Azrael

After my first 120 minutes strong determination sitting I woke up for three weeks and felt completely peace the whole day. No terrifying thoughts, no bullshit, just pure concentration + relaxation. I was so effortlessly concentrated I merged most of the day either with what I saw in front of me or with every situation I was in with somebody else. I thought: "This is so nuts, fuck enlightenment. This is enough. I completely feel free. I am it." I even cried sometimes because it was so nice or laughed, didn't make a difference. After that 'till now I am always mixed up by my feelings, feeling shitty, feeling concentrated. Sometimes I'm going back in cycles to that state I described. But here is the thing. This is all just progress. These are all phases of the journey and you'll go through a lot of them. I tend to develop a kind of "I don't give a fuck" attitude how my mind currently does its thing - whether all is nice or everything is shitty. If you are conscious enough you can begin to see through that. But your ego won't go without battles . Btw, you = ego. Doesn't make a difference. "My ego" is just talking to you. So, lay back and have fun watching it. There will probably come a lot of phases you haven't encountered yet. Cheers to you,

Oh, I have / had a big problem with that myself. I'm not at the point where I completely accept everything and just be the flow itself but I made some good improvements. I started out with being totally frantic and neurotic (as I see it right now) and at this point in my life I'm pretty chill most of the time and a little neurotic and frantic when "important" stuff happens. So, here is basically what I do to get better at this: Every time I feel as if I cannot accept either the present moment / myself or whatever is happening to me I concentrate very deeply into that feeling. I locate it in my body (for example fear often sits in my stomach) and I just observe it. If I can I lay down on my bed and feel really into it, doing some self-hypnosis to getting to the root of it, I do that. I don't try to get rid of it, but I just feel it and so kind of accept that the "non-acceptance" is just there. This typically helps me to get out of my head and relax myself a little and overtime this is my key for holding my shit together. I agree to everyone saying that you don't need any technique and just let it be. That's all right. And I agree that we are all awakened but don't see it and so on. But in reality @Emerald Wilkins I know for myself that there are situations in which you need a technique to get on with your life. So, that's what I do. In the long-term I cannot agree more to @Jan Odvarko. Strong determination sittings are responsible for my fastest and deepest gains in that field.

Is enlightenment the highest wisdom? Very interesting question. For me it feels like there only can be wisdom for the unknowing, the dumb one. The one who is not in the know. As soon as you start to get in the know there probably is no wisdom to find but reality itself. So, in some sense I'd say yes it is the greatest wisdom to find - for someone like me who is blind. But as soon as this barrier breaks that @Emerald Wilkins used in her very beautiful analogy I think wisdom becomes reality - at least the most of it. Let's see for ourself, will ya?

Ever since Leo did his "Do Nothing" and "Strong Determination Sitting" videos I practiced these techniques very rigorously and I attribute fast spiritual gains especially to strong determination sittings. In the beginning I was kind of shocked of how direct this method is in releasing illusion. I just recently found an great analogy that explains especially why such a technique can bring you so much clarity so fast. In an Alan Watts Lecture he mentioned that he has looked into the "act of torture" and makes the point that the worst part of torture is the beginning. Because in the beginning the victim is full of all his illusions and dramas. As the torture proceeds the victim over time seems to get in this drunken masochistic state in which he actually starts to get pleasure out of the pain. I find this analogy kind of useful to explain what happens in strong determination sittings. You start off basically with all of your beliefs and are just taken through the rudest kinds of pains 'till there is nothing left then plain it. I personally found that there is a state in these sittings in which you completely surrender to the pain, you just give up and take it all in. You completely accept that you don't know when it'll stop, you accept the roughness of the sensation of pain and see it just as it is. After doing this dozens of times your view on pain seems to dramatically shift. You have seen through a lot of pure illusion by just surrendering and bringing yourself to the end and what it will leave you with is this great sense of groundedness. I attribute most of my gains that I have made so far in very long and very intense strong determination sittings. I hope i could inspire you guys, let me know what you think of it? Something to try, or maybe a little to harsh for you? A little to direct? For me personally I found a lot of beauty in this very simple task. I found the Alan Watts analogy in this video. Highly inspirational for me.

You find the lecture here. Always a pleasure to share what this man had to say.

@Emerald Wilkins @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj I challenge both of you to ever get aroused enough to have an orgasm while seriously contemplating "Who am I?" or "What am I?". Just kidding here. You can get enlightened while sitting on the toilet reading the newspaper. Just look at the Zen practice and how they enlighten people. Yesterday night I meditated while listening to an Alan Watts lecture about Zen stories and they really do crazy stuff to shock you so spontaneously and directly that you have to awaken. So who knows, right?

I kind of sense in your posts that you are a little pissed about this enlightenment work. If that is the case that's completely fine and can be one of your first realizations. Investigate why you are so critical about it. Why do you feel angry about it? (if that's the case) But look dude, actually it's not hidden at all. Actually everything is it and everything you see, sense, ... perceive is it and so on. So it just lies right in front of you. Now, what we as humans do is that we like to play. We like to play so decisively that we forget that we play. See it this way: if you act in a game for a long enough time and everybody around you does the same thing and everybody you ask about it will always defend the game, don't you think your perspective will completely merge with the game? How could it be not? So, remember a world in which everybody is enlightened. What would be different? The ego would still develop as we grow up (that's just normal) but because everybody is in the know and it's common sense the last step from the egoic phase to the trans-egoic phase would probably a natural process supported by everyone because it would be the thing to do. But that's not yet the case (look up the Graves model, we are not at green or further). So, if I look at it - it is perfectly fine and just the way it is supposed to be. Investigate you criticism, it's not bad. (Had to use that cool smiley once .. hehe) It can be the source of great realization!

I occasionally have meditations in which this happens very directly. Meaning, that I see flashes of memories (very vivid) or hear voices from my friends and family. I have this on a daily basis but just as normal thoughts and as I described sometimes in great visual or auditory detail in meditations (very often late at night when I'm merging with the hypnagogic state). This is perfectly normal and yes it's part of the purging Leo talks about. The shit get processed and needs to go out of your brain - so it takes the route of thoughts and emotions. Just watch and enjoy the show as if you would sit in a big cinema all alone seeing your life in 16k right in front of you. If you develop this kind of perspective over time everything seems to be just marvelous to experience. Cheers

Ok, that's a point I agree. But in my experience it is more how to approach these things. They can definitely hold you back if you handle them as 99% percent of the society that just is completely sucked into them (Leo made a whole video about that). But I think - and that's just my opinion - it's more about how you deal with alcohol, coffee and sweets and not about them as substances. I can for example use alcohol very effectively to alter my state of mind and see different perspectives (what I tend to do when I drink). However, you can get just shit-faced drunk and if you do that regularly, yes this will probably fuck you up. Same with sugar and coffee. I can see beauty in the taste (if consumed consciously) but I can see great danger if consumed as I liked it in the past - just getting as much of it in me. So - and I can just talk for myself on this point - I think there are different ways to go about it. If it really hinders you - maybe get rid of some of it or consume it with greater pauses. Great point, though!

From all I have learned during my journey so far, the most progress is made when you lay crying on the floor, completely shattered, not knowing what is happening, wanting to stop, being out of your mind and thinking you are mentally ill. That's when you make real progress. No kidding here. See it this way: Depending on how old you are you've been fed years with bullshit social conditioning about who you are and how everything works. Now you are trying to get this out of your system with meditation and contemplation a.k.a. self-inquiry. This has to go out - so it takes the route of thoughts and emotions. You are progressing like nuts I'd say. Normally, this comes in cycles. So you will feel shitty for some time and then you'll maybe have the greatest time of your life (that's how it works with me). If you have the later just try to remember that feeling so that you can ground yourself in it when you feel shitty as fuck. From my experience these cycles get longer and more intense with time. So prepare yourself and have a good time. It'll be worth it any ways.

Yep, especially with strong determination sits. Also my legs begin to sleep, can't sense my feet after some time and if I meditate in the night this can come over my whole body (I love it). It's normal, just relax and feel good. Sometimes it feels for me that I'm stuck inside my face - kind of like a mask. It is a very strange but interesting feeling. I guess this "not feeling parts of your body" is similar to a sleep paralysis. if you lie down on your bed and not move for 30 minutes, not even a little bit, your whole body will just go to sleep. You will have the urges to move (as you have in meditation) and than everything gets numb. Some people use that as a starting point for an OBE (out of body experience). I never got so far. However, it's just normal. Have fun with it, I'd say.

Great post @Pierre. I think this is one point that a lot of folks get completely wrong when it comes to spirituality and enlightenment. This has actually nothing to do with the way you handle your business. Whether you are a meat eater, vegetarian, do drugs, kill people. Has nothing to do with that. It is all about to get in real contact with yourself and not to live ethically or like a monk. I handle it this way basically: I try to cut from time to time a little bit of the real bad stuff out of my life. So, I stopped smoking a year ago. Started meditating. Moved to the greatest city in my country. Study the major that I love. However, I still keep some shit periodically in my life and I really enjoy it as much as I can. So, I'll still go partying from time to time. I have a festival planned for this year. I'll still drink alcohol sometimes - have fun and do stupid shit. But I keep it out of my daily loop and more as exceptions. This way (I think) I can live quite long and have good fun. However, I also do this cleaning process of my life very slowly and consistently. So I'll basically get rid of 2-3 things that are not good for me per year. This year I started eating better for example, but I still go crazy on Saturdays if I want to. But all this has nothing to do with my enlightenment journey. This is more of a personal attitude that I have for my life. Have fun and experience it as deeply as you can. That's what I would say

Yeah, I know this fear. Had it a long time as well. What was game-changing for me was one meditation in which I inquired very deeply the question "What is my next thought?" and I had this deep realization that I am not in control of that. Really, not even a little bit. But that there is just a stream of consciousness and the feeling of "I" is just a by-product of that. If this sounds confusing maybe watch Leo's video about Free Will. if you investigate that deeply you can find some great wisdom that will erase that fear because in the end... there is nothing what you could do about it (even if it looks that way on the surface)

Actually, I'd invite you to observe not only your criticism but everything you think. Not actively observing it all of the time, but putting some awareness in it. This way you really learn how you manipulate yourself and others. Be careful with stopping it. I know, it seems like a noble goal. It also seems like a noble goal not to eat meat, to be kind and forgiving. However, seems that this doesn't work to good in the long run with most people. Why? Because you let the devil know. You say, I'm going to observe my criticism and then I'll just stop it. Won't work. And as it won't work you will feel shitty because you see how you are not in control of yourself. And then the Jo-Jo effect kicks in. If you really want to stop something, you completely let go of it without even the intend of letting it go. You just let go and never come back because there is no need to do so. However, this takes some real deep understanding of yourself. Cheers to you!

Yes, there is a lot more then body sensations and thought. The thing is, you cannot simply sense awareness as you want. You have to give yourself some time. From my experience these deeper realizations and this delving into reality kind of happens very spontaneously and randomly. I cannot force it and I also meditate for a good year now. You can probably be awareness consciously if you have seen through the illusion but this also happens spontaneously. So, just go on and give yourself some time and enough practice. You will definitely feel when you enter some deeper territory. Trust me, you will. It's like, when you begin to cry begin because it is so nice to just breath air, then you know that you're going deeper (this actually happened once to me). Cheers to you and keep it on!

@Emerald Wilkins such a deep post, thanks for sharing your wisdom. Since I went on my enlightenment journey a year ago I noticed a similar development. At first everything became better, I was more grounded, highly concentrated and relaxed and thought this enlightenment stuff is really working great with me. What a trap.. As I delved deeper into it, did more work and made it my number one topic in my mind I noticed how my self-confidence would go, how I feel more unsure, how I have completely unpleasant and compulsive thoughts all the time. I had times in which I seriously doubted whether I'm mentally ill because of that. I just couldn't grasp it. It was too much. What I then later realized (similar to you right now) is that this is just the purging process and your ego trying to hold onto itself. We are actually really trying to kill ourself mentally with this journey and your number one instinctive goal is not to die. So kind of a challenge, isn't it? Now, this purging (letting the shit out of your system through thoughts) seems to come in phases (for me). So, right now you are probably very happy and enthusiastic to have this insight and that is perfectly fine. Actually, I would really encourage you to deeply sense how you feel right now and try to remember it. Because in my experience this will just pass and you will feel even more up and down ... up and down as you did before. It's just the process. And I find it very helpful to know this and very deeply sense this realization if I feel shitty. Thanks for your great story and good luck to you, Arik

I agree, also I can understand if you don't want to put the time and effort in it right now. It gets exhausting from time to time. But as @Emerald Wilkins also mentioned you would probably just need a glimpse of the show and the possibility of giving up wouldn't even be a topic anymore in your head. Even if you think right now that everything is good in your life - and cheers to you that's great - be open to the possibility that society puts so much social conditioning in your head that neurosis will develop over time (it probably have been and you don't notice it) and that will generate anxiety and fear. Just look at most elderly people. Here in Germany you either have complete neurotics, narrowed minded and totally closed or the very open people (that always did their shit different). Just telling, you can have a great life w/o enlightenment - I'm sure - but be aware that it's just your ego doesn't want to commit to the work anymore because it's hard. Cheers to you and good luck, you are always welcome to come back (we will be sitting here for a good number of years - hehe)

Oh yes, Shinzen Young - the meditation teacher Leo has these techniques from - sees strong determination sittings as the maybe quickest way to enlightenment because of the directness of the technique. Check out this video in which he explains it a little bit. Stay dedicated, I found these techniques to be highly effective and especially strong determinations sits can - in my experience - lead to immense relaxation and concentration throughout the day that are just beautiful to have. You can actually feel how the shit is purging out of your system. I do a 60 minutes strong determination sitting every day combined with the "Do Nothing" technique or a self-inquiry / contemplating death. On good evenings I try to push my limits and so far I'm able to do 120 minutes, but still with a lot of pain. I'm working to get better and better at this. Cheers to you,

Ahh, that's bad. Safety first in any case. I had knee pains when I deliberately wanted to sit in a half lotus but wasn't ready yet. However, this pain didn't last too long and I found the Burmese posture is working fine with me. What you could try is sitting in a chair, very erect and not lean against the backrest. But be careful, it is always better to do this in the best state of mental and physical health you can be in because it'll take everything apart from you.

@Sigma Sounds like a plan. Don't go to hard one yourself though. One needs some time to understand how to go about the technique. Personally, I failed a lot practicing strong determination sitting in the beginning and when I'm pushing the limit I always fail a couple of times. But what is going to happen is that your relationship to pain will completely shift and after a few sits you begin to feel a strange sense that nothing can really harm you. I always had this feeling especially in the beginning for a few weeks. I think it is the result of purging so much bullshit belief about pain. Another very interesting thing is that you actually transcend a certain time span after some practice. Meaning, that if you sit 20-30 times for 60 minutes without moving you will not feel much pain anymore in future sittings in that time span. Just when you go further you have to transcend this again. I love it, it shoots my meditation through the top!

I'm currently studying computer science and I love it.

If I sit for 120 minutes doing a strong determination sitting I need a good minute just to get my legs untangled and then slowly standing up. I also experience laughing sometimes but what for me is even more remarkable is that for a good few minutes my mind is totally off. No thoughts, no nothing, the weirdest feeling I can think of. And also sitting comfortably after the sit feels like heaven. Everything that I have experienced in comparison to this practice is not really serious pain because with strong determination you put the pain on yourself, you keep sitting in pain and are accepting not to know when it stops. This breaks me completely. Love it

That's a very interesting question. I actually merge with certain tasks. I completely get lost and have no sense of self sometimes four hours. I am the task in this moment and I love it. For me that's an experience of flow and an expression of my ambition, focus and curiosity. Awareness has a lot of faces. I think merging is one of it and there is a place for this in life.

Welcome to the other side. Take a zip, have some fun and see where it can take you. The peace that you feel right now can be the birthplace of a lot of realizations of what is and what is not. Use this ability to empty yourself so much that your focus starts to surrender to what currently is and stops searching for trouble that is not.

See it this way. You are a great system that can put out all kinds of different patterns. You incarnate things, let them exist and then let them die. But it just seems to be the case that we actually define ourselves in some of the arising pattern, deny other parts of it and cannot see that we are actually the great machine that allows all the pattern to happen. Now, how do you really remove a thought when all you can do is put shit up and then let it die. Well, you just put up the next one. Silence, thoughts, an inter-mingle of both. However you want to conceptualize what actually happens in the present moment inside your skull. You are not given the ability to remove. You are given the ability to create, let it be and then let it die. So that's what you do to get rid of a thought.