Leon_Mao

As a depressed person I really don't know. From my own experience I wouldn't say I am a hedonist, I do like the outer pleasures of life at times; but honestly I can't motivate myself to go after sex, money, good food, ect. I know if I get those things the feeling will be fleeting, and won't be as good as I think they will be. I've ran into this pattern before. I mostly just sit at home and do nothing at all, not even watch TV, and if I do watch something on youtube or another platform I usually have it running in the background and don't pay attention to it. Meditation gave me more anxiety towards life than not as well, so I stopped doing it for now. I think if a person's truly depressed traditional self help and meditation might not work, though it depends on the sources of depression I imagine. Some people just need a good kick to get back at it others I don't know, like myself. Also medication related to depression and anxiety makes things worse. Not in the just feeling worse, but also hallucinations and homicidal thoughts. If you want to help your friends I think just being there for them would probably be the best you can do unless you can solve a root problem.

I came across a similar insight as of the last few months too. In some ways it makes it hard to do conversation, because I begin to question what's coming out of my mouth and realizing a lot of it is bullshit. Some of it isn't even my own bullshit it's others beliefs that I just regurgitate, because I haven't put enough thought into it to validate whether it is right or wrong. A bit of advice for you if you see this pattern start to develop try to take care of it before it gets to the point of being neurotic. Best of luck to you!

If there is any chance your work will affect hers or vice versa, and if there is any possibility of stepping over one another to get to higher positions in the work place it is very unwise. You can go for it if you want, but if the relationship goes sour or she is vengeful she could hurt your career. It also depends on the structure of the company you're working for whether the previous is applicable or not too.

From a purely materialistic standpoint it's a given that people/the universe doesn't owe you anything. Debt is an abstract human construct we use in business, government, and personal relationships to help one another and also to take advantage of one another. In your original post you stated why should we help people in need of sustenance or money if we don't owe them something. As was stated earlier it is merely a construct it by itself is irrelevant without people's feelings toward it. Some people help other not because of what they owe them, but because of the good feelings they get from helping them. On the darker side of helping others nefarious people may help others to get their support for revolution or to get in the good graces of others. In terms of dating the obvious reason not to cheat is that there will be repercussions for being caught, and you will build a reputation for being someone of untrustworthy. From an emotional or moral standpoint it just feels wrong to people I assume. You don't technically have to pay any bills or debts, but the people that think you owe them will enforce their will upon you. That's where owing/debt becomes real. When people enforce their abstract constructs into reality they become a force that is undeniable. If you want a purely physical reason to pay bills and keep your debts I can provide that too. Paying bills and keeping debt in check provides better credit. Keeping promises to family and friends builds a reputation that will expand outside that circle if you are seen as a great person.

I would tend to agree with ajasatya. This place doesn't seem to be a place to make friends, it's a good place for swapping ideas and getting advice though. If you have hobbies try to find people that are into those things. If you do want to attempt long distance friendships I suggest having activities that you can do online like language study, software engineering related, or gaming. I personally think long distance relationships are usually bad though unless you're okay with the idea of them falling apart suddenly and not knowing why. Lastly the issue of trust, you shouldn't trust anyone till they've earned it. The last point will save you a lot of heartache, speaking from personal experience.

Standards are arbitrary, but my point remains on focusing on yourself. Those things are good that you listed, but the point about your sister remains, she won't change unless crisis hits or the things you want can be made fun and/or easy. I am not going to debate on what level of mastery you're at it is irrelevant to me.

If she's attractive she probably doesn't have much to worry about. I understand you concern though, the process of changing someone's behavior is a hard task, sometimes impossible. I have a family member that's living on their parent's back and they're in their forties. Unless something happens to them that shakes them to their core, or someone can help them implement habits (consciously or unconsciously) don't expect much. I don't know her, but if you can make some of the tasks you view as necessary fun and/or easy that will encourage the behavior. The mediation and junk food is the least of her worries for now, the work ethic is what's important. The rest can come later when she has the luxury of having time and money to do those thing if she wants to. You say you've mastered the fundamentals of life, but I highly doubt that unless your a very special individual. Even if you have I doubt your ego is gone, as a lot of people on here seem to strive for. Focusing on yourself and what you can change is more important than dealing in others affairs unless they directly affect your goals. I'm a bit jaded on this topic, because most of my immediate family is like this, male and female. It's like watching the poor eat the poor, it's kind of poetic when I think about it.

People tend to bond over suffering is why people talk about their bad experiences; boot camp is a good example of this on one extreme. In terms of just random stuff like what happened like what the girl ate, people aren't good at small talk and more than likely she wanted to try to bond with you on some level. Also bejapuskas has a point, you should examine why you posted this in the first place it might be good place start in getting first person experience of why. On a scientific/evolutionary note it may be that our ancestor's survived longer by communicating troubles and thus preventing others from dying, thus those who are wired to talk more about problems lived longer and reproduced. It could also be more cultural than specifically biological, but could have a similar origin.

From personal experience most of my problems when it comes to fapping are not directly related to fapping. I use it as a crutch for past events in my life and I'm addicted to the sensation. However, I find that porn is the main source of my problems. I waste so much time on porn and delay the orgasm to accommodate the need for new sexual experiences. If I get tempted to fap if I don't look at porn I tend to have more self control and get it over with as fast as possible and get on with my previous tasks. The ill feelings emotionally and physically tend to not be there most of the time if I do it this way. So nofap may help, but I think it may breed more harm than good anxiety wise. I think completely removing porn is a better solution than dropping fapping. I don't know of any credible scientific literature saying that nofap is beneficial, but I have heard that there are some related to the detriments of porn, though some of though studies are up to debate. The best thing you can do from your position is to try the nofap and or no porn approach and see how you handle it. Maybe it will be placebo, but if it helps it helps.

I've only lucid dreamed twice in my life, but both times the moment I realize I'm dreaming I wake up. Where did you get the 432 beat track? I found some on youtube, but they have music attached to them. Any other tips other tips on lucid dreaming would be appreciated.

Take care of your health first. I look forward to the video though

Less planning more doing.

Ideally installing one habit at a time is probably the most effective since you are able to put your full focus on it. Unfortunately not everyone has the luxury of time to do that. I'd say 2-3 is the most one can do and keep up. Though I'm not practicing what I'm preaching, I'm currently doing around 4-5 since what I want to do in life requires learning a lot of skills and getting my lazy butt in shape physically and mentally. A good book on the topic of habits is the power of habit by Charles Duhigg. On the second question it varies. If you are trying to install a new habit having a good reward feedback look will make the habit form faster. I'd say about 3 months to a year of consistency would be good. For uninstalling bad habits it could be much longer since the bad habit probably has a strong reward attached to it from other needs not being met. I hope this of some help good luck!

I've been gaining mass the past couple of months. What I do is eat just a little more than what I'm comfortable with each meal to gradually get myself to be comfortable with big meals. Milk with every meal is also a good habit, it broke my plateau a while back. Also if you're anything like me you may delay meals for whatever reason. If you do this make sure to build a habit to get food whenever you feel hungry, also having healthy snacks on hand will help too.

As the king procrastinator I think I have an answer to the topic. First the human body from my understanding has been designed over our evolution to preserve our energy and thus our lives. Doing work that isn't "needed" is harder to do. Also if you've had a lot of emotional baggage from childhood or other events you may have an even tougher time doing work. I am lazy and have not had a good time growing up, so I haven't had that had that going for me. Though it isn't a valid excuse to procrastinate from my work. I recommend beginning a habit of doing work at a certain time and place to help with the "flow state" zenjen mentioned. Also a youtube channel named Thomas Frank may help you out better than I can. Just don't use it to procrastinate

Can you be happy without a girlfriend? Well that is a question for yourself rather than others is it not? We don't know you, but I'll humor you with my own experience. I'm currently in my early 20s and have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. Does that make me frustrated? Yes it does, however, does that limit my ability to be happy? No. Happiness like all human emotions come and go; they are not constant. Currently I'm in college and don't have a job, so my education comes first before a girl, however, if the opportunity for it comes a long I'll take it. If you see more suffering than not you should make it a mission for yourself to clean up whatever is stopping you from getting a girlfriend and go get one. However, like I mentioned before emotions are fleeting once you get one I'm sure the feelings will begin to fade with time. That isn't me trying to dissuade you or be pessimistic. Relationships are overhyped much of the time, but can be a very enjoyable experience with avenues for growth. You don't need to have had one to see that. Like I said originally figure it out yourself, you're the only one who can.

Also letting go of whether people are trying to manipulate you or not is also a strategy you may want to employ. I'm of the belief most people are not malicious, but can be when there equilibrium is disrupted by an outside force, which might be you if you're trying to change something that is normal to them. Meaning if you try to break the status quo expect repercussions from the average person. With time unless the person is unreasonable it will settle down. If they are you will have to decide what to do about it and possibly burn bridges. However, don't be hasty to act without thinking. Lastly predicting individual human behavior is tricky unless you've known a person for a while. You can expect them to generally follow Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, but you have to remember everyone's different. I could go on, but I think I've given you a enough to start doing your own research.

This may be a more personal issue rather than exclusively for relationships, though I think it is appropriate to be here since it does mostly involve interpersonal relations. I haven't really read any books besides "How to win Friends and influence people" on the topic, but "Influence: Science and Practice" is a well known book on human relations. I haven't read it, but I intend to. A couple others might be "Spy the Lie" and "What Every Body Is Saying". Though if you are already somewhat paranoid, not to be rude, you may want to stay away from these books till you get that sorted out. I also cannot verify how good they truly are, so research them and read reviews before going off and wasting money. In my own experience I am generally good at judging what people want from me personally. I think this is due to staying out of a lot of "needless" social interactions and just watching how other behave with one another. For instance when I was working at a grocery store I observed the social dynamics with the store to see who liked who, and how those relationships evolved over time. That's not to say you shouldn't be involved with people, but taking a step back and trying to be less biased towards what's happening around you will give you more than a book can from first hand experience. That's not to say books are useless. They can be pointers to things you wouldn't otherwise notice.

Okay thank you!

In regards to Leo's latest video, I was wondering if anyone had a list of people who represented each stage of the spiral, so I and others reading this could compile our own lists of people to study to help ourselves go through each stage effectively. On a side note Leo mentioned different lines of development within the spiral, and made me think of Theodore Roosevelt as an example of a blue(love of country) and masculine green(conservation and environmental concern) mix. I am not too familiar with him, but I think he would be an interesting figure to study in both of those domains; so if you have people that seem to be a mix or half and half in stages that's fine too.