ivory

Nice post. I don't completely disagree. Life has no inherent no meaning. That doesn't mean that it is meaningless. Each person is responsible for discovering what is truly valuable in life, and adhering to those values. For some it may be play, exercise, art, sports, relationships, work, learning, etc. All are rooted in the present moment. Enjoyable activities. To believe that life is meaningless, and pointless, is nihilism. To realize that life is meaningless, but full of joyful activities, is essentially existentialism.

The things I have discovered so far are taking good care of myself, having healthy friends, pursuing authentic desires, and being responsible.

This is how letters look to me when I'm tripping

If one wants to experience more joy, why not just do the things you enjoy doing? Jhana seems unnecessary

Kid's not enlightened. This kid has issues and an imagination.

Maybe you don't know what you want.

I wonder how it affects a person's mind.

@Meditationdude How do you know if it's high quality without trying it first? And which do you think is better for contemplation? Indica or sativa? Or does it even matter?

Weed initially makes me highly self-aware but then I crash and get really lethargic. Does this happen to anyone else? I believe that weed serves a purpose but it has a downside. I try to only smoke it once a week on the weekends as a way to wrap up the week.

Do you exercise or hang out with friends often? Whenever I feel depressed I go for a 60 minute walk and find a friend to hang out with. That usually sets me straight. Meditation doesn't really do much for me when I'm depressed. Anyways, make sure that you're moving and that you aren't isolating.

Glad to hear that. It's my favorite.

You need to set boundaries. Call them out on their bullshit. Just a part of life

Totally normal. Still happens to me from time to time. If you are in and out of it, that's a good thing. It means you're believing in the nihilistic arisings less than you used to. Just out of curiosity, are you an idealist?

I was stuck as a nihilist for a long time. It was very painful. You have to figure out the things that matter to you personally and balance that with acceptance. There is no ideal reality. You'll never have everything that you want. But there are things you can participate in that keep meaninglessness at bay. Find out what matters to you and stick to it. Friendship, family, certain types of work, health and fitness, art, learning, etc. Don't overlook the fact that there are things that make life worth living. Figure out what those things are.

Depression can make you lazy, and laziness can make you depressed. Keep an eye on that shit and challenge it. Remember to do the things you have to do, and do the things you want to do. That will help with your depression.

@Yannik It's best to get your hand on a quantity of LSD so you can experiment with the dosages. That way you'll know what 1 tab will do, 2 tabs will do, 3 tabs will do. If you keep get LSD from different batches you can't be sure what you're actually taking. One time I took one tab, that was supposed to be 150ug turned out to be MUCH MUCH more than anticipated. I suspect it was actually a 300ug tab. Starting with 150ug is a good start. Up your dosage as you get comfortable.

I would advise not setting any goals. As @Rigel said, let the trip take you where you want it and ask questions. How much LSD do you plan on taking?

I've moved to new cities several times. Like you, I am also an introvert. I am naturally drawn towards deep discussion. I had great success with meetup.com. I go to philosophy and politics related meetups. I have also attended zen centers, done crossfit, taken art classes, and hung out in coffee shops. If I had to do it all over again I would probably do volunteer work as it's a great bonding experience with others. I would probably also start my own meetup based around topics that interest me. In any case, get out there as much as you can. If you go out 4 or 5 times a week to be around people you should have a strong social circle in about one year's time. Lastly, be patient. Don't expect to make friends right away. The more anxious you are the more you'll push people away. Good luck

Scientists Engineered a Bacterium That Poops Out Huge Amounts of Psilocybin https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-made-a-bacterium-that-poops-out-psilocybin

So, basically I had low self-esteem my whole life but I've always had a big heart. My self-esteem is much better now. But that's only happened through years of therapy and self-development. I'm a natural empath and I legitimately care about others' well being. I tear up when I see acts of kindness, which has been more and more the case recently. I'm pretty sensitive that way. Oddly, I never knew that I liked kids until my sister gave birth to my niece. I loved her the instant I met her. Recently I started having the idea that in the future, when I have more life experience, I'd like to donate my time and mentor kids. Sort of like life-coaching for children. But I didn't think that this was something I could do until later in life after I have lived a full life. I thought, "How can I help kids when I still need so much work myself?" But then... Last night I had a dream. I had a dream that I was helping kids, bringing joy to their lives, and I woke up almost in tears. It made me feel so good that I could have a positive impact on children's lives. So I started thinking, maybe I should go back to school and either become a teacher, counselor, or a child therapist. An early childhood educator is the one that sounds the most appealing to me at this point. But I have some research to do. I think the next step is for me to see if I can volunteer and offer my time in being a mentor in some way, shape, or form; Just to see if I enjoy working with children. I recall that there was a big brother / big sister program back in the day, I don't know if things like that still exist. In any case, I'm going to look into professions that allow me to work with children. I'd love to hear feedback from you guys. Cheers

The idea that one can be happy with nothing is a fallacy.

I experienced almost all of those symptoms when I first started meditating. The energy in the forehead I can't really explain. I also experienced ringing in the ears. It would be especially strong when I meditating or falling asleep. But I did notice that the energy would be amplified if I tried to control the breath. That said, I think those energies were only strong for the first year or two. After that they pretty much disappeared. Exercise and plenty of sleep helps with the brain fog. I think people on the spiritual path experience derealization when they start questioning the notion of an objective reality. Depersonalization on the spiritual path may result from realizing one is not their thoughts or emotions. As for depression and anxiety you are going to have to get really clear on the causes. In other words, you really have to know yourself. Just out of curiosity, are you more of a busy-body or a lazy person? Also, are you confident and content socially? Lastly, do you believe in your abilities?

Happiness is the result of a set of practices. I'm at my happiest I regularly exercise, socialize, and take care of my responsibilities.

Exactly

Dude, if the depression continues I would seek out a therapist. This sounds to me like a lack of self-acceptance. Do you accept yourself as you are? Or do you feel like you need to change in order for you and others to like yourself? I have a sense you compare yourself to others a lot. Again, don't worry about the hard thing. Taking care of your health and making new friends IS REALLY HARD. You will grow massively by building a healthy life style. Rather than think, "What should I do to make me awesome", think, "How can I best take care of myself and my life." To get out of depression you need to show your self so much love you can't stand it. Motive is everything. Your actions should reflect self-love. They should not reflect the false idea that you aren't enough.