Azrael

That is a real thing one should keep in mind. First off, if you are psychologically ill or on any kind of medication, don't do it unless you talked about it with a doctor / do it with a doctor. When you are on the journey and you use it, expect to have horrifying experiences. You will. That's a phase. I had several very dark shroom trips and one I had to end because I couldn't handle it. In this time I purged a lot of stuff and I am someone who will even take psychedelics in that phase to get it out. But then, as I said ... stuff happens. Be careful, look how far you can go. In my experience one is still able to function with distorted thoughts - although its of course not fun. But you'll have them anyway if you are on the journey and are integrating your ego. So, you should think about that in general whether this is cool for you. With psychedelics, they will probably make them worse for a time but then they'll leave sooner because they purge out more effectively. This is who it went for me. But that's a question that is highly subjective. Be wise. And careful with this one. No, I study right now. So I can set my schedule myself. I believe in Leo's minimalism approach like a fanatic. I just leave enough space for personal development, sleeping long hours, work (working as a software engineer a few hours a week) and of course being with my friends and vacations. Strategic thinking and planning is required here. I love it. Thank's for the share. Sounds interesting!

I did 5-MeO-DMT one week ago. But just a little dose, because I hadn't done it in a while. I will use psychedelics for a lot longer. I love them. Also, I feel like there is endless depth in these experiences. And you can basically decide how fast you want to progress on your journey through psychedelics (especially 5-MeO-DMT). So, I'll still use that and shrooms... and all the other goodies. But I haven't planned any trip right now. We'll see when the next one happens. For me it mostly happens in phases in which I'll do it a few times for lets say 2-4 weeks and then I'll let it all soak in. But right now, I got a lot of stuff coming up and no real need to do it that much.

Just as before. I guess I care more deeply about them now because my unconscious agendas mostly dropped and I just like being with them and enjoying myself.

I'd say the difference between an sexual orgasm and a non-dual state is way higher. Ever been in an samadhi state, 5-MeO-DMT experience, something similar? Even if you have sex with the woman you deeply love and desire, I'd still say the difference is higher. Because it's so deep. But I wouldn't call it pleasure. That's probably also the reason you can't really compare it to other stuff. Please is a sexual orgasm. A non-dual state is a more of a shift in perspective. And more of a release then pure pleasure. Way more relaxed.

@dice, thanks for the lookup! @zunnyman, I think we interpret my quote here differently. First of all, I would still say the thing that I said in that quote. That feels totally true. It especially did right after the 5-MeO-DMT experience. The difference for me between "life being a lie" and what I said there is, that I just couldn't believe what I had actually done to myself. When you do the substance you all see that you super-consciously do everything yourself. That this unknown that you face all the time is actually yourself. When you recognize that you'll actually become it. It's like the wall you always punched against suddenly disappears because you see that you are it. What I meant when I said this simply is that I couldn't believe what kind of a wall I built in the sense that it was so damn crazy and good. But recognize, you still built that wall to fight with it. To grow by it and to unify yourself with it then later. So, nowhere in this process are you really lying to yourself. You as one part of the whole have just a limited perspective for some time until you see it in its entirety. I understand your point though now. It's pretty nuanced and depends from which perspective one sees it.

If you just wanna feel good I'd suggest hooking yourself up to heroin. (I've heard that'll do the job.) If you think that spending time getting enlightened is a waste and that you can just punch your way through it in a few years if you just do enough meditation, self-enquiry and contemplation be warned to wake up the devil. All the good you feel if you are awake, is hardly comparable to how fucked up you had to feel to get there. You'll have to face your unconscious which means you'll go and let out every little monster that you have inside of you. And they'll rape you as long and deep as they can. For years. And then you are allowed to wake up. Also, don't think you can lead this process consciously in any way. The only conscious thing you can do is giving power to the engine (your unconscious) to burn out the wood (repressed memories and beliefs). If it is time to wake up, you will. If it's not, you will not because you don't decide.

I think you are dreaming. No, I didn't. If you can quote that I would be astonished because I wouldn't say such a thing. My prior life was not a lie and my current life is not a lie. My prior life was everything that is needed to be here and now. There is no rush for enlightenment. Go for it, if you have the hunger for it. Go for something else, if you have the hunger for that. Trust your intuition to lead you all the way. I could've never gotten to this point if I hadn't done that. That's why I will choose to go down a stupid road if my intuition leads my there because I know that I should probably make that experience then and learn from it.

I've talked about this in great detail. Please look before you ask. Computer Science.

A little bit of divine music, check this out guys. I love it.

I tried a Zen group here in Berlin. Didn't like it. I like to be my own man and do my own stuff. I am a big fan of mentors and I had a few of them in life (mostly for business stuff though). But for this matter, I like to do it that way. Maybe that changes in the future, maybe not.

An intuitive knowing means more than every word I can use to describe that intuitive knowing, I'd say. But, let's put it like this. In the normal non-integrated state of egoic consciousness - still lovin' that phrase - you are deeply rooted in the belief that you are a person. It feels like that. When you reveal that this person is a self-image that is kept up and when you remove the attachment to that self-image, it mostly dissolves - or let's say it integrates. It's still there when you need it, but it isn't your point of reference any more. Then automatically, your identity flips inside out, because it was centralized to this finite self-image and now that this is gone your identity becomes everything that there is. But that happens unconsciously, like your prior identification with the self-image also happened unconsciously. And then, when you are in an integrated state of consciousness, it's obvious to see that you are everything. Then you begin to investigate what this everything is and you see that it's endless surfaces of reality that are hiding the nothingness that underlies it. But these are all metaphors, so I don't really know what to tell you. Sit down and just realize that everything that you ever perceived is yourself. That is true. Because how could you perceive something that is not yourself? it's not possible. Realize that you were never born then, because if you once did not exist you could have never come into existence in the first place. The one who would've done that then would be you now. But how can that be if you once did not exist? Then realize that everything you know happens in one still moment. That there only is this one still moment that pervades all your experience. Just realize that right now. Then realize that in that one still moment, everything happens. Realize that even you perceiving this one still moment happens in it. Realize, that the forms in that one still moment always change. Then look at that. What is color actually? What is sound? How can you tell the difference between sound and no sound? What is that? Where is this coming from? And then just realize that all of these are endless surfaces coming out of nothing. And that nothing underlies all these surfaces and that you really are that. That's basically a direct route to your awakening. One of them. Hope, that helps.

No, the relationship to my studies did not change but the performance went down a little bit. Not drastically, but it did. Simply, because I was very neurotic about it before and now it's on a healthy level. So, I see this as good because I'm not exhausting myself any more.

No, it's mostly the same. I think less about spirituality, though. I used to think about this all day long, now it's mostly gone. Because I embody and feel it on a very bodily, sensational level. So it kind of went from the head to the body. That changed. But maybe that's a phase, too. It probably is. I don't care that much about myself any more, that changed. In the sense of how I look and behave. I used to be very strict with myself, I don't see a reason for that any more. If you are on the trajectory that you want to be on in life, there is no reason to be extra strict with yourself. Relax, it's a ride not a race. There is nowhere to get to any way. Every suffering can be easily lowered, if you just cut yourself some slack. But that needs practice. I still love my studies, still move being out with my friends having fun. Even more so. I still like to be involved in dating and that whole game. I love having conversations with people and just fucking around. I think I got more sarcastic with time, but everything is still fresh. We'll see.

Yeah, that in an permanent fashion is called awakening. My sense of self disappeared. That's why I made this post. I've answered the question how I see myself in others in this thread. If you search through the pages, you'll find it. I think this answers your question quite well.

Yes. I do not support any spiritual practice that will inherently lead to the physical death of the body. In my opinion that is insane and unnecessary. Your body will die anyway, why not enjoy this form and have a good time?

I'd like that. Go for it!

I don't entertain such ideas. I've gotta a message a few days ago from someone who asked why we just don't kill ourselves to be infinity and enlightened and what not. If I read shit like that on the forum I get angry and sad at the same. Because these kind of people seem to not have listened and thought for themselves for one second. So please.

Nope. Still the same thing. My life purpose has to do with that to a degree. I've talked about it on this thread in another post. I still work for the dark side, though. Yeah, I do it through programming. That's my art. Yeah, computer science. I'm studying this. Not necessarily, no. I'd like to be an expert in my field and through that might come being famous to a degree. That's cool. But independent of what I do and love, I don't wanna be famous, no. Yeah, I don't do it for the money. I love my field. It's nice that it pays well, though. That allows me to do even more cool shit. Consciousness work is cool and fine, but you need a balance to that. That's your life purpose. Also, I don't just do consciousness work or just life purpose. I live by principals (my consciousness work) that include certain practices and ways of doing my shit (life purpose and other stuff).

Have you ever melted in an experience? Did you ever look at a girl that you thought was so beautiful that you couldn't listen to what she said but you were just melted in the experience of seeing her? Have you ever been drawn into a fascinating story or movie in which you became part of the story? It's like that. Yeah, it's possible to become what I sense. Mainly because there is no muscular tension in the head or gut that attaches the "I"-feeling to it. You can do that if you take an experience you are currently having and dig into the nature of its reality. Try to get what is happening when you see or hear. What is it made out of? Get it on an experiential level and stay with it. Then you'll melt in it.

Yes, that's a thing that becomes obvious through the release of the self-image. However, I'd guess that this needs time to really sink in. It's one thing to realize that and another to fully embody it in everything you do. Right now, this is all fresh. It's like sitting in a new car that you never drove. You need your time to get used to it.

When you don't ask that question any more. There is a big difference in having enlightenment experiences and being rooted in an integrated state of being and a recognition of what I call source.

@art, haha. I think Azrael is a good fit.

That's an interesting question. Basically it feels like this. In the normal egoic state of un-integrated consciousness a great deal of energy is used to keep this ball of a self-image going. And also that awareness attaches to it. Because of that, when you see someone else it's completely clear that she is someone else, because the attachment is so focused on your own ball of self-image. It seems trivial. When the attachment to the ball and the ball itself mostly dissolves there is nothing going on in you any more. The normal state of being is not focused in any way. It's empty. Thoughts maybe happening, emotions maybe happening but there is no one to make something out of that. There is simply no one there. It's like a still ocean. As energy spontaneously forms a certain situation - like you are in a conversation with someone or you have a very deep thought story - awareness now perceives this dualistic situation and can normally function in it. You can have a completely normal talk with someone, be in that dualistic state and then as you leave the situation you fall back into emptiness. Into non-centered awareness. You are just not there then any more. It's hard do describe. Then maybe a thought story comes up and intensifies and you suddenly are back in this dualistic situation. This is even happening to you because the "ego" is not perfect in holding itself up as this permanent thing. If you pay close attention, you come and go all of the time. When the ego integrates, you are gone until something pops up but there is no ball of self-image that is kept up all the time. It's like a ocean in that waves can manifest. Small ones are not noticed but as they form into a big one, awareness will focus on that. The normal ocean of egocentric consciousness is always wavy and through that you think you are actually the wave, not the ocean. Also, I can see very clearly that everything I perceive is a surface. It's like you could cut through reality and there would be endless nothingness underneath it. It's that thick. And because I see that I - my body - am just the same surface as the other stuff, it doesn't feel essentially different. Very interesting is being in a conversation with others. I'm fascinated by the eyes. Especially how they move when the person thinks. If you look very closely, you can see all the waves in their heads. All the resistance. All the attachment.

@Leo Gura, they have a golden aura now around them. I also hover now instead of going. But, you know how it is ...

1) No. In my experience that needs way longer then awakening the mind / gut. I would think that the awakening of the heart comes as an integration of the awakening of the mind and body after some time. But we'll see. 2) I have no relationship to my thoughts any more. That's the point. Normally, you have this little ball of resistance in your head that you call you. This thing has a relationship to all the thoughts. Also, you have a little ball of resistance in your abdomen / gut. This poor little thing has a relationship to your feelings and sensations. When you awaken these balls of chronic muscular tension release, through that the attachment to these balls release and through that the dualistic relationship to your thoughts and feelings goes away. That basically means that no one is "looking into my thoughts any more" to "listen to them" but they listen to themselves when needed or just do their thing. The volume of my thoughts in general went down a lot and I tend to act from intuition a lot more then from thoughts. I'll have instantaneous "ahas" to go to the toilet now, to do this then, to do that then. It doesn't need the thought "I gotta pee" any more. I love my thoughts. I could've never guessed that I'll ever write this, but I do. My thoughts are completely crazy ... still ... and they make themselves laugh all the time. I still get fascinated with stuff if I want to and I can still fall into the deepest thought dreams like a little child. Maybe even more so now. But there is no element of fighting that any more. This is thing has integrated.