ivory

I spent a good deal of time doing nothing but working and working out. Life felt totally empty and meaningless. I personally need a variety of relationships, creativity, and play. This will always be a priority for me. You need to find out what works for you and make a commitment.

Based on your post it sounds like all you do is watch tv and study. Is that an accurate assessment? What about hobbies and social life?

@Sahil Pandit Nice man @Viking I replaced television with real relationships, making music, cooking, and doing yoga. Get clear on what you value and choose. Try to incorporate some of these into your life: relationships, career advancement, health, creative/physical outlets, education. You might need to focus on diet so you have more energy in the evening.

I have a similar question. Right now I'm dating someone who's not growth oriented but I wish that she was. She is a blessing and a great friend but the admiration component isn't there. I'm going to stay with her but am a little afraid of outgrowing the relationship. I think the important thing is to keep the communication lines open and be honest about my feelings. I hope that I will inspire her to work on herself but we shall see. If things don't work out between us I will definitely be more selective in the future. Admiration is very important to me and going forward I won't settle for less. As for now, the important thing is that I am learning about myself and continually clarifying my values.

Diet is something you'll continue to work with over time. Just start somewhere that makes sense for you and go from there. I started with the whole30 program eliminating foods that didn't didn't agree with my body. My diet is highly specialized now. I eat what works for me and leave out what doesn't. As others have suggested, you'll likely want to start with a whole food plant based diet or paleo-ish diet, stripping out sugar and processed foods. Both are good starting points.

I would consider dealing with sleeplessness my first step on the actualization journey. I slept about 5 hours per night, drank loads of coffee, and in general just felt like shit. At some point I just said, "Enough!" So I started practicing by forcing myself to lie in bed 8 hours each night no matter what. If I slept for 5 hours and laid in bed wide awake for 3, so be it. Now I sleep 8 hours each night. I can't imagine not having sleep these days.

@Joseph Maynor I'd love to see this

I just popped out of a very dark time in my life. I spent the last 5 years deep in nihilistic thinking and extreme levels of depression. It was all brought on after the realization that nothing lasts (after a series of losses). Girlfriends. Nope. Jobs. Nope. Pleasant feelings. Hell no. Everything seemed pointless. Why do anything? I went through years of therapy, read everything I could about psychology and spirituality, meditated, exercised, etc. Eventually something shifted. Quite recently actually. I went from feeling like life was meaningless to it feeling very meaningful. Life started to feel amazing once I decided to face my challenges and take 100% responsibility for every aspect of my life. Boom! Now I'm wondering what the hell happened. Those last 5 years were a doozie! Curious if any of this sounds familiar to anyone.

I did an experiment similar to this a while back. I ended up in Hawaii with a couple of cute Swedish girls and then found myself on a 2-week road trip driving from Seattle to Alaska.

Sounds like you're doing the work on things that aren't emotionally fueled. Stop doing that.

Can't wait to see you in San Diego!

The bad news, but also the good news, is that it makes no difference what you do. There is no purpose out there waiting for you to find it. However, you need to get clear on what you value (relationships, recreation/hobbies, growth, health, spirituality, career, etc) which means that you're going to have to learn to be comfortable with confusion and doubt in the mean time. You need more life experience which will lead you to know what you want. Just be patient man. You cannot rush this process. Also, sounds like your'e working through a lot of stuff right now. Life is giving you just what you need right now to develop emotional strength. Focus on that for now. You need to get into the mindset that your challenges are the path. If you are being challenged, and you are not running away, then you are on the path my friend.

Yeah, now I can honestly say that I know myself inside and out. I'm 38 years old now.