Adilbek

I had tinnitus in the past and was very concerned. I started digging and came across a piece of research saying that the majority of the cases are due to cranial issue meaning it has to do with the neck. so getting neck massage might help. There are like knots in the neck that need relaxing. We sit in front of the computer all the time so there’s buildup on tension in the neck After I started doing jiu jitsu I noticed almost immediately my tinnitus stopped or decreased significantly. I think it’s because in BJJ you are always engaging the core and neck and exercising that part of the body. I also noticed that regular meditation increased my tinnitus due to kundalini energy. I distinctly felt that. But that was before jiu jitsu and I didn’t meditate so intensely for a while so can’t comment But I think that in some zen traditions hearing tinnitus was like a good sign that you’re close to enlightenment. Even Ramana Maharishi talked about it

Hey buddy, I was in the same boat. But then I stopped bulshitting myself with the spiritual ego and started to discover what I actually wanted out of life and going for it as much as possible. Mushrooms really helped me with it. Ironically they make you spiritual but at the same time they help you "kill" the spiritual ego bullshit that you developed as a result of following all kinds of gurus saying you should just relax. This is bullshit. Mushrooms just showed me that I have fucking great goals and ambitions in life and I want to fucking achieve them and there's no authority in this world to stop me. Mushrooms just showed me that I was giving away all my power to everybody and anybody and I need to take it back into my own hands. Life is very very simple, extremely simple. 1) Ask yourself, "what do I want?" 2) Go and fucking get it This is THE MOST spiritual shit in this world, because it's literally God's will unfolding. Your will. It is the root of life, love, energy, creation. It's pure creation. Life is what you make of it, because you are the Creator! All the best! P.S. I am no different than you, I still have problems and shit, doubts etc. But you will realize that these are just the beauties of life that you get to experience

In the normal perception or level of consciousness we think of ourselves or our personalities as this one single thing. We don't even do that. We just think it's us, it's the way that we are as a person. After taking psychedelics I realized that my ego is like a symphonic orchestra of thoughts, patterns, actions, emotions, interwoven all together. They are just a collection of learned micro behaviors that I adopted for one reason or another. When I was on a heavy dose of mushrooms I was freaking out because I felt like I was "losing myself". To cope with that I witnessed how my freaked out ego threw out a phrase that was supposed to remind me that I am actually the ego. By that point it was futile but I distinctly witnessed that attempt to bring me back into the ego identification. That specific micro behavior was like a part of the symphony of my ego. I realized that my whole fucking ego is a collection of similar patterns that are supposed to fire at specific moments.

Enlightenment is like a light that always shines. But it shines through the personality and it seems to you that the refracted light is not what it should be. Like the shadows of trees refract and distort sunlight on the ground. And it seems to you that the light should look exactly NOT the way it looks now and something is wrong, and this is definitely NOT WHAT IS NEEDED. But this is what is needed. Enlightenment is when you understand that this was THAT all this time. When you realized that because of the shadows of the branches, the sunlight is not something less. Even if you remove all the branches, the nature of the light will not change. And you slowly push the branches apart until the earth is illuminated by light. You already understood that there is no difference and never was, but for this you had to remove the branches first. But now you have removed them and the next time something refracts the light again, you will no longer think that something is wrong with the light I mean to say that the thought "I am not enlightened" is just a branch in the path of the sunlight that seemingly means something significant, that it points to a fact that you're not enlightened. But in reality it's just a branch that cannot change the sunlight. The sunlight is the same whether there is a branch or not blocking it. So it is IMPOSSIBLE to not be enlightened. Only enlightenment is and nothing else. Your belief of not being enlightened, and in fact your whole personality are just some nice embellishments on the face of enlightenment. You are enlightened right now. You are just denying it. The thing is, if enlightenment was something to be attained it wouldn't be such a big deal. But it's a big fucking deal. So the game of attaining enlightenment is actually played in reverse. You need to actively be denying enlightenment to "stay unenlightened". I put it in quotes because again like I said it's only a belief that you are not enlightened. So because enlightenment is so ABSOLUTELY TRUE, it takes a huge effort to stay in denial of enlightenment. The allegory of the cave is actually about enlightenment.

It's all just a river flowing....

that's why I think heaven and hell conversations have a place to be, because while we are in this "solid" state as humans we have a chance to a) realize we are God b) calibrate our reality to steer in the direction that we want because once we die, this vessel pops and whatever the vector was we will just follow there. Not because heaven or hell are real places but because reality is complete chaos..... hell and heaven are just simplified ways to warn ourselves and not miss this chance while we're still human. What do you think, bullshit or no? It's like being a human is like a resting spot where you actually have a shot at self-realization. Otherwise you're just floating in this endless kaleidoscope of God creation

haha. If you are God though, seriously thanks for this life, this shit is legit good

It's like, YOU did it, so the only one knowing the answer is you...

oh by the way by digging into these questions more I am again digging my own grave as an ego:) to again come to the same ol' place

In my current understanding, the ego is just a tool for you to poke yourself and remind yourself that you're God. There seems to me there's a predetermination to that. Like you almost planned it all from the beginning. That you would get interested in psychedelics, get a breakthrough dose, only to "break through" to ... yourself. But why do it? I am thinking of these outliers among humans as Easter Eggs that you leave for yourself in the game. The rest of the 99.999..% of people will never see the reality of it, so you as God can safely sleep in them.

That's actually super poetic, thanks for that. I am not claiming to have attained really. I am just a human being like us all. Albeit a realization came to me that keeping myself small is my strategy of avoiding the Truth. I am for sure stuck in a meta-maze, I don't think I can say I am enlightened or whatever. But this is paradoxical again, the ONLY thing that keeps you un-enlightened is the thought that you are not enlightened. Because besides from that thought there's nothing holding you back really, because besides that thought it's just reality. Avoiding being enlightened is an ACTIVE exercise, you need to be constantly keeping yourself small, constantly thinking you are a little human with little problems. Because once you stop, there's just the reality of God. So you can be un-enlightened to the nth degree but this doesn't change anything at all...it doesn't change that you are still That. But I am not constantly in that state, it was just that glimpse during the trip and my integration really. I'm definitely not in Sahaja Samadhi. Just a glimpse and my thoughts on top of it

@Leo Gura Hi Leo, sorry to bother you...I wrote this post about two years ago. This was the most significant event in my life. Could you provide your comment? I keep coming back to that God realization, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, it just becomes so obvious to me that I am God. I just need someone to talk to about this. Do you live in this state all the time? I feel like the ego is a way to "switch off" and not be ON all the time, do you agree? Thank you for everything, your Youtube videos. And could you provide your assessment where I am in my spiritual journey and provide some guidance? I realize there's still ego keeping me sane, and there's really no levels since I am just God and that's really it. But maybe you have a different opinion. Thanks a lot!

did you consider that perhaps you are fueling that "search" by focusing on it a lot? The more you fuel the search the more intricate it becomes, to the point where you need a very specific thing to happen to satisfy you? Like, yeah it's messy, but it's never supposed to have been some other way. It's just part of the script that you wrote for yourself. Because at the end o the day, the Truth is still the Truth, whatever your attitude towards it is, so the problem is whether you accept it and stop denying it or you don't. But like there's no garbage to be taken out, in a way, it's all part of the game. But yeah as a person I can totally relate. I am same way, really. What helps is remembering that "glimpse" sometimes. In any case, thanks for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it.

yeah I can kind of gather that it's not the 'final' stage, otherwise who would want Enlightenment in the first place. But would you say you are "enlightened" at this point? Like are you in bliss all the time? An enlightenment teacher I follow is in that constant no-ego state all the time, I know there's the temporary and permanent samadhi etc. by no means I am at that point yet.

You could be right for sure. By no means I am saying my "realization" is final or very deep. But it was a huge mindfuck as is, to the point that all the other fluff kind of loses meaning

Hey, so essentially the one who wants to get enlightened is doing it because it's a strategy to satisfy some human need and for some reason other avenues either didn't work or you don't want to put in the time. In my case I wanted to be special, so enlightenment was a great way to do it. The truth is that enlightenment/God is NOT human, it's pre-human if you want. There's something that's at a higher layer than human-ness. But as humans we only want the part that makes us better off as humans. We don't want to suddenly find out that I am actually not a human, I am God and I am literally responsible for everything, I am alone in existence. In my case though the ego has come back together right after and I wouldn't want it any other way. So one can say I am still in "search". That search will only be extinguished until there's a total end of denial of God-nature, at which point there's no reason to search. But before that happens the mind always wants to know "Maybe there's something more? maybe it wasn't it??". But in reality this doesn't interfere with the TRUTH in any way, illusion and Truth perfectly coexist, there's no need for illusion to disappear for Truth to manifest. I may be wrong, that's just my feeling of it. Enlightened teachers are at that total acceptance stage, like in the cycle of acceptance: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Total acceptance is when you can't credibly deny that you are the fucking God anymore and the ego can't conjure up a good argument why you aren't IT. I haven't gotten to the stage of "reaping the fruit" yet. I had a glimpse of it at the end of the trip and some time after, the sense of absolute freedom and no need to prove anything to anyone because I am literally the daddy in this world. Freedom from concepts, ideas of any kind, freedom from "the pursuit of happiness". It passed but it rubbed off me over time through integration. This bit when I say "Why did you come to me again, go live your life. He won't stop until he kills himself". So the thing here is that as God you are "always" there. I put always in quote marks because always doesn't even begin to describe how ALWAYS and ALREADY it really is, it's literally just you and it's RIGHT NOW. So as God it's obvious to you always and at all times that you are God. So but when you come to yourself as an ego through shrooms, maybe self-inquiry, you are NOT AT ALL SURPRISED, there's no new knowledge that you learn from that. It's just the absolute banal and obvious knowledge that you've been here all this time, for eternity. You created everything, there's nothing that needs to be done. The whole world and life is just a PRANK you've been playing on yourself. It's LITERALLY a JOKE, you can't even imagine. So I had this feeling like "this ego came back to me again to remind me that I am God". So the ego is just your way to remind you that you are God from time to time, that's it. And it's literally just for the fuck of it, no reason at all whatsoever. But then you come out of it and you are playing as the ego again, with your problems and plans and dreams. And it's actually fucking amazing. No matter how 'horrible' your life is, it's a fucking ingenious game to keep you occupied and thrilled, and happy and all those emotions. Imagine you're a kid in a theme park. You came there as a "kid who came to the theme park", but after you get immersed in the games and play so much that you forgot that identity and now suddenly you're a pirate on a pirate ship, or you are swimming with the dolphins, or you're a Disney character etc. So enlightenment is you just suddenly remembering that you are that kid who came to the theme park, nothing more nothing less. Was that information new to you? No. The pursuit of enlightenment let's say in an ashram when you meditate for 40 years is just you being a killjoy at the theme park and trying to ignore the attractions in hopes that you'll remember that you're in a theme park. But in fact, that is also just an attraction called "Pursuit of Enlightement", it's still you pranking yourself that you somehow don't remember that you're that kid. Or in the case of Enlightenment, it's you pretending not to know that you're God. The depth of this realization is less than an inch deep. Because you know this already. You can't even become aware of it, because you literally know it already, you ARE IT. It's that weird feeling when you suddenly remember something as if it's been forgotten a long time ago and you smile a little bit - That's IT.

Thank you for taking the time, Leo. This makes me feel good and relieved to know I am not crazy. I will continue with low doses, I've been thinking to get back to it again for a while. Time to reap the fruits!!!!

it's hard to explain. God is just what you are. You've always know about this, you had numerous glimpses about it. You actually KNOW what I am talking about, you are just pretending that you don't or need an explanation.

Thank you very much for your perspective, I'll continue watching satsangs

Yes, there are no drugs. You are drugs

This happened more than a year ago on September 26, 2022. It was the most difficult experience in my life by far. I had several 2g grips, a few 1g trips, a one 3g trip before. On the previous 3g trip I drank the tea slowly. This time I drank it all within a short period of time, which was a mistake. The acceleration started shortly after. It didn't stop at a point where I felt would have been comfortable. It would just keep on going and going. I started to panic and rushed to the washroom to throw up. By the time I got there, the washroom was already resembling more of a spacious temple, the toilet a column in the middle. It was at the same time familiar but completely strange. I realized it was not my washroom at all, at least what I thought was my washroom was never it. Around this time the dose was too high for the ego to be credibly denying the fact that it did not in fact exist. The ego was still holding on to the idea of "I will just throw up and the bad trip will soon be over. I was so stupid to do a huge dose, I will never do mushrooms agian". My girlfriend who was at home with me started to worry as well, I tried to act as if all is fine, that it's just a bad trip and I need to throw up and lie down. But in fact it was the worst possible thing that could be happening, and it was just getting started. It's hard to explain this to someone who didn't experience something similar before. It was harder and harder to stay in the ego. I saw the ego suffering and struggling to stay "alive", but at the same time there was something that saw through it already. It was the denial stage, followed by anger. I tried to lay down and put on the eye mask to keep the resemblance of normality. Because if I did that, it would mean that I'm still having a bad trip and it'd soon be over. But it was not working, nothing was working. Nothing could save me. Meanwhile it was accelerating. I lay down and started to fake acceptance. Ok, I thought, if I can't fight it, let me accept it. I hoped that maybe if I do that, it would ease off. But it was still bargaining, not real acceptance. Meanwhile, it's getting more and more intense. I am still fighting for my life. But it gets so strong that hope is vanishing little by little. I am already thin, very very thin.....It's just me. It's always been just me. I am God. I am all there is, everything and everyone. I created everything. Those thoughts came later, but at that moment, it was just the obvious and banal feeling that it's just me. I keep "coming back to this" without ever leaving it. All else is a daydream. As I felt the approach of death, a realization came that death would be an experience inside me, and it would still lead me to that place where I always am. At that point the fear of death disappeared. Maybe it's the psilocybin that started to taper off or the fact that I realized that death doesn't exist, but I sat in my bed and thought that it doesn't matter how strong the mushrooms are, it can't change the fact that I'm God, so no psychelic can do anything with that simple fact. I remember when faced with death, choosing to keep my ego - I guess it was the ego deciding, but that's beyond the point . I thought, I am still giving myself a chance to play as an ego for a little more time, because THAT place will never go away anywhere. I opened my eyes and looked at the hands. It felt like I was looking through a screen. I was fully sure that I could do telekinesis. I tried to move something in the room, and was surprised that I couldn't. I checked my phone, there were some news about some fight that happened in my country. It was very hilarious to me at that point - that we choose to do this stupid shit with our time here, it's literally the stupidest and funniest shit we can do. And that I am the one doing it. I am literally responsible for everything. There is no bigger authority in this world that me. I am the ONLY authority, for better of for worse. Then I immediately texted Leo on Facebook, fully sure that he'd respond to me because at that moment I felt like only Leo can understand what I'm saying. I realized that all enlightened people are not real, they are just meat dolls that I put out there for my own entertainment, like NPCs in a game giving out quests. That NO ONE can be enlightened, because only "I" can be enlightened, whatever that means - I don't completely understand why I am feeling this way. I understood the meaning of the koan "if you meet a Buddha on the way, kill him" - because he's not Buddha, he's just a doll, because nothing can kill Buddha, only God is Buddha, and I am that. I also saw that the real truth is pure insanity. It is absolutely insane. That a crazy guy in the comment section is the actual enlightened being - because it's fucking YOU, just trolling yourself for believing all this bullshit. LOL -- edit the above was written just now. The below was the original post. Some key realizations: * I am God. I created everything. * I am alone. Utterly alone. Speaking to myself. This is excruciating and terrible. There's no one to consult with, no one to ask, no authority except myself. * There are no enlightened masters. Reality is insanity. The only enlightened masters are insane people. Enlightened masters are puppets I put for myself to entertain myself and leave breadcrumbs. * I am playing cat and mouse with myself. Forgetting and remembering. But it's all for fun, there's nothing at stake. * My ego is enormous. It is selfish and greedy. The fact that I needed a mushroom trip to see this means I wanted to feel special, regular ways of "getting to Truth" are not cool or special enough for me. All is an attempt to fill the hole inside. It's selfish and disregarding to my loved ones. It's all an attempt to add something to my collection of things that make me special, it's just greed and selfishness. It's disgusting. I remember that I said to myself "Why did you come to me again, go live your life. He won't stop until he kills himself". The ego is selfish it won't stop searching and digging until it destroys itself. But it won't find anything that isn't there already. It will just come to the same old place where I've always been. And alone, again. * I cannot die, death is inside me, I created death * As an ego I have too much to lose. I want to get back to ignorance and live my life. That's why I didn't want to --- Hey, thank you so much for reading this! As an ego I'd like to say that I still have so much to learn. As God, I just want to say hahahahahaha On a more serious note, I am still integrating this experience and I get almost like panic attacks when I recall the experience. I stopped watching satsangs, stopped meditation because all that would raise energy in my body to the point of ringing in ears and throw me back into the realization. I've been slowly integrating the experience but it has not been an easy journey. I definitely got more than I bargained for

Leo, why am I afraid of knowing that I am God and actively trying to avoid remembering that? My guess is that knowing that I am God means I can’t bullshit myself anymore and I enjoy being ignorant. Also knowledge is lonely, knowing that I made all this up is just so lonely and sad

But it feels so bad

Beautiful, thank you for sharing

I had the same feeling when on mushrooms that I can move things if I want to. Tried to move a bottle but couldn’t. But I was sure that it’s possible since I am God