You are never doing anything wrong. It's not that you're not trying hard enough, or that you missed the message, or you're on the wrong path. That's just not the way it is. You're on the right path, you're doing really well, and everything you're going through is serving you perfectly.

My suggestion is to embrace your ego

Your brother reminds me of me. Not so much in his problems, but in the way family responds to him. Basically my family thought/thinks (though it is better now, I think) that I am like a drug addled loser who has serious problems. The irony is that I think I am one of the most grounded and healthy people I know. Since teenage years though I went through a lot of stuff and there were some dramatic times so I can understand why they thought that. The problem was, throughout it all, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Sure, I had some negative experiences with drugs and life stuff growing up, but I was just a kid trying to find myself. I had a sense of compass, was trying to grow and love myself. I felt like I was trying to be a good person. I needed time and space. It was so hurtful to see such a deep sadness and what felt like resentment in their eyes. I felt like a burden and could not be anyone other than who I was/am. This sense of 'if only you were fixed, then we could be happy'. It creates such a deep defensiveness and anger because if you don't become angry, you will instead have to face the feelings inside you - and you don't want to do that, because what if they are right, and that there is something actually wrong with you, and you are unlovable? Better to allow their words to become white noise than to face the awful 'truth'. Sometimes when someone so intimately points to the darkness they say is hiding in your underbelly, all you can do is lash out. It's like a feral dog who is violently, ferociously barking. You think it is deranged, but really it doesn't want anyone to get close, because if they realized that you are genuinely wounded, then it means certain death. I am good at communicating with people and I am candid with my emotions, but for the life of me I could not explain to them what was inside me. Couldn't explain why I was feeling what I was feeling or what I was going through. I felt they wouldn't understand, and even if they did, there was just this huge block whenever they tried to tell me what to do because it felt like such an attack. It is awful, you just want to run away. To them, I was also a hollow shell. A troubled child who you couldn't get through to. My parents also become apathetic. Yet the whole time I'm just... this kid. Just a regular kid trying to get through life. I honestly thought I was someone who my parents should be proud of, but to them it was not the case. Look at this thread, feel the energy and responses. They may not be wrong, and it may just be my own defensive's and projection, but what is the result? What is the energy? 'Our suspicions have been confirmed. There is something deeply wrong with you.' There are some people in life who really do need a helping hand, who do need support, sometimes professional. In my case all I needed was for someone to tell me that I am OK, and that I was not broken or a burden. It is a really painful thing to feel like a burden. Please, accept him unconditionally as he is, where he is. What if he actually could not 'get better?' what if that was who he is? Would you still want to feel the same way about him? Would he be your problem brother? ACCEPTANCE DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T ACT! It doesn't mean that you won't provide help. Acceptance is not resignation. If you really want to help him, you must shed your judgement and your fear. He feels it, he knows it. Something as simple as wanting to hang out with him is brutal because he feels that feeling that you are giving off, that there is something wrong with him. Even though you may just want to help him, maybe he feels persecuted. Unconditional love heals and elevates everything, always. By treating him as a problem, you perpetuate the problem, and the entire household can create an atmosphere that only deep grace or tremendous will to overcome. It is like a vibration emotional lock.

You are scared because there is fear in you, no? Scary things don't create fear. Fear creates scary things. Why is there fear in you in the first place? If you choose to explore, you will find out. Ask the question and either it will reveal itself after very basic inquiry, or if it doesn't come up, you can release the need to know, and the answer will certainly be waiting around the corner and come to you in a moment of idleness. However I think you will find that it doesn't really matter all that much what put it there in the first place though. The fact remains, you have fear in you. Fear creates frightful experiences. What are you going to do about being afraid of life so much? What is it that you enjoy so much about being a victim?

My understanding of Spiral Dynamics is mostly through similar paradigms, so I don't know the specifics. I will say though, that transcending levels of energy does not mean that those levels are no longer available or viable. The idea of transcending levels of consciousness isn't to push away lower levels or to negate them. We grow simply because it is natures tendency, and because accessing and embodying 'higher' states makes us effective both in our personal lives, and for those around us. Transcending consciousness is usually just about neutralizing the energy behind lower states of consciousness. If reaching higher states of consciousness meant we couldn't access lower states, then we'd actually be really ineffective at being part of the world. It is very useful to access lower states of consciousness at certain times in life! When you have stabilized a higher state of consciousness, it has just become your prevalent resonance, but that doesn't mean you can't access all your previous states at any time. It just means that you're less inclined to magnetically return to levels of consciousness that are no longer serving you, and that they are no longer 'sticky' because we've let go of the attachment to them. How could you lose anything good for you, what is there to worry about? If any faculty of yours is needed, you will access it when needed, then you will naturally return to the most effective level that you can embody.

Great questions. Yes, there are indeed step by step processes for letting go. - I think/suspect, though not entirely sure, that all practices of 'healing/integrating' are essentially all activating the same mechanism. So there are a few different ways to 'package' the practice, with various degrees of effectiveness and sustainability. I think that also comes down to the individual and their temperament, which will effect how well they will engage with certain practices. I think the sustainability of the practice will come down more to frame and context, as well as having a basic understanding of ones evolution (eg. simply knowing if you do the work when you can, despite challenges, things surely get better.) will determine how often you do it, and therefore how quickly one shifts. For example years ago I would do 'Shadow Work' as presented by Teal Swan. The mechanism was simple, essentially being to allow negative emotions to come up and accept them. It was clear that this was 'working' because I would even consciously look for, or allow negative charges to arise, then I would lie down and try to let it fully come up to let it dissolve. The experiences were intense, dramatic and interesting. The problem was, sessions would last a long time because I wouldn't know when to stop, as the feeling didn't always want to leave so readily. It would feel like there were oceans of inexhaustible darkness and it felt disheartening, because I expected that I would be able to sweep them up. I also thought that by diving into certain charges and staying with them for a few hours that it would cause my life circumstances to resolve, which didn't seem to happen. Another side effect of this kind of lack of contextual understanding is that the more you start to LOOK for darkness, the more darkness seems to arise, as is natural consequence of the nature of consciousness. If we look at something for long enough, we will seem to get more of it. This resulted in me feeling though as much work as I did, I would still need to drain these oceans before I felt happy.I was gung-ho about the practice for a few weeks, then after that I dropped it because I wasn't getting the results I expected and didn't feel good about it. So this is an example of how a very effective mechanism can be unsustainable because of lack of proper context. The mechanism is good, but my perspective wasn't effective. So from my understanding, the best way to keep a practice sustainable is by doing two things. One; choosing the best effective and simple practice, which I will outline at the end of this post, and two; by developing contextual understanding that naturally facilitates the practice. This is done by both learning about emotions, energy, and its effects on your experience, and by practicing it first hand to see its effects. This is important so we don't get confused. The latter part is important because you need to move from faith into knowing, and by personally 'letting go' of energies and subjects you will develop a natural understanding that strengthens the practice. Letting go is one of the most powerful, radical and accelerated ways to shift ones life in any and all aspects. Understand and implement this method, and growth becomes the constant. One leapfrogs over the spiritual rigmarole that makes us feel like a dog chasing their tail. When subjects and energies are let go, they are transformed from the crude into the sublime, and life gets nicer. The Doc goes very deep into the mechanism in the book I mentioned in my previous post, but I will do my best to present it here. It is deceptively simple and sometimes very subtle, but don't let that fool you. When you are wondering 'am I doing it right?' the answer is usually yes. Resistance is simply tricking you into thinking otherwise. The key at that point, is to apply the technique to the doubt itself... Letting go means being completely accepting something. It is by resistance that emotional charges remain stagnant in the body, and active in your experience. Simply allow it to arise, feel it, and allow it to be there. Accept it, then move on. The key is knowing that letting go is something you can do in an instant, effortlessly. It is not a strain or an exertion of force. Our natural compulsive tendency is to sedate or distract ourselves from what we are feeling. Instead, we will now choose to accept them, and let go. This is something that we can all do naturally and inherently. Often, instead of needing to let go of a subject or feeling, it can instead by equally or much more effective to let go of what the Doc refers to as the 'juice' we get from it. For example, let's say we hate the way the guy at Subway is making our subway sandwiches, which causes anger to arise. It creates all these mucky thoughts and brings you down for the day. One may release the anger, or instead, we can look at the 'secret' benefits we are actually getting from our negative emotions. We only maintain energies, emotions and beliefs that we think are good for us. So what is it that we secretly actually like about getting angry? In this case, upon exploration, we discover that we like the subtle sense of superiority that it gives us. We discover that it actually provides a sense of empowerment that feels lacking in life. In this case, instead of letting go of the anger, we instead ask feel into those feelings that we know the anger is providing and we ask "Can I let go of the subtle, but good feelings that being angry allows me?" and when we decide that the answer is yes, then you simply breathe into it, accept it, and move into your day. It is usually not necessary to spend great amounts of time on these things. These subtle shifts create large impact. When we accept and release emotions, the charge starts to dissipate. Deeper charges will take time, and life naturally allows us opportunities to release them in bits and pieces. For greater understanding, demystification, and a proper explanation of the mechanism, again, check out Letting go - Pathway to Surrender. I also recommend the books The Presence Process by Michael Brown and The Work by Katy Byron. These other two will help facilitate contextual understanding of emotional charges and their effects on your life. I suggest, however, that the simplified version of 'letting go' as presented in the book and that I'm outlining is the most sustainable and effective, both short and long term. Here is another way of engaging this same mechanism. This is by focus and defocus. Simply take the emotions/energy/subject that arises, and simply place your focus and concentration on it. Once it is held, then we defocus. We do this by releasing our focus on the subject, then releasing the focus on ourselves and indeed everything else. Move back into non-specific awareness, or 'the infinite'. This is engaging the same mechanism and releasing it. Focus on the subject, then release into the infinite. I hope this has been helpful. I am not yet very skilled at teaching and explaining the mechanism so I hope it makes some sense. It is a tricky one to explain because of its subtlety and simplicity. Sometimes you can read about it for hours and still think "ok, but what IS it, how do I DO it?" Part of the resistance to the process itself is that we are naturally inclined to think that the answer cannot be so simple, and our brain needs some kind of long term 5 point plan for the next few years, or something equally big and dramatic. For an explanation on how releasing emotions can change your experience, please check out my post in this Law of Attraction thread. Feel free to PM me in the future if you have any questions or want to talk about anything.

Doubt DMT is going to be the answer, but maybe. Katie Byrons The Work may help. Your predicament reminded me of a story Adyashanti told in one of his talks about his struggle to meditate because of noise. Please skip to 21:40 (if it doesn't go there automatically) and give it a listen. He will start the story in a minute or so.

Thanks for sharing. When insufflating, don't inhale through your nostril too hard. Just very gentle like if you are smelling a flower or something. Apparently using a nasal spray before and after can help. You can also try putting a little bit of water in your palm and snorting that for mild relief, and supposedly it helps with absorption too, but I'm not sure about that.

OneNote is good, that's what I like to use, too. The android app for it is ok. Functional and basic - but the PC version (which will sync to your devices) has a lot more features. None of them are critical but it's fun to mess around with. I use the android app to write things down and add stuff, then I will use the PC version to organize, sort, and review stuff.

I would start to learn online. There is an abundance of resources and education online. You can learn from some of the most skilled people in the world at your own pace, without having to spend $800. Set goals to learn some fundamentals. Like the basics of chicken, pan frying, baking etc. Make eggs every day or every other day until you get those down. Make some salads. Make some new interesting sandwiches. Mac and cheese is fairly easy. Etc. Make stuff you like, you'll follow instructions, make mistakes and learn. Then after you've gotten into it for yourself, you'll know for sure if you want to do this $800 course. You'll also likely get a lot more out of it by not going in completely green.

To the best of your memory, how long after insufflation did you first start to feel it, roughly when did it 'peak' and how long did the entire experience last? Also how did you find the snorting part?

I constantly fantasize. Sounds like in a similar way to you. I do it every day. Have done for as long as I remember. It's been a source of fun and inspiration to me and helped me to become who I am. I don't feel like an idiot when I fantasize... I may look like one, but that is less of an issue.

Yeah he is great, and adept. Thanks for sharing. You may also enjoy this guy, who he reminds me of:

What you described was an absolutely hilarious image, so thank you for sharing. I think the first psychedelic experiences might be very unique in the sense that it is the ego's first exposure to being melted, or at least having the heat turned up. Your experience reminded me of my first psychedelic experience. I took mushrooms. Enough of a dose to cause what people sometimes refer to as 'ego death' - and I remember my face going through a series of emotions super rapidly. Like extreme fear, to despair, to confusion, to joy, to wonder, to interest, to rage, etc etc. This was happening really fast, like 1-2 emotions a second as I entered these exaggerated expressions. It was happening completely spontaneously. It was as if my operating system had rebooted for the first time and the OS was scanning through the hierarchy of files. I will say that what you described is not too strange in the scheme of things. When the ego and emotions start to loosen up from their accustomed frame, things can seen to get very bizarre, absurd, even psychotic. This can manifest itself through thoughts and behaviors that can be seemingly completely involuntary. Expressions of the subconscious are not a subject of great concern, and it's not always going to be insightful. Can you see why I suggested to be careful to not have others around you that you don't want there? You may have also been temporary possessed by some kind of really gay demon. Very, very unlikely... but I thought it best mentioned for the sake of... thoroughness. All in all sounds like what you experienced and the mindmelting godhead infinity breakthrough that some describe have not been one in the same. Lower doses of DMT are nothing like higher doses, I can only assume that this is also true of 5meo. Thank you for your report, and glad you are safe and sound!

I thought this thread a joke until I gave it some serious consideration. The phrase 'you guys' contains 3 vowels. THREE. Which is half of six. 666 to be precise. Is Leo the devil? For the answer, we take the remaining consonants, y, y and s. y ys = Why, yes. Cuff em, boys.

Develop greater awareness and understanding of the various levels of mind, thought and energy and you will be better equipped achieving desired results. All thoughts and feelings have their own magnetic fields that are determining your experience. At the surface level of mind we have the thoughts that bubble up. We can consciously choose our thoughts, words and behaviors and it will have effect on our reality. Although it is important to consciously choose your thoughts and thereby make decisions to support your growth, it should also be understood that trying to micromanage conscious thoughts alone has limited effectiveness. Choosing and activating thoughts is usually the focus of much shallow self help material. Don't get me wrong, It is a useful and beautiful tool but without proper understanding of the energetic dynamics of belief and 'creation', it can cause one to demonize 'lower vibrational energies' and leave one straining so often to keep a high vibration that you'll give yourself hemorrhoids. It's much more effective and much more fun to be used in conjunction with deeper levels of work. One level deeper than surface level thoughts is the subconscious, where we harbor the thoughts and belief systems that give birth to the many surface level thoughts. Your subconscious beliefs are magnetized just like conscious thoughts, but instead of being activated every now and then when 'we are in a mood to create', they are instead constantly emitting their signal like a record spinning on loop. Therefore it is of limited use to repeat "I am not afraid" to oneself in the mirror when there is an orchestra in the gut beating the opposite drum. Instead, it would be more effective to look into the deeper held beliefs on the subject and work with them in that way. This is the realm of psychoanalysis and authors like Tony Robbins. By resolving and releasing thoughts and beliefs held at the subconscious, you are automatically doing a tremendous level of house cleaning for the mind, because many of the negative thoughts you were thinking won't occur anymore. This is because most thoughts are automatic emanations of subconscious belief systems. It is interesting to note that once limiting beliefs are resolved, it is not necessary to imprint the opposite energy or belief. For example lets say that Julia wants to manifest more friendly people into her experience. She is going through life and find that people are cold, distant and don't respond when she says hello or waves. By choosing to look at the deeper levels of what is going on and how she feels on the subject, she discovers that she has suppressed guilt and shame that are causing her to feel as though she is at fault and not worthy of love. By recognition of this alone, the subject becomes far less heavy, and this allows her to work with her beliefs that she is unworthy, that there is something wrong with her, or that she is not a person that people should like. Once this is released, then one might assume that the next step is to create beliefs like "I am worthy, I am loved. People are very friendly towards me" - but this is not necessary. In fact Julia finds that alongside the expanded sense of self esteem, love and worthiness that she is feeling as a result of having understood and released old beliefs - suddenly she is noticing very friendly people. Everyone seems much more amiable. With the bank clerk, she finds herself more expressive than usual, spontaneously complimenting the clerk (which would typically be something very out of the ordinary for her) and getting a warm "Thank you so much, you're the first person to notice!" in return. Has she gone around all day thinking "people are nice to me... people are nice to me..."? - No, but she doesn't need to, because the default energetic state of our nature is that of love, abundance and wellbeing. This means that when the limiting belief is cleared, its equal opposite expression flows into our experience effortlessly. One level even deeper than the subconscious is that of energy. This is the realm of yoga and various practices that use unconditional presence, acceptance or non-dual awareness. Some practices like EFT may be a combination of working with energy and subconscious. Words like chakras and meridians come to mind. Much energy is held in the body and mind in the form of suspended emotions that have been resisted and suppressed. These emotions are the foundations upon which most subconscious beliefs are held. These suspended energies limit ones expression and ability to be open, joyful and loving greatly. They also limit our energy and effectiveness. This level is very effective to work at, and much simpler than the more intellectual approach of looking at beliefs. In fact at this level, looking at our beliefs and experiences can possibly be a distraction from the work. From this level, the method is to allow the energies to arise and allowing them unconditionally. It is not necessary to do, or know anything else. So working at this level, if anger was to suddenly arise, instead of asking "where is this anger coming from? or "what beliefs do I have that have made me feel like this?" we instead opt to accept the feeling unconditionally and simply let it be. This allows for its release, which creates a cascading effect through the subconscious, into the rest of your experience. So my suggestion is to start to work with the levels of subconscious and levels of energy which are available to you through visceral feelings. When these understandings are applied and used in conjunction with choosing your thoughts, or shifting personalities and the endless variety of exercises, then you will have a lot more success and you will find yourself becoming much happier and more free.

why don't you listen and find out

Glad you took value from it. These emotions are not that powerful, really. In truth, the states are actually quite weak and limiting. They just seem powerful because there are reserves of energy that have been suppressed so they feel intense when you glimpse the reservoir, and it seems very dense like a mountain of emotion. Unwillingness to look at things makes them feel big and scary, but that is mostly a resistance to resistance. In that case you can let go of your fear or judgement of strong emotions, and from there move on to being with the emotions themselves. You don't have to face it all at once either, they are usually released gradually. For a better understanding of consciousness, emotions and energy, check out Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins and Levels of Energy by Frederick Dodson. For more specifically about the mechanism of releasing and accepting, and its effects on psychology and your life, check out Letting Go - The pathway of surrender by David Hawkins. These books will all help to create a valuable understanding of both individual and collective consciousness (society).

And a festivus for the rest-of-us! U da man Liam

Great resistance and great desire constantly re-energize subjects and cause them to stay within your field and impulsively bubble up into the surface of your experience and thoughts. When you desire something too greatly, you keep it at bay, and when you resist something too greatly, then you cause that thing or feeling to be part of your experience. Therefore, it is foolish to try to stop masturbating by resisting it. It is of little use trying to overcome an addiction through sheer tyranny of will. At best it will be an exhausting, short lived effort. Your masturbation habits and experiences are reflections of beliefs and emotions you hold on various subjects, namely sex. When you are fully comfortable with yourself and have released some of the negative limiting beliefs on the subject, then masturbation will not be an issue for you. You will either automatically have a natural balance or if it is ideal for you to be abstinent, then that will be the mostly effortless result. If you want to achieve better results in attempts at abstinence (which I don't know if I even recommend) or by cutting down (moderation in anything is usually a good idea) then take time to sit down and really look at the subjects and start to identify the emotions held on them, and then release them or let them go by accepting them. When you accept emotions, resistance and desire, the energy behind it is neutralized. Energy that is neutralized is far easier to work with, by either releasing the behavior or by choosing a new behavior to replace it. If you have been raised in an environment that has taught you that sex before marriage and masturbation are a sin, then it is likely and natural for you to be carrying emotions like shame. Can you see how shame can manifest itself by you labeling your behaviors sinful? Instead of focusing on the behavior, instead seek their emotional roots and dissolve them through compassion and acceptance. When you have released and integrated these emotions, and you are not letting emotions such as shame, discomfort and desire subconsciously create and filter your reality, then you will effortlessly stop masturbating, or the subject itself will dissolve and you will find that you had nothing to worry about.

E-Books cos I'm kind of a nerd for tech. It's so convenient. I have one of the old kindle touch's from years ago without a backlight. Was one of the best purchases I ever made, although nowadays I just use my smart phone until I get a newer ebook reader. It's really nice having all your reading in one place. Lighting isn't an issue and you set it to your best readability. + bookmarks and chapters as buttons. Makes 'physical' books even nicer when you do read them. It's nice to have favourites in print for novelty and special feeling.

The way I've come to understand this is not so much that the universe has 'chosen' love out of all the qualities because it simply likes it, rather that Love is the natural state of least resistance. I think maybe it's that all things move towards the path of least resistance naturally the same way that air moves from high pressure to low pressure, and so all creation moves into love because it is the most effective state. If we have a group of individuals who are trying to achieve a unified goal, then love is an optimal state for them to perform in to achieve their goal. Love is just practical and effective for expansion. It allows for the most creativity, cooperation, ease, allowance, inspiration, etc. I will share with you a metaphor I was exploring one night in bed that allowed me to come to peace with this idea for the first time, at least to my mind. Not saying this is the way it is, but it was the first time I felt warmth, understanding and some peace on the topic. I was thinking about lucid dreaming and the way in dreams we can create within them. So if we were completely in control, we could create any world, any reality, limited only by our imagination. I imagined a black endless canvas and I was wondering what I would create. What i would most want in the world. The first thing that came to my mind was to create endless beautiful forests and gardens. Then, eventually I decided I wanted to create inhabitants to make it interesting, so I imagined animals who wore clothes and lived in small villages like peter rabbit or something. Then I wondered, how would I want my inhabitants to act? What would I like them to behave like? I decided I would like them to be loving, both to each other and to me. However at this point there was the first inkling of quandary, because it felt insincere or weird to MAKE them love me. I mean if I designed them specifically to love me all day long, then they are automatons or programs, are they not? I also didn't want to have to dictate every moment of their lives, because then that isn't particularly fun or interesting for me, is it? I want to see what they do, how they interract, play etc. So I want to create initial circumstances to create positive potential, but then let the program/world play. This means giving them free will. But there is a problem with free will, because to give them free will means I also have to give them the option to not be loving. However to my mind it was better than making them robots. True free will means allowing them to do anything, otherwise it's not free will if I say they can't do x y and z. All I can do is give them suggestions. Then I imagined some of my inhabitants eventually making so many bad choices that they suffer. I imagined one of them sitting in his room crying all day long. Of course this is where I come in - why would I let them suffer at all? Can't I intervene? I can, but only to the degree that I am not imposing upon there free will, because to strip him of his history, his behaviors, his story, is to take away his free will. To take away his free will is to annihilate him, and though he is suffering, I love him too much to do that. In fact, their choices and there suffering is their own, and because I do care for these little bastards, I am doing everything in my power to send them love and grace, but I can only change them to the degree which they choose to allow it because that is their free will. Have I cursed them? I don't know, maybe - but to my mind their existence is not so bad, because even while they are suffering, I know that their true nature is the very blank, dark canvas from which they started, which is me, which is an expression of love - in this case simply because I only sought to create them out of joy. I never stop loving him and sending him guidance, and eventually he will let me in. He may give up on me but I never give up on him, so it makes me sad, but I patiently wait.