Azrael

Nice one! @Little Plant, it's normal. Don't worry. You have to take in account that your brain is physiologically changing. It rewires itself. That's a very physical process. And that'll bring up some crazy states, hallucinations, emotions etc. up. Expect it all and get used to it. At some point you can have an emotional roller-coaster inside you, seeing hallucinations and you being like "Well, seems all quite right here." This'll all go of course at some point, but it takes time.

That's why I don't tell you guys where I get my psychedelics from. Cuz you too crazy. You just too crazy.

No, it remained completely unnoticed. And I haven't told anyone as well. And I won't. Why should I. I told you guys because you are into it and it might help you listening to another story of how it can happen. At least they didn't came to me and said something. But remember, you still keep your character, how you speak, what you do, what you like and dislike etc. The only thing that definitely goes from you is suffering and attachment. So people may notice that you are more relaxed and seem not to care so hard any more. But yeah, actually I had never in my life somebody come to me saying "Wow you changed a lot." Although I had quite some changes in interests and opinions throughout my life, way more then enlightenment in that respect. It's probably because I'm so young and so involved in so many different things that it just doesn't surprise people no more if I do this thing, or change a little here, or ... . I'm not your typical guy out of a factory.

It never existed with body and mind in the first place. That's not madness, that's a very deep realization. Get there and then your question will be laughable to yourself.

I'd suggest reading some scientific articles and studies about the topic. Maybe talk to some people who were in the situation you are in and how they did it. Shrooms are a start if you start slow. But go research, it's all out there.

Now, shrooms can be highly effective in your situation. But I am not a doctor and I don't now who you are and how much you can stand. If I just were to say: "Yeah, go ahead, shoot your brain out with shrooms" and you do that and commit suicide because all of the repressed emotions are coming up, I cannot stay by that statement. (Btw, that's possible. You can lose total control if the dose is high enough and if you then get into a wrong stream of thoughts, you might kill yourself. That's not just a saying.) For someone who is emotionally at a normal base level (normal non-integrated egoic consciousness), I think it's quite safe if you do the research and start slow to try psychedelics. Of course there are always exceptions. But if you have serious emotional problems, you better talk to a doctor about that or do it with a doctor. I had serious emotional problems (due to shadow work / spiritual purification) and I did psychedelics either way, but that's because I researched them myself intensely, started slow, and I know who I am and how much I can take. But I can't make that call for you. So, go research. And if you do, start slow.

In my opinion (and in my experience) there are people with which you'll always have very deep and interesting conversations by default. Keep them if you like. And there are others that just always fight over opinions and get high on there ego doing it. Get rid of them. Find better people, stop fucking with the low people. ... Or even better, talk to them (sometimes) and just don't take them seriously.

@Anna1, I suggest you try some psychedelics for yourself sometime and widen your perspective. You seem very ill-informed on the subject and it can be quite helpful and mind-blowing. There are a ton of psychedelic retreats for example in South America and there are whole clinics that do it with doctors and a lot of set up and stuff. These substances are not illegal there. Also here in Europe in Holland for example psychedelic truffles and weed is legal. I don't do psychedelics once a month like Bas asked, I've times where I do it more and times where I do it less (because it's quite time-consuming and I have a lot going on) but throughout all my experiences it just helped out so much more then anything else, it's incredible. Leo once shared a conservative opinion on psychedelics as well until he did it himself. So, maybe just try it. You can still be a hater after it (although you won't be. You'll be a fucking believer.)

Very true.

I mean you could, I mean you Americans are free people and free to do what ever you want, right? Well, it's just that there are these 2-3 people that will call on me when actual stupid people (and they exist - also here on the forum) will do that kind of stuff. That's why I have me precautions all set.

I don't know. Haven't asked them. But you have to see that I'm still the same character, speaking in the same way, being interested in the same stuff. I'm now just way more relaxed, not in pain or tension any more and not in search any more (or let's say in desperate search). But it's not like I'm a totally different guy now. I'm mostly the same ... but better - cuz I know what's going on here and that's relaxing to know.

I think you are better off with EMDR for now. Research it, you can do it on your own.

Yeah, that's a good description of a phase in the technique and no it's not like 5-MeO. 5-MeO is not a physical pain. There is physical intensity but I wouldn't wanna make a relation here. It's very different and even the release that happens is very different. You know how it's like when the release with SDS finally happens? Take this and multiply it times infinity, then you get an idea how it's like when you break through ... or shall we say out. Yes, it happens from time to time. It builds up, builds up, builds up and then releases. Here's a radical metaphor for how much you can purify (and why you seem so full of resistance): As long as you are not able to take a knife and cut your arm without feeling something, there's more SDS and 5-MeO to do. Now, that's a metaphor. Don't cut yourself, be wise. But I have personally experienced a state in which this is possible. Because, if you are really not attached to you as a person, cutting your arm is like cutting a piece of meat you wanna eat. You feel nothing. But as I said, don't take me literally here. It's just a metaphor for you to dig.

Sorry, didn't get the question. Could you rephrase it?

I think that for me shrooms and 5-MeO-DMT did the most "damage" so to speak. The other ones like LSD / n,n-DMT didn't permanently change my consciousness. They led me to a lot of realizations and showed me incredible psychedelic experiences, but I was mostly the same going in and out. 5-MeO-DMT blasted all of the tensions out of my body and shrooms helped to clean up the rest of the system. In some way it feels like they have a yin/yang relationship. 5-MeO-DMT is like a tyrant father that beats the shit out of you and makes you a man, and shrooms is like a poisonous mother that heals you with witchcraft. So I always did 5-MeO-DMT and then a few shroom trips. And right now, if I do shrooms it's like doing 5-MeO-DMT for 3 hours with the shroom hallucinations and vibes. It's pretty heavy. So yeah, they are the "Angel of Death's" first choice. BTW, I seriously think that if you did 5-MeO-DMT for like one week in a retreat with doctors and shit, every day, there is no way not to come enlightened out of this. The only thing is, who can stand this? One experience is like enough to integrate for a few months. Maybe even for a lifetime. It's that deep. But if you wanna make some progress, go with 5-MeO. There is no better technique on planet earth and I doubt that there will be a better one very soon. I doubt it.

Well, not really. It really depends here which level we observe. I didn't talk about the normal individual level. I talked about the mechanisms "above that", that make the human and his world and everything he knows possible. And I wouldn't say that it has free will because there is not an entity you could attribute that freeness to, however it does occur freely and spontaneously in the sense that it is a-mechanical, it just is. It is highly intelligent, follows certain patterns but doesn't is the victim of a process itself. It creates processes. Very abstract thing were are talking about here. Maybe just experience it for yourself, then it's clearer. But basically, you can prove and disprove most of the concepts you know just by looking at them from different levels. On one level it might be the one way, on another it might be the opposite. Look at physics, at one level Newtonian physics can be proven empirically for a lot of things, on another level quantum mechanics work and Newtonian doesn't. On other levels again, quantum mechanics doesn't work no more. It's this ever-changing fractal that you cannot put in one of your models - because it is the thing that makes you and your world possible. So it is axiomatic to you and your world and by that nature can never be implied by something you or your world do. Dig that.

Yeah, I mean this happens to people. Look at Eckhart Tolle, he sat on a bench for like two years after it. I think it really depends on how you go about it. If you consciously seek this and read up about it, have your first experiences with meditation, psychedelics and on your own, you are slowly brought to it. And you think you know at some point what it will be like. Well you don't, but at least you are prepared for this to happen. Although you can't really, but you get the idea. There a difference being a soldier that trained for years to be in real combat and your mom going to combat with no training at all. For both it's a complete new experience that no one really couldn't fathom before, but the soldier's odds to get along are way higher than your mom's. It's somehow relateble to that. Also realize that your character doesn't change. It may open up, some things will go, some will be new, but your individual core, how you talk, what you think, how you think, your preferences etc. stay the same. Mostly. So it's not that you turn into this passionless, non-thinking, completely wise transcended master in one day. It's a slow and gradual transition.

I wouldn't say more love, but more compassion. But before I go into this - please realize that this is a symptom of it. It doesn't have to do anything with enlightenment at all. It may be so, that the clearer your understanding gets the more lovely you get - maybe, maybe not. I'm still young, I have a very black humor, I like tasty food, I do dumb shit. That didn't change. On the opposite, I am even more happy doing this. So my character didn't change, the thoughts went down to like 20-30% compared to what I thought before. Basically because all of the thoughts that consistently come back to you are gone. So the unique ones remain. Through that, you still think the same. But with less drama. One worry isn't bad and doesn't feel bad. But having the same worry 20-50 times over one day, resisting it and feeling bad emotions every time is a horror show. This changed for me a lot. With little and big things. So yeah, more compassionate. If someone is stuck in his thinking and cannot get out I sometimes get sad inside for him because I can see why he struggles and I'd like to help him. This sadness doesn't feel bad though, real sadness doesn't in my experience. It's one of the most intimate experiences to have. I'm always happy to see sadness come around. Because it's so pure. My point of everyday life is doing my shit. Living my life, being passionate about my studies and my work, loving being around my friends, being thrilled to visit Vancouver in a few weeks and all the other stuff. It's basically the same life I had before - minus me wanting to get away from every situation I'm in, minus the horror movies in my head, minus resisting emotions and being stuck plus realizing what is going on here. Or at least recognizing who I am. I don't know everything what is going on here. So yeah, actually these days I begin to fathom what is really happening. I still don't, really. Because it's so different and I still need to make sense of it. But when I have, I'll write a new post and talk about it. I have come up with a few metaphors and ideas, but it's still very foreign for me.

@cetus56, interesting thoughts! it's more than that. Let's say that the mind for this illustration is your capacity to conceptualize. So it produces thoughts, feelings, even sensations (they are glued to concepts so deeply we don't even recognize it as conceptual). Passing through the membrane of course releases all that, blows it up until it's gone. But that's not all in my experience. When you go to absolute infinity the membrane flips inside out. Meaning that everything you know is seen as relative and through that your identity also flips inside out. You realize that you are absolutely infinite and that everything finite you ever perceived is just an relative aspect of it. It flips the whole dream inside out, the way how your perceive everything and your identity as a whole. Think of it that way. Every way you know something right now, doesn't exist there any more. It's the opposite. And this goes for every thing you can every perceive. So it changes everything, literally. Depends on how we define transcend. In my own personal experience it was that before my awakening everything I cared about was my mind, how it worked, how it saw the world, whether it felt good or bad, what it thought, why it thought, what emotions it produced, why I couldn't be that way and why I was another way ... After my awakening I forgot that I even had a mind. It still does its job but it's like the door in my apartment. I use it when I need it and then its very useful, all of the other time it is just being a mind. Doing its mind thing. Maybe having thoughts, maybe not. Integrating past stuff, organizing future stuff, resting and not doing any stuff. But it doesn't go around screaming and crying and being offended and so and so no more. It's just doing its thing like the door does its thing when I use it. It doesn't resist itself no more. As said above, it's a part of it. But there is more to it. It's still just a symptom of a way bigger thing that is happening.

You shouldn't aim to go to absolute infinity with your first trip. Go in slow steps. Start slow and work yourself up. Otherwise you'll just get scared and never do it again.

Haven't tried yet. I will let you know when I do.

You have to see that every realm of reality like our normal "waking state", "dreaming state", "sleeping state" comes with certain dynamics that shape what can exist in these realms. It's like every of these realms is like a frame through which certain pictures are possible because of the nature of the frame. Now, realize that your normal waking state is just one of these frames. It can see, hear, feel, touch etc. and that's it. There could be an infinite collection infinitely combined of these way's to perceive that would shape infinite worlds out of nothingness that would include literally everything you can ever think of. The vampire sits right in front of you right now. You just don't have the frame to see it. And if you had, it could be as real as a tree. Contemplate that. I'd strongly suggest that you don't have a body that can die. If you realize that and go through that experience a couple of times with psychedelics (you'll be totally shocked if you do) you'll see that merely your current frame ends. Your perceptions will go away and you'll begin to realize who you really are. Because something will still remain because it was never birthed in life nor will it ever die out of life. What happens then? I don't know. Probably a lot of different stuff for a lot of different individual frames that come to an end. Maybe these frames are connected and undergo development. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they just die of and nothing happens, until another one comes on. Maybe. You'll see. But whatever happens will be fine because you cannot die. Because you are God. G - o motherfuckin' d. You'll live your life how you're supposed to live it. It's different for every one. Don't worry, you'll find your way. But as soon as you try to mark out an general case for every one, you'll fail. That one doesn't exist. Because if it did, all the subjective ones couldn't exist - although they do. Dude, if you don't wanna do it, don't. There's no problem. Nobody's pointing fingers here and laughing. But don't expect to ever know what it feels like to be in space when you don't actually want to fly in space with a rocket. Is it scary? Of course it is. It's outer space. Will you ever be able to get even a glimpse of it when you don't go. No. Simply no. Because to experience absolute infinity you have to go through a membrane that we call death. Now in front of this membrane (personally for you) there are all kinds of fears, daemons, stories, all the good stuff. And all of them will rush your way if you are on the way to cross the membrane. And they'll try to hold you down. And only the one who goes through that will be able to pass the membrane and experience absolute infinity. For one it might be easier, for another one it will never be achievable by "conscious will". The point is, to even get there you need the power of something as strong as 5-MeO-DMT. And even then it's not an easy ride. You can meditate for the next 40 years (which is great and you should do that because it helps on so many levels). But even then I seriously doubt that you get a glimpse of this experience because it's so different. It's so alien. There is no tool in your intellectual tool box to make sense of it. Maybe you do, there certainly are people who did it that way. It's your choice.

Maybe there lives a little conceptual man in your head who is trying to not be seen as a concept by awareness and so keeps it busy to never really calm down and just be.

Cold fucking shower before it works for me.

The fact that you don't ask that question no more.