ivory

I can totally relate. I'm speaking from personal experience here. Do your research, find a therapist, do your best to eat a healthy diet, get lots of sleep, meditate in moderate doses. Find a psychiatrist and take meds until your mind stabilizes. Be patient. It takes time before things improve.

Just because one eats meat doesn't mean they have no regard for suffering. I have health issues that have taken me years to get a handle on. I found the diet that works for me through lots of research and experimentation. You're not being open minded nor are you speaking from personal experience.

https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/

I eat meat but in smaller quantities mixed with lots of greens. I'm quite sensitive to filler foods like beans and grains. For me health will always trump "morality".

Sounds like you need more life experience. Go on dates, meet different people, travel, try new things but don't bounce around all over the place. You come to know yourself by gaining life experience. You're confused because you don't know what you value. It takes time to get clear on those things so take your time and enjoy the ride.

There are pros and cons to having a roommate. Some of which you already discovered. You can always work towards living alone, but in the mean time, appreciate what having a roommate affords you. I too have a roommate but I know it won't last forever. Life changes over time. Take your time and appreciate the journey. Also recognize that you grow through relationships. Having people around is good for both mental health as well as growing as a human being. Don't overlook those things.

Get life experience: Date, meet different people, travel, invest in a creative outlet. Lastly, don't destroy your health.

I'm in san diego, ca. If anyone wants to meet, hit me up!

I don't think that's necessary. There are loads of books on breath meditation. Find one and stick with it. I use The Mind Illuminated.

Did you read this?

The mistakes I have made and I have seen others make is: Believing teachers instead of verifying with my experience Believing my own theories instead of relying on legit insight Getting confused by reading/listening to too much content Not taking action

Notice your judgements but also notice that the things you judge others for you are guilty of yourself. Then throw it away. Learn to live more authentically and your judgements will start to fade. Love blossoms from that place.

I struggled this for a while too. I came to realize that the way to be authentic is to stop feeding inauthentic behaviors. Inauthentic behaviors include seeking approval of others and trying hard. A spiritual teacher once told me that everything everyone does is either a cry for love or an act of love. Do the things you enjoy, not the things that will get you noticed. Authentic motives include curiosity, passion, responsibility, love, care. You grow by learning to live more authentically. Get clear on what really matters.

I recently started doing loving kindness meditation (metta) for that exact reason. I do it three times a week now and I would highly recommend it.

In the past I had weighed the pros and cons as you mentioned. The thing is, it's really hard to know if you'll like something without actually trying it. In the end, it's life experience that really matters. Once you have racked up enough life experiences it becomes easier to make decisions. That said, if you have to make a choice, it's also helpful to choose the option where you'll grow the most.

What I notice in myself is that I'll have some insight but then I'll realize that the pattern itself doesn't stop. It has a momentum to it. But if you stop feeding it it dies down over time.

The way I see it there are: 1) The things you have to do 2) The things you want to do 3) The things you think you should do You can greatly simplify your life by sticking to 1 and 2.

I did too. Ain't nobody wanna hear about that shit.

Unless you're on a retreat you're not going to get much of strong determination sitting. You're just going to have a really shitty time. Start with a small amount of meditation and work your way up. The turtle wins the race.

Play as much as possible and take care of your health.

For myself, I decided that drinking twice a year would be acceptable. I was much more willing to go with that than to quit altogether. I really like drinking, but it makes my mind anxious, depressed, and robs me of happiness.

@Privet Nice post.

A good therapist knows what a healthy life looks like. All you have to do is tell them reveal that and the problems you have, your fears, your self-judgements. Over time you get to know each other. They will know how to help.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

@Viking I know you received a lot of advice already but I've been in your shoes. Not having close friends is a problem. We need friends to be healthy and happy. I know you want to be happy on your own, but this is damn near impossible in your situation. Also, you seem to suffer from self-esteem issues. From where I sit, you really need to practice self-acceptance. You think you have a lot of stuff wrong with you. You don't. If I were you, I'd get therapy, it's really difficult to see through self-judgment on your own. Therapy was an invaluable tool for my own self-esteem.