ivory

The best thing you can do is start down a path and recorrect your course when you need be. If you don't know which way to go then experiment. May not be what you want to hear but this shit takes time.

Find out if you're an under-doer or an over-doer. Are you lazy or hyperactive? Learn to counteract whichever leads to your suffering. Also, find a balance between solitude and community.

Cool, I live in san diego. If I'm ever in LA I'll look you up.

Man, I've been in your shoes and I've seen plenty others go through this as well. It's pretty common in spiritual circles. Wishing you well on your journey. A word of advice, though, take caution in who you receive advice from.

I also struggle with becoming more alert in the morning. What works for me is to immediately start cleaning my room, showering, taking care of my hygiene, and then meditating. Usually I'm alert after all of that, but in the cases that I'm not, I may go on a brisk 5 minute walk. The other thing I would suggest is going to bed at the same time every evening and set an alarm, which studies have shown, is much more healthy than the alternative. In any case, I would suggest a strong morning routine of your choosing.

Wow tough situation. If I were you I'd try to find a way out. What if you were to drop one of your degrees? Would that make things more manageable for you? By the way, what are you studying?

If you live a full, balanced life. Otherwise, hell no

I mean, pop culture sucks and all, but where you're at is a trap. Enjoy life man

Cool, me and a friend are going to watch next week. Pretty excited about this one

Good for you. Keep practicing. Dark night has a tendency to return.

I'm thinking closer to 100ug. It's hard to get a feeling for anything lower than that

@fridjonk Well, you said "I AM GOD Lost in infinite PERFECTNESS". I'd like to hear a little more about that.

What was it like?

It's nice when a girl likes you. I get that. But what you experienced was a high. Life does no provide that all the time so it's not a good thing to rely on for your happiness. What you likely need is to ground yourself with a good group of supportive friends. Your mileage may vary, but I find this true for myself.

I agree with that

Why does life have to have meaning? I find joy in reading, hanging out with friends, and working out. For me that's enough. Life having no meaning just means you're responsible to live a life that's meaningful to you. In other words, you alone create meaning by doing the things that are important to you. Nihilism does, yes. But the existentialists had an answer to nihilism. Live a life that's meaningful to you. Find out what you enjoy and do that.

I agree. As someone who's been through this I can tell you that's it's very hard to find your way out on your own. May advice would be to start doing therapy with a good therapist. Also, find a meditation teacher who's familiar with dark night. If you don't have friends, get some. You will need them to help you stay grounded. Find some stage green friends. I ended up moving to city that had it all (greenish people, meditation teacher, and a therapist). I still deal with depression from time to time but it is manageable. Yep, that's why I backed off from going to the zen center. They talked about meaninglessness and the dark side of meditation all the time. It felt like rubbing salt on an open wound. I think I asked you before but what does your life look like? Exercise, friends, hobbies, work, etc.

@Philipp Most people have goals because they think it will bring them happiness, complete them, or make them powerful. These are illusions. This search continues because they keep thinking that maybe the next one will work. It never works. There is always more. There is nothing wrong with having goals, but there has to be some understanding that the positive emotions aren't necessarily going to last. There are ways to be at peace and enjoy life. That's what the existentialists were about. Modern psychology and western spirituality often draw from existential philosophy. The basic premise is, find out what you value, and do that. I spent some time in a western zen monastery. The thing that stood out the most was that the monks didn't waste any time. At all. Ever. Period. They flowed from one thing to the next all day every day. Meditation -> Breakfast -> Work -> Lunch -> Work -> Free time -> Dinner -> Meditation. During free time most people either socialized, exercised, played, or worked on some creative activity. They did not slip into distractions. Authenticity is another buzz word with the existentialists. Passion, curiosity, enjoyment, and love are all authentic desires (off the top of my head). That is what is worth pursuing. Validation, power, hedonistic pleasures are not. Regarding the struggles of life, life is hard. All species struggle with survival and the day to day demands of life. Our responsibility is to be strong enough to deal with what life throws at us. Once we have taken care of everything we need to, we have our free time. How we spend it really matters and ultimately brings us satisfaction. If I could summarize the existentialists, open up to the challenges of life, drop distractions, and do what matters.

I never said it could be found at all

I guess the question to consider is whether or not we serve a purpose that don't relate to biological concerns.

I think all things have a purpose. To survive, procreate, and participate in the interconnectedness of reality. I think purpose is more obvious for some things than others. Like, bees, for example. They have the job of spreading pollen from flower to flower and making honey. Some species are food for other species. I'll have to think about the purpose of human beings. I don't think it's quite as obvious because we do so much harm and very little to provide outside of our families. I guess sometimes we do get eaten, so we've gotta be some kind of food source

Do you make a distinction between meaning and purpose?

Hahaha. Awesome. In any case, I used to experience the fear as well. Reality is not what it seems.

@Thewritersunion So do you think that because everything is intimately connected that life has meaning? Seems that you really value love.

@Arthur Well said