Azrael

When I'm at work I write software to plan and organize public transport. That's quite interesting. When I do projects on my own I'm very fascinated with problems like "How can you retrieve big units of data from the web and build relations with that data to generate knowledge out of it?", "How should you design software architecture for big data with a lot of changing content and structure?", "How can you parse exact information out of a source that is easily understood by a human but not by a machine?" etc. Basically I'm planning to make my bachelor in the field of information retrieval and then my master in big data / artificial intelligence. I love these fields. @Richard Alpert Of course you don't need all that information and practice to get enlightened. You could just take a walk and get enlightened from the grace of God. Probably happened to some people. But most I guess mistake that enlightenment is NOT one event you have to work or surrender to and then for the rest of your life everything is great, you can stop meditating, stop thinking about it and just be happy. For most people it won't be that way. Even a Eckhart Tolle deepened his enlightenment for several years. Listen to someone like Shinzen Young and he'll tell you that your first enlightenment will be like the invitation, the starting of "Now you see" and from then on you can delve into the really deep shit (for the next few decades). It's not a on/off thing but a development. Also, keep in mind that (and this happened to me) you can have deep awakenings and still be emotionally so fucked in the head that a lot of shit will come to the surface you have to deal with. For me this happened and still happens here and there probably for another 5 years until it is really all gone. If that happens to you, you'll need the techniques and frameworks simply not to break together and go to a mental hospital. Most people don't realize how frightened it can be for the ego when it merges with the subconscious. When you lose control, when thousands of uncontrolled thoughts come up, when feelings fuck you up and so on. So be wise here and don't burn too much of the good stuff and use it properly.

You can always give interesting patterns of nature interesting names. Doesn't change a thing.

The "Do Nothing"-technique is supposed to bring you in contact with the force that makes and shapes every moment without any effort at all. In my experience (I'm now doing the technique for more then a year) it's very successful in doing so. It needs time though to manifest. I thought after one month of doing this that I figured out what the technique is up to. After another month I thought this again.. and again and again. And to this day it shows me new facets of the self. It's amazing. But you also gotta see that I love this "Zen"-"Tao"-"Do Nothing" and just give in approach. There are lots of other great paths. Look what suits you and then run with that for a while to really get into it. Then you'll make some adjustments, try out new stuff but in my experience you'll find a certain way that just really corresponds with you. If you've found it, master it for the rest of your life.

If you are able to link C++-libraries and include headers in your programs, you will be able to achieve this. I'm a programmer myself (it's also part of my life purpose + my deepest passion next to meditation. I can program for 8 hours straight and it'll feel more awesome to me then sex because I love it so much.) In the beginning it is a lot of research and getting involved with different fields of the journey and so on. And it'll take time to get on your path and get it going. But you have the rest of your life to do this, so no worries here. The one and most important thing is whether you really wanna find this out for yourself or not. When I watched @Leo Gura's first enlightenment video I never raised the question whether I have time for this or whether I have to change my priorities. My whole life (I now know) I had this burning desire to find out what reality is all about. It is just that I gave up at some point because I thought I could never get at it with my intellect because I'm always projecting something on to it that it is not. When I watched the video, I instantly and intuitively knew that this is what I always looked for. And this also is my deep trust that I will get to the deepest levels of understanding with time, because nothing else makes sense. I just go the way and it'll present itself on its own. It is similar with your life purpose / calling. You don't have to convince yourself to do something that is the most interesting to you. It comes natural.

Having nice meditative experiences is cool and HoloSync will definitely give you that but it'll change and synchronize the whole structure of your brain (as meditation does as well but it's just faster). If you're interested, look at the studies and the information. There is a lot of that out there.

Although the people who say that there are different paths for different people are right in my opinion and one will see this for oneself on the path, here is the most direct way I know of and practice: Daily "Strong Determination Sits" with "Do Nothing" / "Self-Inquiry" (I mostly do "Do Nothing" with SDS because it trains you in being "choicelessly aware" which in my case led and leads regularly to no-self experiences; however self-inquiry also is good (try 'em out) Daily Big Mind process (from Genpo Roshi, this is incredible - look it up) Daily HoloSync (either with your normal meditation I stated above or as an extra practice) - it's meditation steroids Bi-weekly or monthly use of a breakthrough dosage of 5-MeO-DMT - fuck legality you live in in the 21th century + you are a programmer, onions may help you, be creative it's not that hard - I'm experimenting with this right now and I have the strong assumption that it will lead you to enlightenment quite fast (probably 6-12 months) if you do it at least once a month I'd say - but we'll see That's my power pack. But all of this won't help you if you have no burning desire of learning about the Truth. And be aware that it's really not about getting work done here but more about relaxing the body to a state in which he naturally sees the truth. I think most people don't get this. Also, this is not the ideal path. It's one with very direct methods that from my personal experience will lead you to the mot horrific existential crises - purging all of your shit - and the most beautiful enlightenment experiences. Be careful, it's powerful. There are way more very good techniques and good frameworks you should look at and learn about, especially certain frameworks to get good pointers where to look. Cheers

Oh, they tried dude ...

Psychedelics (in this case I mean something like shrooms) can be one of the first steps in the process if you combine it with the necessary integration process (otherwise they will mostly just be intense experiences). It's just a more radical way to open you up then decades of mere meditation or normal consciousness work. It's like Martin said in the interview, you release a ton of energy and locked up emotions / tensions that you can then let go and integrate. This can be stressful and deep but at the same time speed up the process enormously.

That's an interesting question. I'm in the same position as you are and I can report that it does impact ones drive and ability to study positively and negatively. When you have a negative cycle this will affect your your work. The same goes with when you are very present and aware. This will also (in this case positively) affect your work. Also, your whole set of motives why you do your stuff may probably change. Maybe you quit your shit because you see that it's not really what you wanna do. That's hard to admit and then go through. And so on. But in the end, you just learn how to be confident in what you do, love it and master it. And that'll naturally bring some difficulties along the way.

I see a lot of people struggling with that paradox. How can you seriously have a purpose and go after something when at the same time you want to find out that it's all a dream. It's the same with culture, your whole life really. The thing is this: I can tell you from experience that even when you find out who you are (and that is the most relieving thing you can do in your life) you still have this great thing called mind and thoughts. You now know what it really is and what it can do, so use it to express your authentic passions. Also use your spiritual recognition and insights not to be like "Oh, I'm better then all of these hypnotized people around here" but to help them out of their ruts and problems. You can have a great time being enlightened and still involve yourself to a degree in this world.

Oh, that's good because "having nowhere to go" is a give-away. Just stay in this "not knowing"-it for a while. Ask again: Am I self-aware ... hm ... silence. Same silence you have inside when you are deeply in love and nothing to think about. Same silence you have inside when you have to surrender to any big change in life and just give in. Same silence you have inside when you don't know something and just listen fascinated to somebody else explaining it. Go deeper. Is this silence only in those moments? No, same silence you have inside all of the time but you blank it out with lots of fast thoughts and emotions. It's the same silence you hear in any given moment that provides the space for sound to occur. Just listen. It's the same blankness you see in any given moment that allows sight to appear. It's the same potential you feel in any given moment that allows feeling to appear. It goes on and on. These are all pointers. You can follow any of them and will end up in an ever-changing flow of things that is located in an ever-still here and now. Both are the same, they are the dual/non-dual nature in its widest sense. @Barna Remember, what Leo said here isn't difficult. Your mind thinks it is because it has all these ideas of what it might by and that it is hidden from your day-to-day world when it really is everything you could ever know in the sense of experiencing it in the first the place. You only have this knowing of things in the first place. It is easy and natural to recognize enlightenment, it is hard to stay busy all day long so that you don't recognize it. But of course our minds have been trained for decades to stay busy 24 hours a day and feel shitty if we don't. So give up this race, relax and see for yourself. The most amazing things follow.

Just watched the whole thing. That was amazing. Thanks!

Sooo, I did it again. First off, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this next post. Some guys contacted me personally or commented in other threads why I haven't posted another trip report yet. The simple reason is: I was ill for a week (these fucked-up winter colds) and needed another 2 weeks to get to the level where I could say "Okay, I'm ready to go into outer space again". So yeah, I hope and intend to post more frequently in the future. So if you like these posts, like 'em and post comments so that I know. The first one went off like a fucking virus. I liked that a lot. If you haven't read it, read it first so that you're up to date with what I'm doing. You can read it here. +++ Lessons Learned From The Initial Dosages +++ Well, as you know I don't just wanna fuck with my head but take a more scientific and curious approach to this whole experiment. And this means that I had to learn my lessons from the first dosages. They were extraordinary experiences that began to permanently alter my journey (I'll write about this in the end of this post) but the way I conducted them could still be improved. The first thing I changed was that I got myself a very high-tech jewelery scale that you can calibrate to 0.001g. For my initial dosages I used the scale I bought last year for my first n,n-DMT experiences. This is a standard scale you get in your local headshop, good for weed and enough for normal DMT but not for MeO, no. With regular n,n-DMT it doesn't really matter if you take 50 or 55mg because once you hit that point you are just off and if you took 5mg more then that it just wasted. With MeO I found out very soon that 5mg can make the difference from being very high to psychological death and complete dissolving into nothingness. And that's something you don't wanna leave at chance. Not at all. The second thing I changed was my tripping location. With the initial dosages I laid on my bed what I mostly do when I pop psychedelics. I'm a very beddy person. I love to sleep and just chill in my bed watching series or documentaries. I could do that for a living (if I had no life). This is all great, because you can really open up your body and relax. However, last time with the semi-breakthrough dosage I thought I gotta vomit and at the same time thought I die and lose my breath (so I might go unconscious). This brought up the fear that I will go unconscious, vomit in my fucking face and kill myself by being stupid. Can't happen. And lying on the side takes away the opening of the body that is in my experiences the most crucial thing there is when it comes to surrendering into it. So I left the bed behind and took the couch. There, I could completely open myself, vomit if I have to and go unconscious without choking myself to death. Maybe you laugh, but this made all the difference in the experience I'm about to tell you in a few moments. And finally another big improvement was Kola Nut. Leo brought this up when we discussed a few days ago how MeO changes your physiology permanently. I talk about this later in this post. Basically, Kola Nut is natural way to get you really excited and pumped, if you have ever done cocaine you know what I'm talking about. If you're more of a reasonable person, think of a time you did something very well (like giving a good speech) and after it a group of people congratulated and looked up to you. That's how you feel on Kola Nut. Just pretty ambitious, inspired, here and ready to go. I researched it a little bit and found that others had used it before with 5-MeO-DMT and reported great experiences plus it seemed to be widely known, well studied and easy to get. So I got myself 100g of Kola Nut powder straight from amazon.com and it arrived today (with the jewelery scale). The post man came right when I was meditating and the bell ringing scared the shit outta me. You bastard! +++ The Trip: Being Aware Of Ones Holographic Nature +++ So, how did go down. Let's go a few hours back in time. As always when I pop psychedelics I did all the things I had to do on this day so that I had the time and a free mind. Never, ever have something important to do after you do psychedelics. This will stress and ruin the experience. In beforehand, I took 2 grams of the Kola Nut in the morning so that I knew how it effects me. Around 4 p.m. I wanted to do the tripping. The Kola Nut I had taken before was still showing effects so I decided to just take a little bit to get another peak when the MeO comes in so that both can work together. I gotta say, I was pretty nervous. The last trip I did was more then a month ago and although it was transforming and great, it was very scary as well. So I laid down on the couch, went inside and asked myself whether I really wanna do this again. And every bit of my intuition even my fears were into it. I still stopped for a moment. My hands were cold, my pulse were up and I just waited a few moments. Then I got up, weighted half of a gram of Kola Nut on my new high-tec scale, downed it with a little bit of water and juice and weighted 22mg of the God molecule. I turned on my standard tripping music, made two lines and waited for another few moments. I asked myself again whether I really wanted to do this. I did. So I sniffed the gold up my nostrils, went to my couch and sat down, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. Funnily, right when I sat down all the fear and tension began to vanish. I thought this was strange, with my prior experiences it was really the opposite in the beginning. After a good 2-3 minutes the MeO was well-distributed in my nose and I sat up normally. I opened my legs and my arms. I also just looked in front of me and began to repeat the mantra "I love you, I give in, I surrender". I expected the existential terror to start every moment and blast me away but it simply didn't. The exact opposite happened. As the trip came on, the first thing I noticed was that I began to lose weight. Like somebody is turning the gravity to zero. With that my view became crystal clear and all edges went away. Kinda like your whole view is one object and not containing a bunch of objects. Then the body got lighter and lighter, the breathing slowed down but in a very harmonic and calming way and the pulse didn't go through the top. It was a little bit higher then normal, but not too heavy. With that the what I call "physiological purification" started. As my body got lighter and lighter, it felt like every cell was cleaned and massaged with the deepest love. Every tension just vanished. As this unfolded I closed my eyes and delved in this love. It took more and more tensions and it felt like with every tension that goes my nature expands, because the tension was centralizing it in beforehand. In this moment I became aware of our holographic nature. With the vanishing of the tensions I began to lose every reference of the normal world. I began to lose sight in a way, I didn't see darkness but also didn't see any visuals. I was before all that. As every reference of the normal world went away, time went too so that it got slower and slower until it was eternal. The only reference of time that there was was the flow of tension that appeared and vanished every few moments: I saw clearly that my whole perception of my body was like a holographic image, that popped up and went away. The deeper I went into it, the slower it got and the more I could see this. I could see that my whole sense of self is based on the illusion that I can feel my inner tension consistently. That this is my only reference of being separate. When this vanished and just popped up here and there, I was everything and nothing. It was nothing special but also extremely astonishing. Seeing how my existence manifests slowed down so much that I could see how it works. It's like you zoom out of your normal perspective and see that the picture you are seeing all of the time was just a tiny pixel on a ever-changing surface. Throughout this whole experience I felt the deepest kind of love, peace and surrender that I can think of. Even when I came back half an hour later and the tensions came back to a degree, I saw that this is okay and that it needs time to permanently let this go. What was also incredible is, that after the peak - like after 15-20 minutes - as I opened my eyes and was still tripping all kind of memories popped into my head that were connected to my tensions. All the fears that I had in my life, all my limited beliefs, all that just came on and I looked at it with this deep spaciousness and peace and just let it play its game. Breath-taking. Then I came back and felt like my whole body was completely massaged and my brain was given peace. Very nice, I still have a lot of that in me. It gives you perspective and that perspective alone is curative. +++ Beyond The Experience: How 5-MeO-DMT Changes your Daily Life +++ So, that was my trip. Really great. I'm looking forward to do the same with 30mg in 2 weeks again and see how it is to leave every reference behind and completely delve in this love. But with all these experiences comes the question: "Is it just a 30 minutes kind of crazy thing that happened, or is there more to it?" In the first month after my initial dosages I looked into that. What started to happen in the first week after the trips was that I became very aware of the tensions in my body, especially in my forehead and abdomen. They just really lit up for a few days and then began to vanish. They vanished to a degree that I would say the state I was in before the experiences was like a light headache that then vanished. Not that I was aware of that light headache, it was my normal state and it resulted in a lot of fast thoughts, lots of fast feelings and a very shallow attention in retrospect of what I'm experiencing now. And be aware, even before my first trips I had done more then 1,5 of daily 60-minute meditation (mostly strong determination sittings), I had numerous no-self experiences, 3-4 very deep awakenings this year and a Kundalini awakening this July. And I still say that my state was like heaving a light headache. So after the tensions began to vanish (and they didn't completely but to a good extent) I would begin to act slower and more in a kind of rhythmic flow. It's like I'm dancing when I go or do things. I think slower, deeper and in more color and with clearer voice. I have most of the time very deep and transforming meditations. I still am afraid sometimes, I still have bad days, I still do stupid shit, but I see how this just arises and that there is no me pushing it. I sometimes see that. Other times I get so lost that I'm not aware of this but even then, this is okay. Because that's how it is. I am way more chilled. I can listen to somebody and not have thoughts but just listen. And the other one feels that and opens up like a flower. When I talk I naturally begin to make pauses and play with the rhythm of my voice. I'm naturally more confident with my body and how I look and go about my business. I'm more attractive independent of how I look. I begin to get into deeper contact my unconscious. I am aware of sleeping, that was really crazy in the beginning. I am aware that when I lose my conscious attention that for the first few hours thoughts still come up that trigger feelings, that then after a while I go into a deep and very vivid dream, that then I completely blur out and become nothing and that I then return to a dream or unconscious thinking state. This all began to develop in this first month. And I can see how this is just the beginning of things. So yeah, basically I can say that MeO does its thing. When used with a natural interest in getting to know your real self and integrating your make-belief self, it really seems to push you a lot deeper with that. It takes the neurosis out of your seeking, gives you peace and a lot of toys you can play around with that just come up when your awareness expands. Because you begin to see the whole picture and not just your narrowed version of it. That's my take on it anyway. I hope you liked the post and that it inspired you. If it did, like it and comment so that we can have a talk about it and I see that I should post more of these experiences. If I'm not fucked with another winter cold in the next time, I would say that I trip again in two weeks and hopefully find the time to write it all down and let you guys know. This stuff is really interesting. Anyways, keep up your genuine interest, develop yourself and get intimate with all of reality. You are every bit of it and that is the most shocking and cool thing you can ever find out. Cheers, - Azrael

Very well put, my friend! One interesting thing I experienced this time - that kinda correlates with death - is that while most of my references of the earthly world vanished and my consciousness decentralized, there was this one thing that I can't name but that were present and I instantly recognized that it was present from the very first day of my life (probably even before, but I can't remember). It is like the core of my perception, one little seed out of which everything else comes about. And I also saw that as a child I was very aware of that and I loved it. I didn't know what it was but it gave me all of my ideas, all of my passions, all of the ways I express myself, all of my authenticity. When I grew up I forgot about it and lost my sense of connection and trust. As a child I always had an inner trust that there is nothing in the world that could ever go wrong. Was just obvious. I like to explore that more in the future through MeO, my inquiry and meditation.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate your words. I'm definitely gonna keep it up. It's just the beginning. Leo told me about it personally and then I researched it. I basically just googled for "Kola Nut 5-MeO-DMT" and similar terms. You can find some reports online. Also I did my research on the effects of Kola Nut and it makes sense that both combined can make a good combo, because the excitement that Kola Nut brings about is keeping the fear and worries down when your mind collapses. It also brings you more into your body and away from your thoughts.. kind of like when you are really happy and proud - you're just glowing.

Yeah I think to some extent the Kola Nut helps with that. But I also think that one has to find peace with the substance. You have to surrender completely into the experience and learn how to do that. That just needs some trial and error. Plus the sitting on the couch and not having to worry about getting unconscious and vomiting was another factor. Plus the mantra of course in the beginning. So all of them play their part.

Yeah, I thought you'd say that. I did the 22mg because I didn't want to breakthrough the first time I use Kola Nut with it because I couldn't have predicted how it goes. Now, that things are even better then expected, I hope that the next trip is the "Oh my fucking GOD..." that you're (and I'm) looking for. I'll let you know, man!

When a screen is lit up buy a movie, can you still make out the screen? So no, it implies that the knowing of things is the only thing you can ever experience. Recognizing that makes you realize your own nature.

Not just. Caffeine is 50% of it. It has a more complex effect then pure caffeine. When I drink a coffee I'm just very awake and there. If I do Kola Nut I feel a tingling throughout my body, I'm very excited and on point.

@Happiness, if one has to put it in words I may borrow a metaphor from Rupert Spira on this one: Awareness is the screen on which everything you sense and everything that there is appears. So, every time you look for it you are actually kidding yourself. Because the very knowing that you have of every sense perception is the thing you are looking for. It's you. So relax. Of course you'll try to make it something mystical or great because that's what we think it is, when it simply is the most intimate thing you ever had and that there is: The knowing of what is.

Doing integration work aka getting okay with every aspect of yourself. I use Matt Khan videos for that, Ken Wilber is another name, Genpo Roshi another one. They all have great techniques and attitudes for that. Love yourself like a 5 year old loves every aspect of his life. Then enlightenment will be natural to find.

Just did. Do you meditate or integrate your experiences in any way?

Wait for the next post. There I'll talk about this.

Yes, that's true, mostly it's the physiological resistance that one built up over years - you are (if you are not enlightened) constantly holding yourself together which creates the sensation of being separate (and this also isn't healthy yes). However, having a cold is as normal as taking a shit. My body just needs to clean itself. If I would to take 5-MeO with having a cold, I would probably get a heart attack, unconscious or stop breathing. I don't know. You have no idea what you are talking about here. You cannot do this while not being physically completely stable. Consider flying into outer space and being ill. Would you do that? Now, 5-MeO is infinitely more heavy then that. It kills you, my man. A lot of my bodily tensions completely vanished after the initial dosages. This is incredible and I will elaborate on it in my next post about it. No, it's not addictive. It's the opposite (and that's the same with normal DMT). If you do it, you are less likely to do it again because it's so heavy. Even though it is beautiful, the experience itself is so heavy. I always say if I'm asked what normal DMT is like: "Well, it's paradise in outer space with angels. But to get there, you have to shoot yourself in the head." And it's something like that. Same with MeO in my experience. But of course, you can get psychologically addicted to anything, beaware of that. Doing it one time won't help you though very much and if you don't wanna get caught by your parents I guess that you are still very young and so I wouldn't recommend this AT ALL. Start with stuff like shrooms or LSD. I wrote about this in the comments of this post. Look it up.

Yeah, sorry I'm still a little bit ill. I think I can do it next weekend and then I'll write it up. These fucking winter colds ...