Persipnei

I let it happen for multiple months, but it's a bit frustrating that it always ends in the same way. I try to let go, but the frustration steers me in the opposite direction. Not sure if life is telling me I have to focus on this or just the other way round.

I also had an aversion to the word and the practice of "prayer" because of my childhood's interaction with Christianity. Nowadays I do pray. Not because God/Source demands it. Not to ask for stuff. Praying for me is to acknowledge that God/Source is all that is. No judgement or ideology, just pure awe for the Greatness of Creation, and realizing that it's YOU!

Something weird thing is happening to me the last few months and I'd love some thoughts and ideas. Most evenings before I fall asleep and sometimes just in the middle of the day, my conciousness seems to disconnect from my body. I am completely aware of me, but the world seizes to exist. It's really pleasant, and am grateful that it happens, but every friggin' time after a few seconds/minutes my brain interferes, I get a "shit, I'm dying" panic feeling and I snap out of it while taking a big breath in. Meditation leads to the same result, especially in longer sittings. I know that I'm not panicking because it's me dying, it's about leaving my kid behind. I'd love to get over this, and have no idea how. This forum has helped me a couple of times already when I am in need of new input, so feel free to share anything that comes up. I appreciate it greatly!

It seems it happened spontaneously. He came here with a mission and woke up when it was time to do so. Since he is not a fan of psychedelics I can't imagine he "got there" that way. Not that it is in any way important. His way is not yours. His triggers are not yours. Time is a weird beast, especially during mystical experiences. Sometimes they feel like an eternity happening in a few seconds, sometimes it takes an hour or two to experience a short blissful moment.

Don't want to be that guy, but Leo also has an ego and a lot of his video's are highly subjective because of that. Not denouncing the value of his video's, by the way. There is a lot of valuable information he shares, but it is still translated to concepts and the ego loooooves concepts to play with.

I feel this thread is a perfect example of how a spiritual experience deludes the ego. An awakening is a moment of clarity that can give you insights, but if you try to understand it with learned limited concepts, you quickly create an ego concept around it. I'd dare to say that when you think you got "enlightened" or "awakened", it didn't happen. I experience these spiritual ego thought patterns every time after the initial awe of an experience has waned a bit. It's like the moment the imprint of an experience is not strong enough to overcome your ego, it gets highjacked by the ego and you start to think you "are there", but it's actually the moment you start thinking this that you lose it. Enlightenment also isn't a binary thing. An awakening is not enlightenment, but can be a step towards it. It's not something you "reach", but something that slowly becomes more and more part of your being. You are expecting the world to change around you, but that's not how it works. Your perception changes, and you will attract people of your new vibe (people that are on the same or complementary part of "the way"), where people who don't meet your vibe (those who think you are a nutcase or who are stuck in concepts you got over) will disappear from your life. Your parents will not change because you have changed, BUT if you interact different with them that could trigger an insight in them so that they DO start to change.

In my experience, people don't change because you had an awakening. What does change is your perception and reaction to their behavior. People who don't resonate will slowly drop out of your life and you will meet others that meet your new "vibe".

I used all kind of products during my 20s and 30s, and although drugs like acid and dimitri can be a wake up call they are not a path to enlightenment. A lot of people get into an ego trip after tripping hard, and Frank Yang, although he seems like an honest guy, also seems completely trapped in his ego-mind. Personally I stopped watching Leo's video's after he claimed 5meo was "the way" and that nobody can ever get to that state by natural means. This is off course completely wrong and even dangerous for less stable people. It's been 10+ years since I last took something stronger than Cannabis, and I experience the world like I'm on a light acid trip nowadays. The experience is not important, it just acts as a reminder that reality is indeed a wonderful dream..

It's not punishment, it's a reminder that you are not loving unconditionally.

Stating there is past and future is also inaccurate. Actually... stating anything is inaccurate. More practical: We created a concept of linear time, but it is nothing more than a tool to order experiences in a way that our brain can handle them. The Big Bang, heat death of the Universe and everything in between (and before and after) happens now.

Suffering is the consequence of attachment to a concept you identify with that is not aligned with the Divine Plan. It's a reminder you are rowing against the current of life. Absolute love is embracing the Divine Plan without having any judgement even if your preference is opposed to it.

This touches me. A lot. Thank you.

I guess it's the profoundness that triggers the tears. Yeah, good advice. I also have to admit that none of the people I talked/cried to, reacted aversely to the crying, maybe it's just part of the message.

When I talk with other people about consciousness, I tend to start crying when pronouncing Truths. It is always prefaced by a big opening/widening in perception, bordering ego death, my voice drops a few tones lower and then I say something I don't always understand myself at the time of pronouncing it, and I start crying. I guess this happens because it resonates 100% with (my) Truth and it is crying from ecstasy, but that is probably a subjective explanation. I'm planning to start speaking in public soon, and I could do with less crying before them :-D Do you recognize this? Does this happen to you too? I'm interested in your experiences and explanations.

It really feels good that you find my post helpful. Aspies like to be helpful, even if it looks like we are not interested I'm not counting in neurotypicals understanding the autistic brain. It must be weird expecting all those social things like eyecontact, body language, sentences longer than a few words... And I completely understand that people think I'm retarded because of that (I have an IQ of 130, by the way), but what they don't realize is that in my eyes, they seem so foolish to do all those things. What a waste of energy! The only thing I found very annoying until the last months, is if somebody forgot what he said or promised 7 years ago. I can tell you what you were wearing that day, but you don't even remember the big lines of our conversation that I put all my energy in to get somewhere? Most friends I ever had dropped me without ever telling me why. Are we really that annoying to be with?