kag101

So it's just anectodal evidence? Aren't you trusting those experiences you had too much? What if this "seeing" you've had is actually illusory? How is this not solipsism? And you are claiming that you have that power?

Solipsism? How can you be so sure? I hope not. That would be freaking boring, lol. Reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day. What do you mean by "magic"?

Hey! I just realized that I created a topic about this same subject on the same day as you posted this one. Lol, synchronicity. Oh... and I also didn't have any replies, lol. Yes! Yeap. Good reminder. I have a weakness that I've been working on in regards to decision-making. I wrote about it on the topic that I posted:

It sounds interesting. Thanks for sharing!

Acupucture is just a fancy form of placebo. It can work, but it's still a placebo... I don't find those carthatic methods (such as intense breath work) to be effective. It can have a temporary effect, but it doesn't really work in the long-term. Good psychotherapy is, in my experience, the most powerful and effective way to truly emotional release. It's a gradual and solid process.

Sometimes having egotistical fantasies can be quite enjoyable, lol. BS. I'm not sure if I really understood. You engage in a mental masturbation to figure out why you had a certain thought and that leads you nowhere?

Haha... I think you're judging your judgments way too much. This only adds to the problem. It's just like people who only want to think positive. Sooner or later, it backfires. I have this tendency of overly self-justifying. I can't just do something "because I feel like it". No... I have to have tons of arguments on why I'm doing that. So really, try not to fight with the thoughts you naturally have. Thoughts are neither good or bad, they're just thoughts. Don't take them too seriously. Sometimes there's got to be confrontation in a relationship. Being loving does not mean being a pushover. If you partner doesn't vaccuum once, then I think you have all the right to be angry at him. Obviously, we can't go to the other extreme and start yelling and being rude. It's a matter of being firm without being aggressive.

You sound neurotic and arrogant.

Do you work or study?

Of course not. Mind secretes thoughts just like the salivary glands secrete saliva.

college crisis i've been anxious about my college classes. i really want to change the modality to a hybrid, which means that I would have to go fewer days to college. that's become so clear. too bad i didn't realize that beforehand. problem is, i have a scholarship. and i might lose it if i do that. i'll only know the answer in july/august. goddamn! i know that time passes by quickly, but it's not easy. i won't be able to keep up with going to classes every single day, and watching some boring-ass classes. i mean, if it's 2-3 times per week, i can handle it. but 5 times a week. blah! i'm mostly self-taught. so this change would be very beneficial. i don't like the classes, but i really enjoy reading the books and doing my own research. the college i'm going to is pretty easy. that's a good thing. it's something important for me, so figured the need for coming up with a strategy for being able to continue. adapt. i'm becoming a better strategist. and the key point in this case is: learning how to put a specific worry on-hold if i'll only have an answer in a month or two, i've got to find ways to not get overwhelmed by the anxiety. there's a time to take action, and there's a time to do nothing. i'd say i have 65% chance of changing the modality and keeping my scholarship. hello, Future Self, did that work out? i hope so leaving comfort zone here i've been thinking about trying to share more personal things here. like not an oversharing kinda stuff. i guess that could be positive. for example: i'm bissexual. tinder is pretty good for meeting new guys, but it's crappy for meeting women. i've bought a 1-month platinum version. i hope that helps me have a match with at least 1 interesting woman. but i do understand that, regardless of the gender, it's hard to find cool people. cute guy - meet two weeks from now there's this guy i've been talking with for a year. we've met only once. it's hard to go on a date with someone when you need to use a mask most of the time. because in order to kiss, both parties have to take off the mask. so it's kinda unnatural. well, basically, i tried to induce some situations that we took off our mask, but then he quickly put it back. i thought that maybe he didn't want to kiss or something, but i'm pretty sure he didn't even notice what i wanted to do. but i think we're going out again (if there isn't yet another lockdown) two weekends from now. (4th or 5th of june) i've dropped some hints, and i think it's become clear that he does want to kiss me. so i'm just going to go for it. if he doesn't want, it's okay. he's first and foremost my friend. we have a very special connection. he's a great listener, light-hearted, simple, etc. when we first started talking, i was infatuated. it took me some months to get out of that. and i'm curious to see what would happen if we did kiss. i've never officially dated someone, so that could be interesting. on the other hand, i feel like it's important to weight carefully if that's what i really want. because i feel like that can be a lot of room for growth by going out with several different people. ps: as you can see, the key senteces here are bold. not sure if that is good or actually too much?

Lol Yes Yes Very thoughtful reply, @kinesin Why did you have this need for ranting about reality to her? I've done that in the past many times, and I was one of the most unpleasant persons to be around with -- worse than an overly religious person. I thought I was on a higher level spiritually, but in reality my life was a huge mess, and I was desperately trying to use spirituality as a shortcut for magically changing how I felt. Here's a quote I really like: "My family hates me when I'm a Buddhist, but they love me when I'm a Buddha."

why not?

As soon as I make a decision, big or small, I start to overthink: "Omggg, what if i get it wrong?" so here's what i've been practicing: 1) weight the pros and cons for a while 2) simply decide (imperfectly) 3) become aware of the thoughts of second-guessing the decision 4) withstand the anxiety of not knowing the result. 5) analyze the results & the strategy I used i find that starting with easier things is the way to go. for instance, deciding what to eat at a restaurant. i check the menu. pick 3 plates that grab my attention. think a little more. and decide. period. "what if it's a bad meal?" >> fuck it! that's not the important thing. in the long run, here's what truly matters: it is not the result per se, but how did I decided. • if i have a bad result, but i had a good strategy → good! Why? in future situations, i will have higher odds of succeeding. • if get good results, but poor strategy → bad! Why? my odds of fucking things up in the future will certainly increase. it's important to analyze before doing stuff though. being reckless and random is definitely a recipe for failure. but what i've found is that my weakness is not letting go of analyzing. that's very counterproductive. if you're interested in this topic, i recommend this episode: i'd really like to hear you guys experiences on this topic

I'm sorry you're close-minded about that. You'll keep on suffering then. Depression, like cancer, tends to grow if it's left untreated. For more severe cases like yours, medication is a must.

Very good! ???

Childhood trauma. Psychotherapy is the most effective method for dealing with that.

Just because you can't measure an illness, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. “Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.” ― Kay Redfield Jamison How long have you been stable?

Dude, OP is going through a very hard time, and you come here with this arrogant positivity. How many have you tried? Did you like the psychiatrist?

Wow, it sounds like you have pretty cool parents

That's vague. Can you be more specific about your experience?

Hey! I think that many of us here face this problem. Fortunately, it seems like your case is not super severe. Have you ever done psychotherapy? I think it's valid to consciously work on that by exposing yourself to social situations. Human bonding is not a luxury, it's a necessity. We all need it. I think that if you keep seeking, you will eventually find people who you naturally resonate with, then you'll be friends. How did you meet your girlfriend? How was the process of you meeting her, to getting intimate, and then having a relationship with her? Welcome on-board

I agree. That's why nature has provided us with neurotransmitters to give color and comfort to our experience. When they're not working properly, then life becomes unbearable. Have you ever taken antidepressant? They can help.

imo, it's actually the opposite. when i say that to myself, i'm not in the moment anymore, but in my head. by doing things i naturally enjoy doing. it's just like a child or a dog. they don't try to be present; they simply are. btw - i think that in the future they will come up with a term to describe a disorder that is characterized by obsessively trying to be present. Obsessive-compusive mindfulness, or something lol. I suffered from that, for sure.

Hey! First of all, that was a very interesting read. I think you were able to express yourself clearly. I thought it was insightful. Do you journal? It can be quite therapeutical. Btw - would it be possible for you to have psychotherapy sessions? I agree with @Bob Seeker. If you find a good therapist, it can help tremendously. It really breaks my heart to see young people completely overwhelmed by going to college. I've been there. All this overwhelming pressure is so detrimental. Anyway, it seems like you are a self-taught kind of person. I really like the way you described your enthusiasm when you were researching about Physics. I think you would be a great researcher, because you have tons of curiosity. Here's something to consider: even if you pass in one, maybe it wouldn't be a good for you to study at a hard university. If you do a strategic move of going to an easier one, I think that — counterintutively — you might end up learning even more, because you won't have to stress the hell out of you to pass the exams/do assignments. And therefore that will open some room for you to do your personal research. In fact, I'm currently doing that. I'm at my first semester doing a Psychology major at a not-so-difficult college. I've committed to the habit of studying at least 20 minutes per day. And I am enjoying it. For instance, I have an ethics class. The class itself is kinda boring, but I am doing some very interesting research on my own for an assignment. Just to make sure: have you ever done any online test to check if you might have depression? It's simple and quick to do so. https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression/ That was deep. Did you try all these new habits all at once? Best of luck! You're awesome. I'm rooting for you! ???