Venus

End of day entry Green = complete Red = haven't done Blue = to focus on/to do Orange = n/a Purple = topic Daily habits 20 min meditation Get up before 7 1.5 hours+ of being off my ass doing something that adds to life experience/growth, outside of normal commitments Work on life purpose Comments: - getting up early is super hard, like, bed's just so comfy and when I'm there my head just comes up with really good excuses for why it's okay to go back to sleep. (Tomorrow is first proper day of marking down progress because I only started journal tonight). Life purpose/long term goal To find life purpose To make a world changing effect (good one) Comments: Over the last few months I've narrowed it down to these rough areas: Animal or nature work/help (e.g. veterinary work) Police or something that gets me seeing the rough, exciting, real side of life Work with children Self actualisation (Flowy type thing - something that gives that rich, deep, loving feeling like music or flying) - in brackets because only suggested it recently and is pretty vague Really in love with all these things, but I keep finding reasons for each why I shouldn't actually pursue them, but I believe that's coming from some fear, so I need to look into that and start listening to my deeper voices more. Tomorrow's goals finish all schoolwork get some good study in Emotions - relationships So there's this girl and we used to be lovers, but I ended it for reasons I'll say another time. But we're still super close, best friends and all, however, she has a boyfriend now. However however, our sex was amazing and this has happened before: she's had a boyfriend and her and I would meet up to hang as friends, but whoopsy, always end up having really passionate sex because her boyfriend doesn't do her the way I do her (I took her virginity, so I suppose I would say I'm a bit like her template for what sex should be like, maybe? I don't know, but I would say I'm a lot more loving outwards than the guys she's gotten with 'since' me. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I know what she likes and she keeps coming back to me). I ended it because I wanted to fix my neediness and desperation for love. I told her it was just for me, but she needed it too. But she jumps straight at another guy as soon as she drops one. She's never on her own. I should probably also say that I find this girl wonderful and would say I fully respect her… but I don't actually know how I would mean that. What I wanted to say was just how tonight she phoned me in tears whilst she was at a party, telling me how her boyfriend had gotten mad at her after she told him she was bi and made out with this other girl who is their friend. Of course I was comforting and let her know that everything's okay, because it is, but SHITTTT! This shit is news to me. (p.s. me and the girl she made out with aren't good friends)... my emotions = wtf is going on????!!!!: 1. I didn't know she was bi 2. now she's also possibly got feelings for this person I don't like 3. but also I'm trying to get over her and be okay with this shit If I'm honest with myself, I think I'm being lazy about this beating neediness shit - I still let myself sleep with her I keep playing this game in my head: "oh no she likes this person. What am I gonna do?" etc I think I might be drip feeding myself with her by still being close, Idk It's difficult because it would be much easier to not be so close to her if she wasn't like my only proper friend (along with one other girl). And here's another big thing: that other close friend is another one of my exs. My only two close friends are both my exs. Is this because I haven't let myself let go of them? - I think I'm super scared of being alone and writing it all out here has helped me realise that, although I think I already knew and needed a reason to stop being a little bitch and stop hiding it from myself. I really hope to make a proper move forward in life, instead of lying to myself and staying comfy in a bullshit excuse for 'growth'. I really must notice my fears and conquer them or I'm gonna make myself miserable and bring a bunch of brilliant people down with me. Fixing neediness is part of my goals, and now so will not being a little bitch. I've stayed up way too late to write all this, so getting up before 7 is gonna be real hard and leave me tired unless I sleep over… I better not, just for the habit. Well, let's see if I'm a good boy Night

@dude Haha was just checking out your journal and thinking the same; business starting, longboards... all of it. Good one to stay on. Your layout makes it great and easy to read too, so I might just have to steal some of your ideas there

I've been thinking of practicality lately and realised how helpful an app would be: An app for actualized.org and it's forum would be very helpful in having a single place to go to get all our desired content. Also it would mean we could be notified more easily, through our phones, of any activity instead of having to go to the website to check. I'm sure it would help expand actualized.org too. It would be great if you could say in the comments or give rep if you think it is a good idea. Thanks.

There's what I mean. It would be much more handy if we could stay up to date with our notifications instead of only find out when we manually check the site.

@Bob84 So do you get notifications? If so, what phone is that, or at least why am I not getting notifications?

It seems many things in personal development can be about not actually fighting but relaxing into something. But practicing mindfulness always seems an effort and a constant push, like keeping tense a muscle that isn't used to being tense for so long. Is this how it's supposed to feel at first?

So a key point for growth is accepting yourself and even all those traits you want to remove. But where is the line between accepting something about yourself and actually starting to build it into your self image? For example, one person might accept that they are anxious in social situations and tell themselves, "yes, I have social anxiety". But by doing this, surely they're now creating that trait more; the acceptance is like an affirmation is it not? Aren't we growing these traits?

@FindingPeace but how? Where do we start?

So I have a bunch of free time ahead of me; about two and a half months where I can do whatever the heck I like. So in terms of personal development I was wondering what would be the best things to do in order to make efficient use of the time I now have, to really help me grow myself in pretty much all the areas that actualized.org goes into, particularly spirituality, emotions and self-actualization? Your responses will have to be rather generalised since I haven't given loads of information about where I'm at, but it'd be marvellous to get some ideas because I'm bloody stuck, unsure on what's the best way to use all this time. But if more detailed info is needed in order to answer, just ask. Also, I'm looking for things that aren't dependent on money. I'm not rich. At the moment I'm just looking for things I can manage to do with just me, my head and a wicked amount of time. Thanks chums

@Saarah Yeah I've started some of them before and they've actually been pretty fun and helpful. I might focus on maintaining a habit actually, thanks:)

@99th_monkey Im not a weirdo. I read my books whilst hanging upside down from one leg, naked, off my neighbour's telephone wire like any normal person. Who do you think I am?

I've recently been focusing on self acceptance and how beneficial this is to personal development. I came up with an analogy (or I heard it somewhere, I can't remember): If you want to control a child and get them to behave, telling them off and shouting at them all the time won't work. They will become your enemy and rebel and always do the things you don't want them to do, causing constant battle and conflict. However, if you are chill with them and become their friend; if you talk to them and calm and are kind and accepting of their current behaviour; if you are slow with them and understand why they behave these ways, then they will listen to you. They will want to do as you tell them, they will be calm and open and not frantic and they will be under your control. They will be willing to change their behaviour and won't be stuck in themselves with the label "I always do wrong", because that's not what you're telling them. You are you and your brain is the child. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I find after I've become best friends with myself, I stop actually being stuck inside my head and automatically become more mindful of everything outside of my head because I'm not worrying about all this internal conflict, so all the energy is free to focus outside. It's pretty fab. When this happens, so much peace towards the outside world is actually created. It's like I'm so in love with myself (not in an arrogant way) that the outside world doesn't matter and can be whatever it wants to be. A sense of no worry is created inside me when I fall in love with myself like this. I think this happens because any unacceptance I'm having of the outside world is because of how I'm taking it in, so actually it's always an inside problem when you have a problem with the outside world (as Leo often makes clear). And now it's inside the head, I have control over it and whether it's actually a "good" or "bad" situation, since it's only my perception. Usually it becomes a matter of "it doesn't really matter. Everything's cool and wonderful and amazing. What's wrong if this thing happens? It's quite finny actually" type attitude towards the world. This is how I manage to obtain massive amounts of acceptance of reality, so I hope you follow me bud.

@abrakamowse @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj yeah I think meditation and self inquiry is gonna be the most of it, along with some affirmations and visualisations of course. @99th_monkey you could read a book out loud whilst standing up

@vizual What I'm trying to get at is what can I use time for especially, to grow myself. What things am I open to do or what are the best things to do with time? You can do the scary things without free time @Corte I can't just let go of an opportunity to boost my personal development like this. @99th_monkey how about that mixed with a little mindfulness meditation or book reading. That's what I'm talking about