Ayla

@Jedd First, acknowledge how refreshing it is to know that nobody is crossing any boundary of yours. Then look at the pattern. If you know that there is a pattern there that always leads to unhappiness, you have a choice to follow it over and over and arrive at the same result or chose a different path and end up with a different result. In the beginning, wheñ going into a new situation and you catch yourself on the same path, use mindfulness to see, at every step, where you trap yourself. so that you know, step by step, what to do/not do the next time. Find suitable tools to pull yourself out of that situation BEFORE it hurts you. For instance: You go to a job interview and you get the job but you realize you won't like it. Write an email in the 3 step communication style: Acknowledge - thank you for your offer State your position - but after further consideration, I don't think this position suits me at this time in my life and so I wouldn't be able to fulfill that job in a meaningful way Conclusion - therefore i have to kindly decline your offer...

When you are wondering if you are being played, you ARE! It is That simple!

The very wanting to stop it makes it go away. You have a child that is crying for being constantly insulted inside of you. On top of that, you come and say: SHUT UP!!! Look into Byron Katie's work or Noah Elkrief on youtube. Nobody is doing ANYTHING to you. Your emotional wounds are being triggered and will continue to be triggered until you actively heal them (compassion and acceptance is the key here)

@MiracleMan I see a lot of pulling and pushing there... Tell me, do you think that there are people out there that can stop their minds? Do you think there are people who are not addicted? That there are people who live without that horrifying internal dialogue? No, there are none! Yours though has gotten so bad because you engage with it. In other words, you believe it. You believe there is something wrong, that it has to stop, that it keeps you from being you, etc... The secret is in the understanding that that IS you - a part of you anyway. It's as if you were trying to cut your hand off all the time. Look at it with curiosity. Give it names, colors, types of sounds, write main themes down and make up stories for little kids about them. The more you disengage, the easier it will become. Remember, the only reason why they stick like that, is because you believe them and you believe that they are BAD. Also, I suggest that you search this forum or online, information about associating love with pain. Reading the description of your situation, it looks like that is comfort to you. That is all you ever knew and so you subconsciously loop into it to keep safe. You contamplate the Peace of death, not death itself. Another way to use this forum, is to look at all these people having loads of problems and to all of them, their own shit is the biggest of them all. Let yourself be for a day. Just try to be comfortable with how things ARE. One day. If you manage that, you will not only experience significant relief, but also, it will become a reference point for the future. Like with any type of inner work, it will demand practice...

@Joel3102 If we want to talk on this particular forum about what you are experiencing, we have to do it in the context of consciousness work. If you feel you need professional help, search for someone who can assist you. So in the context of Consciousness work, depersonalization is just one of the many experiences one seems to encounter on the path. It is an egoic defense. Imagine a kid whom you pushed back and forth while playing with it (doing C. work) and it has now gone mad and doesn't want to play any longer. Not with you, not with anyone else. Let it be. Let be what is. Pulling and pushing will do no good whatsoever. I would, however, suggest that you go on a lunch break in a children's park and look at the dynamics.

You would only acknowledge that you have them or that you need them in a context where something feels off. When you find yourself suffering because of some situation. There are two types of boundaries violation: someone invades your space - physical or emotional. They can do it on purpose but most often, unintentionally. someone withdraws from your space. In both cases, what I have found most useful is, as always, inner work. Find out what the trigger is inside of you. Do you feel that someone is doing something TO YOU? This is key here. Once you come to realize that they are only doing their best, you will be able to swiftly let them off the hook and be at peace. If you realize that they are intentionally harming you and you cannot pull back, look into ways you have associated love with pain. This keeps you stuck in endless painful situations because, simply put, that is your comfort zone. All you ever knew and feel safe with. When someone stops doing something for you that you perceive as a need, look into abandonment/rejection issues. So awareness is the first key. Second key is believing that someone is doing something to You. Third key is seeing what wound is being triggered and work with that within. (I do know that this is easier said than done ;))

In my own journey, I have noticed big and small miracles taking place once I managed to forgive people and situations. I am talking here about real forgiveness, the one that is replacing hate/fear with unconditional love. I think this is a topic that has its place in this forum. What is your experience with forgiveness ?

Struggling with Porn? Avoiding real life encounters? Here's a safe place to find solutions and safely talk about it. Be gentle guys please... there are ladies present

BIG step for Ayla... Most of my adult pictures only have... one eye until a few weeks ago

@Peace and Love But also.. video-1480431919.mp4 IT can be anything really... yes? ....

@Peace and Love

I hear you. I understand. The only thing that alleviates depression I've found, is CREATIVITY. DO something with your hands, something material that you can feel and touch and see and smell. Be FLEXIBLE with whatever is going on. The secret is in ALLOWING and not in pushing back. You feel like crying? OKAY! CRY! You don't feel like it? Don't! You feel like going out and reaching for help? GO! What has helped me also, are videos on youtube about NDE ... and poetry. Here's one...

@Peace and Love You need to feel though those losses. Running away wont help. Let yourself cry and mourn! Life has brought you here to do exactly that! The "secret" is to just let whatever you feel, pass through you. It is THAT ""simple"...

I might quote you on that piece of wisdom sometimes @Leo Gura lol

https://youtu.be/meuopcpsS8E?list=PL_9yNbSXFtgujYoYjXBYiyWTfBWcA4L_t In this world, Mother no one can love me. In this world they do not know how to love me. Where is there pure loving love? Where is there truly loving me? There my soul longs to be. There my soul longs to be.

I didn't do anything. Fear is just... a thought. Like Santa. Like green. Like Ayla, or Muhammad...

I have decided to share with you some insights and practical tools that have helped me in my journey. All of these are directly experienced and not something that I read in an article or heard in a video (even though it might happen that I'll share some backing up info in my postings here). This topic is NOT about finding "I" but about the aftermath of that or the hindrances to finding it. This is a continuation, hopefully more detailed and focused of this post: You may find some of my more personal insights in this post also.

Starseeds Penetrating into each others core Painfully forgetting The perfectness of an nonexistent Word Masquerading as a You or an I Blissful in "this" Now And in "that" Forever Seemingly forgetting Playing Relishing Wallowing beautifully knowing that "We" is alone Always Perfect

This is more than a book. This is a conscious process to be undertaken by people who receive a call to do so. Clears up A LOT of subconscious drama. It can be very very challenging to actually do the 10 weeks process, but it is worth every tear, every frustration and every breath you painfully take in the process. You can also find (free) videos on youtube.

@Ludwig YES! Very nicely put

My last drawing suffocates The fleeting colors of eagles tossing themselves into the church's bell crushing themselves and the bell says NO and the bell says YES

I've tried all deaths: the love the sea the sky and i still can't forget to burst into tears and into laughter from NOTHING!

Here between stones are the urban spirits of sleep. Under my step unravel ancient stones. concrete. An angel and a devil surly dance Greek minuets. They look chaste carved on a rock! Ah, Saints are rarely in need of a lover!

Burning skiers dance drunken by the pure snow splintering the crystal cold proud to be happy and human and free Lost in the horizon Or the horizon lost in them till those primary spaces Theirs is the virgin snow the sky and the eternal flying of the moment towards the sublime