Persipnei

It definitely feels lighter, like I let go of a big bag of masks I was always carrying around.

Thank you for being a dick, but even more thanks for projecting your story. It helped me assure that I'm doing the right thing :-)

I would prefer to not eat and be true to myself rather than the opposite. I know acting is easy, did it for 40 years continuously, but the easy way is not always the right way. In fact, most of the time, it's exactly the opposite.

Like I mentioned, I am fine with her leaving. I guess I wanted to share this with people who might understand me. And yeah, I understand I'm typing to myself here, but putting things in a sentence is a good way for me to let those things go. Not sure why I discover sarcasm in your last sentence? Guess I still need food and water....

It's not that I want to show it, but I can't behave like I did before, it just feels wrong to do so. I just want to be more true to myself and my environment does not like that... at all. I was the kind of guy who always did what was expected from him and now I make my own choices.

It ranges from sad compassionate looks to literally calling me a "danger" to my son. Not sure why I would be a danger, maybe I cuddle him to hard? I have seen this happen 20 years ago, when my sister turned her life 180° around. "She's in a sect", "she's doing drugs", ... People try to explain in their mindset what is happening. I guess there is a big lesson to learn in this, but I haven't found it yet...

Is it not selfish to expect everyone to get the vaccine so you can feel safe?

Yeah, I have noticed addictive behaviour in every facet of my life since... It's funny once you take a distance of that character you play, to see it is doing the same thing over and over again on an uncountable number of levels...

Hello wonderful people! Sorry I didn't reply after my last post. I got busy... It's 2 months later and a lot has happened. Life always gets you what you need, so as soon as I decided I really wanted to quit, every call I did to a dealer got no answer or the dealer was out of stuff. So I hadn't really a choice other than quitting. I drank a lot (2-3 liters a day) of a herb mix that lessens the physical withdrawal and about 2 weeks later I woke up one day without any craving. I have smoked since, a social situation where I took a few puffs and although I liked it and it felt like coming home, it was more like visiting a house where you once lived and seeing all the problems that house had.

No, I won't take it, because it's very clear to me that this vaccine is not about keeping us safe, it's about billion-dollar-deals that were made before we even knew about Covid. The media has done nothing but scare us, demonizing effective medicine, all to make us ready for the magical vaccine. Since it's obvious that people who don't take the vaccine will be demonized and denied access to almost everything, I have taken the honor to myself and locked myself up for 9 months now, and in that time found the only thing that matters: nothing!

The strange thing is... I used everything I could get my hands on when I was younger. I used very irresponsible and was addicted to amphetamines for years, but needed nothing more than an insight to completely stop those. Couldn't see anything good in those anymore. Ganja brought me a lot, it was my companion for half this life. Hard to say goodbye... But I know you are right. It's time...

Great tips. I'm gonna try out some new things. I do meditate and walk in nature daily, but something to chew on or put focus on might help. Thank you!

When you chase them, you don't get it. When you don't try, you might get there faster than you think. What works for me is looking a point about 30 cm in front of your eyes in a half dark room. Look a bit unfocused at that point, and try to be concious of whatever happens. Let me know what happened :-)

The cool thing is, once you start to grasp how everything is connected. You will see that this post is just your ego letting you know that you have something to learn. Low self esteem, insecurity are what this brings forth in me. Not saying that is your story, but don't get fixated on the messenger (Leo), but look at the message (the emotion and what it does with you).

@Moksha @erik8lrl I like how both your views on contemplation contradict each other yet resonate both with me.

@Dario1995 This one is in your situation. Spiritual ego became ego backlash. I guess now the task is being concious of every thought and emotion and let Source disolve them one by one. Yeah, it will be hard and failing is an option, there is a new chance in each moment, in every now... Not sure this one will get to the illustrious Enlightenment, but every single step counts in every moment, in every now...

Would you say it's a good idea to only be contemplative when issues arise? Not contemplate everything just for the sake of contemplating? I just found the path and have quite a ways to go, so contemplation will be usefull, but I realized over the last few days that too much contemplation only brings psychosis or spiritual ego...

I start to get a feeling that anything can go. Every path is a valid one. And while you are not fully realized, you are still learning from whatever comes your way. Even the people who do very unloving things, will in the end get the lesson out of it and grow. It might be the dark deed they do that flips them far into conciousness... I had an experience a few days ago that I'm still trying to grasp, but if it did one thing, it made me sure that everything is perfect even if it doesn't look that way, even if we feel like shit...

This is so true. This is coming from a guy who started posting on this forum because of that video, what feels like weeks or months ago... I came here to explain to you all that your spiritual journey has blurred your understanding of the world, haha. A post here, a video there and an realization everywhere and I can only look at that guy with amazement. He was so stuck in his own brain and the only thing he needed to escape was Leo yelling that he's stupid for believing in conspiracies...

I love how you were able to put this in simple words. Thank you!

Or you can post your experiences as a way to process them. If I hadn't posted what I went trough the last days, I'd probably be laying in a psychiatric hospital right now. I had barely any replies, but that wasn't the point. Knowing that maybe somebody will read it with an open mind was enough to not feel alone enough to go through this. Yes, ego likes reactions, but you can also use the fact that when you get reactions and what they say, to look at what it does to your ego. I have gone from "This is God, I must share it with everyone", to "if people knew about this, it would change the world", to "wow, I have so much to learn", to "Let's integrate this in my life, thought by thought, action by action". I wouldn't have been able to self criticize that much if I hadn't wrote it off.

Connection is subjective, although I feel more like being the "ether" that connects all things than "oneness", but maybe it's just semantics since English is not my first language.

This one also had this question... Was depressed for 20 years until he was shown the big picture. Everyone is here to learn and ego is here to help us remember who we are. Everything is just a reflection of some not yet fully fleshed out piece of our "being". Problem is we didn't get our manual and when we get emotions we think "that's a sign of my body that the other is wrong" while actually it's a sign of your "being" that you should not identify with what is happening.

Oh yeah, I'm not saying the escape works. The invented prison takes a different shape.

I wouldn't call a change in life based on knowing it is the best for you, "escaping", if it's a concious choice. If you do it because you can't cope with the situation however... then it's escaping.