kindayellow

I say self-actualised but I really mean someone that is self actualising. I'm unsure about what a woman truly into personal development would be like. Since what most women are like is very self image and beauty obsessed (men are equally bad in different ways). You hear a lot of stereotypes such as you know, women love shopping, they drain their partners bank accounts through jewelery and holidays and stuff but I don't believe any of those things are "just how women are" more just thats how most women are when they live a very low consciousness life. And maybe it's an issue that I as a man, prefer more masculine self development teachings like Leo's video's for example, which can sometimes be masculine compassionate and feminine compassionate, but he has a more male audience. And from what I see, which could be wrong, the self development teachings women have don't seem as concrete and are just sort of empowering mantra's and things like that. My mother for example is partly into personal development, she has gone to a couple of workshops where its like an all female group and they showered in waterfalls and things like that, and she reads some books, and listens to mantra's like I said earlier. But she still cares about her self image and makes facebook posts and goes shopping and things like that. Which makes me think "is any of what she is doing really effective?" could be a case of that's just the society she's lived in for many decades and its easier for me as a young adult to drop those things (which I haven't completely I'll admit). So I'd appreciate any sort of insights about women and their personal development and what a self actualizing woman would be like.

@Winter Thank you very much! I appreciate your response, just one question though, when you say "...and considering people for what they actually are". Are you referring to what people show themselves to be around others? Because I don't believe that any of that is who people actually are truly, they're all just a multitude of things that draw us in and we attach ourselves to such as our hobbies, fashion etc. And I just struggle when from what I see, women so involved in that sort of lifestyle, in a way I would like a woman detached from all that. But that then reminds me of the whole analogy Leo made in masculine vs feminine psychology about getting frustrated at a cat for not being like a dog lol

That's the journey, it's easy to catch yourself looking for quick fixes, but part of the learning of truths comes from personal experience, talk to yourself more, admit when you're confused and don't settle for a quick answer, others you build a rigid set of beliefs

He's the only person I watch other than Leo, but for those who don't know, he used to a be a YouTuber, still is sort of although I haven't watched any of his videos on his main channel, but he has more than 1M subscribers on that channel. He's had a spiritual awakening and makes some very interesting, thought provoking videos. I really like him. Although he talks a lot about mainstream society being 'bots' and 'the matrix' and says that people who watch his videos are chosen ones. So something tells me there's something not quite right with that, but generally I'm a fan. What are your thoughts?

Okay so in my job, it sometimes gets quiet and my mind wanders. I have feelings of being trapped, not in the sense I can't change jobs but just in the present moment, having the thoughts of "when's break time?" "Oh, another hour until lunch" sort of thing. And I also have an issue of guilting myself. I have the thought process of "maybe I wouldn't feel so unfulfilled in work if I really took advantage of my free time when I'm home. And in a sense im right, but guilting myself can't be healthy. Does anyone else feel the same?

Okay so just to add context, I'm 19, male, live in the UK, with parents, and the highest level of education I have is an extended diploma I've been working in a lab under the title "Junior Laboratory Assistant", for 3 months and I've just finished my probation period and they want to keep me on. I'm currently on £12,500 a year. Which is 6.50 an hour, 35p above minimum wage for my age group. I know that for the type of work I'm doing, this is a poor wage, but I sucked it up because it's a probation period and I figured they'd give me something closer to market rate. However, there's no such thing as a "Junior Laboratory Assistant", it's not a recognized job role, and there's no average salary. The word junior is thrown in because it's specific to my age group and is a tool to justify the age discrimination. My coworker, who is the "Lab Assistant" makes between 18-20K a year, he is 52 and his previous job experience isn't valuable to his work, directly anyway. Me and my coworker share 95% of the same work which we both do to the same standard. The only difference between me and him is that he does a couple of things I don't yet do, that aren't any harder than anything I currently do and isn't a large part of the role. I had a meeting today and my employer told me he was bumping my salary up to £14,472 a year. Which is abismyl. I feel like he acts in a manor that's welcoming, but manipulative. He said it as if he was doing me a big favour by increasing my already shitty wage by £2000. I believe I shouldn't be earning anything less than £1000 under what my coworker, the "Lab Assistant" makes. And I feel like I'm being unfairly treated due to my age. But using the job title to justify the poor treatment. Unfortunately I really like the work I do generally speaking. It's not my life purpose, I would like to become a qualified Life Coach in a few years once I feel I've done enough inner work to succeed in the field. I'd make a couple grand more, maybe even 3 or 4 thousand more than I do somehwere local but in a job role I wouldn't enjoy as much. So I'm just really unsatisfied. I welcome any advice, obviously, that's why I'm on here lol

@Sunder Wow, I'm shocked by the effort you've gone through to reply in such detail, thank you! I think with this post and the replies, it's made me feel less, entitled per-say, and made me evaluate my position and to be a bit more grateful, even if they are underpaying me. My employer said that this job isn't a glass ceiling, and there is room for me to become more valuable. I'm happily going to welcome that and work with him and set some targets we can both agree on. The lab is a lot less scientific than labs I've seen either through working (just one lab) and interviews. Because they're in different industries. If you're interested I'm in colour matching for iron oxide pigments for things like concrete, asphalt etc. So the testing we do isn't super complicated, purely because it doesn't need to be. But just because the lab work isn't really very difficult, it doesn't mean there aren't other things I can't help with. Another thing, every last Thursday of every month, they buy all 30 people either a chippy, or pizzas from Sainsbury's across the road (they make them fresh not like frozen ones). And I really enjoy the much less formal work environment. My previous experiences of people in the science field is very reserved, not interested in bantering etc. So I'd happily work where I am now for less money than a more traditional lab assistant role

@Deepconcepts if I had to be brutally honest, I can live right now on my current wage, I pay for my car, and I pay a very small "rent" bill, but within 3 - 4 years I'm going to be coming of age and moving out etc, and this job absolutely can't support that. I couldn't live with in a caravan eating boiled rice every day on that wage. So to pay so much below what my coworker earns, a bad wage for his age group just isn't promising long term. I'm managing to save most of my money I'm earning and it'll do till Christmas time maybe, sounds better being somewhere for over 6 months than for under.

I just can't seem to resolve it. I can't pretend to deal with him anymore, he frustrates me so much and infringes on my relaxing time when I get home after work. I'm sorry this isn't well structured I'm still emotional. I find it hard to try and find "the answer" as to why I hate him. He lives in his room, avoiding housework when he only works part time and everyone else works full time. He loudly makes heavy metal music which is incredibly intrusive throughout the house and I just can't relax so I end up just going outside now in the fresh air, but I'd like to be able to meditate in my room without being able to hear his music. What set me off today to just try release my frustration was I was bringing some shopping in, carrying two heavy bags. He was getting some food from the cupboard and was in the way of the kitchen counter, I quickly asked him to move, and he refused until I said please. Which is just ridiculous. So I left the bag on the floor and went upstairs saying stuff to him in frustration. It's just tiny things like that that just really frustrate him. Once we both eventually move out from our parents house, I absolutely would not go out of my way to retain any sort of relationship with him. I can't stand him, and I wish I had an answer, but I'm just having a very hard time trying to resolve anything.

@Keyhole We've tried different ways of getting him to help out around the house, he just doesn't seem to care or have any concept of teamwork. I wouldn't say he has ADD or ADHD, typically when I think of that I think of someone outgoing, which he is not. I don't like talking to him about things like asking him to help out or anything about my emotions because he's very defensive and it's just really confrontational.

So I've heard Leo say many times that we need to find what works for me. And I'm feeling confused because I don't want to fall into the trap of not doing things because "that's not me", and at the same time I don't want to fall into the trap of believing everything Leo says, pretending to adopt it and then never make any action other than remembering what he said and either telling someone that to make me sound more developed than I actually am. I've been a victim to both in the past and it obviously just takes time to figure out what truly works for you and what doesn't without any limiting beliefs. So my question here is, after a certain level of development, can two people really have very different philosophies? Without either party falling into their own dogma and letting their ego reject certain things because it damages their self image etc. Extra note - I've sometimes had the thought that no one is really that different from each other, and that things the average person like to define themselves by aren't actually them. So essentially everyone's higher self is the same, but leo and I included want to find our own path so its just one of many other personal development paradoxes.

I am addicted to porn and masturbation and I'm afraid of what could happen as time passes as I look for darker more exciting things.

Okay so to provide some context, he's my older brother by 3 years, (I'm 18 he's 21) lived together our entire lives other than when he was in University but has since returned in June 2018. I've not had an especially traumatic family life, no big dramas or scandals. Just seems to me like a multitude of different smaller events or themes throughout my life that have resulted in this resentment for my brother. I do not wish to hate him, which is why I'm making this post, I think it'll also do good to type things out and self reflect and come up with some of my own insights. As little kids, I think of my relationship with him to be fairly normal by my own standards, usual periods of arguing and play fighting, and the normal younger brother attitude of me wanting to be better than my older brother and to become my own person. But as time went on I found the norms of relationships to wear down on me. I remember being 10 years old and after him doing something to annoy me, I broke down crying and yelled to my parents about something along the lines of not being able to cope with how much he annoyed/frustrate me. There were no major things he would do, as in like big events, but just a lot of small things, 99% of which I don't remember. Some of them included him putting his arm on my head when taking a family photo, him stealing the TV remote when I was watching TV, having to come with him and my mum to guitar lessons most days after school for an hour and wait patiently, dunking me underwater in the pool, things like that. And as he was 3 years older than me, he was much smarter than I was and I felt like he was always right about everything and I tried to prove him wrong on things at any given moment. So much so that I still remember him being wrong about what gender Foxy Loxy was. So I essentially seeked validation that I was also a competent human being. When I was between the ages of 11-13, I was starting high school, I remember him being told to walk with me on the first day to show me where school was but he just walked way far ahead of me instead of walking with me. At this age I started to feel incredibly insecure. I never wanted my family to find out I listened to music, because as a kid I wasn't interested and I wanted to maintain that self image. And it actually wasn't until I was 16 my family knew about my music taste. And I guess I should add that I definitely don't blame him for my insecurities, that was also my parents and people at school, I was afraid of everyone's opinions of me or the stuff I was into, not just my brother's. I'm aware I said at the start of this post there were no major events, but there were 2-3 that came to mind that happened within the last year or so. When Lil Peep passed away of a drug overdose, I wasn't a fan of him at the time, I grew to like his music, but looking back at what he said about him at the time really hurt my feelings. He said something along the lines of him being a 'fucking idiot' or something like that. He's into heavy metal and has a classic superiority complex that everything he likes is the best and things other people like or that are mainstream are for brain dead idiots with no taste. So he shits on hip hop as thats my musical taste. But the biggest thing was when XXXTentacion passed away in June last year, I mourned for months over his death, and i made a collage of his pictures and had it as my desktop wallpaper, he saw it and asked who it was, at that moment, I chose not to say anything, and feed into a likely insult towards him when I was mourning over him. He then suggested some name like "Lil Blue Hair" or shit like that in an overbearingly condescending voice, and in an effort to once again maybe prove him wrong, I said his name as he was leaving the room after me beforehand not saying anything. On his way up the stairs he said "Oh that dickhead that died". It infuriated me but I just managed to remain calm at that time. Maybe a week later I was watching a video of the memorial held outside Adam22's store, and I was watching it in the living room with the door shut, purposely so I could deter anyone interrupting me. And he came in whilst I was watching the video, stood there for a while watching. He then started mocking what was happening in the video, at the point he came in I was already teary eyed a little. And I just calmly told him he should go out the room and leave me alone, but he continued to mock him. I then just broke and forcefully pushed him out the room, swearing at him etc. He then continued to make more hurtful comments about him and stuff he's read online about him. It was the first time I had been properly furious in a long while and knew things would only escalate further if I didn't leave. So I left the house for a while, and we had a family talk once my parents were home about what happened, and we "made-up" but I didn't. For the time he stands by the things he's said about him I just cannot have a relationship with him. The anger I felt was partly over how much I was defending X, but just a lot of built up anger I had purely towards him as a person. So I credit that event alone to some of the resentment I have towards him, but I felt like I've had these bitter feelings towards him long before that. But as far as I know we had a normal relationship growing up. But it just feels like I'm missing something, or there's some natural primitive thing wired into my brain that just has all these negative feelings towards him. I really don't know, I'd appreciate anyone's advice about why I might feel the way I feel. I don't need a good relationship, and I'm good with just avoiding him, but at the same time I have a lot of negative feelings suppressed that I feel need to be resolved.

@Pallero i do live with him yes, luckily he plans to move out within the next 12 months. We both do a pretty good job of staying out each other's way. Although he plays guitar a lot and he does it loudly, which is annoying. Another thing is that he does 5% of the housework even though he's at home the most, but makes excuses about why he's so busy and can't just do his part to help out when me, my mum and dad all work full time and he only works part time

Junior laboratory technician for a company that produces pigment for concrete and asphalt, I just started, I'd like to save up for a couple years and get a qualifcation as a life coach, and then start that

@Pallero @Chives99 I definitely feel no love from him, and I currently feel no love for him myself although I wouldn't mind improving our relationship, and yes I guess, I wouldn't say he bullies me now, but I guess in the past there was some non physical bullying going on maybe. And no, no remorse whatsoever for how those events made me feel, and even if I did bring it up to him, I doubt he'd care, he has a tendency to say sorry because he feels that's the right thing to say but doesn't actually mean it.

In my understanding of what being is, I get it mostly walking my dog, at night more so. It's a feeling of me being dead and just watching the world go by.

Okay so here's the run down The issue is that my older brother doesn't pull his weight whatsoever around the house and he works part time with a short commute. Me, my mum and my dad all work full time with much longer commutes (mum has 30, I have 45 and my dad 1 hour 30) My older brother wants us to clean up our own mess, even though he just uses that as a way of escaping helping out because he "hardly makes any mess". And let's mum do his laundry, and she for the most part does tea for everyone, meaning she would have to clean it all herself which is obviously unfair. My dad proposed that he designs a rota for housework, and we're waiting on that. But to be honest there's a lot of underlying frustration with my brother. It really annoys me how he pretends to be much busier than he really is. He sits in his room 99% of the time he isn't working at his computer just watching YouTube. He proclaims that planning travelling and stuff for his band is considered work meaning that he should therefore do less because he's doing more "work". Even though he's creating it for himself and knows that and uses it as an excuse for not contributing to the house. I'd appreciate anyone's advice with this. It's really frustrating.

Okay so last week, in work, I attended some little event we were hosting for one of our trustees of the organization, it was a free buffet lunch. To cut to the chase, I'm young, and the director of our site came up to me, and she was asking about what I wanted to do in the future and she was asking about my answers to certain questions in interviews, and tips etc. I appreciated the conversation, but I felt under a lot of pressure, and I found the whole atmosphere fairly awkward. So after this conversation, I left to get some food from across the road, and I just felt like kinda butterflies in my chest, and I was listening to music, I felt very pessimistic and frustrated at my reaction to the situation, I knew it was irrational I was feeling so trapped. I then started breathing a little faster and just kind of wanted to cry. It's the first "episode" of this ive had in a while and it's not as bad as in the past, in the past I've had very rapid breathing, very intense crying and like everything was moving very quickly. I don't understand what these things are, I'm happy to provide more insight if the lines are blurred between a panic Attack and anxiety attack, it may be something else I just don't know.

Top comment: Joe has been waiting for a Chimp conversation like this his entire life Super interesting podcast, he talks about the evolution of humans, and also about our ability to share, lie etc.

@Matt8800 Just because you believe something brings you enjoyment and you're not aware of any negative effects doesn't mean that it's something you should necessarily carry on doing. Girls that "love" shopping and makeup and rant about not wearing it for boys or for anyone (even though they do) would all say that they enjoy doing it, and it doesn't cause them any harm, when it does. Same goes for partying, sure it can be fun in the moment, but its something people should work on not doing. Personally I would ask yourself if you're doing this as a recreational activity, or if you're using it to benefit your personal growth, and just be honest with yourself. If you really feel like you're using it to help with personal growth, ask yourself if you really need the weed to do that. I think all people really need is silence with no distractions, although I always sort of contemplate and make mental journal entries in my head when I'm walking my dog and I'm in a state of just being. Honestly I don't doubt that you smoking weed is hindering you or distracting you if you're reading a book a month and meditating every day. I'd put things like food, porn and sex, drinking, gossip as things I'd work on before working on stopping smoking weed. Hope this helps:)

Okay so, labelling. Right now, I feel the need to label everything to help with my personal development, so I have a clear idea on what I am and how I can target certain issues, whether it be my mbti, ennegram or spiral dynamic stage. I have a hunch that this isn't actualling doing anything productive and I should do something counter intuitive and try to drop labelling things all together? Of course I plan on just trial and error, but I'd appreciate hearing about your own experiences with labelling things!:)

My "issue" per say with people who travel all the time, country to country is, What are you running away from? I find a lot of people who have the urge to go travel the world just want an escape. I can totally see the benefit of just being more open minded, but, did you really need to travel for that?

I journal a couple times a week, I give myself a life update for when I read it back in the future, and it's usually on a day where an event happened that easily segments into an issue I'm having I then dissect that issue. I've also committed to doing a yearly interview with myself, ask the same set of questions to myself annually to see how my answers change over time.

I can't thank Leo enough for helping me help myself. The way Leo teaches and presents his wisdom is fantastic, it's really easy to listen to, and so relaxing to the point where I use his videos to help me sleep lol. I could ramble on forever about how much I appreciate actualized.org but just simply, thank you Leo!