ivory

The authentic parts of your personality require zero effort to uphold. An inauthentic motive leads to struggle. You've heard the term "try-hard"? If you feel yourself trying hard (struggling) it is often because your motives must be examined.

How many lifestyle changes do you try to make at the same time. Just one?

@Joseph Maynor I'm looking at your schedule thinking how are you balancing acceptance? I think you're being hard on yourself with all of these commitments.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I went through years of depression and it was one hell of a time. I don't claim to know how to help yo but depression can manifest for a number of different reasons: self-esteem, needs not being met, traumatic life events, health reasons, etc. If you don't know what's depressing you it can be really difficult to treat. This book may be a good starting point but I would highly recommend getting help from a good therapist. Lastly, be careful about the advice you follow. Pick solid references. Best of luck. Keep us posted.

5'10" is plenty

Are you still under the care of your parents?

Has anyone here experienced severe depression, mania, or other side effects while on the spiritual path? There's a whole bunch of research being done on the topic. I personally believe that contemplative practices can lead to various types of side effects that resemble depression and other mental health disorders. Here's one such article on the topic. Common terminology include dark night, dispassion and disenchantment, dukkha-nanas, etc. It is believed that insight into impermanence, no-self, and suffering can lead to such issues, and that these issues are considered a normal and even expected occurrence. Modern psychology professionals aren't trained to recognize the challenges that contemplatives encounter and often diagnose spiritual practitioners with mental health disorders, when in fact, practitioners have merely arrived at a crossroad on the path.

@kingroboto I disagree with the notion that we don't need relationships. We need relationships in the same way we need food. To be completely obsessed with food is unhealthy. To never eat is also unhealthy. You should eat but you should also be happy when you are not eating. There is a huge difference between isolation and solitude. Relationships play a key role on the spiritual path. Growth, joy, love, challenge, exchanges of ideas, opportunity to name a few.

I second what Dan said. Take your time and don't fall into the trap of overloading yourself. As for what to read, pick books that address your immediate challenges.

First of all, humans are social creatures and we need a sense of belonging for a basic level of mental health. You're not crazy. The emotional body is trying to tell you something. Isolation is very unhealthy and the idea that a person shouldn't need others is just plain wrong. Second, you said something about life purpose. From where I sit, it's obvious that your immediate purpose is to get this handled. We all need friends and social skills are super important. Do you not see this work as part of your life's purpose? Lastly, consider getting help from a mental health professional. I did years of therapy and I highly recommend it, especially to people who suffer from isolation. Isolation is a modern-day epidemic and this is well known in the mental health industry.

I've personally experienced benefits from marijuana from very occasional use with the intention of self-exploration. But I found that frequent use led to diminishing returns, lack of motivation, brain fog and just plain stupidity. Marijuana is not meant to be smoked regularly. Sounds like you have an addictive personality. If I were you I'd stay away from it. The cons outweigh the pros by a long shot.

I experienced this as well. There comes a time on the spiritual path when you have to let go of teachings for a while and really come to know yourself through direct experience. Confusion arises because you don't know yourself (values, challenges, etc). There is no one size fits all in spirituality and that is why there is so much contradiction. Once you know yourself you can use discernment to pick the right teacher, books, etc. Then stuff will make sense because you have insight. I second what @winterknight says regarding therapy.

@Bauer1977

I made a commitment to lie in bed for 8 hours every night no matter what. I also found deep breathing very helpful.

I experience excitement too. It feels like a zest for life that I think comes from doing the work. I think this is a good thing. I no longer experience the sleeplessness though. I trained myself to sleep which is one of the best things I've ever done. I think you are on the right track with meditation and exercise to try and mellow you out but it sounds like you need to train yourself to sleep too.

It's all about taking action, pacing, and refining.

For those of you who have been at this some time I'm curious to hear what's helped you, what practices and/or systems you've adopted, and any theories you subscribe to. I'll start with what helped me. I've had three different therapists and have a background in Zen. The system that resonated with me the most comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The three basic tenants are: Be present, Open up (to physical and emotional discomfort), Do what matters (have a value system). To elaborate... 1. Get clear on your values in the following areas: Relationships Health Career Growth (emotional development) Education Finances Recreation (or leisure) Spirituality 2. Know your challenges in each of the above areas paying particular attention to fear, complacency, and negative self-talk. 3. Know how you distract yourself from achieving your goals and adhering to your commitments (youtube, mind-numbing activities, etc) 4. Journal daily documenting what you did well, what you learned, and what you can improve on. Compare notes to the previous day. 5. Rehearse any difficult emotions you experienced each day and feel them fully. 6. Meditate daily Lastly, my Zen teacher would repeat over and over again. "See all of life's challenges as the path." This was a game changer for me.

I spent a good deal of time doing nothing but working and working out. Life felt totally empty and meaningless. I personally need a variety of relationships, creativity, and play. This will always be a priority for me. You need to find out what works for you and make a commitment.

Based on your post it sounds like all you do is watch tv and study. Is that an accurate assessment? What about hobbies and social life?

@Sahil Pandit Nice man @Viking I replaced television with real relationships, making music, cooking, and doing yoga. Get clear on what you value and choose. Try to incorporate some of these into your life: relationships, career advancement, health, creative/physical outlets, education. You might need to focus on diet so you have more energy in the evening.

I have a similar question. Right now I'm dating someone who's not growth oriented but I wish that she was. She is a blessing and a great friend but the admiration component isn't there. I'm going to stay with her but am a little afraid of outgrowing the relationship. I think the important thing is to keep the communication lines open and be honest about my feelings. I hope that I will inspire her to work on herself but we shall see. If things don't work out between us I will definitely be more selective in the future. Admiration is very important to me and going forward I won't settle for less. As for now, the important thing is that I am learning about myself and continually clarifying my values.

Diet is something you'll continue to work with over time. Just start somewhere that makes sense for you and go from there. I started with the whole30 program eliminating foods that didn't didn't agree with my body. My diet is highly specialized now. I eat what works for me and leave out what doesn't. As others have suggested, you'll likely want to start with a whole food plant based diet or paleo-ish diet, stripping out sugar and processed foods. Both are good starting points.

I would consider dealing with sleeplessness my first step on the actualization journey. I slept about 5 hours per night, drank loads of coffee, and in general just felt like shit. At some point I just said, "Enough!" So I started practicing by forcing myself to lie in bed 8 hours each night no matter what. If I slept for 5 hours and laid in bed wide awake for 3, so be it. Now I sleep 8 hours each night. I can't imagine not having sleep these days.

@Joseph Maynor I'd love to see this

I just popped out of a very dark time in my life. I spent the last 5 years deep in nihilistic thinking and extreme levels of depression. It was all brought on after the realization that nothing lasts (after a series of losses). Girlfriends. Nope. Jobs. Nope. Pleasant feelings. Hell no. Everything seemed pointless. Why do anything? I went through years of therapy, read everything I could about psychology and spirituality, meditated, exercised, etc. Eventually something shifted. Quite recently actually. I went from feeling like life was meaningless to it feeling very meaningful. Life started to feel amazing once I decided to face my challenges and take 100% responsibility for every aspect of my life. Boom! Now I'm wondering what the hell happened. Those last 5 years were a doozie! Curious if any of this sounds familiar to anyone.