primitive_girl

This decade it's as if my brain and soul came to a screeching halt. I suddenly felt very ready to throw out my ego; get rid of it! All my previous choices and actions seemed so insignificant. It's a wonderful and terrible feeling at once. Did anyone else feel this way at this age or is anyone going through something similar?

So, there is nothing odd about my life. I loved high school/college. I have lots of best friends. There is a little trouble in the relationship dept, as I have had 3 relationships, all lasting around 4 years and ending. This includes a marriage that resulted in a daughter I am now raising. However, I'd like to try and not make this all about me but more in general... Does anyone feel like the more they develop mentally, the less desire they have to be social? I go to the gym daily. I just ended my last relationship 3 months ago although it felt done long before. Since then I have no desire to date. No "mojo". I do things with my daughter (10 yrs old) and I am a good mother. But strictly personally, I keep to myself. I'd rather spend all my time thinking. People seem to disappoint me when they get too close. But I don't even think it's that. In general, I find myself thinking there is so much more to life than relationships or chasing "the one". I feel like I am more interested in pondering over a deeper meaning of life and how I can make the most out of what's left of mine. I think when I drown myself into social interactions I feel like I am distracted from a bigger truth- just not sure what that is? Is there a simple answer to this?

So expanding on that I just wonder... is this unhealthy? I turn down invitations to go out. There are some things I will attend but only with the people who have been in my life the longest. I think that's why I joined this! Also I always assume one day I'll be "ready" and go out and soak up lots of different people and their personalities. I do love to travel. I believe strangers are more pleasant than most people you know casually (not best friends or family). We'll see where this new journey takes my mind and body.

A good example is that my uncle is an astrophysicist and practicing Christian. I am agnostic but I admire his willingness to balance the two. I feel that you can never fully rely on one side.

True Libra to a fault sometimes...