kindayellow

Okay so sometimes when I make posts on here, people question my growth and whether or not it's just a thing I believe theoretically but haven't actually made any real growth in that area. Personally I believe I've made real growth in multiple areas of my life, but sometimes reading other people's advice makes me question it, that and I'm aware of how deceptive our minds are, so, how do I test my growth?

@John Lula no I never experienced depersonalization, I felt a little crazy, like I just knew I was acting irrationally. And no I don't consciously avoid situations in fear from having them, and I wouldnt say I actually fear them, at least that's how I feel right now and don't recall ever being scared of them. It lasted maybe 5 minutes, with a maybe 15 minute period after where I was just upset. Just kinda cried in the toilets.

@Equanimitize oh okay, when I think of peak experience I was thinking of some sort of enlightenment experience as you also included. In that case then yeah I have peak experiences pretty often. When im walking my dog, and I get a good view and seeing my dog happy and what not, I feel very peaceful, and contempt, like I wouldn't want to change anything in that moment to make it better, I feel very connected with the earth I guess

@JohnnyBravo i exercise every day yeah, and right now I don't have the finances to do that stuff. And okay with some of the stuff you mentioned, I can't help but resist with the idea that, I shouldn't be entertaining myself with things in the outside world, and that the answer is within me, and that I just don't need to do any of that to improve my situation. I'm aware of how that is a healthy mindset, but also possibly a self deceptive mindset. I struggle with socializing, on a purely smalltalk kind of level, I'm a million times more comfortable opening up and talking about something I actually care about and being authentic.

@John Lula adrenaline does seem like a fitting word though, all very intense

@Equanimitize I'm yet to have any sort of peak experience, it's more been a gradual rise, a slight dip recently actually, having a little ego backlash right now which I'm working on getting through. I've just recently finished working a temporary contract so I'm kinda just at home all day, so I'll like boredom eat and go on my phone way more than I should be.

@Shiva I have a little money, for someone of my age, but I don't care about that stuff, I have yet to make any new friends after cutting off my previous friend group, but that isn't important to me, tbh all the things you mentioned aren't important to me, what's important to me is how I feel, less material items or whatever @Salvijus yes. All the time, I'm able to think about previous situations I've been in, and figure out why I acted the way I did and where that was coming from and how that isn't the way. @Equanimitize first off, amazing reply My relationships, I don't have many, but about the manipulative friend stuff oh my God, I read that and thought "oh my God yeah that's so true". Cutting off my friend group last June, they told me I was acting odd, and to "just fit in" with them. Straight outta there lol. And yes over a day I'll sometimes manage to see things differently in some ways and have a different mindset and see through my way of thinking previously. This reply did help thank you!

@Sahil Pandit Well when I first started my journey, June last year, I removed myself from toxic relationships with my girlfriend and friend group at the time. So without these things to distract me, I initially felt a big increase in negative emotions from what I'd been distracting myself from, since then I've been feeling more peaceful and fufilled with my life even though in ways, I have next to nothing going on in my life. And I'd say they're good, I distance myself from any extrinsic motivations and focus on intrinsic motivations.

@bejapuskas i don't regularly give people advice, it's a rare occurrence, I'm very focused on myself and my own growth

@NoSelfSelf ah, that's a gem, I have no real purpose, ive only just watched Leo's video on wage slavery and I enjoy giving people my advice, so I think I may save up money and take a life coaching course, my plans can change though since I've only just started taking this more seriously

@bejapuskas @NoSelfSelf @outlandish Okay so NoSelfSelf... I do engage in things I actually enjoy, often, and that is self actualization related, I also enjoy looking after my dog and keeping him entertained, taking him out to new places etc. And I don't know if this counts as stuff I enjoy but I enjoy scrolling through reddit, playing some games, but I wanna eventually cut those things out my life, Id never list those things as hobbies, just stuff that keep my mind entertained. Outlandish, I'd say my problem is more about dating than maintaining a relationship, about creating that initial attraction, but the conventional ways of that just don't resonate with me. Things about like being on my "grind", like right now, I'm not grinding for anything other than looking for work, which doesn't take up much time. And no I don't see myself as unattractive, I think I am an attractive person generally speaking. Bejapuskas, Yeah I have made real growth and positive change in my life the last year, i watched Leo's video on fake vs real growth and I definitely resonated with what he was describing as real growth, actively made changes in my life, and i meditate not as often as I should and write in a journal every other day.

@Joseph Maynor @Joseph Maynor @tsukisorry idk what I'm doing with the whole replies thing lol No, I'm not depressed, and to clarify the title implies I generally want to die, I don't I just had a moment of peace and freedom where I felt like I'd be contempt with dying painlessly. It's not a common or recoccuring thought, I just think it's good to question stuff like that. And yeah I'm fairly certain I'm not depressed, I think it's possible I have social anxiety, and maybe some panic disorder of some sort on a low to moderate level, but since I've been self actualizing it's all improved.

@tsuki wow, that's a really profound insight. I really appreciate this wisdom, I haven't looked into the mechanics of desire yet. Thank you:)

Okay so I currently struggle a bit with death, I've had people close to me die, and thinking about what death is like, whether or not they know whats going on here. I change how I think about death person to person like some people I don't imagine looking down on me and others but with some I do. And I'm aware with the fact that even if I did now, it wouldnt create any real happiness in my life. So how do I become more comfortable with the idea of death? I also believe I think about it way too much, it doesn't make me sad per say but I just spend energy thinking about it and its neurotic I guess?

Recently I've become more aware of how I feel in social situations, I was waiting in line at the Post Office waiting to send a package, and I could feel my thoughts racing about stuff like what if someone comes up behind me or confronts me, I think I have a fear of confrontation and that's something I'm gradually trying to work on. I was at the dentist, and for one I was late for my check up, and I was waiting to talk to the receptionist, and I could feel my breathing getting lighter and pressure building up in my chest, and I tried breathing deeper, but I just felt so rushed to say what I wanted to say to this receptionist and sometimes my voice will crack, I've had trouble in the past with panic attacks when I've been very stressed but I'd really appreciate someone else's analysis/personal experience with similar difficulties!

things change, people change and so did I and as long as the outcome is good for myself and family, I'm not complaining - xxxtentacion

yeah you're right, I guess sometimes I limit myself by aiming too high and not reaping the full benefits because whilst I understand it, its something else to fully apply it because I'm not as advanced yet, so i should really be doing stuff i can do now and gradually move up over time to another level, I guess part of me doesnt want to do things I know arent the full truth even though theyre the next step

good advice overall thank you, but from one of leo's videos about unconditional happiness, he pointed out that you can be happy during anything and still take the correct course of action without feeling sad or worried or afraid. So I'd like to be in a place where I'm still able to take the correct actions to prevent confrontation, but not live in fear of confrontation, and to be aware of my surroundings, but not to be stressed about it and scared, see what im saying?

I live in North Wales (UK), north wales has a pretty moderate crime rate, sexual offences are unusually high but thats irrelevant. I have people I'm no longer friends with because I didn't fit in and they all seem to resent me, I've ran through this in my head and from being in that group where we would hate people, its not a real hate, its just out of boredom, but when im out im just concerned ill see them. I was originally more nervous about that when I saw 6 months on, they were posting stuff on social media about me and the fact they all know where I live, but to a degree its still an issue for me, so I think they're a big factor knowing that there's people out there that may potentially want to confront me as a group

I had a fight when I was 11 lol (18 now), and I got into a confrontation last year with someone that was 25 and tried to rob me and threatened to stab me just for looking at him walking past in a shopping centre. This is obviously incomparable with taking actual classes but, I've thought about carrying a tactical pen around to use in self defence, its just that whilst legal, in the UK, anything can be an offensive weapon if carried with the intent of using it to hurt someone even in self defence. What I currently do now is carry a Swiss army type attachment to my key chain with a screwdriver and at night I have a flashlight that would also suffice in self defence, I just carry them as a just in case and also to protect me and my dog (most of the time I'm out is to walk my dog) and I wanna make sure me and my dog are safe, I am aware of this being neurotic behaviour, its just my current coping mechanism and obviously trying to work on solving my problem

I believe its the fear of the confrontation more than confrontation itself. I have the irrational thought that someone wants to fight me, and realistically, It'd be unlikely I suffer any permanent bodily damage as the result of a fight in public, other people in public would be likely to break up a fight before it escalates, I'd like to think I'd be pretty good at diffusing a confrontation and I always would try and diffuse it if one ever came up.

@Sahil Pandit INTJ