Ecocotton

Like rapture - IIO a lot too

Posting music that lifts me up too

I'm reasoning in circles and can't find my way out of this logic. My biggest fear is hell, how can i accept it if the definition of hell is that you can't accept it (when you are in it). If you could accept it, it wouldn't be hell. Please help me understand this.

@Anahata Thanks

@dflores321 But if god created everything, he created my thoughts too and my thoughts are very fearful and scary

@Vynce Yes I already am thinking in those terms since I understand Leo's teachings. I'm at the point where I don't know what to believe anymore regarding anything in my spiritual journey. Regarding solipsism, I have had a mystical experience where I became everyone and everything, including the spirit inside of every living creature. If that is true or not I don't know. But that doesn't necessarily mean that other people have their own consciousness like me. If solipsism is true and I created everything just for me, whats the point of anything? If the point of Gods creation is to share love with all the "beings" in the universe like Leo says, what's the point if it's only with one being at a time?

If solipsism is true and I am the only one in the universe having a subjective experience, is Leo lying when he is talking about other people, or for example when he says "most people..."? Or rather since Leo is just a part of my consciousness, am I lying to myself when Leo talks about other people.? If it is true that some parts of Leo's videos is just me deceiving myself then I don't know what to believe anymore since I used to believe in many of Leo's teachings. Also a question for Leo, when is your video on solipsism coming out? I hope to hear any input or thoughts. Thanks!

@Leo Gura I am thankful for all Your videos. I have two questions that have come up while watching your videos. Can you expand a little more about what you mean that every moment is eternal. Is every moment like frozen in time and our awareness is going from snapshot to snapshot? When you say everything is a miracle, do you mean because out of an infinity of possibilities this is what happened? Can you expand a little more of what you mean with it's a miracle? Why is it a miracle?

Thank you @Nahm and @RichardY

@ajasatya @purerogue Thanks! @Serotoninluv Yes exactly, that is how it feels for me. I am so afraid of the unknown, more afraid than the desire for the truth. My enlightenment experience happened spontaneously without meditation. It felt like an energy that moved about ten centimeters from my third eye chakra and upwards. I have been doing self-inquiry a little but not routinely everyday, only sporadically. I have been meditating 1,5 years everyday but I stopped about a year ago since I thought it triggered my psychosis. And when I know that that was only a glimpse of the oxe's tail, what to expect when I see the whole ox, and looking it in the eyes like leo says.

@tedens @Aakash Thanks for you responses @Serotoninluv No it is not blissful but maybe it is better then the truth.

I have noticed that the reason I want to know the truth, the existential nature of reality, is because I am fearful about what happens after death or in the future of my life. I want something to tell me that everything is alright and that there is nothing to fear, (you can't live life if you are afraid of death). The reason I want to know truth is coming more from fear then from curiosity. I am thinking that IF the answer is "bad" meaning that we come to a worse place after death, I don't want to know it, I would rather continue living in ignorance (ignorance is bliss) then know the truth if the truth is scary. Leo often says that we should pursue truth for truths sake, but why would we want to know if the truth is negative (or terrifying, horrible, horrific etc.)? From everything I've heard, the truth seems to be positive but the point is that I don't know that yet since I am not enlightened and the main reason I am pursuing truth is because of fear.

@Leo Gura Thank you so much

@Serotoninluv Thank you, I need to watch Leo's 10 ox herding pictures again

Yesterday I had an enlightenment experience where I became conscious of what I think was nothingness. I was watching Leo's video, What Is Consciousness, and he was talking about how consciousness can't have any attribute since if it did it wouldn't be able to take on the opposite of that attribute. For example if consciousness was red, or cold, or rough, or smooth, or etherial, or solid, it wouldn't be able to be the opposite of that attribute. If it was red it couldn't be green, if it was smooth it couldn't be rough. So consciousness needs to be able to take on any attribute and therefore it needs to be completely empty of any attributes or properties. Even free of time and space. I was watching the video and suddenly my consciousness shifted and I felt like I was Leo, I was looking of a picture of a guy and I was him too, I was everyone I ever knew and also everything around me (all objects), and then I realized what I was was nothingness. So by becoming nothing, I became everything simultaneously. I also felt like that nothingness was what was looking through my eyes. It really felt like awakening from a dream and the term "awakening" is a very accurate description. The nothingness was not an idea of nothingness, it was actual nothingness and for that reason it kind of feels like it was magical nothingness since it exists but it still is nothing. It feels like it is beyond existence or non-existence, beyond self and no-self, time and space, colors, or any other attribute. I am writing in past tense but I am still conscious off these things that I noticed but it is not present all the time and it can be more or less strong. So now I am wondering where this experience/insight stands in comparison to the 10 ox herding pictures and if anyone here on the forum has any reflections on that?