ivory

@lostmedstudent That's not what I gathered from this thread. Life has no inherent meaning, and although that may sound nihilistic it's actually very freeing. No outside source can tell you how you should live your life. You don't have to be a certain way or live to anyone else's standards. That said, life is only worth living if you live in such a way that matters to you. So, one could say, life is radically important.

Hey Matt, I've only been doing research into the career so far. I already have a bachelor's degree in computer science but I'm really sick of writing software for a living. Right now I'm trying to figure out if I need a second bachelor's degree in psychology before embarking on the journey towards a PhD. What did you like about the research that you did?

It's been a long hard path deciding what I want to do for my next career. I've lost interest in computer programming but have a strong interest in psychology. I don't think I want to be a therapist but I think I would love doing research. I know that it comes with a set of challenges and it's not going to be all peaches and cream. But I can't think of anything else I want to do. There are numerous possibilities. Like, study the affects of meditation or psychedelics on mental health. Or maybe even challenge the status quo. In psychiatry there's a tendency to over prescribe when simple remedies or behavioral change might do the trick. I can think of a number of things that interest me. Is there anyone here that's been down this road? Right now I'm just gathering data to see if this is the path I really want to go down. I'd love to have your input.

^^

I went through this a couple years ago. Fear of no-self. Fear of nothing existing. Etc. It passes. The best thing you can do is not resist it. After a while you see that the mind is just playing tricks on you and there's nothing to be afraid of.

No but I can say from experience. If you're not building one habit at a time you're doing too much. I can see the value in an accountability partner but they're not going to be there for you forever. It's important to find a pace that's not too quick, but at the same time is also firm. Give up one unhealthy habit at a time. After one or two years you should be solid.

You might find some luck here: https://www.dharmaoverground.org/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/FrontPage#section-FrontPage-Retreat+Centers+and+Places+to+Practice

The fear will pass. But speaking from experience, it won't go away until you face it.

I think you're psyching yourself out a bit. You're not necessarily going to have a bad trip. If you did three grams of shrooms you might though Stick to a low dose. For your first time don't do more than 1.5 grams of mushrooms or more than 100ug of LSD. I don't think you need a trip sitter. It surely doesn't hurt but but you're not going to go crazy on the doses I'm suggesting.

@TamaraD What have you tried so far? I'd start by telling them how I felt and what I wanted. If they weren't willing to talk I'd tell them that I'd be patient and wait until the time is right.

I'm a recovering nice guy. I used to never get girls or get laid. I tried many things to try and attract women, including trying to be tough, cool, a dick, etc. I became quite successful but realized that it was all a front and wasn't sustainable to uphold a false appearance. So I started being myself (I know it sounds cliche). What I learned is that you can be kind and still attract women. The key is honest, direct expression and non-neediness. Women are attracted to honesty and guys who live with integrity and authenticity. This book is a great place to start on an authentic journey to improving skills with women: Models

@ardacigin Cool post. Just out of curiosity how much formal practice do you do daily? Also, do you make time for friends, hobbies, exercise and the like?

Once embarking on the self-development journey you come to realize that most people are lame. Why develop social skills just to get validation from lame folks. For me, green and above are the only ones I like to spend time with and I find it very natural. So when I say find people who are like you, I mean exactly that. Real friendships are formed when you share a common set of values. No effort is required because there's already common ground. My advice to anyone on this forum would be that. Find people who reside in green territory, it may take a while but it's totally worth it. Start there and see if you still want to develop your skills.

Often if you're lazy it'll creep into every other area of your life. Are you doing what needs to get done. Do you have a strong, routine spiritual practice?

For what it's worth, you remind me of myself 8 years ago. Basically what I learned is this. Be responsible and take calculated risks.

Relationships are the most important thing we can have in life. But it's important to be authentic. By that I mean you're not going to be friends with everybody. When people try to sell social skills it reeks of inauthenticity. Find the people who are like you and that share the same values. When you find your people no effort is required.

With roommates you get to develop interpersonal and conflict resolution skills not to mention work on a whole host of other fears. IMO, living with others fosters the most growth. Sometimes we crave long periods of solitude though, in which living alone would make the most sense. As long as you're not avoiding something, it doesn't matter what you do.

Great advice so far. I second "one thing at a time". You'll never get anywhere without focus. That said, if you are suffering deeply, it might help to get a therapist to keep you on track and offer guidance. I used to see one who specialized in self-esteem, life crisis' and depression. Good stuff.

This! It took me a long time to figure this out. Recently I cut out drinking and that's all that I'm focusing on now.

Same thing happened to me when I started meditating. It's gone away since but it lasted for a long time.

@Conscious life I think you used to pump energy into upholding false "macho" qualities. People only think you're weak if you aren't assertive or don't have integrity.

There are authentic desires, not all are egoic. Motives are what need to be examined. Love, joy, creativity, fulfillment, and curiosity come to mind.

I concur

In my experience it's not an effective strategy. The amount of time you spend practicing increases as time progresses. It happens naturally. Too much too soon and you'll have backlash or give up. Realistically, you can only only build one habit at at a time. So, keep that in mind. Start small and go from there.